AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

[SAUSAGE]

Morning all - marking and running!!

Another beautiful sunny day here in UK. My nearly 5 year old is off on a school trip to a local activity farm and is SO EXCITED about it! Isn't it great how kids have natural "highs" and really feel the excitement witout the need for alcohol to give them a buzz.

I caught the end of yesterdays thread and took particular note of a point that several of you made - that being that alcoholics plan to drink and relapse long before they actually do. I am certain that this is so true and that is why my recent "drinking thoughts" have scared me. I'm feeling more positive today and looking forward to my 6 month sobriety anniversary on Sunday.

Take care and have a good day everyone !

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Good morning Sausage! It's awesome to see you here marking and running! Thanks for getting us started today.

Yesterday I procrastinated several things that I need to get done. I'll blame the rainy day. It's supposed to be better today - partly cloudy. But even if it pours buckets I need to carry on and get my stuff done!

Mr. Doggy and I made some important decisions over dinner last night about some actions and also investments we think we need to make in our business to continue finding new clients, especially in this craptacular economy. It's good to reflect on that discussion and be grateful that I was sober, making it even possible to talk about that over dinner. Of course I came away with more action items making it doubly important that today NOT be a procrastination day!!

Since I don't have any business referral groups this morning, it's a good one to get my workout done as soon as Curves opens, then get to a 7AM AA meeting, then get on with the day. So that's what I'm off to do!

Sausage, I hope the Beast is leaving you alone today.

ETA: Now I went back and your post was there! Yes, I totally agree that subconsciously our relapses are well planned. One of the reasons I decided to check out AA was that deep down, I was feeling some sort of gripping, seemingly irrational fear of relapse. LOL - AA has gotten me thinking about so many other things (humility, pride, ego, honesty, etc. etc.) I don't have time to be afraid of AL these days. So that's all good. But that fear sure feels real and is no fun. And I'm sure it's there for a reason to warn us that something WRONG is going in subconsciously or something. Mean time, your story about your son's excitement over his field trip put a smile on my face for today!

Hello to all yet to come.

DG

[retteacher]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Sausage: Regarding relapse. I left a pretty long post on the AA thread about it. I went to a speaker meeting last night, & the speaker talked about a relapse she had (which she said she knew was in the works for quite some time). A discussion about relapse ensued, & it was very interesting.

I'm doing well but know that I must renew my committment to my sobriety each & every day. I cannot begrudge myself anything I do that gets me closer to that daily goal (meetings, reading, MWO, etc.). For me, sobriety takes work & effort. It's not a natural act. My husb doesn't even think about AL, drinking, or staying sober, so his goals lie in other areas. I, on the other hand, am in a life/death struggle w/alcoholism. It sounds dramatic, but it's true. I'm at an age where drinking would adversely affect my health in a very short time. It's a poison being poured into my aged body. If I want to see my g-children grow up, I've got to stay sober. End of story. No equivocation.

Anyhow, I'll close on that note. I hope all is well w/everyone. I'll check back later.

Mary

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Good Morning all you Brave Souls -

Just checking in before the day takes off and I am running to catch it! I don't like viewing life this way, but its just plain old hard and we lose that 5 year old enthusiasm WAY too soon. I loved hearing about your 5 yr old, Sausage, and will try to carry that through my day - thanks.

MIL passed last night - it was expected and she had been hanging on. She went peacefully with 3 of her children by her side. It is a blessing and a grace for a very kind soul who was my kids grandma. We will be gathering and the family is large. There will be drink, but I am not worried - I will have gingerale, will take walks, and try NOT to indulge in inner criticism when I watch the others USE al in an unproductive way.

My 14 yr old son will be a pallbearer - a coming of age, or coming into manhood moment, I think it will be. There will be many smiles, much laughter, some tears and hugs. This is a very good family and I feel lucky to be a part. It will be fine.

So, I am wishing you all a day like a 5 year old going on a field trip - much enthusiasm and joy.

[dill]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Sausage, thanks for the reminder of the five year old's natural high. You put a smile on my face as well!

DG, I can so relate to your gratitude for being truly present at your business meeting with your husband. Life is so much fuller when the shroud of alc is removed.

Have a great day Sausaage and DG and all to come.

[dill]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Ooops! Cross-posted Mary and HG: Good morning to you!

[retteacher]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

HG: What a gift you MIL has of having a loving DIL & g-kids. Mary

[Cinders]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Good Morning all.

HG, so sad your MIL passed but glad the suffering is over. :l

Have to rush, packing for an unexpected trip. Guess I best check the weather before I do.

Hope all have a wonderful AF day.

Love,
Cindi

[lilmea]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

sobriety takes work & effort. It's not a natural act

Mary-That really struck a cord with me this morning. That's why I must always remember to put my sobriety first above everything else. Sometimes it seems like such work but it is so worth it.

Sausage-You are sounding positive today. You are doing a great job of telling the beast NO!

DG-My HB is retiring in 2 days. I am also grateful for being able to deal with the many important decisions in a clear and sober way. There are so many things I am grateful for right now.


HG-It sounds as if you had a great relationship with your MIL. You sound as if you made a good plan for yourself to help you get through this difficult day. Stay strong.

Dill-It's always good to hear from you.

I hope everyone else who follows a great day.

[lilmea]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

hi Cinders-cross post

[LVT25]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Good morning friends,

Thanks for the inspiration this morning sausage, and for the lovely post hidden. The rest of my week is filled up to the brim. I posted late yesterday about my meetings on the alcohol coalition in case you're interested.

Have a great day all! :h

[Skywriter]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Hi to all! I am new and just trying to stay connected here. I have to say lilmea, I have been working your adage "One drink is too many..." for the past 3 days as i see the half bottle of wine sitting on my counter, like an enemy, like a trophy... I realize that if I dump it, and get a craving I will go buy another and THAT will suffice, but the half empty... is surely not enough.
Last nite as my little boy acted up and blabbed and would NOT shut up... I REALLY wanted to throw that wine down my gullet...but I saw that bottle and said nope...that won't do...So I breathed in and out very heavily and slowly and got over the urge....and aggravation.
Thankyou everyone for all your words of encouragement and wisdom

[retteacher]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Sky: Good for you. I know that if I had a half bottle on the counter & drank from it, I'd be in the car in a minute to go out & buy another to completely satisfy my addiction. One drink is too many for me as well, as I cannot stop once I start. So, it's better not to start. Don't hesitate to share here. Mary

[Cinders]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Yep, me too, Mary and Sky.

In my case it is amazing how many times I have driven BLACKED OUT to buy some more. God has been watching over me because I could have killed people so many times.

One is too much for this girl.

Love,
Cindi

[momof3]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

One Year AF

Hello All,

I hit my one year AF mark last week and I wanted to share this with folks in my favorite thread: AF Daily.

I hope this gives inspiration to all of you who are struggling. The AF journey and all of the ups and downs it brings is so worth it.

Here are some things that I have accomplished this year as a result of NOT drinking:

- I am no longer on antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication.
- I've lost almost 20 lbs
- I am exercising 5 - 6 times per week
- I recently ran a half-marathon and two 10 mile races
- I have unlimited amounts of energy
- I joined a church
- I am wildly busy with my business

So, those are the concrete changes, but there is also a more subtle and in some ways more powerful transformation that is taking place. For example, I find that I have become much less reactive. I am more able to take the time to think over things before responding or acting.

My self-esteem is stronger and this has many, many benefits. I was not aware how I was living with an underlying feeling of shame about my addiction. This impacted my social life (I was pretty reclusive at the end there) and my ability to stand up for myself and my children. I am so much more assertive now and in a very constructive way.

The roller coaster of emotions and the tendency to get sucked into drama that was a strong part of my addiction is much less strong. The pattern used to be: Create drama (or get sucked into drama); tell myself a story (e.g., I can't take this crap anymore, this is too much for me, etc); and then drink to cope.

And, it has not been easy. I have been through the attempted suicide of my only sibling (both parents are gone), his subsequent hospitilizations, and loss of job; the terminal illness of a close childhood friend; and the ongoing support and care of another dear friend who is seriously ill. But, I am learning that this is life in all of its glory and the best thing that I can do is to be fully present. As my dear friend says, "you can't fake showing up." And, you can't show up when you're a drunk.

I attribute my ongoing sobriety to the support that I have received here. Early on when I was "white knuckling" it, someone here told me that I couldn't keep my life the way it was MINUS the alcohol. So, I have worked hard at creating a life that has no room for alcohol and that has been key for me.

I am not fooled into thinking that I have this thing licked. I am humbled by the power that Al has over me and know that I cannot have one drink.

I wish all of you strength in your journey. I is not easy but it is essential.

Be well,
M3