Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

In yesterday's daily (which I just read all the way through), DG mentioned being in a bad mood. I was in a real funk yesterday as well. I was really down in the dumps until I went over to b-sit for the g-sons. That got me out of it. Kicking a ball, playing around w/the boys & puppy.

However, bad moods & funks happen. I think that I thought that sobriety was the answer to ALL problems. I wouldn't have any kind of a bad mood, but that, of course, is unrealistic. Life has its ebbs & flows. My endorphins or whatever aren't always on active duty.

I think we just have to soldier on when a bad mood or depressions strikes. I'm accustomed to covering it up w/a drink. So, feeling my feelings isn't something I'm entirely comfortable with.

I have some great plans for today, but I know that my noon AA meeting will help a lot.

A big hello to everyone.

Mary

[startingover]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Hi Mary and all to come.
That is such a valuable lesson to learn. I too always dealt with any emotion by drink and / or drugs, never by actually feeling it.
I was in a terrible mood on Friday for absolutely no reason whatsoever, just cross and irritable. There was nothing I could do about it i.e. change what the problem was, because there was no problem, so I went to sleep and when I woke up, it was gone. You are right that we have to allow ourselves to be in different moods and learn how to cope with all of them. After all, sometimes even when we are really happy, that can trigger a need for a drink. Plus, without the lows, we wouldnt experience the highs.
Have a wonderful day everyone.

[greeneyes]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Morning abbers!

Yes, having those emotions are quite the learning curve! I would feel a flash of anger, some resentment, frustration..... and there's no AL and I'd be left there all alone with my feelings thinking "Well, now what?" Really foreign territory.

I'm having some close friends (went out to dinner with them last night) over for dinner and a board game. They love estranged one so he is coming too. They don't want to see us get back together so there'll be none of that. It's complicated but I'll get the good feckin' samaratin award at the end of the night. So.... what to have tha't simple so I can still do what I planned today.

[Tiny]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Morning All,

Checking in and hope to post more than lurk. It is raining in the midwest and I hope to do some spring cleaning today.

I am glad that I don't drink because I am not hiding anything.

Have a great Sunday!

Tiny

[speedster]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Friends leave today. Looking forward to eating normally. We've had big breakfasts many days, pizza, ribs, etc. Love all of it, but it makes me feel bleh.

Food can definitely alter my mood. Too much sugar or too much grease can make me stabby.

[LVT25]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Good morning friends! And a glorious one here weather-wise! After 2 days of rain and drizzle the sun is shining and things are turning green! Maybe spring is here finally!

Greenie--you are right, you deserve an award--sounds slightly awkward to say the least!

Ahhh, emotions! The difference I'm seeing sober is, I don't have to go through the feelings of guilt and depression the day after I'd get drunk because I was angry or sad!

I played a little with my new Vitamixer yesterday. I think it will take some getting used to, and perhaps the kids aren't going to be thrilled with every recipe try! :H But I can see it will be a great way for me to get more fruits and veggies into my diet!

Ok, gotta get ready for Sunday school. Have a great day everyone! (And welcome newcomers!) :h

[greeneyes]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

LVT, is the vitamixer a juicer?

[Doggygirl]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

LVT you got a Vitamix????? OH MAN you are gonna LOVE IT!!!!! I love mine anyway. Greenie it's a blender but you CAN make juice with it too including straining out the pulp. I tend to make stuff where I can leave all of it in there.

Oh...hi everyone! And happy Sunday to all in Abland. I'm not feeling stabby today, at least not so far. I'm in the same boat with all of you who posted that it's still strange getting used to just feeling stuff and letting it be. I am constantly trying to control things and change things around to suit me, which includes not only my emotions but everyone else's too. It's exhausting and it doesn't work - with or without alcohol LOL! "Acceptance" is a big word for me right now and something I'm working on. I'm a lot more at peace within myself when I can accept things as they are and not beat my head against a brick wall trying to control and change that which I cannot. Life with Mr. Doggy continues to improve as I continue to work on this. Amazing!

I'm so excited about the gardening so far. I know there will be bad days with weeds and bugs and things will not all live and all of that. But I've got little sproutlets up in the basement under the grow lights (basil, sunflowers, some kind of flower I can't remember the name right now, grape tomatoes from the seeds of some grape tomatoes that Mr. Doggy saved and one other thing I can't remember right now). We shall see what happens to the seeds and plantlets out in the garden now that it is raining. Curves + gardening = good night sleep!

I planted Deter Spice in the garden yesterday!!!!

Greenie you are a much bigger person than with WRT Estranged One.

Speedster I too am amazed by the various ways foods affect our moods in addition to our waist lines. I bet you are glad that life will be back to normal soon! Stabby Not Good!

It's GREAT to see you Tiny! I too have got some spring cleaning plans for the rainy days. Right now I'm working on my closet and the continued project of dealing with all the multiple sized clothes and what to keep / give to charity, etc. That is one huge pile I will be glad to finish up! What projects are you working on?

starting - good reminder that sometimes we just need a good night sleep and we feel different in the morning. It's good to be reminded that it's "OK" for things to go that way! Normal people experience this all the time. As an alkie I'm just not used to letting myself be. Always trying to "fix it" with booze.

Mary you raise a good point that sometimes just doing something different and fun like play with the kids or animals can lift our spirits. Change the scenery, change the mood.

It's good to see everyone after being pretty much absent for the last couple of days!

DG

[rustop61]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Hi everyone

Just a quick check in as am on chauffering duties, in and out all day. Somebody, can't remember who has a quote after their name living not existing since whatever date they became AF. I guess when we live fully we have to experience all our feelings full on and not run away from them. Not very comfortable but I am sure it will be worthwhile in the long term.

Taking doggies for a walk on the beach now to enjoy the spring sunshine.

Rustop

[Determinator]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Happy 'day of rest' ABerooooos!

Mary that's a great post and got me thinking about a chapter from "a new Earth". you recall where the lady comes to him quite upset about past things in her life and he asks her to find out if it's possible to accept the way she feels. she's resistant at first but then tries it and finds she's still feeling the emotion but now there is 'some space around it'. Anyway I find this a fascinating use for the tool of 'acceptance' which is much more than the statement "I accept I cannot drink". Acceptance/surrender can be a powerful tool in so many ways.

whew! I'm getting a bit philosophical early here....

DoggyGirl!! woof! our sprouts are doing pretty darn good too I'm happy to report. We have alfalfa, mung and lentil sprouts so far.

LVT I'm soooo jealous! Iv'e wanted a Vitamix for years. ok that's it....I'm off to ebay to look for one.

Tiny, Rustop, Greeneyes, Speedster, Startingover and all to come......

have a fantabulous day

[hulagirl]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Mood swings!? Menopausal-----YIKES! Yes, another excuse for drinking was monthly cycle. Glad that's over (the drinking part). Hormones still going wacko.

[LVT25]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Now, see, DG and Det, if you wouldn't be off living your life, you would have known I got a Vitamix blender!!:HJust in case you don't go back and read yesterday's thread--I got it an an auction--they had 3 brand new ones and 1 used. I thought about buying them all and selling them, but chickened out! I'm pretty sure the guy that bought the others will be listing them on E-bay. This one is an older model (3600) but works fine. Last night I threw in 2 pears (skin and all) and a stalk of celery and some ice. Not bad. This morning, strawberries, banana, ice and a little 1/2 and 1/2. Yummy! Tons of recipes in the book that came with it.

Right now I better get off my arse and do some yard work. The weather is great today!!

[Determinator]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

LVT, you could probably mix concrete in a vitamix from what I hear.

hmmm... pear, concrete, celery.

[hiddengoal]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Dee-pressed - Day 5

Its not a good day for me - I have been hiding under the covers, hiding from my life I guess...not knowing what to do about anything - feeling completely low and helpless - - - - So after an hour of that I said, "sit up and at least go on the computer and get your mind moving - go to MWO and see what might be there ..,"

This was the first thread and whoa, you are all talking moods and mine is as low as it gets. I've been saying maybe its day 5 AF, .... could be that is part of the mood, but I think I just want to hide from my life..I can't seem to make anything better and I am tired of trying....marriage is down, house is falling apart, finances looking bad, great job, but it doesn't pay the bills, and on and on, and so it goes. Its a cycle and I can't get off..just want to hide or run away. I wish it were as simple as I could blame it all on some thing - like AL, but I don't think it is that simple. If I could find the one thing, maybe I could change that, but its everything! I don't think it should all be this hard, but every minute is a struggle. To top it off, then I feel guilty for feeling bad cause I have a roof over my head and more going for me than a lot of people.....

SO WTFutt? Don't know how to pick myself up this time. Hubby won't even begin to know I am even feeling low....doing his own thing....OK...I am just gonna write this all out and probably not post.......there is nothing going in this relationship...just roomates and kid transporters...we talk only about who has to go where when...or that we need a new roof, but no money to do it. Heck, he doesn't even know what goes on with the money ...I pay all the bills, deal with insurance, taxes, all that crap. So, recently I said, I needed help..can you open mail, look at bills, and just file in these folders by date due? I figured then he would know what's going on, and I wouldn't have to open all the mail - a little bit of help. Response from him was that he does all firewood, plowing, maintenance, work - physical stuff...already doing his share. Basically, it felt like he doesn't care that its all killing me, that I'm in the pit, thqt we are going deeper in the hole....he is just saying, 'deal with it'.

OK, enough...I am just whining...but I am not WINE-ING...yet. Maybe it is the absence of my frined AL, who helps me run away...I see that, but when we talk reasons/excuses for drinking...I think I like wine to try get away from the crappy life...when there is no intimacy and you are in the same room or bed, its pretty darn depressing - not even a talk relationship.

Stop me again.....so I will face these feelings, but I don' know what to do with them. I really don't want to end the marriage, go though all that splitting up BS, impact teenage kids, or rip us all apart.....and I don't want to be the one to say lets go to counseling again...why can't he....why can't he....why can't he...care for me?

Probably would be easy to just think I am just not love-able enough, or worthy of real caring......but I know that isn't true, even if I don't act like it.

So, that's my stuck cycle...and I guess the good tasting wine was a little respite, but even that doesn't work anymore.

[LVT25]

Sun. - April 19 - Daily Thread

Hi Hidden!

Just a quick response to your post for now. I feel for you1 Life just gets so overwhelming sometimes and when your marriage is getting stale...well that doesn't help. But neither does drinking really. When I first started reading what you said, I wondered to myself if you perhaps have some of the symptoms of depression. Not just depression from life, but very real, physical symptoms. Have you discussed any of this with a doctor?
Another thought is really changing your mindset and start living your life for you. Make time to do things YOU like to do or do something nice for YOU. I know I really have to keep myself busy doing things for me, so I don't obsess about my hubby's drinking. It's very easy to get in a rut and feel sorry for ourselves, especially when there are communication issues like we have.
Come out from under those covers and hang out with us af'ers for awhile!!