AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Happy Tuesday ABerooooos!

thanks for the nice kickstart Hiddengoal!

why I drank alcoholically? I'm convinced that it's mostly genetic/biological. The first time I drank more than a swig, at age 10 (2 beers fast) something 'clicked' quite ominously in my brain. didn't have to learn it, didn't have to be stressed, lonely or anything.....just like magic it was my favourite thing in the whole world.

back later....darn work

be well friends

[Loppy lugs]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Evening all,

Keep going sausage, being aware is part of the solution. Also I can't remember where I got it from but I have a note in my memorable quotes pad..... Watch out, sober alcoholics plan to drink long before they actually do..... I don't know if that is true but I know I stopped planning how not to.

I drank / want to drink because I am useless at dealing with emotions. Stress in particular. Today is another bad day. Yesterday we found a lump under the leg on one of the buns. She has the all clear now but with a 6 inch scar. Even when I found out that she would be fine, I still wanted to come home and drink myself to oblivion. Obviously I didn't and won't because......

Also feel very lonely and a total fraud this time. I am a secret drinker so only 3 people know about my relapse. This evening I came home to a lovely card from my baby sister and her husband telling me how proud they are of me and congratulating me on completeing what "must have been a very difficult year" I can't describe how crap I feel at letting them down, even if they don't know.

Anyway enough of self pity for now. I am now back on the wagon and have the first week under my belt.

Sleep tight everyone.

[lilmea]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Why we drink/drank/drunk the way we do........

Anger is a biggie for me. I usually get angry over something I have absolutely no control over. Which would then make me even more angry. It is amazing how the longer I'm AF the clearer I see things and the less angry I get.

Congrats on 30 days Mary!

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Quick fly by. Just wanted to say hi to all.

I have been sober today and am damned grateful for it.

Love,
Cindi

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

It's a little late in the day for a post, but the rest of this week is going to be just as busy as the past 2 days so.....

OMG--my brain is so full of information, statistics, ideas, etc. These meetings were training by the Youth Leadership Institute on CMCA:Communities Mobilizing for Change on Alcohol.
I learned that although educating people is great--it doesn't do much about the problem of under-age drinking, drinking and driving, and procurring for minors, nor binge drinking. This particular "model" addresses alcohol access by minors as something that needs to be focused on and dealt with in the community. There were representatives from several coalitions and some have been active for awhile now, so I think we can utilize some of their ideas for our group also. We will be starting by getting some brochures made up with statistics about underage drinking, taken from surveys from OUR kids. We have an event coming up (the one I had my last drunk at) where we will participate in the parade, and have a booth set up. It will be very interesting to see how the community (parents) accept this coalition and its efforts. She really stressed the importance that people know we are concerned with under-age drinking--not the adults. There has always been a conundrum about letting older kids drink at home, with their parents where they can be supervised. But statistics show they tend to drink elsewhere as they get older. Personally I think it could be a guilt issue with parents--I drink, how can I tell them Not to. Well, you can tell them it's AGAINST THE LAW! There are also "social host" laws in some states that hold people accountable if they serve alcohol in their home and something bad happens. Here anyway it is legal for a minor to drink in their own home--but someone has to provide the alcohol--so can the parents be arrested once the kid leaves home--yep! But, there are loopholes, apparently the kids say they were drinking at home--the parents back them up--and they get out of trouble. I really wonder if we can reach at least some of the parents that think the right thing to do is let their kids get it out of their system by letting them drink at home. It needs to become unacceptable behavior--period!
Anyway--they've asked me to come to their regional coalition meeting here Friday. What have I gotten myself into??:H I may have found my special purpose (as Steve Martin would say in The Jerk).:H
After my brain recuperates, and I think of more, I'll fill you in if you are still interested that is.
Have a good evening all!:h

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Hi All.

I feel the need to jump back in with the AF'ers. While my AL consumption is nowhere near what it was pre MWO, I know I'm using it as 'anaesthetic'.

Mr Sweats is a major trigger in that I resent the fact that he has a job he loves and does well at, but I feel like I've given up so much of myself to 'enable' him to have what he wants. I keep quiet most of the time as looking from the outside we have a great life, but underneath I am just so so resentful and its like a tight knot of fury that I have to keep repressed, and alcohol does the job.

I have half a bottle of red in the fridge that I'm going to put into a casserole and then get back to the business of making a life for myself/us that includes some of MY ambitions/dreams etc.

Sorry, self indulgent and philosophical but I needed to vent.

Bxx

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Well, it is the end of this day AND near the end of this thread. SO MUCH placed on here today - wow. I hope hearts are lighter. It seems most of us are just trying to find ways to deal with the stuff of life...the stuff that hurts, the stuff that worries, the stuff that brings joy, the stuff that pulls apart and pulls together. It IS less lonely knowing that I am/was NOT ALONE in self-medicating myself with wine, in trying to find solace from life in a golden nectar.

Sausage - I am ENVIOUS of where you are - stay there - it sounds like you have created a life that is healthy and rewarding...daily. Working out, getting fit, keeping head clear...you are inspiring and will keep with it. Just don't fret about timelines - its always ODAT.

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Sweaty Betty;602781 wrote:

I keep quiet most of the time as looking from the outside we have a great life, but underneath I am just so so resentful and its like a tight knot of fury that I have to keep repressed, and alcohol does the job.

Oh Oh Oh...I know many get the heart-sting reading this, SB. I know so well the fury you speak of and that notion that it looks good from the outside. That just makes it all more lonely doesn't it? Now, we just have to find the way to relationships that comfort us - and when we are real with ourselves, and those around us, I have to believe the relationships will warm up. Keep 'venting' SB - we are here for you.

HG

[peacenik]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

betty, i hear you 100%...i often feel like i gave up my life to be married and think i drank alot to mask the resentment i had...now i know that i have to live my life regardless and in the marriage that i chose to be in...i love my husband 100%, but our situatiuon is difficult (living in the middle of NOWHERE!!!), and i can become resentful if i let myself, even though i chose the situation.
i'm not saying i drank because of the marriage, i drank before we got married, but i definitely upped my intake out of boredom and resentment about everything i gave up.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Hi all! A couple of things I just can't resist posting to this great thread....

Loppy, I absolutely believe that we plan to relapse long before we do. Stopping planning to NOT drink would certainly constitute a plan TO drink for me. If I stopped coming 'round MWO at all and stopped going to AA meetings with some BS story that "I don't need that now - I'm over it..." For ME that would take me several steps closer to the first drink, and then the game would be over after Sip One. I have to stay very aware of what my pea brain is doing at all times. It still wants a fix. Also, for me drinking involved lies on SO many levels. Not just lying about how many drinks I'd had or what time I started. Trivial lies, significant lies, lies all over the place to "protect" my ability to drink as my #1 priority. And it feels like crap. I'm not looking forward to making direct amends for much of that stuff, but I know in my heart it will be a huge weight off my shoulders in addition to the weight already gone by not lying / drinking today.

LVT I am very interested in continued updates about your community meetings. On the surface it seems so straight forward - stop under age kids from drinking. But it sounds like as you dig into the details, there might be lots of conflicting feelings on the part of some parents. Looking in the mirror? Some parents who need to see drinking as "harmless fun" so they can avoid acknowledging a problem? (LOL I'm just trying to think of it as I would have thought of it while I was actively drinking.,....and that would have surely been different than I would see it today if I did have kids...)

Sweaty B, I can absolutely relate to your feelings re: Mr. Sweaty. We had a similar situation here with Mr. D and our business back when I was still working my corporate job and helping fund his dream. I did not view things in a healthy way and he didn't either. I can feel the slow burn. It fueled my drinking which was a viscious downward spiral. I HAVE to have a clear and sober head to even begin to communicate with Mr. D about issues like this. And I'm still not good at it and hence leave stuff unsaid much of the time that I really need to talk with him about eventually. But things are SO SO SO much better and more honest between us now that I don't drink and he doesn't get high. And yes - I think part of it is finding our own passions and dreams - not just supporting theirs. I need to be completely sober for that too otherwise I tend to "bottledream" (Big Talk / Plans while tipsy) but never actually DO anything to figure out what I want and take steps to get there.

Greetings also to everyone else who posted later on. This has been a thought provoking thread for me touching on a range of issues that connect me to AL. Thank you for all the sharing that we do here! It helps me a great deal.

DG

[Angelcakes]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 28

Doggygirl;602901 wrote:
I tend to "bottledream" (Big Talk / Plans while tipsy) but never actually DO anything to figure out what I want and take steps to get there.

DG

Oh geez, that's the first time someone's articulated that for me...I do it often. Amazing how just realising this is the start to resolving it..
Thanks DG
xo