AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

[ready2change]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

Morning all! Note to Hannah...you don't need to be a subscriber to view DG..she is on the thread called "My story begins here"??? I think?? Just click on her avatar and look for the threads she has started. Also, I hope Misty is doing better today? It is such a bummer when our furbabies are ill.

To all who responded about my hubby, I appreciate all the words of wisdom and well wishes. He is under a doctors care. He went in November, and from what I gathered from his appt (he only tells me pieces, parts) it sounds to me like he is headed for metabolic syndrome. NOT a good thing. What hubby told me that the doc said is that he is "borderline" on all his tests. He told him to lose weight (not much, maybe 25lbs) and come back for new bloodwork in March. Well, of course he hasn't done ANYTHING so he cancelled his appt and now it is sometime this month.

DG, I totally get the concept of letting go of the things I can't control. I just think it is unfair for a spouse to not do what doctors tell them to do, and think that my "concern" is nagging. I know I would be resentful if something happend to him due to his own doing. Does that make sense? I would be responsible to care for him, and because he was careless, it would be a problem with me.

I hope that doesn't come across as to shallow? It's just that when a doc tells you that you need to do this or that, it should be taken seriously.

Well, I will get off my soap box now....and take deep breaths!! How come sometimes my reply box has a title box and emoticons and sometimes not? Does anyone know?

Happy Hump Day to all!

R2C

[peacenik]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

thanks hula, i'm not discouraged at all...i want to go, i just feel uneasy being so far away. my husband is a dr. and can be at work until 8-9 at night (he works 35 miles away as well), so i worry that she'd be here alone that much.
i am going to do some online stuff for sure...it's the travel that gets me...but at least i wouldn't have to fly to class!!! WOW!
congrats on getting it all done, even if you were in the fog, you still did it!

[peacenik]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

ready metabolic syndrome is really fairly easy to overcome...i was close to being there with my blood sugar but i beat it by quitting drinking, losing 20 lbs and exercise, now all my tests are totally normal and my blood pressure is even on the low end of normal.
i hope that gives you more hope!

i guess he knows this all though...we can't make someone do something they don't want to do, darn it!

[Determinator]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

Top of the Wed ABERooooooos!!

feeling super good and happy on this fine sunny day in the high desert. sipping on my freshly ground and brewed French roast. mmmmmmm.

thanks for the kickstart Cindi, how long have you been having insomnia for now?

Dill, very thought provoking post, thank you.

R2C you will get a different set of options when you hit "post reply" as opposed to hitting 'post quick reply'. it's easy to get them mixed up.

off to some friends house tonight...all drinkers except me. and I'm A-OK with that

be well everyone

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

Hello again AB-Landers!

Hmmm....I've heard the "jackrabbit" thing before but never prominently. Anyone know what that means? I have not pranked or been pranked today (yet) so life is good.

Mary and Narilly, I too have wondered about the "jittery" ones who are obviously struggling so much who we only see a time or two. I always hold out hope that they are finding their way without AL but I'm sure a good percentage are back in AL's grip. AL is such a wiley one. And yes - I'm with both of you. I KNOW all too well where one drink leads me.

Greenie those dreams are really something aren't they? They would be down right hysterical if they were totally "harmless." I am always glad to realize it was "just a dream" when I have one, but I also assume it's AL busy in my head trying to get a fix in a new way. So up goes my guard.

LVT - only a 1/2 pot of coffee???? I'm impressed! Hope yoga was fun today and you are out enjoying some nice weather.

peacenik - thanks for the heads up about the caffeine article. I'm going to read than next. Justify my behaviour and all!!!! I can understand why your decision about school given the distance is a tough one considering your family situation. It's amazing how life's options truly are more abundant here in the internet age! I was checking out a Holistic Nutrition program that has a campus and traditional style cirriculum, but also a distance learning program. Since the school is in California, on campus at this point in life would not be an option. Cool that we have distance learning options these days! I am confident that you will figure out what is best for both school and family combined.

AFM - I'm really glad all is well in AFM-Land so you can focus all your energy on posting about your dates.

hula - your bike sure does "get around." What's his name? I'm jealous. I want to go where your bike goes. Wow - commuting via airplane to class. I bet that was stressful especially while drinking. Yikes. Congratulations on getting through it!

Hannah, now SHOPPING is a very worthy vice in my not so humble opinion. And you are obviously having maximum fun at your vice if your closet had to be remodeled. I'm proud of you! And I also thank you for sharing that as now I'm not feeling quite so guilty about a couple of recent purchases. Since having my first pedicure a few months ago (OH what I've missed all these years!) I'm quite excited about open toed shoes. How is puppy today? Good I hope. I so understand all the lengths you are going to for him.

TG - I'm thinking of you and your challenging time with your sister. Congratulations on Day 25 AF. I'm sure this situation brings on urges. One of my favorite sayings is:


"NOTHING in life is so bad that drinking alcohol won't make it worse."

Keep us posted on how you are doing OK?

Deter - I admire your "calm" about going out socially where you will be the only AF one. I hope to get to that place some day. I'm glad you share as it lets me know this is possible somewhere down the path when I'm ready. Since your friends get all the booze, do you get all the garlic? Inquiring minds want to know.

R2C - boy, I understand how frustrating your situation is. Believe me - the reason I understand is because I struggle with it too. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that I only make myself miserable when I try to control other people, things or situations that are outside of my control. I still try sometimes. A lot of times. At least now when it doesn't work I can smack my forehead and at least know WHY it didn't work. (because you can't control what's outside your control - ever)

I'm going to try to use a somewhat relevant example although I realize it's not the same exact thing. The important point is not a direct comparison of the circumstances - only an example of how I've had to think through what I can control and what I can't.

My Dad is slowly and miserably dying from complications of diabetes. So I'm ultra sensitive about dietary issues that increase risk. I dont' personally want to go through what my Dad is going through, nor do I want to see Mr. Doggy go through it. Nor am I particularly excited about doing the things in "caretaker" mode that my Mom has to do for my Dad. So it drove me nuts for a long time (and of course it still does to some degree) to watch Mr. D consume can after can after can of full sugar soda everyday. And his candy fixes. And his McDonalds/Wendy's/etc. lunches. Etc. And over the last year he's been gaining weight pretty rapidly (always used to be a bean pole) which is NOT a good sign. Am I worried? YOU BET. Have I tried yelling, screaming, nagging, etc.? YOU BET. How effective was that? It wasn't. Because he hasn't reached a point where he will change his diet. And only HE can do that. He hasn't gone for a physical either. Only HE can do that. I can't drag him or nag him into the changes that in my opinion, he should make.

So what CAN I do? I stopped buying the junk food, sodas, etc. for him. I didn't yell about it. I just explained in a calm way that I'm concerned about his choices in that regard. But ultimately it's his choice. I don't have to like it. I don't have to make it easier either, by bringing the junk food home from the store for him.

Of course I hope that he decides to improve his diet (and lower his risk) one day. But all I've been able to figure out that is within my control about it is NOT to support it by doing the leg work. I married him for better or worse. Of course I always have the option to leave. If I'm not willing to leave over it, then I need to do what I CAN do and let the rest go.

I have no idea if that is helpful. I feel your pain! That is the best I've figured out so far so I can keep my own peace, happiness and sanity. I'm not much good if I lose that. (not to mention how important those are to my sobriety, and I am NO good without THAT!)

Anyway...Dill, you might be wondering why I haven't said anything about your post! It was so profound for me, I think it deserves a separate mention!!!!!......

HEY I just popped outside and took a few pics of the very first crocuses in bloom from our fall bulb planting extravaganza. So after a post for Dill I'm going to see if anything is good enough to become my next avatar!

DG

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

Dill: I read the Thankful link...very inspiring. She lists all the wonderful things about being sober. I must not forget though that there is a responsibility that comes w/being sober: Dealing w/life on life's terms. I never wanted to do that when I was drinking. I wanted everything my own way, & when I couldn't have it my own way, I got drunk. The problems went unsolved, & the vicious circle began.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

DILL!!! I loved your whole post and also the link to Thankful's post & thread. Fear. What a great topic. And fear of "Forever" without AL and what that means. I think thankful's post is so powerful that I'm going to copy it here. (sorry if I'm being annoying which I probably am, but I don't care! )

Why are so many of us afraid of "forever" AF?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been reading so many posts that contain the common emotion that so many of us feel. We are afraid of ....forever. The thought of never having alcohol again scares us. Why? I know everyone says ODAT, but this is a thought that's been posted so many times. I really was getting pissed off today thinking about this, because this agonizing thought has had such a grip on me since day 1. And I'm discovering every day that it has an ugly hold on so many of you. So I ask you....

What the hell are we sooo afraid of??!!??
...of being healthy?
... of being happy?
... of not having continuous blackouts or memory gaps?
... not experiencing embarassing ourselves and or our families because we couldn't control ourselves?
... are we gonna miss the hangovers?
... we gonna miss those all knowing "glances" at work, chuch, PTA, etc.?
...are we going to miss the disgusted looks from our loved ones when we indulge?
...we gonna miss hating ourselves?

I'm sick to death of feeling like this and that's it - I'm f$%king done with it! I control me and my feelings. Not some sick little bottle filled with a deadly poison!

Been AF 15 days now and you know what I will miss if I slip?
...my niece telling me how proud she is of me.
...how good I feel for the first time in about 15 years!
...the fact that weight is coming of with little effort.
...sleeping through the night.
...waking feeling sooo good.
...not yelling and bitching at little things.
...smiling for no apparent reason!! Really, I'm getting strange looks from my family!
...much clearer skin (and younger looking!)
...being a productive person and not a blob that sits and wonders why my life sucks!
...feeling proud and confident.

I don't know about you, but I'll take the later list any day!

LET'S STOP BEING AFRAID OF....FOREVER!!!!

Here's to fearlessness. Thanks Dill for sharing that!

DG

[ready2change]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

I found the magic button!

Thanks Det...Whoo hoo...now I know how to get my ration of smilies:thanks:

Peacnik, thank for the reply regarding hubbies metabolic syndrome fiasco:H We women (typically speaking) know how to take better care of ourselves...I hate that fact but gonna need to remember it whenever I worry about hubby.

DG...thanks for sharing your story regarding Mr. D. It really is basically the same thing as my situation. However where my hubby works, they have donuts and goodies out all day long. He has an enormous sweet tooth. Then there's the smoking thing coupled with the drinking thing...he does try though, bless his wicked little heart. We go to the gym 2-3 times a week and bike ride a couple of times a week. I gotta let go of this, I know....but I can see that you can SO relate to how difficult that is:l

Dill, thanks for the link to Thankfuls thread. She is quite a great person. I miss her wisdom here at MWO along with the other long termers that aren't around much any more.

Love your avatar DG.

R2C

[dill]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

DG, Mary, Deter, R2C, I thank you for your responses and your comments. I must tell you I was feeling kind of alone in the struggle this afternoon and evening and felt heartened knowing I am not. That connectedness is so important! :thanks: DG, I'm glad you pasted Thankful's post within your response so others could see it. Again today I had to ask myself if I had the courage to get home without stopping afterwork. Somehow when I put it that way, I feel more determined. Framing the choice as an act of courage (born out of humility because how can you brag about such a choice to any normal person?) puts it in a different light for me.

I am glad for the MWO archives. Thankful reached out and helped me in a meaningful way, even though what she wrote was more than a year old!

I leave for Florida tomorrow with Mr. D to visit with my son, grandson and daughter-in-law. I will not drink while away because I promised myself I wouldn't. It's not like I plan on drinking when I get back, it's just that I mean that I am "on vacation", but will not use that as an excuse to drink. Mr. D is a non-drinker. Makes it easier. This is such a hard habit to break! I really need to hear that it gets easier with time. Thankful's check in post was a great gift in that regard.

You all help me with this daily thread and your insights, inspiration and information. Love your avatar, DG! I took a walk this evening and saw some crocuses too.

[peacenik]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

just wanted to say i'm going to chicago with my daughter for about 5 days, so i won't be checking in...we are going to a wedding celebration, should be fun!!!

peace!

[Determinator]

AF Daily, Wednesday 4/1/2009

Peacenik have a good fun safe trip! weddings are such fun energy.

Dg, so sorry to hear of the drama you're dealing with. I'm also fearful of diabetes as my sugar levels were high on my last 'real' bloodwork.