AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

[Cinders]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

A Work in Progress;557375 wrote: I agree with Mame.

It's not as if we drank so much because we were evil, depraved people. We have something wrong in our brains that makes us lose control over our drinking, makes us want it much, much more than people who don't have this problem. If everyone wanted alcohol as much as we did, and lacked control the way we do, everyone would have terrible problems with getting drunk. It isn't as if "normal" people are virtuous and exert strong self-control in order to control their drinking... For "normals," controlling their drinking isn't any more difficult than controlling their consumption of chocolate. People who are "normal" don't eat chocolate till they are throwing up, or drink Coca-Cola till they have poisoned themselves with it...

WIP,

Thank you. You made me belly laugh. The visuals were priceless.

Love,
Cindi

[AAthlete]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

The amazing thing is - we can make lots of perfectly sane choices in our lives, but when it comes to alcohol that ability goes out the window. For whatever reason I am just wired a little differently then most people. Doesn't make me any better or worse, right? What if I was short on cash and embezzled from my company, or verbally abused my family because I was depressed, would I be looked upon any better?

Good analogies WIP...

[Joanna]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Thanks Mame that really cheered me and put a smile on my face. Especially as it's nearly nine o clock when my worst witchy time is coming to an end.

A lot of this comes down to self esteem I know. In the same way you are breaking old habits with AL, you need to make new habits about the way you regard yourself. I find it really difficult to have any 'self-love' despite the fact I have a loving family and friends. It's as if I feel they can't really mean it as I'm basically not loveable. I don't say this in a self pitying way far from it. It's as natural to me as breathing; the deeply ingrained notion that I don't really deserve other's love. It's an attitude that has formed part of my belief system as long as I can remember certainly back to the age of four or five (I'm 43); a core belief as cognitive analytic psychotherapy would label it.

How I go about unpacking that and replacing it with something better is the goal of my life I suppose. It's not as easy as saying just make affirmations, think positive, treat yourself etc as this colours everything I do. People who know me would not think it of me as I appear confident, outgoing and cheerful. But deep in my solar plexus the feeling is there. I've had an awful lot of therapy over the years and I am a qualified psychologist but however much knowledge and experience you think you have; it's hard as hell to shift.

Yes 38 days is brilliant. I will make a positive affirmation! Thanks for your support. It has meant more than you know:thanks::wd::band2::band2:

[Doggygirl]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb


:yougo:Congratulations Joanna on 38 Days Sober!!!:yougo:


One thing is for sure. Whatever psychological issues each of us have that need work and our attention will not get addressed if our heads are stuck in the bottle. So very special congratulations on your sobriety, clearing the path to see everything in and around you.

DG

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Joanna, I'm a psychologist, too. I understand what you are saying. What have helped me the most are the theory and (most importantly) the practices involved in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. It's not so much a matter of changing (or trying to change or "restructure") our ideas about ourselves, as it is a matter of not taking our own ideas so seriously. Marsha Linehan brought these ideas into her Dialectical Behavior Therapy (for borderline patients), Jeff Schwartz applied the ideas successfully to OCD patients, Teasdale et al. with depressed patients... it's very helpful. Tara Goleman-Bennett writes about it in her self-help book, "Emotional Alchemy."

Mo: that is the CUTEST puppy I have ever seen!! What a wonderful picture!

Marshy: glad your trip to the dentist wasn't so terribly bad...

Everyone... hope you're doing well...

[narilly]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

I LOVE the puppy Mo! I have a Golden Retriever who is 12 now but that is what he looked like as a puppy. He still thinks he is a puppy anyway.
I read a quote yesterday and I thought it was great. This is it: "I would like to be the person that my dog thinks I am" Good one.
Pamina, I like the idea of going to Italy and having a trip sans alcohol. That sounds terrific.

Mary- one of the people who was at the party last week when I fell down the stairs called me yesterday. I felt really guilty after the call just because it brought it all back. He said "I heard you have found religion and quit drinking" as the start of the conversation. That kinda bothered me- what an ass. But then at the end of the conversation he said "we love you" and all that. I don't really know how I feel about that whole conversation but whatever, I am not going to think about it.

I am sober today and will be tonight. One day at a time. Hope the same for all of you.


Love,
Narilly

[Joanna]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

DG Thanks. There's something really great about seeing those great BIG PINK LETTERS!

You're right. Clearing the path; I need to keep telling myself that so giving up doesn't feel like the bereavement that it currently does. I know it's early days for me and at the moment it's not getting noticeably easier. I'm still head down counting hard like hell!

It's really great to get this encouragement. It's lifted me so m:grouptrophy:uch

[Joanna]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Food for thought

WIP that is so brilliant. Mindfulness based cognitive therapy. I've just spent a fascinating hour and guess what? There are two main centres in the UK; one in Oxford only twenty five minutes from where I live. It's an approach that seems to have a fantastic pedigree; sponsored and supported by our NHS here. Very very very interesting. Food for thought.

I've practised meditation in the past usually when I've been an in patient in psychiatric care. I got into it a lot about twenty years ago during a major episode of depression. I remember clearly a sudden Eureka moment when I realised that my 'thoughts' could go away if I emptied my mind. To my 23 year old self it was quite a revelation as I had been suffering crippling anxiety and panic attacks over several months which is why I landed up in hospital.

Suddenly I knew that if I successfully switched off my thoughts ( the panic being one of those) I would be safe and it couldn't hurt me. These panic attacks were scary. I thought I was going to die; I was a young, screwed up girl. The feeling of relief was immeasurable. and from that moment on, I believe things started to improve.

Generally, I'm hopeless with meditative practice as I have a butterfly manic mind constantly hopping from one thing to another and have immense difficulty calming it down. I count long lists of things in my head at night which comforts me and don't find that empty space very successfully.

Thanks for your reply. It's really given me a lot to mull over. I've got a hell of a lot of work to do and I have a neurological illness which can be terminal so need to get thinking!
:thanks:

[Joanna]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

It is like a part of me needs to be nutured like a child...from scratch again...does that make sense???

Oney;
Yes it does and I think it resonates with all of us especially if you feel you missed out on that nurturing first time round (:upset (just so you realise I know it's my self pity!) LOL.

Reading your post has made me realise that I have not even been as far along as you in your self awareness that you have been playing a part. Now you have said that I do realise that has been me pretending all along. When you're raising a family, there's so little time for yourself ( I think I saw you had children on another post) and you just get swept along in the busyness of everything. That's been my life for the last 11 years. Now my kids are older, I am starting to get more time for reflection.

I was diagnosed with a brain condition three years ago. I have come through a couple of strokes etc and been swanning around telling everyone one day at a time, what's the point of worrying etc. I have really believed it!! I have lied to myself so well that I wasn't even aware of my deception to myself. Truth is I could die from this and my kids have a 50% chance of inheriting it. There's no treatment and nothing you can do. Hoorah! I am still kidding myself. Anyone reading this who has had a similar experience will know its a type of grief when you are told you have lost the future of your good health. Not sure what stage of the grief process I am in after 3 years but think it might still be DENIAL! LOLA .

Booze has crept up over the years and I didn't make the link about how it was helping me hide 'in my tomb' as you say. I love drinking! I adore those cold glasses of wine; I still fantasize about them. I know the psychology of addiction is complicated and differs between people but I was just hiding my grief behind it. It still doesn't make sense and I cannot believe it but i am still telling myself lies.

I am banging on and on and on. Sorry! :sorry:

[retteacher]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Narilly: I cringe when I think back to my humiliating experience, but it was put in my life for a reason. No more denial. No more crazy hiding. The person who called you, & all the people who witnessed my scene have their stuff too. One of the things I've heard in the 12 step programs is: "Don't judge your insides by somebody else's outsides." You made a mistake but are correcting now by staying sober. The "heard you got religion" sarcasm might be about that person's own drinking or outlandish behavior. Mary

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Oney, I am not much of a believer in self-help books, on their own, because we tend to read them and understand them without really making any of the changes that we learn about, in the books... yet, I do think you would find a lot of useful knowledge about the kind of feelings you are talking about, as well as ideas about how to make changes, in the "Emotional Alchemy" book that I often recommend (author is Tara Bennett-Goleman). There are lots of us here who did NOT get proper raising and nurturing when we were little (I am one of those as well) and who go through life acting as if we are perfectly OK, strong, in charge, and capable of taking care of everyone and everything else... while we know we are not getting anything, really, for ourselves. It's like our alcohol dependence.... it requires making a lot of life changes, to truly get over it... changes we definitely WILL have trouble making. But if we don't make changes... we stay in the same mess forever... counseling really, really can help, if you find a well-trained counselor.... the counselor can really help with making some significant changes that will make a big difference in how your life "feels" to you...

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Joanna, I cannot imagine what it has been like for you to have this neurological disease literally hanging over your head. Just want to say I am impressed by hearing you say that you are feeling determined not to let yourself stay in a kind of hibernation... Cheering you on!

[Miss Behaving]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

Having a really busy day,but finding some of this discussion riveting!

Re the need to be nurtured like a child again: A few years ago I read a book called "Growing Up Again", which was about how many of us "missed out" on things as we grew up .... and I hasten to say that this is not about "blaming" (my!!) parents. Sometimes it was just because of differences in personality (how could my mother know that when she sent me to piano lessons instead of gymnastics that i would regret it for the rest of my life!!??) and sometimes because of circumstances (like: my younger sister was close to death's door for about a year when I was about 2 1/2, and it is not surprising that they were not emotionally available a lot of the time!)

Anyway, one of the things that was suggested in that book, which I did for about 6 months, was to carry around a photo of yourself at a young age. And that when you feel upset, or critical of yourself, or wanting a drink, have a think about what it is that that child would need. I think for people who are better at looking after others than themselves this is quite a powerful thing to do!

Spending far too much time on the boards today when I should be working!!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

I agree with WIP. Counseling is a very useful tool. I am glad that I sought out the help. It has helped me immensely in compartmentalizing many traumatic things from my childhood. It is also helping me with my relationships with others now. I feel so much stronger and whole emotionally, seeing a counselor.

I do like self help books. I read them every once in a while. The funny thing is that I typically forget what I had read and don't really 'work' them. The one on one counseling; I get so much more out of it.

Anyway, people, I am nervous about tonight's meeting at LifeRing. The chair person phoned me back today and he said they would be very happy to have me there. I am excited and scared all the same. In my nervousness I asked if there were other women that go there. He said yes. That was a bit more comforting for me. I have had experiences going to AA and the groups were all men. I kind of felt out of place. This meeting is in my neighbourhood. I wonder if I know anyone? It is anonymous - but I am curious. I grew up out here.

I am a shy person for the most part but I really, really, really, need to meet people sharing the same affliction as myself in real life. UGH! It would be so nice to meet someone that I could just go out for a coffee with once in a while. All of my friends drink on the weekends and seeing I don't I need to find sober people to do things with once in a while.

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily Wednesday 25 Feb

That's SO cool you are going AFM, despite the fact that it feels kinda scary... it always feels that way to me, too, even though of course we know these people will be nice and will not bite, or anything! Wish I could go with you. Will look forward to hearing all about it.