Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

DG, thanks for the 90 day info. Makes sense. I have been to AA times in 8 days, so I guess I'm working on that too. Trying to get my feel of what it's all about.

One, one is never enough, it's just the starter for the rest of the night.

Great to see and hear anyone who shares. I am enjoying the reflection readings too.

WF

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Welcome Preciouspinot!

Mary, on the breaking of anonymity I really was angry, etc. at first. After I had a chance to get input and think about it some more I realized it wasn't such a big deal. I love your outlook that HEY - we're not criminals. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to stop going to AA over it. And short of that, what can you do? I too think it was a lesson meant for me somehow. Eh em. Acceptance perhaps???

Yes the "just one" thing is interesting - Mary (and anybody/everybody else) do you actually ever recall EVER having only one drink? I don't know how I missed that little tidbit before considering that I don't recall ever having done it, and Mr. Doggy my Normie At Home does it frequently. Well, not frequently in the sense of drinking frequently. But more often that not when he DOES choose to have a drink it IS only one.

Chief I thought of you today when I read the first of the Daily Reflections. I recalled your description of being with AL in the boxing ring and just needing to walk away rather than fight. I'm not sure if this is how you originally intended that analogy but I think it goes to the issue of admitting we are powerless and for me, the HUGE problem I had with that. (something that contributed to keeping me away from AA for a long time). For me, if I stay in the ring and try to go toe to toe with AL, he will win every time. I MUST walk away and stop fighting. This is what the "powerless" thing really means to me now. If I fight, I will lose. I have to walk away to have a chance. It is not always easy to keep my "head in the right place" with my thinking about that. But when I DO have it right in that crazy noggin of mine, it brings a feeling of relief. Yes I am powerless over alcohol, but I don't have to keep fighting and losing either.

Well, I'm off to the daily thread for a more general check in and then off to start the weekend!

Have a wonderful day everyone. Keep sharing - I sure love reading it!

DG

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Morning everyone! Great to be part of a new group and I look forward to getting to know all of you better. I am on day 7 and have been to a meeting everyday except today which I will go to at 12:30. I am drawn to the rooms that have women or who are mostly professionals as that is who I can identify the most with. I have read the Big Book up to chapter 6 and know I have a lot of work to do. I have a temporary sponsor...she is a doctor with 18 years and I check in with her everyday. I have been collecting as many phone numbers as I can and talking when I feel the need but, mainly just listening at this stage of the game.


A great quote that I heard this week was "If I could drink like a normal person, I would everyday!"
Anyway, that made me laugh outloud and humor is really getting me through this.

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

again nice to see all is well,when i stopped in 1999 ,i was going to 2 to 3 meetings a day,even AA can be addictive,90 days doesnt always work,10 months later,i was drinking again,i beleive they called it over achieving ? , took me ten years , and a stint in rehab,to go back,i think i said it earlier,1st, 164 pages is the program,as far as people seeing you at AA meetings,i beleive they have the same nt mare,as us,i also applaud you for not losing it when the lady said something,even bill,who was a big,rock on tradition and annominity,broke it,you no coming to this thread really helps me,id like to thank all of you folks,as they say,keep coming back gyco

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

gyco: I can make anything into an addiction: work, other people, helping, volunteering, etc. I think as soon as I get into mood-altering territory, then I have to watch out. For me, addicitions are about not wanting to experience myself & life in general. So, while I like AA very much & it's helping, I'm taking it easy (Easy Does It) & not pushing. I'm doing the steps, but my spons has me only working for 15 minutes @ day, as I'm the type that would do it for hours & try to do it perfectly.

DG: Me too on the acceptance thing. Everything that happens to us can be a potential lesson. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Today's was a good speaker meeting. I marvel at the resilience of people in terms of gaining sobriety after years & years of addictive drinking. I again saw someone from the "outside" at this meeting. She came in late & sat on the other side of the room. But, I know this will continue to happen. I'm trying to let go of being concerned about what people will be thinking of me (another of my addictive thinking patterns). "Gee, Mary's an alcoholic...who would have thought that?" Again, that's alcoholic self-centeredness. The world & people's thoughts do not revolve around me & my image. I'm so glad I just said that in print. I have to remember that I have one life to live, & I want to live it sober. My being an sober alcoholic might be of help to someone someday. I've got to get over this squeamishness about seeing people I know in my previous life (before AA). Anyhow, I'll be thinking about this some more. I hope all is well. Please do not hesitate to share about your meetings or ask questions or say anything at all. Mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

I know how you feel Mary. Today I saw a mother from my kids' school...very Catholic, private upscale school but, then I thought, well....she is here for a reason and I have nothing to be ashamed of.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Hello all! Just a very quick check in before I leave for this morning's AA meeting. Good posts Gyco, Mary and Precious.

I have often caught myself in my own pitty party thinking things like "oh I've had such a rough day why oh why can't I have some wine......?" Basically feeling sorry for myself because I "can't" drink. Not often enough, I have caught myself and come back to reality with the proper thinking that is...given my drinking behavior, I am LUCKY that I haven't killed someone with my car - myself and/or someone else. Drinking truly is serious business.

Well, I have met someone who did kill someone as a result of drinking. I don't know the circumstances, but a woman who I've seen at a few meetings mentioned it yesterday when she talked. Her comments were in the context of "even our long list of horrible things we've done doesn't stop us from drinking..." Her comment was obviously about the most awful thing most of us can imagine happening as a result of our drinking, and she said she still kept drinking. I have no idea how I could ever recovery from that. I have no idea how she has. She must be very strong and have been through a LOT to somehow get past this even a little. She has a tattoo of a face on her right forearm. She said she will see it and have to look at that face if she goes to pick up a drink.

This is another reminder that we are not at a garden pitty party boo hooing over our desires for an itty bitty gwass of wine. We are dealing with a lethal substance that kills.

I never want to find out what it's like to try to forgive myself for killing someone while drunk. And it could have been me....so very many times.

Sorry for the "downer" post but I know I need this reminder from time to time and writing it out helps me remember what I'm dealing with here.

Later......Let's keep it AF!

DG

[hiddengoal]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Wow, DG, I have to go a bit with the serious thread...again sorry for any downer, not only is there the potential to hurt/kill others, but the process of dying an alcoholic death is so not pretty. I watched a man in my early days working in a hospital, who we were caring for in his last days....just waiting for all his blood vessels to leak out all this blood - basic slow bleed. He had 'varicose veins' everywhere - visible and invisible. This was back in the 70's when people stayed in the hospital for extended times.

Many years later, I watched my Mom's alcoholism become physical - she had borderline blood sugar test always, but never labeled diabetic. She ate chocolate when she wasn't drinking (which was not many days in a row), and then she started getting sores on her legs and arms that just would not heal - she always said she gashed her leg on a cardoor or something. She had an enormous stomach, but not just an overweight thing - bloated! It was up high on her middle, around the liver, I suspect. She would lie down and I was always amazed how high up that bloated area was. Then she started with the 'low-iron'. For many years she would get 'epigen shots' to boost her iron. Her hbg would be like 8-9 (should be 12-15), but no one ever suspected where she was bleeding. When she would have periods of being hospitalized for Congestive Heart Failure, we would secretly talk to her doctors about 'her drinking', but they would never give her a diagnosis, or deal with it - she was just a collection of 'other conditions'. But don't the docs put it all together?

Anyway, at the end her blood test show a ridiculous low iron and she was to come for another shot, or even transfusion, but apparently just continued with her plans to go on another cruise. She died on that cruise, internal bleeding, slow blood leak from all the esophageal varicosities (look that up) - varicose veins in the esophagus - common with alcoholism.

So, what's my point with all this description - the disease is ugly - it kills in so many ways. There are moments when just remembering that ugliness can hopefully get one running fast down a different road. A road talked about earlier in the thread - the one of holding sobriety dear - hanging on to the life that comes with sobriety and all the wonderful changes people have been describing here.

I am not going to AA, but am getting a great deal from those of you who are - thank you. Hope its ok to post here anyway - your posts are great triggers.

HG - Day 12

[Chief]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Thanks for all your support....

Friday night we found out my father in law has inoperable lung cancer....both lungs and is in his lymph system....they're going to do 4-6 chemo treatments and then do another ct scan to see if it's doing any good.....but they said it not curable.

Needless to say, my wife is a mess and we're kinda in shock, trying to sort this out....

And yes, I drank yesterday....my wife and I both drank yesterday.....and she doesn't even drink.

We're okay, though....just try to process this...

I won't post on this thread again until I'm ready to tackle this AF again......my head's just not there right now. I just wanted to let you all know what's going on

Don

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Don I'm very sorry to hear about your FIL. I am sending you vibes of hope, healing and strength that I hope reach all the way to you and your family. Thank you for letting us know what's going on. I would mention that alcohol won't improve the situation at all, but I won't as you already know that.....

Thinking of you and your family,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Don: Thank you for your honesty. If you can come here & read at least, it might clarify the situation. Good luck. I just got back from a speaker meeting & took some wonderful things away from it. Just a real message of hope. I think I'm ready to join a group (whatever that means). I'm trying to be more visible. Mary

[caysea]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Hi all
Have been reading daily not to active posting if you saw me type you would know why.I had been very active when I first arrived here but that was an effort I needed to do at the time.I had to post today in regards to DG post which stooped me in my tracks.This is the reality of being an alcoholic placing yourself in a position that can kill yourself or others.I shake thinking of my past and the stupid reckless life I was living.Just dumb luck that I didn't become a statistic.One of my sons childhood friend will be going to jail for the death of a person.He was a good kid from a good family .Lives ruined and this goes on daily.Anyone one of us that has wound up here had better realize that this is life or death and we don't get to many do overs.
The AA tread has been great to help me realize to be as vigilant now as I was on the first day I came here.
Dg I remember we kind of started at the same time and you have done the hard work and it shows.I have also stuck with the workouts and tennis and it has been the difference this time compared to many attempts in the past.The new people I have become friends with through tennis know me as a nondrinker.This is something I am proud of.They have no idea. My old friends are happy for me they new it was a matter of time before my luck would have ran out.
It was the post about that person who has to live with the death that really hit me. This problem we all have has to be dealt with as the most important problem in our life's.Fight the Fight with all you have for your life and maybe for some one else's.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Congrats on coming up on a year's anniversary caysea!

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 20 - 26

Don, sorry to hear the news. Keep on reading and don't go too far from here. We are all here to support you.

One thing AA has given me so far, is how we can't go back to AL, or we will start up right where we left off. Makes the potential for moderating really a large question for me.
But as they say, take it one day at a time and don't worry about the future.
WF