My Early AA Thoughts

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

AAth: I've heard that about cruise ships. I just got back from a meeting where one of the AAers announced that he had a drinking night after 7 mos. of sobriety. He said that he got right back into the program the next day but cried about the slip all weekend long. I didn't see any judgementalism or scolding or anything but supportiveness. I guess the other members felt that he was giving himself a hard enough time. Mary

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Welcome back AA! I hope you had LOTS of fun on the cruise doing non-drinking things. I've been on a number of cruises in my life time and wasted them all being....well...wasted the entire time. I can't believe I took a pass on many fun sounding activities both on and off the ship to sit in my room, by the pool in a bar, wherever there was booze and plenty of it. I hope to someday go on an Alaska cruise and take in the WHOLE thing. Good to know there are AA meetings! I think Deter went on a cruise a while back (Alaskan cruise too IIRC) and there were AA meetings? Anyway, welcome home. We missed your wisdom!

Hi Mary. I feel lucky to be near a club that has all kinds of different meeting times each day. I too would feel funny at that stage having to miss. So far I've always been able to find some time or other that works.

I realized today during the meeting I attended that as much as I've been spending time at AA, I have NOT been thinking about drinking at all. At least no thoughts that were memorable enough to ....well....remember. That's a good thing!

Through listening and reading and journaling, I'm starting to identify some areas of "me" that I want to work on. I've been more aware lately of my reactions to things. Not necessarily "big" things. Just every day things. I'm noticing some defensiveness and other reactions that cause me to be upset. I'd rather be peaceful about more stuff if that makes any sense. So yes - I have some work to do that will benefit me in the long run. (what? Me NOT perfect? You must be KIDDING???!!!! )

Boy it's a busy day. I'm very grateful to be sober to keep up with it!

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: For AAers, serenity & balance is EVERYTHING! I've noticed that at the meetings I go to. I think that when we lose our serenity, that's when the drinking thinking can creep in. I too see many areas I have to work on. For the 4th step, I've been listing my fears. Gosh! I have a lot of them. Everything from driving fast on the highway to disappointing people to resolving conflicts. No wonder I drank...I put a lot of stumbling blocks in front of myself. Drinking was my only escape. I think the 12 steps are designed for creating a life where you don't have to have an escape. As the issues arise, we settle them in some way (peacefully as possible). Mary

[AAthlete]

My Early AA Thoughts

I agree Mary - it is all about finding balance. One of the wonderful things that AA has taught me is to be able to RECOGNIZE when I am not in balance. It has also given me the tools I need to deal with that imbalance, but it is up to me to use them (which I admittedly don't always do).

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

I just got back from a big speaker meeting. It's been in existence from the very early 70's. Great stuff there! The one thing I took away from tonight's meeting: "I ask my HP each morning to take away my obsession, compulsion, & any opportunity to drink." Alcoholics don't need good opportunities to drink...any opportunity will do.

DG: I've been writing little tidbits here & there in my small purse notebook. Then, I love reading these pearls when I'm waiting around for some reason. Thanks so much for mentioning that idea.

Mary

[borderboomer]

My Early AA Thoughts

Perceptions about AA and a few other things....

First, AA is the group that all other support groups have been patterned upon. The basic tenet is simple "no one knows better than someone who has walked in the same moccasins." Yes, there are a lot of somewhat corny rituals. And, I've met some truly hilarious, crazy and pathetic people at those meetings. By the way, the movie "Clean and Sober" is a hoot. It's old now, but definently worth watching.

I went through the AA experience in 1984 with a very ugly divorce in process e.g. I lost custody of my only child. My attorney divulged to one of the physicians who I worked with about my drinking, thus basically ending my career. Yes, I know now that I should have had him disbarred. However, that's a difficult thing to do with no money, no family support and a completely disgusting nursing job. So, there really isn't anything such as anonymity. For folks in smaller communities that is a huge problem. However, I stayed dry for a couple years.

There were other issues that made AA a very difficult journey for me. First, being hit on by the men of the group. Second most of the groups were smoking. The non-smoking meeting that I went to one day consisted only of a cousin and me.

We are very fortunate today, because there are more options and drugs available to assist us. My goal is to find a process that will work for me long enough to rid my brain of the abnormal patterns that drive addiction and to allow time to for my liver to repair itself, if possible. And, I don't care what I have to do to make this happen. This may mean retiring early, since I can't stand my job unless I'm hung over. However, today was real crappy and I had no desire to drink because of my Campral. So, for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling optimistic.

[narilly]

My Early AA Thoughts

Thanks Mary for your post on Just attending meetings. I find the meeting I go to really helpful. The people there are truly crazy, most of them and we have a lot of laughs. Many of them have been sober for over 10 years and are really old timers.
I think it is about balance too- thanks for your posts.

BB- I hope you are finding the meetings better now. I finally found a meeting that is good for me. This is my 3rd try in the past 9 years. I did not find a good meeting (for me) until now.

One day at a time right!

Narilly

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Tonight's meeting was a speaker meeting & very interesting. There was some discussion about relapses that occur after 8 - 10 yrs in AA. One guy said that after 8 yrs, he decided he wasn't an alcoholic & "went out." He stayed out for 5 yrs when he decided he needed to come back to AA. He says that he now has a healthy fear of the his alcoholism. He said that life "out there" is not all that great.

I just can't imagine having years & years in any sobriety program & going back to drinking. I think that the lesson I learned is that I too have to be vigilant about my thinking. I have a tendency to minimize my own drinking (my own special brand of denial) when I hear peoples' stories. No, I didn't have a convulsion at my g-mother's funeral (as the guy tonight did), but I did end up in the ER w/no memory of what happened prior to getting there. I didn't get fired from my job, but I did go to it hungover many a day. I haven't lost my home & family, but I did scare the living daylights out of my husb & daughter w/my drinking...not to mention their awful embarrassment. I haven't gotten stopped for a DUI, but that's only because I was very lucky. I've done it all: black-outs, alone drinking, hangovers, AM drinking, throwing up. I must never forget or think that it wasn't alcoholism, because that's what it was. Normal people do not drink a whole bottle of wine. I'll never forget Deter saying that if you handed a big bottle of wine to a normal drinker & told him/her to drink the whole thing, he/she would be appalled.

Anyhow, I like the speaker meetings a lot. I haven't heard a woman yet, & I haven't heard a story I can really, really identify with, but I know I will. I just have to keep going to meetings.

I like that: a healthy fear of the disease of alcoholism.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Hi all! Borderboomer I'm sorry your AA experience in the 80's was less than stellar. The club where I go to AA is a private club, so *could* have kept smoking inside even after the public ban in IL in Jan 2008. I guess the vote was close but the members voted to make it non-smoking. (membership in the physical club location is obviously completely separate from membership in AA and all are welcome at meetings of course) I try to be a polite ex-smoker but I can't imagine sitting in smoke filled rooms at this stage. Glad the vote went the way it did!

Narilly, the 7AM meeting I go to sounds a lot like yours. Lots of 10+ year people and a few of them are real cards. The chair position on Tuesday recently changed and the new chair is hysterical. Keeps it fun.

Mary I too can't imagine choosing to drink after years and years of sobriety, but it happens all the time and it's so important for us to be hearing those stories NOW so we are never fooled by our alcoholic minds. I can also relate to what you are saying about my mind trying to go to the "I wasn't that bad" place. The ONLY thing between me and a DUI, a home loss, etc. was sheer luck. I just had a little more luck and that is the ONLY thing I had "better" than the folks who lost everything.

As an example of how this alcoholic thinks. I was driving to AA early Sunday morning and the talk radio station I listen to has a medical oriented show on at that time where people call in with questions. Someone called in about naltrexone and some apparent uses for people with MS. The discussion of naltrexone (sp?) wove to it's use in treating addiction and my pea brain TRIED to go to a vision of taking naltrexone and drinking "moderately." That's why I need MWO and AA - because that's how I think. Give this alcoholic mind and inch and it will try to take a mile. (BTW no disrespect to those taking naltrexone - each to his own path. What I'm talking about is using something like that as an excuse to start drinking again when I'm already stopped for nearly a year!!!)

Well, I'm up early enough today to have some "me" time so now I'm going to do a proper catch up on the daily thread!

DG

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Oh - one more thought. What do you guys think about maybe having a weekly AA thread? This one is getting long and I'm sure is daunting for anyone new who might be interested in joining in or asking questions about AA or whatever. Maybe we could start it every Monday or something? Whoever wants to post first on Mondays?

Just a thought..

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: I would love to have a weekly AA thread. I check into this thread the same way I check into the daily thread. There are now over 300 entries into this thread, & yes, it would be daunting to anyone who might want to see what it's all about. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night & will look for the AA weekly. Mary

PS: I've been reading "Living Sober" by Bill W. It's a little dated, but there is still plenty there to use to stay sober. One of the things I read last night is to "forget your first drink, but remember your last drunk." That first drink has all kinds of nice associations, but the last drunk was plenty of bad ones. I know mine did. I haven't had any serious drinking thoughts lately, but if I do, I can always go back to being carted off to the ER unconscious. Awful!

[okydoky]

My Early AA Thoughts

Just popping in to say I love this thread. I'm still going to meetings and meeting with my sponsor and looking forward to my 3 mo. coin.

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

Good for you okydokey! Congrats on your upcoming 3 month coin. Let us know when you get it OK? Glad AA + MWO + whatever other resources you use is working for you!

Mary we are doing a "group study" of Living Sober in the Tuesday AM meeting I go to. (the one that is LOL now No Rules Tuesday ). Much of it is very good and practical advice - to be completely honest a bit of a refreshing change to me from so much spiritual exploration in the other material.

Thanks too for the feedback on a weekly thread. Why don't we start that on Monday - whoever comes 'round first can start it?

DG

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

DG: Excellent idea for Mon.

I did go to a step meeting last night (4th). I still haven't shared at a meeting, but I'm waiting until the time is right. I was almost ready last night, but when it became my turn, time ran out.

The one thing I got from last night's meeting is that for the 4th step you really need a sponsor. Regarding character defects (shortcomings, liabilities, whatever), you don't maximize or minimize, but keep them right-sized. A sponsor helps to do that.

One guy shared that this week is his 7th anniversary. He just glowed & said that when he came to AA, his life was a train wreck.

BTW, I don't have a problem w/shortcomings, char. defects, etc. I think it's strength to root them out & admit them. Nobody is perfect. I can see that as I do the 4th step, many of these char. defects started out as coping mechanisms & stayed on.

Take care everyone. I have my favorite meeting tonight. I baked cookies for it as a little token of appreciation. (It seems like the AAers are addicited to either sugar, coffee, or cigs now.) Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Last night's meeting was on the 11th step (prayer & meditation). Many AAers expressed skepticism about God, HP. They said they get down on their knees & pray, because they were told to do so by their sponsors. The more they did that (prayed), the more they felt the spirituality come through. I get the feeling that many of the AAers that I've heard don't over-think. They just do as they're told. The reading suggested that meditation leads to "balance." That's something I would like to achieve...instead of swinging from one extreme to another. The one other thing I heard that stuck w/me: Pain is the touchstone from which spritituality & change can spring. I drank to avoid pain...who knew that it could be a good thing?

Mary