My Early AA Thoughts

[A Work in Progress]

My Early AA Thoughts

AFM, I know you're having a difficult time with these emotions related to family, and I totally get it. I've often been there, and often drank my way through them... always, of course, making it worse. And it is incredibly powerful, the way they churn around inside us... but they do fade (and arise again, and fade again)... I'm glad you're going to a meeting...

[Accountable for Me]

My Early AA Thoughts

Yes, thanks, to all of you. I think it is in my best interest to get out of the house tonight and connect with others that understand. I really believe that meetings are a very good way to remind us that drinking solves NOTHING.

This morning I was wondering why I had spent the last few years drinking myself to death. A lot of it was because family issues. I am really starting to understand what my 'true' triggers are. Not to mention, as my sobriety goes on; counseling and meetings are really starting to build a solid foundation for me. I really do believe that if I keep on this path, things will be OK. I have a hard time believing I would ever go on a bender again. Not to shoot myself in the foot by saying that.

Something in me is really starting to change. It was kind of weird because when I have to 'deal' with the way others treat me; I would RUN to the liquor store. Actually, having a good cry really was theraputic. I never cried for a good reason in the past. I would drink it away.

Then I would cry in self pity. LOL.

Anyway, yep - after work I am going to make dinner and then head out. Good plan.

[peacenik]

My Early AA Thoughts

crying...what a great outlet!

i'm not embarrased for me, nor do i care what people think of me (after all, i'm sure they saw my car at the liquor store everyday at 2-3 pm!!!) it's more of how my kid would be treated...people are kind of cruel, and i don't want her going through stuff like that on my account. if i do have big struggles, i think i will check out a meeting or two...so far so good though.

again thanks for sharing your stories!

peace

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

I'm still working on step 2, & my spons had me do some writing on what I think sanity is. For me, first & foremost a life wo/the impairment of AL. I also wrote a lot about taking it a little easier in my daily life & resting when I need it (duh). The list was fairly lengthy & very illuminating. I'll be going to a meeting tonight. Mary

[vinophile]

My Early AA Thoughts

I enjoy these AA discussions as I always criticized the program without truly understanding it. The program has been a life-changing for me. Some of the material does seem antiquated and some members have tunnel vision about changing certain program concepts(such as diet) but the program does work if you open you mind up to accepting the fact that we alcoholics can never drink.
My sponsor, who is the "poster-woman" for AA, will ridicule the advice in AA literature to reach for candy if you have a liquor craving. I do believe that eventually the "advice" to indulge in sweets and candy might be updated.
My sponsor, with whom I have a love/hate relationship, will often remind me that getting and staying sober takes a lot of courage. I like that idea, as unmasking our lives and revealing the truth does indeed take courage. I like the idea of having courage.
Bringing prayer into this equation...... we have to remember that courage=fear with prayer

Mary, I do love the assignments that your sponsor gives you. I'm writing them down in my journal right along with you. It helps!!!!!

Janet

[AAthlete]

My Early AA Thoughts

Mary and Janet - I like the thoughts that you posted and it reminded me of the Daily Reflection for today:

The idea of faith is a very large chunk to swallow when fear, doubt and anger abound in and around me. Sometimes just the idea of doing something different, something I am not accustomed to doing, can eventually become an act of faith if I do it regularly, and do it without debating whether it's the right thing to do. When a bad day comes along and everything is going wrong, a meeting or a talk with another drunk often distracts me just enough to persuade me that everything is not quite as impossible, as overwhelming as I had thought. In the same way, going to a meeting or talking to a fellow alcoholic are acts of faith; I believe I'm arresting my disease. These are ways I slowly move toward faith in a Higher Power.

When I was out there life truly did seem overwhelming to me - I had no idea where to turn. Now I know that I can talk to other alcoholics and they will understand and help guide me because they've been there...

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

One of the tenets of AA is: "Take what you like & leave the rest." There is some of the literature that doesn't always inspire me. But, I was having NO success trying to stop on my own. I have to exhaust all means. I've been closely following my sponsor's advice. Mary

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

AAth: I'm so glad you're sharing in this discussion. Thank you so much for that reflection.

Janet: Unmasking our lives. Yes, that does take courage. I'm not doing it all at once, but I am doing it.

Mary

[Willie09]

My Early AA Thoughts

I need some help with how to go about getting a sponsor in AA.

I've been AF since 12/24/08.

I started with the MWO program, did the supps, but no medication.

I've been attending AA meetings about 2-3 times a week since going AF.

I'm feeling more comfortable at the two regular meetings I attend and have met some folks, but no one has mentioned being a sponsor nor have I asked anyone to be a sponsor. Their are a number of folks with long term sobriety which would probably be good sponsors.

I'm reading and journaling and am ready to surrender and take the next step to recovery.

I'm reading this thread and like the fact that I've found one that shares AA experiences as well.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

[Cinders]

My Early AA Thoughts

Willie,

Ask the chair person at your next meeting to help you find a temporary sponsor. At least that way you are in touch with someone.

Then, as time goes by, you can find the sponsor you were meant to have.

Good luck!!
Cindi

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Willie: I agree w/Cindi. In fact, if you asked some of those people w/long-term sobriety if they would help you through the first 3 steps, I'm pretty one would say "yes." I'm finding that working the steps is crucial to my recovery. Nothing instantaneous is happening, but I feel a definite gradual change. Yes, I still think about drinking, but if I know I have to go to a meeting or call my spons, all thoughts stop.

Right now, I'm working on step 2. My spons has me writing about what a sane life would look like. I sure know what insanity looks like, because I've experienced it. It's been a great exercise. When I thoroughly understand what the step means through writing & study, I'm allowed to go on to the next step.

I really think that working the 12 steps is one of the foundations of the prog. Yes, going to meetings is important. But, working the steps brings about the understanding needed for long-term change.

Good luck. Cindi, so glad to see your posts.

Love, Mary

[A Work in Progress]

My Early AA Thoughts

Good suggestions on the sponsor question. For me, it was about carefully watching people at meetings, listening to what they said about their lives, and finding a person who was clearly living the kind of life I wanted to live. By that, I mean: engaged in (and enthusiastic about) life, emotionally stable, compassionate and careful with others, able to laugh, not bitter or sarcastic or self-pitying, not having crises and upsets as the chief feature in his/her life... At the risk of igniting another firestorm, my plan was then to find someone who was clearly a "winner" in the sobriety (and life) business, and stick with that person as my guide and role model.

[Doggygirl]

My Early AA Thoughts

vinophile;564787 wrote: I enjoy these AA discussions as I always criticized the program without truly understanding it.

AMEN. I've thought about that a lot - why was I of such a STRONG opinion that "AA was NOT FOR ME!!!!" when I never gave it a try, or read much about it, or asked the advice of anyone who had recovered using the AA program???? I suspect that was AL, ever busy in my head keeping the path to daily drinking clear.

But anyway...I'm so glad I finally went.

Willie, I don't think people are supposed to approach you about being your sponsor. If I understand that correctly, that is meant so that you are not hounded and overwhelmed. At least that's the way it was explained to me. I finally asked another person at a meeting "I think I want to get a sponsor - how does that work?" and he said that if there is someone I feel I would like to work with, just to ask. I asked a woman and as Cindi mentioned - she explained that we would talk about temporary sponsorship to make sure it works for both of us. She has a lot on her plate this week (which I knew going in) so I'm hoping we get to talk more over the weekend or sometime soon.

She led the meeting I went to yesterday morning and she brought a carving that spelled out "HOPE." With that carving sitting in front we had a really uplifting meeting about what it means to all of us to have hope again after the despair of years of drinking. I find that each different meeting takes on a different tone depending on the topic. Some are more somber and some are more fun and some are just uplifting like the one yesterday. It was awesome.

I am also finding that I get good practical advice (sometimes without knowing it) from the stories that everyone tells each day. One of the guys who owns a business described a situation that was relevant for me and it just ended up being great words of wisdom with excellent timing. He helped me stay patient (without knowing it) and now the problem is being resolved. All I can say is thank HP - whoever that may be - that I wasn't drinking because I probably would have drunk dialed a customer and created a very bad situation.

Anyway, I'm getting a lot out of just soaking up what happens in the meetings and I haven't even started working on any steps yet. Well, except number 1. There is no doubt that if I take one drink, I am powerless over alcohol at that point and my life was horribly unmanageable.

Today I'll be going to a meeting at 10:30, but I'm going to check out the smaller meeting so that will be my first weekday time with that group. Some of them are at the 7AM Sunday meeting which is sort of a morph between two groups. So we will see what this one is like.

Have a good day all!

DG

[Joanna]

My Early AA Thoughts

I'm aware there is a lot of contention on these forums around whether one can moderate or not as an alcoholic. I've always shied away from AA approach (only ever been to one meeting) partly because of the maxim that 'one drink is one too many'. I've never wanted to accept I'm that person; an alcoholic who shouldn't drink. I like to see myself as someone in a period of abstinence who hopes to return to a life of moderate drinking at some point in the hopefully near future.

I think this is the most important post I've ever written for me. It's another Eureka moment! I'm starting to realise that it might be the case that this desire to be able to moderate and return to drinking may in fact just be a symptom of how early I am in my journey to recovery. The last few days have got me into thinking that as I travel along on the journey, I wake up to the realisation this is unrealistic and WILL NEVER WORK.

I know that this is a sore subject for many which is why I use the first person when talking about it and am posting on the AA thoughts forum ! Hopefully no one who disagrees will read it! I joke! This is my own experience and I respect other peoples' views and experiences.

To accept this, I have to believe alcoholism is either a disease state or a lifestyle of choice that afflicts me and not others. The reasons I have drunk like this are to some extent irrelevant. I just have and that's how it is.

[retteacher]

My Early AA Thoughts

Joanna: I too say everything in the first person, because I cannot speak for anyone else. I SAID many months ago that I am an alcoholic & cannot control my drinking. Once I take the first drink, I'm off & running. I've said that many, many times here at MWO. However, I must not have felt that in my heart, because I was carried off to the hospital last month w/an alcoholic overdose. That did it! I joined AA right after that. I go to as many meetings as possible. They are not all created equal, but I need them to stay sober every day. I got a spons & am working the steps. Without those tools (meetings & spons), I would drink again...I know I would. Good luck to you on your journey. We all get to the bottom in our own way. You'll know what to do when the time is right. Mary