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Friday, August 18th

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    #16
    Friday, August 18th

    Greetings All,
    I'm going to my psychiatrist today...haven't seen her in 2-3 years....I love her! She's so smart and gives me good feedback on my feelings, thoughts and issues. I have seen her for depression and anxiety issues. Today I will tell her about my drinking problem, and hope to have a good and honest discussion about abs vs. mods, supplements and drugs. I've mentioned my drinking to her a few years ago... she suggested 30 days abs, and then try mods. If it didn't work, she recommended AA...said eventually I'd find a person I could relate to, and it would help. I wasn't ready to hear that then, tried 30 days abs, couldn't do it. Since I found this website in late May, I have found people I can relate to (so many stories like mine!), and have been able to abs for about 2 weeks at a time, w/o supps or drugs. I have a powerful will, if I can engage it, and I 'm pretty sure I'm ready to abs for a long time...I have a feeling she will have heard of this program, so hopefully, I'll "come out of the closet" and really get working on this debilitating habit.
    I've read how many people are struggling with abs or mods...I' m proud to be a member of a group that communicates honestly about our problems, and works hard on resolving them. Personally, I'm not fond of Einstein's quote, which I hear over and over nowadays. It's because I work with people who are significantly mentally ill, and who do enter insanity at times....I believe Einsteins' quote would be more accurate as "The definition of ADDICTION is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

    May I offer some words of encouragement from another genius whom I greatly admire?

    "Everyone who wishes to gain true knowledge
    must climb the Hill Difficulty alone,
    and since there is no royal road to the summit,
    I must zigzag it in my own way.
    I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still,
    I run my against the edge of hdden obstacles,
    I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better,
    I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged,
    I get more eager and climb higher
    and begin to see the widening horizon.
    Every struggle is a victory.
    One more effort and I reach the luminous cloud,
    the blue depths of the sky,
    the uplands of my desire."

    --- Helen Keller ---

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      #17
      Friday, August 18th

      Wayne

      Aw Wayne, i wasnt telling you off..i just missed ya babes!

      I understand what youre sayin bout the once a month thing...im on day 23 now an was invited on a drunken girly night out tonight an i so wanted to go cause i love goin out an havin a good old dance an flirt..an i had such a battle...should i go an not drink ( impossible ) or would i be ok just drinking for one night casue all id have is a normal hangover the next day... now that iv gone through the detox i wouldnt have the shakes an the sweats an the nightmares/hallucinations...right? but what if that 1 night gave me the taste for it again an i started down that slippery slope again, i dunno cause its my first time doin this but i reckon thats how easy it could be to get sucked back in. my main problem once i started drinking to much was that if i went out i felt boring if i wasnt drunk...i based my whole personality on alcohol an since iv been AF iv begun to realise that i have a much better personality and im much more fun than the drunken me. Maybe as im hoping after 3 months ill be able to moderate...i would love that, i suppose thats the ultimate acomplishment...but altho i already feel a different person an i have so much more hope for myself and my life...i still aint sure ill be able to do moderation..think i might be an all or nothing girl!!!

      Love an massive snuggles

      Lou-Lou x x x
      "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

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        #18
        Friday, August 18th

        Atta girl, Lou!

        Actually, I don't think that mods OR abs is the "ultimate accomplishment"--the really ultimate accomplishment is living our REAL lives as our REAL selves! Whatever it takes!

        Yes?

        There's lots more I want to say (as usual!), but I'm not at home and want to submit this before someone happens to look at my pc screen!

        susan
        "I'm a sucker for a good resurrection story." Anne Lamott

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          #19
          Friday, August 18th

          Thanks Susan, think i get where youre coming from.... but would really appreciate hearing whatever else you have to add when you get the chance.

          Thank you jus doesnt seem enough anymore after all you folks have done for me..but thanks anyway...
          An loads of love an snuggles as always

          Lou-Lou x x x
          "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

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            #20
            Friday, August 18th

            Where is Bambs???? im worried bout my little chicken! hope your ok sweetie

            Lou-Lou x x x
            "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

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              #21
              Friday, August 18th

              I'm Here

              Thanks Lou-Lou for your posts my little chicken... You have a lovely spirit :h and I will send a post to you tomorrow. XXXX

              Wayne... You acheived a wonderful accompishment 60 - odd days matey . !!!! :l
              And Hey - So WHAT.... You said now 4 days - BRILL chicks XXXX- More than I did after my mistake... ( and if I were you - just ignore that day - SO you are on 65 + DAYS WAHAY !!!! )
              So What is a mistake amongst friends ? NOTHING AT ALL.

              Glad to be back here
              Haved missed you all - been a a dark place, but back in the sunshine ... Or massive storms - Was terrified that my Mills or Daisy would get struck , incessant lightening of yesteday As Lou will know ). Puppies dogs were confined to the house ... Hmmm - imagine their little faces !!! They were well fed up !
              Anyway will spk soon

              Bambers.......
              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


              Bambs aka Hydrogen



              :h XXX :h

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                #22
                Friday, August 18th

                Albert Einstein was not insane, and therefore couldn't really comprehend true insanity, and therefore, he could only define it in terms of "relative normalcy". That certainly can describe alcoholism!! But yes, Anni, I can certainly understand your issue with this description, and I appreciate your giving us Helen Keller's beautiful poem (?), which certainly feels like the difficult climb out of the darkness and into the light. Thank you for sharing that.

                Kathy
                AF as of August 5th, 2012

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                  #23
                  Friday, August 18th

                  fear

                  I think that fear can be healthy. Fear is meant to protect us when used in the right amounts. The fear is usually your gut letting you know something just isn't right and be careful.

                  Wayne, I have succumbed to the 'I'm an adult-I can do what I want within reason-I don't need your permission" before. However, the next day when I woke up I wasn't feeling much like a responsible adult. I think that the pressure you are feeling from others may have to do with the pressure you are putting on yourself. You care about these people-and you care what they think of you--so therefore you put pressure on yourself to be what you think they want you to be. And all they really want is for you to be healthy and happy. They don't want to see you make yourself miserable, while making those you love the most miserable.

                  You have planted the seed that drinking out will be more worth it--than drinking in. Is that the truth? After all the laughs, a bunch of nonsense conversation that you may not remember--will it really feel worth it the next morning? I have tried this sort of rationalization with so many scenerios--it never felt worth it the next day.

                  Glad you are back. This week seems to have been a tough one. But I think it has opened up alot of emotions--and getting them out is good.

                  Kim

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                    #24
                    Friday, August 18th

                    Hey Kathy, I like your "theory of relativity"!

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                      #25
                      Friday, August 18th

                      Hi guys, Been gone all day. A lot has gone on here today.
                      Kath, Sorry bout your friend. Hate that stuff, never know what to say.
                      Lou Lou you are working hard, really inspiring for me good girl.
                      Mac, I dont see where Lou was tellin ya off....but my post above about your slip kinda looks like I was. I'm sorry. That was all about me. Sometimes I think a beer sounds so damm good I cant believe it. But it isnt just ONE beer. Its a good buzz. I just cant imagine never doin that again. But I know that I simply cant. And I hate it that I want to. Sometimes I think I just feel sorry for myself. I need to stop whinnin. So many people have so many real problems. I mean look at my dad for one. He just got his leg cut off! OMG! But I can say one thing for sure. I will be on topa for a long time. And thank GOD for this site and all you guys here. I have truly grown to love you all. Well anyway....gotta go. Gabby
                      Gabby :flower:

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