AF daily - Monday March 16th

[Marshy]

Hello everyone,

Grrr. I just typed this once and lost it. Here we go again...

There was a bit of discussion at the end of yesterday's thread when I was tucked up in bed about how long people continue to have drinking thoughts after stopping drinking. This is something that's bugged me ever since I started getting sober.

I've now been sober for three months or 11 months with a one-night blip (I know, I know, I'm deeply in denial about my sobriety date). I still think about drinking a lot. Not necessarily actually having a drink, but about not drinking, about planning ahead to stay AF at social events, about the work I'm doing to stay sober. So the "issues" are always in my head.

Being on this site and going to AA of course make me think about alcohol too, but at the moment I still feel the need to do both.

When I first stopped drinking I wanted someone to say "Ah, yes, after xxx amount of time you'll never think about alcohol again!". Having now met people with 25 years, 29 years sobriety at AA, I'm beginning to realise that might never happen. I could really do with it lessening though.

Any thoughts?

The weather forecast says it's going to be hotter here than Greece today. I'm off to sunbathe (not...) :toohot:

[Miss Behaving]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Hi Marshy - sunbathing!! Spring obviously turned to summer quickly!!!

I think there are lots of different thoughts about drinking. I think about it on a regular basis, and I think I always will. What I do about it is a different matter. For now I choose to not act on it. That means sometimes spending quite a bit of time planning how I will deal with situations in which I may be tempted ... but then again, I have chosen that particular path (as opposed to completely avoiding situations in which alcohol is present).

I was in a group of people over the weekend who were discussing how nice it would be to have a beer. All of them what I would call "normal drinkers" (apart from me!!). It was a hot day, we had been out for a walk. Some of us decided to have one, some didn't ... but I had a bit of a thought that I dont know that it is only alcoholics that think about alcohol! They just have those thoughts occasionally instead of all the time!

I do think that the frequency of my alcohol-related thoughts has reduced though!! I dont think about it so much anymore at "inappropriate" times - early morning, while I'm working, when I have other obligations to attend to etc etc. I dont think I've had a day yet though when I haven't thought about it at least once. But getting sober has meant taking that on the chin and adopting a "get used to it" mentality. I just try to substitute other things in its place.

have a good Monday everyone! I'm off to bed!!

mame

[greeneyes]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Morning abbers!

Marshy and Mame, you know another thing is degree or intensity. While thoughts still come, perhaps they are of a lesser degree as they may have been cravings that reduced to thoughts over time. This feels like work - it IS work.

Today is 9 months for me so I'm not going to think about anything except what time the ice cream shop opens. I may go twice today!

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Monday March 16th


:yougo:CONGRATULATIONS GREENIE ON 9 MONTHS SOBER!!!:yougo:


WOO HOO!! Let's all eat some peppermint icecream to celebrate Greenie's anni! Hey girl - you've done the hard work, now where's the damn baby?? (OK - you know it's your special day when you get 1/2 of my smilie rations!!!)

Marshy and Mame, I love both of your posts - this is such a good topic and I saw Cindi's related post on the AA thread but have not caught up yet on the end of yesterdays' Daily AF thread. Marshy, I'm with you that at least for now, I NEED to stay steeped in reality by coming here and going to AA. Otherwise the fantasy maker in my head will having me thinking of drinking in WAY worse ways. I would rather spend an hour at an AA meeting or an hour here (or both as is usually the case LOL) on the positive side of sobriety than spend an hour or two or more on the dark side (craving and fantasizing and letting that flow). It beats the shit out of the alternative.......

Mame, your point is so well taken about appropriate thoughts. I think the situations and frequencies matter. In terms of "normal" thinking of a beer, I was reminded of a couple situations. On Super Bowl Sunday I made some jalepeno (sp) poppers and Mr. D said "boy a cold beer would taste good with these." He then had ONE beer. I would never have had one beer (or more likely wine or vodka). I can't remember a time where I drank just one.

More in context, Mame, with your example of the group out walking and getting hot on a weekend afternoon and mentioning a cold beer...I was reminded of the National Sales Meetings I used to attend in my corporate life. We often had afternoons of either scramble type golf or other recreational things like "around town" scavenger hunts. "Team building." (laughing at this point is appropriate) We were usually in warm or even tropical places so the thought of a cold one was appropriate. There were those who took a break from the activity and enjoyed ONE and then were ready to get back to the activity, and there were people like me where ONE was just the warm up for a wasted afternoon, and then "holy crap how am I going to make it through dinner...."

I sometimes do still think of a drink in the morning (I was a day drinker) or other inappropriate situations / times. The thoughts are not as intense as they used to be. I would love for them to go away entirely, but I will keep the faith that over time they might continue to be less often and less intense. And even if they aren't, my life today beats the crap out of my life 10 months ago.

DG

[retteacher]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

I don't know what to say about the AL thoughts. I hope they decrease, as I find them disconcerting. This post must be short, as I have to make my daily call to my sponsor. I'll check back later. mary

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Great topic. I think that with longer time AF, as we learn to work with our thoughts and emotions and impulses in a more effective way, it matters a whole lot less to us whether or not we have unexpected, or even occasional/regular thoughts about drinking (including the crazy idea that we would be OK if we had a drink, or that it's a good idea to start trying to engage in controlled drinking again... whatever).

I always notice the abject fearfulness that new people here have about CRAVINGS! The promise of anti-craving drugs is a huge draw to this website (never mind that they really don't seem to work all that well). When we spend years of acting like robots (I did), drinking whenever the impulse tells us to drink, then we come to believe that "cravings" are irresistible commands from above. Not true at all. We learn some strategies to increase our self-control and decrease our anxiety about alcohol-related thoughts and impulses.

What worries me much more than outright thoughts such as "wow I wish I could have a drink right now" is the more subtle process that has taken hold in me before, in which I stop doing "recovery" related work, stop going to meetings (if I am doing face-to-face meetings), stop thinking that I need to be vigilant, stop thinking that I have a problem that truly will destroy me unless I stay on top of it... that's when the relapse process really begins.

[LVT25]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Congratulations, Greenie!!!:goodjob:

Excellent discussions here lately. Just like a lot of things it seems the amount and strength of these al "thoughts' are different for each of us. When I quit smoking, my main goal wasn't necessarily to quit--but to not wish I could--for the rest of my life! Sames goes for drinking. I think for the hard core addicts it is harder. Lots of good wisdom about this--personally I doubt if I would think about it much at all if I wasn't a part of this group--and that's a good thing for me!!
All your thoughts of running away when conflict arises really struck home with me also. Anytime hubby and I argue--I want to just leave the situation. I've always been that way, before we were married, I think I "moved out" or at least left for a night at least a dozen times. With the kids, I can't do that anymore--but the desire is VERY strong! Another of the reasons I will be reading Emotional Alchemy soon.
With spring right around the corner (I hope) and all of your talk about bicycles, it's time for me to get off my arse and start moving again! I will dust mine off (bike-not arse) and start either riding or walking whenever weather permitting!!!

Enough said. Wishing you all a great day!:h

[Mohun]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Another great hangover free day.

I sure thought about AL last night. We went to the in-laws for supper with extended family. Pretty much everyone was drinking. Wine, beer, liquor. It didn't really bother me not to drink other than the fact that I wish I could drink normally.

I would have to say that trying to moderate would be way tougher in that sort of environment. Easier not to drink at all.

Mo.

[Determinator]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Happy hangover-free Monday ABerooooos!

Marshy, good subject today. Can't believe we're still on page 1, wow!

WIP ditto all of that!

I find drinking thoughts dangerous when I allow myself to identify with them instead of seeing them objectively. Thankfully my philosophical/spiritual studies have dovetailed so very well with my personal recovery process and allowed me to be a neutral onlooker while my body undergoes these changes for the better.

darn, more I'd like to add but duty calls.....

be well friends

[Determinator]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

amen to that Mohun. nothing stresses me out like modding.

[on my way]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Greenie, congrats on 9 months. Sure hope the second trip for ice cream is a yummy as the first. You deserve it!!
I agree, it much easier not to start at all.

Doing ok here, hit 4 months on the 9th.

be well!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Morning all!

I am at work...... there is absolutely NOTHING to do. Lay off notices for management were handed out today. Fine by me really. I am glad that I won't suffer too badly with a layoff. I am totally stoked on a new career and will be able to focus on the studies for that!! Yippee!

When I get those drinking thoughts, I have learned to accept them and instead of fantasizing about how great a drink will be; I let myself know straight up that there was nothing good about drinking for me.

I have to keep it 'real'. I have to remind myself exactly what drinking has done to my life, both personally, professionally, and physically. It is so not worth it.... so not worth it!

Anyway, back to doing nothing and reading some more posts. Have a great day!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Oh, and congrats to Greenie! Way to go girl. I remember when you were first a member here. You have come a LONG way!!!!!!!! What an inspiration! xoxo

[Marshy]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

Yeah, I agree that it gets better with time. I just seem to remember that when I gave up smoking I didn't really think about it after a few weeks, so I find the drinking thoughts really annoying after all this time. But, yup, what's the alternative? There isn't one for me.

I also agree with LVT that it depends how hardcore a drinker you were. I was fairly far along the spectrum I think.

[Determinator]

AF daily - Monday March 16th

huge congrats to Greeneyes and OnMyWay on the AF accomplishments!!!!!