Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

DG: What an incredible story about the out-of-it guy being subdued by the AAers! I've seen a few guys I thought might be drunk at meetings...in fact, just last Tues., there was one who was very unsteady on his feet. Nobody said a negative word to him. I wouldn't be surprised if someone offered to take him home after the meeting.

I too still have certain feelings at meetings:
-"Do I really belong here?"
-"What have I gotten myself into?"
-"I'm not that bad." My old favorite.
However, AA is keeping me sober...in fact, it's keeping the drinking thoughts from coming in. I can't argue w/that. Yes, I do belong at AA. Drinking an entire 1.5 L bottle of wine in a day is NOT normal drinking regardless of how I try to rationalize it. Drinking to black-out most of the time is NOT normal drinking. Feeling guilty & shameful about drinking is NOT normal.

Every now & then I need a reality check. I am an alcholic...end of story, period.

I have a meeting tonight, & I think I'm going to "join" this group. I'm going w/a young woman friend.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

AAers et. al.: I just got back from my meeting. I did join this meeting as I committed to. All that means is that I stayed for the business meeting & agreed to lead a meeting (i.e. read the preamble) on May 14th. There wasn't very much business to discuss. I wrote my name, phone #, & sobriety date on a piece of paper & gave it to the head guy leading the business meeting. This feels big to me. People are beginning to know my name. I've collected my one month chips at the various meetings that give them. That put me in the spotlight & made me visible. This is how AA works for me. The more I come out of myself (break my isolation), the more strongly I feel about my recovery.

I hope all is well w/everyone. We're having guests for dinner tomorrow night...it happens to be my sponsor, so NO alcohol will be served. That feels so neat to me.

I'm a happy woman tonight.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

AAthelete and DG, thanks for your perspectives on my "wish" to moderate or drink in the future. I hear what you are both saying and trying to take it in, but it seems too soon for me.
I am staying AF for now and trying to learn more about AA as each day passes.
Basically taking it ODAT.

WF

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

WF, the hurdle you are struggling with is not an easy one, and I really think we all go though it one way or another. Just keep the faith that life is OH so much better without alcoholic level drinking going on in it. The occassional urges and cravings, and even the BAD days with tons of cravings are nothing compared to the guilt, remorse and hangovers of heavy drinking. At least that's true for me.

Mary it's so interesting hearing about the difference and of course similarities in the meetings. It sounds like the leader of the meetings reads the preamble where you go? Or the readers are scheduled in advance? Where I go, the books / papers for the preamble, how it works, promises, Daily Reflections and 24 Hours and Day are randomly around the table, and whoever would like to read grabs one of them, or sometimes you don't even notice and sit down in front of one and end up reading it. (or passing it to someone else) The meetings start with all those readings, the whoever is chairing the meeting welcomes newcomers, invites people to speak up about birthdays and anniversaries, does any announcements related to the group or club, then starts the "meat" of the meating. Sometimes thats' with a lead related to one of the readings (24 hours or Relfections), or if it's a book study, we start going around the table each reading a paragraph or two of whatever material we are reading that day. Then either of those are followed by group discussion either around the table in turn, or "speak as the spirit moves you."

It sounds like your group might have more speaker meetings. The club has speaker meetings whenever they have events (like the corned beef and cabbage party at St. Pat's Day and an upcoming Sock Hop). They also have a speaker meeting which is an open meeting on Sundays, but that's later in the day than the meeting I go to. There are always speaker meetings on a larger scale being mentioned in the announcements at various places around the Chicago area - some more "local" to my exact town than others. I do want to start going to them as I know there are some very good speakers I am missing.

Anyway, congratulations on getting more involved and getting to know people. I love reading about your progress and it's a kick in the butt to me that I'm too lax on working the steps. I just need to get more disciplined about it. (did I spell discipline right this time????)

Anyway..

Last night Mr. D and I went to a Chamber of Commerce business after hours. This one was at the local hospital - they recently completed a big expansion project and hosted this event as part of their effort to "show" the new facilities to the community. Not the sort of environment where even the hard core drinkers drink a lot. In the old days I probably would have been the one the people serving the drinks were talking about. I probably would have been pretending to be getting drinkers for other people as well as me to try to "cover up" and of course we all know how well that stuff works. Anyway, it was nice to just have diet sprite and stay sober and clear headed.

That meeting was very close to the Alano club, and there is a 4PM meeting so it was very convenient to just leave early and go to a AA meeting first, then to the business event. Funny - two other people were doing the same thing as me. I felt a bit awckward (sp) about how to "interact" with them at the Chamber event but there are so many people at those events that we just sort of nodded to each other and moved on. I suppose that was OK. I also think that sort of thing will get more comfortable with time. We are all in both of these places for reasons in common.

One of the guys who helped subdue the crazy one until he could be taken to the hospital was around the club when I was there for the 4PM meeting. He said the guy was doing much better on medication and he had talked to the guy's wife and the immediate crisis was passed. I don't know if I would be a big enough person to follow up like that with his family if I had been threatened and screamed at (you *f*ing *a*hole nigger nigger nigger - yes it was that bad) like that. I have a lot of growing up to do.

I'm not sure if I will go to the 10:30 or 4PM meeting today - a few things are still up in the air schedule wise. But I will be going.

Have a great day all!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

The meeting I joined was strictly a step & tradition meeting. Last night's meeting was on trad 4 - keeping meetings autonomous, so it makes sense that meetings are going to vary a little. I do go to speaker meetings which I really like.

I think it'll get easier seeing "outside" people at meetings. They're going through the same thing as we are..."how do I react to her when I just saw her at AA?" Anyhow, I keep thinking that a year from now, I'll have a different perspective.

yes, discipline
awkward

Mary

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Winefree, taking it one day at a time is a great place to start. The fact that you have your foot in the door speaks volumes to your commitment to beating this disease.

This reading was from today's Daily Reflections and I thought I would share. It really struck a chord with me and reminded me of the effort that I had to be willing to go to to get sober.

.... It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace.

By revealing my secrets - and thereby ridding myself of guilt - I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

AAth: I read that today. It really struck home for me. I'm in the process of finishing my step 4 & will have to do step 5 w/my sponsor. I'm determined to get all my secrets out, because I know those are what keep me sick ("you're only as sick as your secrets"). mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Congratulations on working up to step 5 Mary. My friend who just went through it said it took alot out of her but, after 2 days she felt an enormous weight lifted.

[QUOTE]
However, AA is keeping me sober...in fact, it's keeping the drinking thoughts from coming in. I can't argue w/that. Yes, I do belong at AA. Drinking an entire 1.5 L bottle of wine in a day is NOT normal drinking regardless of how I try to rationalize it. Drinking to black-out most of the time is NOT normal drinking. Feeling guilty & shameful about drinking is NOT normal.

Every now & then I need a reality check. I am an alcholic...end of story, period.[/QUOTE


I am right there with you sister!!! I could have written that. I think we are in the right place. Let's just be thankful are "bottom" was as high as it was. It could have been way worse.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

AA, Mary, and PP, I don't think I am truly there yet, but I am working towards it. The steps seem so deep and introspective, I'm not sure I can do all that. Secrets, feelings, etc not sure what to think about all that.

WF

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

AA, thanks for sharing that quote. It hit home for me too - in fact I used the yellow highlighter on that very last sentence during the meeting. And I haven't highlighted a whole lot in that particular book yet!

Winefree, I think it's important to take things at a pace you feel comfortable with. The important thing is to not drink. I think we tackle all these deeper issues as we are ready, and clear headed enough (aka sober) to do it.

There is a woman who comes sometimes to meetings at the club where I go, and she happened to show up at the meeting I went to yesterday. She is 16 years sober and a retired attorney. She often talks about us all being equal around the AA table - booze knows no boundaries. She has a saying I really like. "You have reached your bottom when you decide to stop digging." I don't know if that is an AA'ism or her own 'ism but I like it.

I'm going to my first business meeting today - it's of the group I meet with about 4X per week - more if there is a holiday in there and one of my morning business meetings is cancelled. This is the meeting where all the drama occurred this week (out of line senior guy and crazy guy). There is not much to talk about crazy guy other than review "emergency procedures" for that type of situation. But I think someone is going to make a suggestion about switching from "speak as the spirit moves you" to taking turns around the table as our format, and since I think that would be a positive change for this group I'm going to go and vote if that comes up. I am determined to keep my mouth shut otherwise. I am too new to be trying to 'take over' and that is often my instinct in these sorts of things. So it will be good practice keeping a lid on it.

After the business meeting is the regular meeting and on Saturdays it's Big Book Study which is always good. Then after that a group of women are getting together at one person's house. This is the first time for that so I dont' know what it will be like. It's not for an "AA meeting" per se - just a get together. I like the ladies that I know are going, so it might be a good opportunity to make some new friends outside of the meetings. We'll see - I'm looking forward to it.

Have a great day all!! No more digging here.

DG

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Have fun DG! I am off to my son's 1st communion and I am grateful I know it will be sober day for me and I can be fully "present" for my son on his special day.

Have a great day everyone and stay sober!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Congratulations PP to you and your son. Thinking about being sober AND not worried about the next drink for the loved ones really makes me smile. It's so different from being sober, but probably hungover and aggitated waiting for the opportune moment to get the drinking underway. Yes..."present."

The meeting this morning kicked off reading Chapter 4 of the Big Book - the Chapter to the agnostic. This is a good one for me given my struggles with HP, and what the means to me. My book is still in the car otherwise I would mention the page number, but the word "willingness" ready stood out for me. "Willing" is a very popular word in the AA world and I'm starting to really appreciate it. All I have to do is be willing to consider things and be open to ideas. That's all. That's good.

Well, time to get outdoors and enjoy the day!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

DG: I like the take-turns-around-the-table style of sharing rather than the taking of hands. Taking turns allows the shyer people a chance to share & the bolder people a chance to listen. I went to a business meeting on Thurs. Being a teacher, I'm accustomed to meetings...it was pretty simple as meetings go.

PP: You seem to be doing so well. I agree w/the woman in DG's group about a bottom. Eveyone's bottom is where he/she says it is. We don't have to be living under a bridge or be in jail to hit bottom. For me, bottom was hiding & lying all the time.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

meeting on the BB tonight. Read the chapter about the woman who hid AL in the hamper and drank at home. Boy did that hit me hard. I mostly drank at home, while cooking supper. Hiding the empty bottles to make it look like I wasn't drinking as much. I could control my drinking outside the home and didn't get drunk.
Left my husband feeling alone and abandoned and I wonder why he walked out.

Several others talked about how they could relate to that reading as well. Amazing, but you feel so unique about this problem until you go to AA and hear others stating the same things. Who knew?

[cymru]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 27 - May 3

Hi all. Great reading through the thread as always. Its a great addition to the forum.
Went to a meeting last night that was talking about step 8 and 9. When I first went to making my amends I was ready and raring to talk to everyone. Spoke to my parents first and then my partner. Both went reall well, and i figured I was on a roll. So I decided to speak to my partners mother, who I had upset both with my own actions and my actions towards my partner. I was prompley told that she would not talk to me, and had no desire to in the near future. This really put me off kilt, and I wondered how I would ever finish my steps.
I spoke to my sponser and my AA friends, and realised that these amends dont have to be completed in a month, a couple of months or even years. They are an on going process. In time, I have found that I am adding to my amends list all the time.
My parents and partner were there throughout my drinking, both the during and the remorse after, where as my partners mum only saw the destruction of my drinking. 2 months was not long enough for her to accept my intent to stay sober and abstinent from drink and drugs. It may take years for her to accept my alcoholism. she may never accept it. This is something I accept. I have no anger or resentment towards it. ODAT.
Thanks you all for your posts. A great thread.