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**Going Strong** · August 8, 2006, 08:00 AM

Fed Up

!!!

yes darlin I do know!!!!
But can't do much about it!!! but do feel your pain about loosing something you love. I am so sorry you had to go through with that and I do feel it must be aweful to live with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but darlin your horse and who you gave it to might end up ending having this great happy life and where is the pain in that!
Maybe i don't understand but explain!
Bambi!! I know darlin, and no on does understand (TO OUR LIMITED ABILITIES ) but from what I can see maybe your horse could be happy? Horses are really smart creatures and do know what they need, so I am sure that your horse will adapt!
Bambi, you are feeling this pain because you are adopted so work on this pain and it could make other pains better.
Can you trust me on this? Talk to me?

**cv1** · August 8, 2006, 08:15 AM

Fed Up

Bambi, I'm not sure what is going on right now, but you are definitely going through something and trying to deal with something. I have read your posts and yes, those that you deleted. Whatever it is, I hope that you can find out the issue, deal with it and resolve it. I'm of german descent as well as a mixture of others and I have empathy for many things, but I also don't understand someone taking shots at strangers for any reasons. Whatever is going on inside, and sometimes it takes a bit for us to find the problem ourselves, I hope you find it quickly and get some relief.

**gabby** · August 8, 2006, 10:21 AM

Fed Up

Hey Bambs,
No expert here. I do believe tho so often the pain of our childhood can really boil over in our adult life. I think Shas could be on to something. And hearing you bring it up more that once says to me you need to talk through some things there maybe. Why wouldn't you? Sounds like you are carrying a lot of weight on that issue. Please keep on talkin it will really help lighten your heart and I know you will feel better then.

I have only been here for 63 days now. Truly I consider that to be very early in my so-called recovery from addiction. I mean really...are we ever done? But what I think is so awesome here is how everyone seems to accept everyone else unconditionally as they are. We are all human and all screw up all the time. Hopefully here at MWO, It is a safe place to share and open our hearts. Ya, you mix this with dealing with our addictions, trying to control them and all the emotions and feelings that come to surface with that....this makes us vulunerable to maybe exposing our pain more that we mean to which then whew....anything can happen at that point. People are indiviguals, have their own opinions, words fly, things are said, emotions build, well you know how it goes. Sounds just like a family.....OH YEAH!!!!! IT IS LIKE A FAMILY HERE. I FORGOT FOR A SEC.
Really I think in a lot of ways much better than a family. We are a special group of people brought together somehow for a special reason to support each other. We are all goin through the same crap, and are here cuz we WANT support and WANT to support others. We all have the option to take what we need and not what we dont.
Anyway, we are all opening a lot of old wounds that we have been covering up with alcohol. God only knows what could come out. So many of us refer to this as demons, voices, gremlins, chuckie, aunt flo, cant remember all. But take look at what we are callin it. This is scary stuff.
ok....so where am i goin with this?
We all have our posts, we all say things we wish that we could take back. We are all human and screwed up to a degree. humm. guess we wouldnt be here if that wasnt the case. No one is better than anyone else. Everyone's got it in em.
Good, brillant, bad and ugly.
The post you deleted happened before I read it and Im sure most of the members here. I do feel bad for who ever did read it and was offended by it.
Now I wasnt here and really have now idea but, just a wild guess, worst case serino....you over exposed your wounds by someone who maybe was in the same position, over exposed and buttons got pushed on one or both ends. Words and emotions flew shots got taken, feelins got hurt. Always do. I myself have a hard time not taking things personal. And the story goes on. The whole thing grew in to a monster and you wrote the bad post.

Now for the good part. You didnt like the ending. So you did what you could to mop it up. You got back on and deleted the post. And then you made an apology. In front of everyone. That I give you a ton of credit for. Its easy to blow up and take shots. Its not so easy to be humble and admit your screw up and try to make amends. And still come back and show your vulunerablity again. And still again open up and want to work on you.
Its hard for me to understand why the deleted post thing-a-magig got brought back up in the your fed up grieving the loss ofyour horse/abondonment stuff. I guess I'm missing something. I see that you are still hurting and need some support. I do hope you are not discouraged and want to still be here. Abandonment would be hard to work through I bet. Please keep trying. And there are a lot of people here that have a good ear for you.

And for whoever is the other person that is involved in the deleted post. I just hope that it is relsoved between the two of you. I DO understand hurt feelings. I have one of those hearts too. Here is such a wonderful place. I would like to think it isnt a place where bad feelings are harbored against each other. This needs to be a safe place to be without feeling judged.
Maybe an e-message a hug???
I just think we are all regular people here who know how to screw up and want to help ourselves.
I hope I havent made anyone mad. If I have I'm sorry and I still love ya. :h gabby

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