AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

Just a quick check-in, had a VERY busy day doing house stuff, and I spent oh-I-don't-want-to-even-think-about-how-much money...

Marshy, DG... FWIW, I spent 3 years in AA and never really "worked the steps" and frankly never truly understood what, exactly, that means! I started with 90 meetings in 90 days, had a sponsor with probably 3 years sobriety (which seemed gigantic to me then). He was helpful in being a role model and friend, but never pressured me to do any formal "step" stuff. I continued going to meetings frequently (4 or 5 times a week) and made and kept a commitment to say something substantive in every meeting. I definitely did the "pick and choose" thing with various aspects of AA. I did then and now certainly believe that the power is totally within me... that aspect of me that knows something of wisdom... to control my own thinking and behavior around alcohol. I don't "turn myself over to" anything but the truth, and to the pursuit of what I understand about how to live a healthy life and healthy spirituality. And I never did the big 4th and 5th Step "inventory" and confession thing. Like Mary, I have from time to time done a formal sacramental confession with a priest... but not an AA-type version. For me, the Cost-Benefit Analysis is more helpful.

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

WIP, just enjoy the house and don't think about the $ for now!!! Thanks for sharing the way you handled the AA stuff that doesn't fit quite right. It all doesn't "fit" on me either.

Sausage - sounds like you had an ever so excellent swim! Thanks for the kudos on the anniversary!! I'm getting really excited to make the final 90 day stretch to 1 year. That is starting to feel really cool - to have a full year sober under my belt.

Marshy, I had a HUGE issue with that powerless business too. But now that I've actually sat through some meetings and listened to people talk about it, I'm not sure it's intended the way I always took it to be - i.e. I am in general, powerless and a complete weenie and God is totally in charge if I want to get rid of my problems. (LOL) I'm not sure at this stage how Bill really meant it, but I now think of that as more like..... If I start drinking and booze continues to be available, I can't stop. So in that sense, I guess the "powerless" thing fits that narrow definition a lot better than I'd like to think.

My life was certainly on the bitter edge of being unmanageable. I barely kept it together at the end there, and that's against a very low standard of "living."

Nobody has uttered a peep to me about whether I want a sponsor or where I am (or not, because I'm not) with any steps. It's been very respectful since that initial shock about the fact that I'm 9 months sober already. Did I mention that they gave me a 9 month medallion or coin or whatever they are called? That was pretty nice I thought.

FWIW!

In other news...I made some low carb blueberry muffins today. This time I used almond flour made with the skins still on so there are sort of like a whole wheat type thing. Yum yum!! I'm going to make fresh pineapple ice cream for dessert in my new fangled Vita Mix tonight. Double yum yum. I'm going to use coconut milk instead of cream. Maybe I'll toss a frozen banana in there too.

DG

[speedster]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

Good Evening Abbers,

Besides a mild cold, things are going well being AF. I'm a little worn down from the cold. Went to a meeting at a brew pub, no problem ignoring the beer selection. It was the 2nd meeting I went to at the pub and turned down beer. It was easy the 1st time, easier the 2nd! yay!

When I have a bit more time and energy I have some thoughts on the book Drinking A Love Story.

[retteacher]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

Everyone:

I just got back from a b-sitting stint w/g-sons. I wanted to check back & say that I'm working on my list of things I have no control over but obssess about anyway. It's interesting...actually amazing that I can have any kind of a life for myself, because I'm into everyone else's business. I want things my way...right now! Hmmm, could that be a motivation to drink? You think?

Mary

[Miss Behaving]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

This is going to be a shortish post ..... I thought long and hard about whether to put something onto DGs "thoughts about AA" thread, and decided not to because I didn't want to be negative amongst a whole lot of positive reports! But I'm just going to put a small comment here.

I spent 18 months in AA about 10 years ago... had a sponsor, worked the steps, then did as WIP did and took a bit of a "pick and choose" approach. Two members of my immediate family have attended - my sister for the 2 years before she died and my brother for about 15 years. I also have several friends that I met through AA that I still have contact with. Some are still there some aren't, some are still sober, some aren't.

I want to take nothing away from those who find AA helpful in getting and staying sober. But personally I found it really negative and very disempowering ... and for one person I know it was incredibly destructive.
I felt like I was being beaten into submission, and a whole lot of reverse psychology came into play ...... to cut a long story short I decided it was no longer for me. Having said that, I still have some of the "literature" which I dug out at Xmas time and have been re-visiting. (The Living Sober one is great, and I also like The Womans Guide Through the 12 Steps)

I guess I just wanted to put that out there because it can be hard to criticise AA as it has a very strong moral authority behind it that makes it hard for people who are struggling with all or parts of it to be honest about how they are feeling. My experience of questioning some tenets of faith was that it all got construed as signs of my (deliberate) continuing denial.

So .....for the people that are attending and finding it useful (and particularly finding a good home group) I think that is fantastic. But I hope that we can have discussions in which people who aren't so certain can voice those opinions too! Personally I'm most interested in a recovery model that celebrates my autonomy to make positive choices to live my life to the fullest .... and I think that there is lots of that way of thinking on these boards.

that's my 2cents worth!

(PS - a couple of people expressed concern about going to meeting and coming across people they knew. I have to say that for me that was an entirely positive thing!!! I met at meetings several people who I worked with or had a professional association with, and it brought a new dimension to our relationship. It also made me less hard on myself, when I saw these fabulous people at meetings and realised that I didn't feel half as negative about them being alcoholics as I felt about myself being one! Plus, I found that when we ended up at the same social functions that we tended to look out for each other which was nice!!)

(PSS - sorry it wasn't a short as I meant it to be!!)

[Marshy]

AF daily - Tuesday Feb 24th

Thanks for the AA thoughts and info, Wip, DG & Mame.

The problem I have with the steps isn't that I disagree with (most of!) them. That's fine. There are plenty of organisations who have rules I don't agree with - I don't need to have anything to do with them. However, I think AA could be beneficial for me (hence my interest) but I don't want to have to try to skew the "rules" to work for me. I'd find that uncomfortable (I can understand Mame's comment about being beaten into submission here). If it's not the right organisation for me, that's OK. It works for a lot of people - good for them - but maybe I need to find something else. I am going to phone them today and discuss this stuff - I'm sure they are used to people asking these questions - and see what they say and go from there. They might not think it's right for me either!