AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

[peacenik]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

ugh...i need to get this off my shoulders...i drank 1.5 bottles of wine on monday night.
i was sure in my head all day that i would drink that night, and i did nothing, absolutely nothing to fight it. i went into the store and bought the 1st bottle, went home and downed it in 2 hours, walked back and got another, poured the large glass (about 1/2 the bottle), dumped the rest in the sink and proceeded to drink and cry alone as i did when i was actively drinking everyday. it really made me feel the vulnerability that i will always have to alcohol deeply and profoundly.
i don't think i'll ever say "i'll never drink again" again, as i can't know that to be true.
i don't feel the urge at all now, and i don't want to drink at all anymore, but i also need to be ready when a day like that comes around again. i avoided coming here, because i didn't want to be talked out of it, or praised for doing well so far...i just wanted to be drunk...

so, i'll be around more and cherish my sobriety and really live in the moment with the tools i have learned here. in know what i need to do to maintain my sobriety, it's just a matter of never havong that 1st drink no matter how i'm feeling that day.

thanks for listening...i will be listening alot and feeling grateful for everyone's words of wisdom in this thread.

peace

[Chief]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Morning everyone...

Day 3 here.....feel pretty good. I feel relieved to feel like I'm not struggling anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know it's only Day 3 and there will be some discomfort, but mentally, I'm not fighting anymore. I know I this physical discomfort will pass....all I have to do is not drink.

I have learned a valuable lesson. It is, and always will be, one day at a time......and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean it must be a battle everyday...it just means I have to be aware everyday. I let my guard down and The Beast was there...waiting.

Go2....I'm glad you are here. I'm sorry about your MIL, but I'm proud of you. Stay close the next few days....:l

Don

[peacenik]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

we all have shit to bear, huh?

momof3...CONGRATS! i neede your enthusiasm this morning...way to go and words of wisdom to boot!

chief, i hear you...wise words as well.

[Chief]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Momof3....what a great post! This is what we all need to hear and remember.....Congratulations on your success!

Peace......I'm glad you posted. I can feel your remorse and can certainly relate. It's not okay what you did, but it's over and I can see you don't want to "go back there"....
It's amazing how we can let our AF minds "disengage" and allow The Beast to take over the controls......I am learning to recognise that feeling of not really thinking the way I want to be thinking. I can almost physically feel the difference when The Beast is trying to take the controls away from me......the key is to actually STOP the thinking and take the controls back. Easier said than done, I know, but it's also easier to learn to do than we think.....you have to give yourself the power and authority to do so. Hope this makes sense...

Stay close....and post....

Don

[retteacher]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Momof3: Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Thank you so much. I love that you said that you can't have your old life minus the AL. So true. I'm so scared of change that's just what I wanted but can't have. By going to meetings & reaching out to others, I'm beginning to reshape my life. It's so much easier to stay in my house & drink than to gather together friends & go to a museum or take the g-kids to the park or anything else active. But, is easier better? Not for me. Also, there's no way I can be assertive & drinking. Assertiveness (the non-reactive, non-defensive kind) takes thought, energy, & a real feeling of self-worth. No-can-do if the shame of drinking is lurking. I'm going to read your post again later just to rethink it.

Peacenik: What can I say? I've done that so many times. What finally worked for me was to do something different. I love, love, love MWO, but it wasn't enough to stop the relapsing. I needed something a little more in-your-face (i.e. sobriety partners). I certainly haven't arrived. I struggle to fight that feeling of wanting to lose myself. But, I'm much, much stronger & more committed. My friends & family are watching, & I can't let myself (or them) down.

Don: Keep coming.

Mary

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Mom of 3 - good to hear from you

That was such an inspirational and motivating post - thank you. I'm really struggling at the moment as I approach my 6 month mark, despite noticing many positive changes in my life similar to you ie weight loss, more energy, increased fitness, more time for family, more hobbies etc. You have inspired me to keep going

Thanks again everyone for all your support and positive comments - my witching hour approaches but i'm sipping a cup of tea - i'll be back later

[Determinator]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Top of the world ABeroooooos!

just a quick 'heyo!' until I get back from the road

i met a really nice family yesterday afternoon and they don't drink! wow.

be well

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

SAUSAGE;603161 wrote: I'm really struggling at the moment as I approach my 6 month mark, despite noticing many positive changes in my life ....

Thanks again everyone for all your support and positive comments - my witching hour approaches but i'm sipping a cup of tea - i'll be back later

Sausage, I am so intrigued by your comments lately, as you approach the 6 month mark. You call it a 'witching hour' - that is curious to me. Why is that? Did you have a thought when you started AF that you would do it for 6 months and reevaluate? Is 6 months a benchmark from previous AF stints? I am curious because I have not made it that far ever, and I am not sure that is even in my plan, but I just wonder if there are magic timeframe we set for ourselves and why we do that.

I know I am uncomfortable at this early stage DECLARING anything. I suspect I am in for the 30 days, but I go crazy when I try to think too far ahead. It REALLY is ODAT and ODAT always, no matter what timeframe is approaching or has past....at least that is how it seems to me now.

Thank you M3 for all the great inspiration and encouragement.

Day 15, but whose counting?

[speedster]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

M3 Congratulations on your transformation. You're absolutely right it's not the old life minus alcohol. A lot of habits have to change.

Peace - do reflect on the 100+ day you HAVE been AF this year. You will learn from these slips and will succeed in overcoming the Beastly thoughts.

I'm reading "Freedom From Addiction" it suggests taking a few minutes as you go to bed and reflect on what you 1st thought about as you wake up and move forward through the day's events. When you run into a part of the day where you felt peak negative/positive emotions, stop and reflect on what made you feel that way and how you handled it.

I had a nice walk with a friend this evening. What I noticed most is there were no thoughts of "will she notice my breadth if I have one beer before we walk" or "I'll wait 'til she leaves and have a beer then". No AL thoughts.

I planted seeds in the garden last Thursday, the green beans, lima beans, and peas are starting to show sprouts. Starting to see some lettuce babies too!

[july232007]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Momof3 good jod on a navigation of the year.

Chief, keep at it as you know you can, believe and live it.

Great to catch up on some of the posts.

Hello abbers,

July

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily Wed April 29th 09

Hi All,

Mom of 3 - inspirational, thank you.

Peace - I admire you for 'confessing', I drank the rest of the bottle of red I had last night. I'd told Mr Sweats about my 'ball of furious resentment', I just told him because I wanted him to know. He began to tell me about the things he would do differently (e.g. sell the mbike he's kept for 2 years but not ridden) but I stopped him. It makes things worse when he promises but doesn't deliver. We did have a great family chat later with the boys, at the dinner table, doesn't happen often with the Teens, but they were on top form. Apparently we're quite cool parents except for our early curfew times. That's ok then!

I really get a lot from reading the posts here, and I'm sorry if I don't mention everyone individually. x