My Early AA Thoughts

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hello all! The Tuesday meeting I go to is going through the book Living Sober. This is the meeting where I may have been a bit outspoken with my "sugar" opinions last week. Today we read the chapter about using the phone to reach out to a person rather than for a drink. And of course the importance of being willing and available to take calls from other members who are reaching out in need.

Of course that topic made me think about the additional options we have in this day and age of e-mail, discussion forums that often include "live chat" options, cell phones with text messaging, etc. I decided to wait and ask my sponsor what the general feeling is on all that rather than ask about it in the meeting - since the meetings really aren't a Q&A format anyway. A couple of the girls from the Junior College were there again today, and I was curious what they think - they've totally grown up in the computer age.

Regardless of what the group opinion might be (and I'm guessing in that crowd there is a wide variety of opinion!) I'm pretty sure I would not be sober right now without being active on MWO and Smart. I guess the bottom line thing for me is that sometimes the AA folks seem to be a little bit myopic and not willing to entertain any new ideas. There was a time when I would have thought that is TOTALLY wrong. But I am beginning to understand why the AA program was laid out in a specific way, not to be modified. But I do think a few updates might be appropriate.

Anyway, I realized through this topic today that I really avoid long "girl talk" type phone conversations since I quit drinking. It's a trigger. I used to get on the phone with my gal pals and drink it up. I haven't chosen to "practice" that one yet to develop new habits. I'm not sure that spending hours on the phone will ever be appealing anyway now that I'm sober. I think many of those long conversations got pretty repetitive.

I'm still enjoying the meetings. I always learn something new or at least walk away with good food for thought. I also think there is immense value for me right now in being reminded every day by the "old timers" that AL won't magically go away completely. I need to have my guard up all the time.

So Mary, what was your recent meeting like? Anyone else?

I started writing in my journal today. My inclination is to type it, and I probably should start cutting/pasting some posts and e-mails into a word doc or something to supplement my journal. But it IS nice to have a spiral notebook right in my purse and be able to write stuff down any time, any place. I'm glad my sponsor suggested that.

Mary, I'm just getting started on the Big Book reading so will try to relax and now sweat Step 3.

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DGirl: Just got back from a speaker meeting. A woman spoke which was great for me to hear. The progression of the disease was so clear, & even after she lost everything, she still couldn't call herself an alcoholic. I still fight w/myself after some meetings...that old denial of "I'm not THAT bad" thinking happening. I know I AM that bad...I cannot let myself think that I'm something other than what I am...an alcoholic.

As far as how to reach out: yes, AA really wants us to reach out to others. One of the pillars of the program is to help others & be helped by others. For me, MWO really helped me see that my drinking was alcoholic. I came into this program in Apr. 07 knowing I had a drinking problem, but thinking I could handle it by myself. I wanted to maintain my secrecy & "just get over it." It took a public humiliation & ultimately going face-to-face w/other alocholics to really wake me up. I know that w/the AA's I meet at meetings, I cannot give them a line of bull. They've heard it all.

I've again identified myself as an alcoholic tonight. It's very difficult for me. The speaker tonight spoke about her closet drinking & I so identified w/that.

I'm working the steps exactly the way my sponsor is telling me to. It has brought a huge sense of relief to me. I'm not questioning...I'm just doing it. I like the big book & go to a couple of meetings that center around it & the reading therein. I also have an AA step book & just ordered "Living Sober" and a daily meditation book. I need to be immersed in the literature. My sponsor told me to limit my work on the steps...he seems to know that I'd go overboard & try to cure myself in record time...overachiever that I am.

Anyhow, enough of the ramblings. It's late & I'm going to take the dog out & go to bed.

Please DGirl & anyone else who goes to meetings: I love hearing about your experiences.

Mary

[vinophile]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hi All.
Just love this thread!!!
I'm going to my favorite (home) AA meeting this morning. It is a women's open discussuin meeting. Many, if not most. of the women have been sober for years and years. Much of what is discussed is about life, it's problems and how we deal with them now that we no longer drink. They are very welcoming when a new face appears at the meeting. It is a meeting where everyone wants to talk and every hand in the room will be raised eagerly to be given a chance to tell a story and express what is bothering them. My sponsor wants me to raise my hand more often but at this meeting i like to listen. I'm more willing to talk at a meeting when there are not so many interesting stories, views and experiences.
D.G., You have made me think......I often will have long "girl chats" on the phone with friends. They are very often repetitive and I had never thought about how they affect my sobriety. I certainly would "drink and dial" before but I had no stopped to consider how this behavior now might affect me. I do know that I talk less now that I don't drink but I had not thought about these long calls. Are they a reaching out to connect with others in a life that, although surrounded by people ,can be isolated at times???
Will check back after the meeting.
Have a good morning all.

Janet

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Janet: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I too have gotten on the phone drunk...even w/my mother. So far, I haven't shared at an AA meeting. I know I will at some point.

I just got off the phone w/my sponsor. I call every morning at 8 & tell him what I read & worked on the day before. It's very helpful. I'm on step 3 which is such a comforting step.

Thanks so much for your input.

Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DGirl: AA wants us to "hang out w/the winners." By that, they mean call, socialize, get to know, etc. other AA members. So many of us had friends that drank too much that we need to reorganize our lives. I can't say that's completely true of me. Our friends drink but totally normally. I was the only one that went overboard. Our lives never centered around drinking. But w/many of the AA's, it did & then they had to change their group of friends to non-drinkers. Anyhow, I think that's the reason there is such an emphasis on going to meetings & calling other AA members. Mary

[Cinders]

My Early AA Thoughts

AA talks about "people, places and things." If your life centered around those that were drinking-centric, you definitely need to change the people, places and things you did.

One other thing I have heard at AA is that "you only have to change one thing, everything."

Mary, I think you are correct about why we call and go to so many meetings. It will change our "people, places and things" as we go along.

I went to a small group meeting last night. There are two new groups very close by. I am going to start going there. Despite the fact that they are small groups, there is a lot of long term sobriety.

Our subject last night was sex!! On page 68 of The Big Book, this subject is covered. The chairperson said she had been nudged by her Higher Power to bring up that topic. As soon as she did, a girl in the room burst into tears. She has been struggling with her 5th Step and how to get rid of her feelings of guilt. She had a male sponsor (very few females in her home group) and was uncomfortable discussing the issues of sex and drinking with him.

It seemed odd at first to be talking about sex with a group of strangers but as people were sharing, it was not about particulars but about how drinking affected our lives, to include that area.

While I didn't have much to add in that arena, married forever to the same guy, listening to people share really opened my eyes to how much drinking does affect us in negative ways.

As we get sober, recognizing what we have done because of drinking, letting go of the guilt and moving on in the right directions is important if we want to stay sober.

Love,
Cindi

[A Work in Progress]

My Early AA Thoughts

Cindi, the group I belonged to had a weekly topic meeting on "Sex and Sobriety"... they were always very good meetings. A lot of people cannot even imagine having sex, without alcohol. And of course a lot of us have really gotten in terrible trouble by having sex, with alcohol!

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Cindi & Wip: I've read the section about sex in the BB. It's interesting. As far as my connection between sex & drinking, I think it was all about guilt. I felt guilty about drinking all the time, which in turn inhibited me. For me, drinking = lack of intimacy (in all its forms). The guilt & shame of drinking has an incredibly inhibiting effect on me (you'd think otherwise...but not for me). Anyhow, I'm starting to see more women in the meetings I go to & will make a real effort to get to know them. I'm still feeling quite nervous about going into meetings, but it's getting better. I'm working on step 3 now, but I'll be starting step 4 next week. I know A LOT will come out that hasn't been out in the open. I'm scared but looking forward to it.

Mary

[AAthlete]

My Early AA Thoughts

Saw this today in 'As Bill Sees It' and it resonated with me for some reason. Guess when I look back on it, my last big binge was the event that awoke the sober person in me and made me willing to go to any lengths to win this battle.

On the day that the calamity of Pearl Harbor fell upon our country, a great friend of A.A. was walking along a St. Louis street. Father Edward Dowling was not an alcoholic, but he had been one of the founders of the struggling A.A. group in his city. Because many of his usually sober friends had already taken to their bottles that they might blot out the implications of the Pearl Harbor disaster, Father Ed was anguished by the thought that his cherished A.A. group would probably do the same.

Then a member, sober less than a year, stepped alongside and engaged Father Ed in a spirited conversation--mostly about A.A. Father Ed saw, with relief, that his companion was perfectly sober.

"How is it that you have nothing to say about Pearl Harbor? How can you roll with a punch like that?"

"Well," replied the yearling, "each of us in A.A. has already had his own private Pearl Harbor. So why should we drunks crack up over this one?"

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Thank you AAth: I'm off to a meeting. I'll check back tomorrow. Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Last night's meeting was excellent, & my sponsor was there. Identifying myself as an alcoholic is getting easier & easier. I KNOW I'm an alcoholic, but admitting it in public is something else altogether. I'm realizing that it's all about humility. I can't get sober if I'm not humble. I've been humiliated (the terrible spectacle in Feb. for example), but I haven't been humble enough to say: I'm an alcoholic & need help. I'm still working on Step 3, but will probably go on to step 4 on Sun. when I meet w/my sponsor. I know step 4 will be a real test but I know I'm up to it. I have to be, because my next drink could land me in the hospital just like last month.

Mary

[Seacailin]

My Early AA Thoughts

Another Lesson in humility here. I drank last Saturday and Sunday, and got sicker than I have ever been before. Thank God I have my new sponsor. She is making me pick up Newcomers chips at all meetings, all weekend. It is very hard, but I have finally decided to Choose Life, and do whatever it is that is keeping the sober folks, sober. She has given me some reading assignments in the BB, including Step One, which we will discuss on Sunday. I also have to journal about why I picked up. Humbled, but back on track.

[Cinders]

My Early AA Thoughts

My meeting last night was great, too. A member raised his hand and asked that we talk about keeping focus. Then I got home and read AA's post in the monthy AF thread. Wow!!

Mary, humility.

I am finally there. Humble.

It struck me last night that I HAVE to be humble enough to accept that I need my Higher Power to recover AND I have to have complete faith that my Higher Power will help me in my recovery.

It was a blinding moment for me. I had a horrible last drunk and it finally made me realize how truly helpless I am by myself in this disease.

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hi fellow AAers. AA, thank you as always for sharing the messages that really "speak" to you. I also want to thank you for sharing this link Daily Recovery Readings a while back as it has become my handy morning reference each day.

Mary, I'm so glad to hear that you are finding it easier to admit alcoholism. I feel such a sense of relief to say it each day, having known it is true for a very long time and trying to hide it (rather unsuccessfully especially in the end). It's like a warm blanket to me to acknowledge that I am an alcoholic in a room full of people who completely understand what that means. Somehow it makes me feel less "defective." It's a problem in life that I can and will deal with, just like so many others can and do deal with it.

Sea, I am sorry to hear about the choice to drink but at least you are right on top of things again rather than stay in the ditch for weeks and months. You are so right about the simplicity of just "do what the sober people do." Sounds like you have a good sponsor.

Cindi, I'm glad things are going well for you - those "moments" are awesome aren't they?

Yesterday several of us stuck around for another cup of coffee after the morning meeting. As people drifted off, it ended up being me and my sponsor and another guy chatting. Both of them have been through some really horrid, bad stuff in life. No wonder they turned to alcohol and other stuff to cope. In any case, I got an interesting e-mail from my sponsor later in the afternoon. She told me what her sponsor told her years ago about sympathy. She said her sponsor told her that "nothing kills an alcoholic faster than too much sympathy. We alcoholics have spent enough time feeling sorry for ourselves. We need tough love." I'm still trying to process what that really means. I would welcome opinions! And of course I will be talking more with my sponsor about it. I'm curious if that notion is well grounded in AA or if it's just a personal opinion type thing.

This cold I've picked up is BRUTAL and I can't wait until I get this blood calcium business straightened out and can start taking my All One again. I went SO LONG without a really bad cold or sickness that I'm really whinin' about this one. Pass the cheese.

DG

[A Work in Progress]

My Early AA Thoughts

Doggygirl;570959 wrote:
In any case, I got an interesting e-mail from my sponsor later in the afternoon. She told me what her sponsor told her years ago about sympathy. She said her sponsor told her that "nothing kills an alcoholic faster than too much sympathy. We alcoholics have spent enough time feeling sorry for ourselves. We need tough love." I'm still trying to process what that really means. I would welcome opinions! And of course I will be talking more with my sponsor about it. I'm curious if that notion is well grounded in AA or if it's just a personal opinion type thing.

This cold I've picked up is BRUTAL.

DG, that's one of my favorite things about AA; I think many would agree it is a fairly typical AA stance, or attitude. It's applied both as to life situations, and to relapses. You won't hear many people saying things like "it's OK you drank, don't beat yourself up, just keep trying, baby steps," etc. I know that some people are "turned off" by the AA approach, and maybe it is even counterproductive for some, in some "stages of recovery" or "stages of change" (precontemplation). But, for many others, I think it can be a life-saver. It was, for me. A very matter-of-fact approach. "Ah, so your drinking is destroying your life, and you are miserable? Put down the drink."

And... sounds like a horrible cold, I do hope you are feeling better soon!