My Early AA Thoughts

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG & R2C: I don't think we ever outgrow the need to figure out the past & somehow put it behind us. My childhood was far, far from idyllic as well. One of the biggest gifts in my life was doing the fourth & fifth of the 12 steps. Writing it all out properly in an inventory is incredibly illuminating...& then sharing it w/another human being. It takes quite a long time to write the 4th step inventory...using the Big Book model. However, it uncovered a huge amount of insight & new ways to behave even at my advanced age. My parents are very elderly & fragile, but I was able to make an amends (9th step) & put the past behind me.

I'm again doing a 4th step inventory in AA. It will be different this time. I won't have to go over old ground I already covered in the first one I did 22 years ago in Alanon. I would recommend that if you can find a sponsor to work w/you (it can't really be done alone), you might want to try it. Good luck.


We just received the statement for the ER visit I had in Feb. It was a horrendous amount of money...which was covered by our health insurance (except for a co-pay). I'm ashamed that I took up all those resources w/simple drunkenness. When I said that to my husb, he said that the good thing was that it pushed me into facing up to my problem & joining AA. I know he's right, but I still feel pretty awful about it.

I wrote my son a letter last week about joining AA. He's been sober just about a year...his DUI was March 2008. I'm gradually coming out of hiding...it's scary but feels good. Paradoxically, the more people that know the truth, the less I think about drinking.

If you have a Big Book, the 4th step is covered in the chapter "How It Works." It looks intimidating but w/a spons it's doable. By doing it, I found out where I was at fault. When I knew that, I knew how to fix things.

Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: I just reread your post. I feel that in learning my own destructive patterns w/my parents, I am able to deal w/them w/a little more sanity than I used to. When they do finally pass on, I will be able to say that I had an open & honest relationship w/them. Mary

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Thank you Mary and R2C.

Mary, I really appreciate you taking the time to post about your experience with Step 4. Until today I didn't think I had all that much to step 4 about. Oh boy. In a way I wish these feelings would have stayed buried. I'm sure that one day I will look back to the meeting this morning and be grateful. I can't honestly say I feel that way right at this moment.

I do have a sponsor that I have been working with. Funny how these things work sometimes - she chairs one meeting a week right now and it happens to be the one I was at this morning. I was glad she was there even though we weren't sitting together or anything. I'm very glad to have her to wade through this mess with me.

Mary I can't even imagine getting to a point where I feel I can be "open and honest" with my folks. Respectful? Yes. Be a responsible daughter? Yes. (well, more so now than when I was drinking all the time and subsequently blowing off things that were important to them). Nice? Yes. Supportive? Yes. Open and Honest? I have a very hard time imagining that.

I know that as I dig through my life with them I will have to admit lots of not so great stuff that I am responsible for in my adult life. That will be the easy part I think. I just cannot imagine ever dredging up the childhood stuff.

Well, I am pretty drained for today. I'm hoping Mr. Doggy will let me off work early. I would love a nap right now! Thank you again Mary for sharing your experience from Alanon too.

Mary it sounds like the emergency room experience marked the true beginning of your freedom. That is priceless.

DG

[ready2change]

My Early AA Thoughts

Thanks Mary...I have the Big Book vol 4...and read a bit of it each nite. I would like to get a sponser and work the steps, especially with a "live" person. It sounds like it would be very cleansing to the soul, the way you described it Mary.

I'm so happy for both of you discovering AA and sharing here. I like to think I have an open mind, so I never really dissed AA...just didn't think it was for me. I am so busy that it is difficult for me to be able to devote much time to it, but I will see how it goes.

DG:l:l I hope you feel better soon. This is a good thing, I'm thinking.

R2C

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG & R2C: I just wanted to let you both know that the 4th step is about us not our parents, siblings, or anyone else. We look at our part in our relationship difficulties & eventually make amends for that. It's not our place to tell others what they did wrong. That's not what I did w/my parents. As you said DG, they did the best they knew how. So, I actually looked (in the 4th step inventory) at how I was at fault (as an adult) & took note of that & eventually spoke to them about it. It's simple but not easy (as they say in AA).

DG, if you sign in here tomorrow, I know you will be feeling better. Breakthroughs are never easy.

Mary

[narilly]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hey guys,
I haven't done the steps yet but am going to start. That 4th step looks like a doozy.
Thanks for your posts all-DG, Mary,R2C, and everyone else.
It really helps to read your posts.

Narilly

[gyco]

My Early AA Thoughts

hi doggy i havent left , just going thro some struggles rite now,[health]i have to go back to page 24 and 25 i think to catch up,as one said,best not to jump around on threads,could get a bit intimidating,almost like having your 1st drink,so for ,sticky situations,hahahaa,i am surehappy AA is working for some,as far as the coins,silver,green,blue,i have received,in the past,years ago,later gyco,

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hi all. Gotta make this quick. I feel much better this morning. I think on some level I needed to go back there in time and just let out my sadness and have a good cry. I'm trying to remember if I've even had a good cry like that (over anything) since getting sober. Not anything so big I remember it.

You are right Mary that 4th is about what I've done - not whatever was done to me. LOL I smacked myself on the forehead with that last night. I actually wrote an e-mail to my sponsor talking about what I did in response - I think I more than got even with my parents for any hard feelings I had in the way I acted once I was old enough to claim my "independence." THAT is what I will have to own up to.

Gotta run - back later.

Have a good day all!

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: Good for you! Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Everyone: I wanted to share about last night's meeting on the 10th step (making daily amends). There was laughter & tears (which I've noticed often at AA meetings). One guy said that prior to AA, he rather take a bullet or do time than say "I'm sorry." We all laughed at that one.

But, there were 2 young guys behind me that were only sober for 24 hrs. One spoke so emotionally about wanting the compulsion to drink to be removed. He looked so disheveled & lost. My eyes just filled up w/tears for him. The other (young enough to be a g-son) had held the door for me when I entered the room. He stuck by me as we walked in. He seemed to need my strength (such as it is).

I'm happy to say the jittery young man from my first meeting was back next to me last night. Still very jittery but there. Yay! These young guys seem to gravitate to me...must be the mom/teacher image I project.

Anyhow, I won't have a meeting until Sun. at 7. I miss them when I don't go, though daily calls to the spons help tremendously.

I'm working on my 4th step. Yesterday, I spent 15 mins. listing my fears. That was revealing. My spons doesn't want me to go beyond 15 mins...he knows how compulsive I am & would burn myself out.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Mary it sounds like your sponsor is experienced, and really knows how to read you in a good way and make appropriate recommendations. Good for you!

Today I had an early morning business meeting so was at the later morning AA meeting. Maybe because it's Friday, but it was a HUGE meeting today in terms of attendance. That actually felt like a good balance - yesterday turned out to be so intensely personal for me. Today was less so in a large group - a good balance I think.

One guy with many years sobriety said something interesting today. He said that the 4th & 5th steps helped him figure out the 3rd step. He suggested not getting "stuck" on 3 (which I am). His suggestion is to move on to 4 and see if 3 is easier to figure out after doing a little clean up of the spirit. Make sense to me and I'm probably going to talk to my sponsor about that idea.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: I agree w/him. We'll be working the first 3 steps for a long, long time. My sponsor felt that if I had a pretty good understanding of the 3rd step & some concept of a HP, I could go on to the 4th & 5th. I do think they will be life-changing & clarifying all at the same time. BTW, I've heard AA members of many years standing who said they've never worked the steps...meetings are enough for them. However, I feel the steps are there for a reason, & I want to work them. Stopping drinking isn't my only goal...self-discovery is also a goal for me. I'm in no position (w/my drinking history) to pick & choose what I want or don't want to do. Mary

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Mary, I read an interesting summary of a research study yesterday. I didn't read the whole study because you have to pay a fee for it - but anyone can read the summary. If I understood it correctly, it was a study of AA members to determine what factors have a statistically significant (causal?) relationship with sobriety. I'm probably not using the right terminology. But the gist of the results was that there is a strong relationship between meeting attendance and sobriety. There is less strength to the relationship between strong feelings of spirituality (I'm guessing as self described by the person participating in the study) and sobriety. But there is a strong relationship between feelings of spirituality and liklihood of high meeting attendance.

Bottom line from this study to me was that high meeting attendance in AA is the most important factor for successful sobriety. I'm guessing this study must have also covered something about doing the steps and a correlation to sobriety but the summary I read didn't cover that LOL. I guess my mind was somewhat eased - so long as I feel good about going to the meetings I will keep going regardless of where I stand on the other stuff!

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

I know many successful AAers who JUST attend meetings. That's enough to keep them from drinking. They've made the meetings a kind of lifestyle/social life. Whatever works is great, as far as I'm concerned. As far as the spiritual aspect of the program. I find the meetings emotional & spiritual at the same time. I've heard many AAers say that the group feeling is their HP. It's in the literature as well.

I sure miss the meetings when a day or 2 goes by & I can't go. I look forward one. I never thought I'd say that...though I felt that way about Alanon...especially in the beginning.

I'm finding the steps a way of exploring more deeply within myself. For me, that's a good thing.

Take care, mary

[AAthlete]

My Early AA Thoughts

Believe it or not, they actually have AA meetings on cruise ships! Just got back from a cruise from LA down to Mexico, and when I looked at the daily printed intinery they had 'Friends of Bill W' meetings three out of the seven days. We had a good turnout at well - usually 10 people although there were probably a whole lot more that should have been there.

It was comforting to be among people who shared the same desire to be sober on a vacation that is entirely predicated on getting you to drink and drink a lot! In the middle of one meeting a pod of whales appeared outside our meeting room, and at another one it was a pod of dolphins - makes you wonder if it was simple coincidence!

Had a wonderful time and enjoyed it completely sober, which is a 180 degree turn from the last cruise I was on where I had a BIG bottle of vodka hidden in the cabin so I could be bombed every day...

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.