Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

[Chief]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Very interesting stuff....Mary, I can really relate to the woman who spoke last night. I think that's what happened to me. After 20 months, I thought I was staying sober all by myself, I was not taking it one day at a time, and I did lose my fear of the disease. And, looking back, my relapse started long before I had the first drink.....I remember last fall, having dinner at a restaurant with my FIL, he was drinking and I wanted to but didn't. I posted about it and everyone replied and I thought I got through it, but I think I (and The Beast) just put it on the back burner...

Think I'll go to a meeting today.

Day 3 today. I feel pretty good. Had a few moments yesterday, but worked through it. I feel I'm back on track. I'm not fighting anymore. I'm not debating anymore. I'm not drinking anymore.

Have a good day, all...

Don

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Don: Excellent attitude. The woman who spoke last night said that she had to really fight to get back into her committment. For her, it was 180 meetings in 90 days. That's not possible for everyone, but she felt she had to do it. I go to a meeting almost every day. It's a necessity for me at this point. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Don: BTW, I remember that dinner w/FIL last Fall. Mary

[LaBear]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

I can so relate to that woman's story. I was sober for 13 years and thought I was o.k. and could drink again. That was back on New Year's Eve 2000! Boy was I wrong. It took me a while, like several years to once again or for the first time to be a binge drinker! I didn't use AA or anything the first time around. Now I am trying everything and anything to get sober. Not having an easy time either.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Hi all! Mary it sounds like you heard a very good speaker, and oh how relevant is the relapse and fear of relapse discussion! I'm so glad we share about this stuff here. I always get good stuff out of each AA meeting (so long as I look!) and I also get good stuff out of every post here. Several of the old timers describe going to AA meetings as "sober school" which I definitely feel like that! I also like the "distance learning AA sober school" we have going here.

Anyway, that is so interesting about the boxes from the liquor store instead of grocery store...then the lead up and relapse. Yikes. Don, I too remember your posts about the dinner with FIL last fall and some of the subsequent challenge. Interesting thoughts about AL going onto the "back burner" rather than being fully dealt with and eliminated. There is SO much subtle self awareness that goes into long term sobriety I think.

Fear is a GREAT topic. It's sounds like Mary's speaker would say that becoming "fearless" of our alcoholism is not good. On the flip side, one of the reasons I went to AA almost 3 months ago is that I was starting to feel an irrational fear of relapsing. (at least it felt irrational) I suppose there is a balance in the middle where we need to maintain a healthy respect and understanding that relapse is ALWAYS only one drink away. But not in the grip of fear where we cannot live and enjoy our lives to the fullest despite that healthy respect and understanding. Oh well - those are the thoughts rolling through my pea brain about it right now! I hope we all find that proper balance point, and also enjoy the journey on the way.

The Daily Reflection today was the topic of this mornings meeting. Interesting that it is about the 4th Tradition which speaks to the requirements for calling yourself an AA group. Considering the events in yesterdays meeting, it was not surprising that a discussion ensued about the meeting structure, and whether drug addicts (who are not self identified alcoholics too) should be welcome, etc. etc. What spoke to me in a more immediate sense in the reading (even though the discussion in the meeting didn't really move this way) was this part:

As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life
afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the
"ultra-liberty" bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect
has become a lifetime job.
A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline
and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay
for it.
If I am not diciplined from within about my exercise and eating program (I have to contol my impulses to eat a bag of oreos and sleep in instead of exercise) then *I* will pay for it with weight gain, decreased strength, potential illness, etc.

If I am not diciplined from within about my sobriety program (I have to control my impulses to skip checking in at MWO or AA meetings, contol my cravings for sugar which lead me to alcohol cravings, etc.) then *I* will pay for it with a relapse.

I think what this says is that the higher power is there to help me (whatever HP is to me which right now, is more the people at AA with long term sobriety) but not to do ALL of the work for me. I need to show up at meetings. I need to do some work each day reflecting on the teachings of AA and how these things will help me stay sober, etc.

Anyway, that's what leaped off the pages at me while the group was sorting out matters of the group.

Always an education there at sober school!

Don, congrats on Day 3 and your attitude sounds great.

I'm not drinking anymore.

And there you have it!!!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

I agree about the discipline. I've always been a very disciplined person, a very productive worker. However, I haven't been disciplined on my own behalf (if that makes any sense at all). I've been disciplined in terms of living up to my responsiblities to family & friends. So, now, I'm doing what I have to do for myself to heal. When I was busy meeting other peoples' needs (& that includes getting into their business), I was neglecting myself emotionally, physically, & spiritually.

I have a 11th step meeting that I'm going to try tonight. I'm assuming there will be some type of meditation. We'll see...I'm looking forward to it. I don't have a huge problem w/the HP stuff. I just keep doing it (prayer & meditation)...it can't hurt. My own way didn't get me anywhere.

Mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

I had a really great meeting today at 7:30am. It is a big meeting and full of professionals who like to start their day on the right foot. The woman who soke has 20 years this months and she is still as active and still has a tremendous amount of gratitude. Everyone is so supportive at this particular room no matter what time of meeting it is.

I have started writing about my experiences, thoughts and feelings in a journal and my sponsor has me doing a gratitude list everyday.

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

You Are Not Alone

First Things First

Keep It Simple

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

( I know I sound cheesy...like I drank the AA Kool Aid but, I am really embrassing this experience and feel great ! :H )

[okydoky]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Here's a good one I heard at a meeting..."My ego is not my amigo"

Well today is 100 days for me. My 1st meeting was on inauguration day so I get to track my time with the President I came across the jacket to my big book this morning. I had taken it off, folded it and put it in the book when I got it so it would be less conspicuous. I had written the #'s 1-30 and checked one off each day. I wrote "1 week!!!" on day 7 and remembered how phenomenal that was at the time. Those 1st 30 days were tough at times and know I could not have done it without AA.

The cravings have gone but I also see from experience of others that that could change in a heartbeat. I have the tools now and will hopefully use them when needed.

[hiddengoal]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

You guys are all great - I love reading all these posts - thought provoking and real. Thanks!

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Still new to this AA thing and struggling with the fact I may not be able to drink again. I still keep hoping I can moderate in the end, but the more and more you hear, it doesn't seem that way.
WF

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

PPinot: Your gratitude & enthusiasm comes right through as I read your posts. It's so gratifying. Mary

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Winefree;603441 wrote: Still new to this AA thing and struggling with the fact I may not be able to drink again. I still keep hoping I can moderate in the end, but the more and more you hear, it doesn't seem that way.
WF

Winefree, as they say that is the hope and desire of every alcoholic - that one day they will be able to control and enjoy their drinking. For me, that was part and parcel with not being willing to admit that I WAS an alcohol. Once I accepted that I could move forward in developing a sober lifestyle that has no trace of regret about not being able to drink.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Hello everyone!

Precious, I don't think there is anything wrong with being enthusiastic about your AA experience since that's how you feel. I feel much the same way - grateful certainly and also relieved to have finally joined forces with people who KNOW how to stay sober over the long haul, and who have a strong motivation in the AA principles to help me stay sober, and me to help others and so on. For me I suspect the "newness" will wear off a bit at some point, but it hasn't yet and I'm glad for that! I too have found a "favorite" meeting in the morning at 7AM. As with the one you describe, there are lots of people there to get their day going on the right foot. So on the days I can make that one, I always want to.

I too am journaling and finding it very useful to go back and look those over later. Okey, I love your story about finding your book cover! So good to reflect on what it felt like before, and realize how far we have come. And I'm excited about the growth possibilities I have yet to experience.


:yougo:CONGRATS ON 100 DAYS OKEY!!:yougo:

(see, you are more important than the President around here!)

Winefree, like AA I too had a very strong desire (fantasy for me) that someday I could "drink normally." That's really what attracted me to MWO in the first place. I struggled to accept the fact that I will never be able to drink normally, but franky when I finally accepted the truth, it was a huge relief. One less thing to stress out over. I can't drink and that's that.

I have no idea if this is helpful or not, but I don't think truly normal drinkers would have a big issue if they COULDN'T drink again. Mr. Doggy, my best example of a normal drinker wouldn't spend 5 minutes worrying about it if he was told that all the beer is going away and there will never ever be any more on the planet. Or that for whatever reason he can't have any - not one drop - any more. The fact that I had such trouble accepting the notion of "no more drinking ever" speaks volumes to me about why I CAN'T go there - not and have any kind of life. At any rate, I do understand your struggle! That part of this process is not easy. But I think AA (ours and the bigger one LOL) is right when he says we ALL go through those thoughts. So it's certainly normal.

Mary I thought of you today at the meeting - thinking of our posts over the last couple of days about "fake it 'til you make it" and doing what is suggested since our own way didn't work well, etc. The discussion today was based on the 24 Hours a Day reading Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

The A.A. program is one of faith because we find that we must
have faith in a Power greater than ourselves if we are going
to get sober. We're helpless before alcohol, but when we turn
our drink problem over to God and have faith that He can give
us all the strength we need, then we have the drink problem
licked. Faith in that Divine Principle in the universe which
we call God is the essential part of the A.A. program. Is faith
still strong in me?

Meditation For The Day

Each one of us is a child of God, and as such, we are full of
the promise of spiritual growth. A young person is like the
springtime of the year. The full time of the fruit is not yet,
but there is promise of the blossom. There is a spark of the
Divine in every one of us. Each has some of God's spirit that
can be developed by spiritual exercise. Know that your life is
full of glad promise. Such blessings can be yours, such joys,
such wonders, as long as you develop in the sunshine of God's
love.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may develop the divine spark within me. I pray
that by so doing I may fulfill the promise of a more abundant
life.

The lead who happens to also be my sponsor talked about the mustard seed (and actually brought some as a demonstration of how tiny they are) and the bush/tree it eventually grows into. (with pictures of course!) She talked about how ALL you need is the tiniest bit of faith in order for spiritual growth to be possible. Given my HP struggles, this was good news and a positive way to look at things.

While this part wasn't in the 24 hour reading, and sort of unrelated to the mustard seed concept, she also talked about how our words can be deadly weapons. That was very relevant for our group after the incident a couple days ago where the one guy (IMO, inappropriately) dished out a couple of personal attackes during the meeting. Of course she did not mention that incident, but those of us who where there certainly recalled that as part of our reflection on the subject. It was good also to think beyond that specific incident to my own use of my mouth as a weapon, and I can hurt people with it. Taking alcohol out of the equation has helped, but I can STILL work on being more thoughtful about what I say.

Then we had another "dramatic" moment at which point I asked if it was a full moon this week, and it's not. A guy showed up at the club who was absolutely out of his mind crazy. I'm not clear on whether he was in very bad DT's or was very drunk or high or both. A few of the guys from the meeting kept him outside and had to actually wrestle him to the ground for his own safety. They held him there while waiting for the police to come. Thankfully, the police called an ambulance - the right thing to do as this man obviously needed some medical attention - he was truly a danger to himself (threatening suicide) and others in that condition.

A part of me initially reacted to this with some "oh geez what have I gotten myself into around here" thinking, and of course that came with some of the seemingly requisite "I've NEVER been THAT bad thinking." I'm grateful for what I have learned in AA so far though. Because I was able to catch that thinking and turn to the truth. I am an alcoholic and that could have been me out there - literally losing my mind. It was only a matter of time to get to that place, or dumb luck that I haven't been there already. That and worse can happen to any of us alkies.

I was also once again amazed at the calm and mature reaction on the part of the men who helped contain the crazy one until help arrived. This guy was SCREAMING obscenities and vitriol at the people trying to help him. Like the pea soup in The Excorcist movie. These guys just stayed calm and did what had to be done -seemingly without resentment. I don't care what walk of life these people came from - I feel honored to walk among them now. (OK - I know that sounds sappy but it's true) I hope the crazy man is OK once he gets medical attention.

Anyway, all that before 8AM! This grateful alcoholic is happy to be sharing this journey to sobriety with you all today.

DG