The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

[Doggygirl]

Good morning all! Since the other AA thread got rather long and unwieldy, we thought there might be interest in a weekly AA related thread. Feel free to post whether you are active in AA, just curious about AA, or somewhere in between.

I love this link that our own AAthlete shared quite some time ago. It has the standard Daily AA Reflections and also some other daily readings that often help me with my motivation to stay sober one more day. Daily Recovery Readings The date will automatically change each day when you open the link.

Hope everyone is looking forward to a great week!

DG

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi DG: I put the daily readings on my favs. I have a couple of daily reading books & find them a huge help in staying on a sober path. We made it home in time for me to go to a Sun. night Big Book meeting. I've come to depend on the meetings to keep me grounded. The story from the Big Book couldn't have been farther from my life's story, but I could still take something from it. The one quote that sticks out for me: I paraphrase, "It's not how much you drink, it's what drinking does to you." I'm sure that's why AA recommends that you don't compare...just try to identify. I can still get into the mindset of "I NEVER drank like that" or "I NEVER had anything like that happen." I guess that's an example of the "stinkin' thinkin'" that can lead us to a relapse. Anyhow, thank you so much for starting this weekly thread. I love hearing about peoples' observations about their meetings. It really helps me. If you go to meetings, please feel free to share here. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. Mary

[cpn1004]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi all,
Thanks for the new format of this thread. I'm sure there are many others like me that look forward to your postings.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Doggygirl]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hello Mary and Phil!

The meeting this morning was very good and provided me with good food for thought for the day. This Monday AM "As Bill Sees It" meeting I don't normally get to attend as I usually have a business referal club meeting. But they took this morning off after the holiday weekend. For anyone who has that book "As Bill Sees It" I think the reading was on page 92 about Walking in Serenity. Literally. The reading was from a letter Bill wrote in 1960. He talked about feeling so depressed and lacking in energy that he didn't think he could walk at all. But he went out and talked himself into a 1/4 mile. Then he felt better and did another. He mentioned "counting" which reminded me of some meditation information I've read. (WIP's thread maybe??) with counting as a good way of sort of clearing the mind.

It was so ironic that we opened the book to a page with the word "Serenity" in the subject line. Before the meeting started, and before I saw that, I wrote in my journal the first line of the serenity prayer and highlighted it with yellow marker. *Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.* That is the hardest part of that prayer for me. I seem to think it says "Grant me enough bully power to change the things I cannot accept." And of course we all know that's not how it works. My acceptance is just fine as long as I'm getting my way!! I have a LOT of work to do in that department. The reading today was a good reminder of a good technique to use when upset - walk (or other exercise) and I think he was suggesting a form of meditation whether he realized it or not. Gotta keep the peace inside my head.

One lady told a story and she did relate it to the reading. However it might not seem that way from the "cliff note" version I'm about to share. But this is the part of the story that stood out to me with a message relevant to where I'm at in my recovery.

I'm not sure how long the lady has been sober. My impression is a lot longer than most of us around here (i.e. at least a few years). Anyway, her son was shot and killed in what sounds like a drive by shooting. My impression is that this happened not super recently (i.e. it's not a fresh, raw would as it would be if it happened last weekend). Anyway, she described the feeling of being so lost and angry and depressed and having no faith in anything or anyone. She described her AA friends just telling her over and over to "do" things - the things that are described in the Big Book. She believed in NOTHING at the time, but for lack of any better ideas (short of killing someone!) she just "did the suggestions in the book." She said that doing that, even when she didn't believe in it, not only kept her sober but sane through that experience which I can't even imagine the horror.

I have really been fighting mentally a lot of the AA "suggestions" even though it would not hurt me one little bit to just do the things suggested and see what happens. A big one is praying. You know what? Praying sure won't hurt me or anyone else whether there is a God or not. There are other examples but that's a biggie that I really "fight."

The bottom line is that I see a lot of people around the table day after day who have something I want. They've got strategies for living that help them keep their peace a whole lot more than I'm able to keep my peace right now. I guess my self awareness is being heightened. In the process, I'm realizing just how much I dislike feeling upset and angry, etc. If I can learn techniques to reduce "upset" time then this is totally worth it. (in addition to sobriety!)

DG

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

There's a saying in AA that I'm trying to take to heart. "Fake it 'til you make it." Even when I don't totally like or agree w/a suggestion, I do it anyway. My own best efforts got me nowhere. Therefore, I'm going to do what I'm told (for a change) & see how that works. My sponsor said to get down on my knees 2X per day & pray. It feels weird & a little embarrassing, but I've been doing it. So far, I haven't felt any significant change, but who knows? Maybe something is happening, & I just don't know it. At the very least, I'm developing more honesty & humility...that's a good thing for me.

I'm a newbie in AA, & that in itself is a change. I'm accustomed to having my act together & seeming competent...all the while, having a huge drinking problem underneath the surface. For the first time in a long time, I'm floundering around not quite knowing what I'm doing & feeling very uncomfortable. Discomfort is something I drank away for years, so I'm just trying to hang out w/it for now.

Thank you so much DG for sharing about your meetings. I love hearing about them & also your ambivalence. You're not alone.

Mary

PS: Hi Phil! I like that you read this thread. It's a good thing.

[okydoky]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi there Mary Phil and DG,
I had my first sober Easter since I was a kid. Crazy how we used those holidays as an excuse to drink. Everyone having Mimosa at noon. I noticed the champagne going pretty quickly but not one person noticed I wasn't drinking. They must not have seen me pour the OJ and just assumed it was spiked. Wasn't sure what I was going to say if they did? Still working on that one in my head.
I went to a women's meeting Sat morning and it was so full of love and caring. No wonder the self pity leaves us once we complete the steps. Everyone is too busy caring about others...it's a wonderful place to be for sure.
By the way...been working with my sponsor for almost 2 months and we haven't gotten to step one...getting a little impatient but I'm sure there's a reason.

[narilly]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

I went to a meeting tonight- almost didn't go. I made sure I got there though because I think it is a slippery slope to start missing meetings.
We had some good talks tonight. It is interesting to hear other stories- it reminds me why I am not drinking. Tonight they spoke about the 12th step and helping others with their alcoholism. I really like that. I think My Way Out is our way of doing the 12th step. I think we all support each other and help each other through our posts.
AA guys were talking about getting calls and going to people's homes to help with alcohol problems. The things they saw in those homes kept many of them sober because they saw what 'could be'- I can't even imagine.

Keep coming back!

Narilly

[Doggygirl]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi all! Sorry this is going to be a very fast post. Hello Mary, Okey and Narilly. Very good posts all and I will try to come back later and comment / support more specifically!

Mean time - I just read some of the daily material before leaving for AA then my business stuff for the day. I LOVED this part:

Walk in Dry Places

What causes a binge?
Understanding honesty.
In the foggy world of drinking, we were sometimes confused about cause and effect. A person might think of a binge as having been caused by a fight with his or her spouse. The real truth, however, is that he or she provoked the fight in order to get out of the house to launch a drinking spree. It was really the need to drink that caused the fight, and not the reverse, as the alcoholic believes.We must always understand that the compulsion to drink is the root cause of every binge. We may blame certain things that seemed to trigger a drunk, but it is always our own compulsion that gives force to such an action. Nonalcoholics have the same human experiences we do, but such things do not cause them to have binges.Seasoned AA members are trained by their experience to detect and defuse these false causes. "There are excuses but never good reasons for drinking," they say. We always drink because we want to drink, not because another's actions forced us into it.
Once we've established real sobriety, we also learn to identify the excuses and devices that helped us blame our binges on other people and conditions. We learn that we are always responsible for maintaining our own sobriety.I intend to get along with everybody today and to meet all conditions and circumstances in a mature manner. Nothing can trigger a binge but my own desire to take a drink.

Blaming my drinking on outside circumstances was a PERPETUAL activity of mine. There was never a "good time" to "try to quit" because of this or that. I had to much stress, I had a fight with Mr. D, blah blah blah. Oh the wisdom of it all!

Later...

DG

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Everyone: What wonderful posts!

Oky: I don't think anyone notices when I don't drink. My husb has a cataract, & I can use designated driver as a reason I don't drink...not that people care or even ask. Our closest friends have seen me drunk & now know I'm a problem drinker. Enough said!

Narily: Sometimes I just don't want to pull myself out of my inertia & go to a meeting. However, I'm ALWAYS happy when I do it. Yes, I do think we're doing 12th step work here at MWO. As important as MWO has been to my recovery, it was the face-to-face meetings that really bumped it up.

DG: Ah, the excuses! I used them all. I too think about all the non-alcoholics who go through life sober...struggling along on their own resources. It's not:
-"I'm nervous, upset, agitated, angry, uncomfortable...I'll have a drink."
-"I'm celebrating, trying to forget, relaxing, ...I'll have a drink."
-"I'm tired, wide-awake, hungry...I'll have a drink."

When did I think I could get rid of discomfort w/AL? Not possible. It does not make happy times better either. Yesterday, we spent hours taking care of the g-sons. We had a great time w/them & our puppy. No lubrication. Just great fun.

I'm happy to say I have a meeting tonight. I'll check back. Mary

[Doggygirl]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

This mornings meeting was really awesome. I can't even begin to describe it. I'm so glad I went. This particular group is one of my favorites - there is just a lot of honesty and collective life wisdom among the long termers that regularly go to this one. The guy who now leads this meeting has been sober 16 years. He kicked off the topic today talking about the times over the course of 16 years that he regularly attended meetings and the times he didn't, and how it worked for him. He hasn't drank in 16 years, so his comments werent at all limited to (or about, really) staying sober. It was about the quality of his life when he stays mentally / spiritually centered (for him, that means attending meetings regularly and exposing / reminding himself of the messages), and the lower quality level when he gets uncentered.

Mary, I remember something you mentioned quite some time ago before you started going to AA. You were talking about your family friend (I believe the same person who is now your sponsor?) who was "still going to AA after 20 years." I think the discussion on that thread - probably the daily thread - raised questions about "boy AA must not *work* if you have to keep going for 20 years..." or something along those lines. That has STILL been a question for me since starting to go to AA. WHY is it still so important to so many people to keep regularly attending meetings with the primary purpose of not drinking for SUCH a long time?

Somewhere along the way during today's discussion I had one of those "coulda had a V-8" moments. Even though this might seem obvious to some or most or everyone else but me, it was a new thought for me! I realized that staying mentally and spiritually fit must be a lot like staying physically fit. I go to Curves nearly every day, even though I reached a fitness level that I am comfortable with last December. But if I stopped going, I wouldn't stay at my current physical fitness level. I would gradually (or not so gradually as the case might be) go backwards until I reach my previous poor state of fitness, or maybe I would even regress further than my previous poor level. Anyway, I'm figuring that if I want to get mentally and spiritually fit to lead a serene and happy life, I will have to keep working at it every day.

Okey - have you asked your sponsor why you are still waiting on the first step? Just curious. Everyone has different ways of going about things. Mean time, it's great that you enjoyed your sober Easter!!!! Like Mary said, I too find that people could care less whether I'm drinking or not. The "hard core" drinkers only care that THEY can drink and as long as they can, aren't worried about you. At least that's how I used to be. I only cared about *my* booze. And as far as "normal" drinkers go (Mr. Doggy is my prime example of that in my life) he doesn't think about alcohol one way or the other, so would not be inclined at all to take note of people who are not having a drink. The only drinking related stuff he really notices is somebody who gets TOO drunk and unfortunately that used to be me.

Narilly, I should go back and find that research summary article I came across that found meeting attendance as the #1 factor for successful abstinence in AA. I filed that bit of information away in my head as I'm sure I will come to some point where I think I'm too busy, or I know it all now, or something else and then take a back slide. I want to keep growing forward, and I definitely don't want to find myself drinking again. So I think you are wise to take note of that. Mean time...the meeting I went to last Sunday was on the 12th step and I had that same feeling - that's what MWO is all about in large part. Mary, like you MWO has an important place in my sobriety but face to face support is great too.

Keep the PEACEFUL baby!

DG

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

DG: What a lovely, lovely message. I love your words. As far as meetings: yes, that person who is my sponsor still goes to meetings regularly after many years sober. It's no longer about staying sober. Yes, it's about becoming emotionally & spiritually healthy. I heard a speaker a few weeks ago who started in AA many years ago, got sober, stopped going to AA after a short amount of time, stayed alcohol-free for 24 years wo/AA, but was a "dry drunk." He got 2 divorses, $24,000 in debt, & was a general horrendous person (prick: his word) whom even his kids didn't want to be around. He came back into the program to get his mind & heart back in shape. I've been reading "Living Sober." Bill W. says that a person doesn't have to go to AA for the rest of his/her life. But, I see it as a way to further my spritual growth. It's certainly easier to recline of the couch than to go to a meeting, but what's the benefit in that?! I missed a meeting last night due to b-sitting responsibilities, so I'm really looking forward to going tonight. Mary

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Tonight's meeting was a round-table discussion on gratitude. I actually shared for the first time. I got called on, but I did share & that's a step forward for me.

Narilly, I'm not questioning your sponsor, but I did share about feeling grateful for having taken the 1st step. Admitting I'm powerless over alcohol is such a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm an alcoholic, & I cannot drink. End of story. No gray areas. There isn't much in life that doesn't have gray areas, but this particular issue (my alcoholism & complete inability to have even one drink) is not debatable.

BTW, I'm working on the 4th step now. We're using the Big Book model of listing resentments & what my part is in those resentments. It comes as no surprise that there is just about always a part that I have to play in my resentments, hurts, & upsets.

Anyhow, it's getting late. I'm going to put the dog out & go to bed.

Mary

[retteacher]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Last night's meeting (Thurs.) was on the 12th step. I briefly shared that wo/it, I wouldn't have a sponsor or be working on the steps. I wouldn't be sober either. As of now, I'm pretty much only "carrying the message" to people here at AA. Eventually, I'll try to help the AAers, but I feel too new to do so at this time. Hope all is well. I'd love to hear about your meetings. Mary

[ready2change]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi Mary...yesterday I looked on the internet and found an AA 12 step work book. I wasn't intending to "skip" around, but was very interested in the 4th step as everyone keeps mentioning how difficult it is. I downloaded the worksheet and was excited about getting started on it. Then I saw that the first part of it is related to childhood. I can't remember 90% of my childhood!! It really freaked me out, because it brought to my attention (which I knew already) that I have little to no rememberance of my childhood.

I was kind of hoping that all the pics my Dad has been showing us lately of our childhood would jog my memory. But nothing? I suppose I need to consider getting a sponser to guide me thru some of this stuff? Now I see why you thought the 4th step was so daunting?

R2C

[Seacailin]

The Weekly AA Thread - April 13 - 19, 2009

Hi Guys
I hope you don't mind if I jump back in. This is a Great thread. I am back from Florida, and back to AA meetings. I went to a great meeting the other day; women only. There were only 8 of us. It was open discussion. I think I am going to continue with this meeting. I felt comfortable right away.