Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I look forward to reading this thread. I thought last week's thread was really wonderful...inspiring. I'm going to a brand-new women's meeting tonight. It's my first exclusively female meeting. I'm sure I'll recognize some of the women there.

I've got to call my sponsor now. I'm on the last leg of my 4th step. I'll begin reading about the 5th soon.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Mary thanks for posting. I did three meetings last week. Duh, it seems to help.
Love and peace
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Phil: Your post warmed my heart...it really did. Keep going, & you'll see a difference in your drinking or lack thereof. Last night we went to our Italian club. There always a wine bar w/Italian wines. Yes, I felt a twinge when I saw people sipping, but I knew that I would be going to a meeting tonight & didn't want to spoil it. I also knew that a few sips would get me going again. It doesn't take much. Good for you! Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Everyone: I went to my first women's meeting tonight. There's definitely a different ambiance. Also, it's a fairly small group & not as difficult to get up the nerve to share.

We read the doctor's message in the BB. Interesting. There was a lot of discussion about "cravings" & "mental obsession." I spoke to the part of the reading that referred to the "allergy" aspect of alcoholism. Some people (me) have it, & some don't. I'll never attain a normal drinking practice. I can't do it.

A few of the women talked about relapses (I hear a lot about them in meetings). One woman said she had one after 2 years of sobriety, & another also after 2 years. They both said that the relapse brought them right back to their former levels of drinking & then some. Others shared that they have had thoughts that after years of sobriety, that they might be able to drink again in a normal way. The only thing that held them back from actually picking up a drink was AA. The fellowship aspect of AA. Complacency is a big bugaboo in my mind.

One of my strategies is to tell people that I'm no longer drinking. Really tell them in a serious manner. It makes me feel more accountable. My son-in-law came over this AM to do some heavy yardwork for us. While he was taking a break, I shared about my new-found sobriety w/him. Now that he knows, I feel an extra motivation to keep going w/a sober life-style. BTW, he's a great young man...I actually love him like a son. He does drink pretty heavily, & I think it's something that he thinks about from time to time (i.e. the amount he drinks). He comes from a family w/heavy drinking. Hopefully, a seed may be planted...maybe not complete sobriety but more moderation.

Anyhow, enough rambling on. Take care one & all.

Mary

[okydoky]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Mary,
That just reminded me of a story I heard in meeting. The gal was celebrating something like 20 years and she said she decided to share with her teenage grandaughter that she is an alcoholic. Her grandaughter said, "Grandma, I've never seen you drink". She told us that is one of the gifts AA has brought her.

[CS04]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Mary, I have attended meetings but not fully embraced the AA approach, and not sure if I will. But I am going, maybe once a week, just because. I do not understand at all about how to "work the steps" -- it just seems foreign to me. Maybe because I cannot even begin to get to step one. I feel kinda lost. Can you shed some light on this process?

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Mary, it sounds like you really enjoyed the Women's meeting. That's good! Some of the regular meetings you describe sound very large in numbers. Nothing wrong with that but i'm sure a smaller group has a different vibe. That is great about your discussion with your son in law. I too find that the more people I tell the more committed I feel to my sobriety. That's important I think.

Okey, I too find it warming to hear the people who say things like "my grandchildren have never seen me drink..." and stuff like that. What a wonderful thing after hearing the all too familiar stories of where we all came from.

CS - LOL I'm still trying to figure out what "working the steps" means. It seems to mean slightly different things to different people. I've heard everything about Steps 1 - 3 from "think honestly about what these steps mean to you and embrace them in your heart" to "do writing about it and discuss it." If you google things like AA Step 1 lots of things will come up. I've found this site interesting as it has study references in the Big Book and also Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions as well as some suggested the writing.
Hope that is at least a try at giving a direct answer to your question.

Mean time, I would like to offer a suggestion. When you do go to a meeting, is there anyone you have heard speak that captured your interest - someone who sounds like you have something in common with as far as your drinking is concerned? (if not, maybe keep going and just listening, or even trying different meetings until such a person comes along...) You might just ask to talk to a person like that. You don't have to dive into a sponsor relationship. That is entirely up to you. Never forget that AA is a program of suggestions. Maybe talking to someone about some of your questions would help. I can understand how you feel because I felt like that for a long time. Lot's of the AA stuff still seems a bit to me on the surface but the more I go and the more people I get to know, the more I want what they have.

I forgot to mention something interesting that happened at the meeting on Sunday. A new guy was there for his third week and during anniversaries mentioned that he is sober for 3 weeks. I remember the first meeting he came to with another guy from that group. There was just something about him I connected with and I can't even put my finger on it. Even though I am also new, I try to say welcome to the new people - I know how intimidating it can feel. But I felt something stronger than the usual connection with this guy. It was funny. On Sunday he mentioned that my welcome was special to him. The last year was a tough one - both his sister and mother in law died. He said he felt that he was "supposed to be" at AA when I introduced myself to him and I have the same name as his sister. A strange karma moment for sure.

Yesterday was a long day at the hospital for that nuclear blah de blah scan but I managed to get home and get back out the door to a 4PM meeting. It was a small group but good discussion and I felt less chaotic inside after going.

Have a great day all!

DG

[cymru]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

A very good morning to you all from sunny Wales.
I went to a C.A. meeting last night. I have been before, and find it such a powerfull meeting. For those who dont know, CA stands for cocaine anonymous. They study the big book, and follow exactly the same path as AA, but the meeting is for drug uses as well as alcoholics. There is always a great turnout, and it is a very strong fellowship there, with some amazing shares.
Mary...For me, the mental obsession and the physical allergy were the big wake up call for me. For a book to put it so simply! There are to factors in my alcoholism. When im not drinking, I have a mental obsession to drink. Many people describe this state of mind as being a ''dry drunk''. After a week or 2 of not drinking, I would start to think about it. Constantly. And boy would I let everyone know I wasnt drinking! I became restless, irritable and discontent. even though I wasnt drinking, I was thinking about it all the time. It would get to a stage where I would cause an argument, blame someone for something, so that I could get them out of the house and I could drink. How sick is that!?
By working this 12 step programme I am today able to remove my mental obsession, and therefore the physical allergy and craving does not begin. Its only when I put the first drink into my mouth that the allergy begins, and I can then not stop until I black out. By seperating these 2 parts, I can refrain from drinking, because I dont have the mental obsession to do so. This is my experience.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Thank you everyone for some great sharings. I read them again & again when I have a few minutes. It helps me stay sober one day at a time.

CS: I've been "working the steps," but I'd never be able to do it wo/a sponsor. He's been sober for 16 yrs & knows what the steps are all about. Basically, he has me read each one & do a writing assignment for each one. The 4th step has been much more in-depth. He took the format out of the Big Book. "Doing the steps" has been a way to delve deeper into myself & discover how & why I started drinking alcoholically. It an experience that's unique to everyone. I don't know if working the steps is absolutely necessary for everyone. It has been for me. Again, w/AA the saying "take what you like & leave the rest" applies.

Cymru: I'm finding the mental obsession leaving me as I become a regular AA member. I really haven't gone into that awful "planning to drink" mode that I used to get into. I did go to an event Sun. night at which there was drinking (nobody was over-doing). As I saw people having their 1 or 2 glasses, I just realized that wouldn't be possible for me. 1 or 2 was NEVER enough.

Take care everyone. I love reading about your meeting experiences. DG: I too have heard people say that their children or g-children have never seen them drink...that's how long they've been sober.

Mary

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

"Stop worrying. The bridges you cross before you come to them are almost always over rivers that aren't there." --Unknown--

Spent some time inside my head yesterday thinking about past harms that I have done. Got me down for a little bit , but I kept trying to turn it over and I think I eventually reached a point of at least neutrality! Should've called my sponsor but that is something I'll work on...

Saw this quote this morning and it reminded me that just as I can't obsess about the past, I can't focus on the future, either. I need to live each day and let everything else fall where it may. After all, I can't change the past any more then I can control the future, right? This big old planet will still keep spinning round and round....

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

"On the road AA Meeting"
Greetings all, I attended my fourth AA meeting in 7 days. This was a 7am meeting in Kansas City where I'm working this week. There were eight of us there and they were so friendly. Great way to start the day away from home.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Phil, to me that is one of the truly wonderful things about AA - that we can go to almost any town, find a meeting, and feel right at home.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Cy, were you also a drug user or mainly just AL? (just curious - don't answer that if you don't want to!) I tried my share of "recreational drugs" in college in the late 70's / early 80's but thankfully, I didn't really get along with any of them. Wish AL had been that way too. Interesting about that meeting being one of your faves. The Sunday AM meeting I go to, which I guess is now my official "home group" calls itself and open meeting of AA and there is one "regular" who is alanon, and several others who are drugs only and there are always folks who identify as "dually addicted." I think that open format brings together very interesting people. It's funny....in one meeting a few weeks or so ago, the subject came up that several years ago at this club, drug addicts really weren't welcome in the AA meetings. One young guy (he must have been about 12 when he first showed up as a drug addict!) was talking about how he could identify with the "old timer" AA's very readily. The really old timers would talk about having the outstanding bar tabs at many bars all catching up with them - more like things are with younger folks and their drug dealers of today (according to him) than younger drinkers today. With all the credit cards these days there aren't the "personal bar tabs" like the old days. Interesting how times change and yet some things carry on.

Mary, there are times when I wish I would have waited and asked someone to sponsor me who has more years of experience sponsoring people. I really like my sponsor - don't get me wrong. But she's new to sponsoring and so is really just finding her way so I'm not getting as clear direction as I would like. But we're muddling through and as you all can tell, I'm benefiting greatly from the AA experience so I'm not too worried about it. I'm a lot like you Mary in that the really strong desire / compulsion to drink has diminished GREATLY since embracing AA. I swear it's because in every meeting I leave with something interesting to ponder, so my mind stays very busy with other things than AL cravings.

AA it's great to see you as always. Interesting you should mention the topic you did. We were talking about it this morning at the meeting I attended. Our regular chair person was absent, so the guy who chaired at the last minute asked if anyone would suggest a topic, and it became "one day at a time." I always thought of that saying in a sort of passive way - what NOT to do. Don't dwell in the past because you can't change it, and don't worry about the future because who knows what it holds? (well, I do a pretty remarkable and dramatic job of making it up sometimes!). So stay in today. Well, what does THAT mean? One of the guys at the meeting today talked about the importance of UTILIZING TODAY to make progress on whatever we are working on in our lives, which is a much more ACTIVE way of considering "one day at a time" than I had ever thought of it. DON'T WASTE IT!! At any rate, I am sorry that the past harms had you down a bit yesterday. I hope today has been a better day. I love your bolded quote!

Phil I bet that was interesting going to a meeting in a totally new place but probably having so much familiarity at the same time. I haven't even gone to a meeting outside of the club I've been attending! I should spread my wings a bit. Be safe on your travels!

I think we should all plan a vacation to Wales and go to a meeting with Cy. And of course see all the other sites while we are there.

Hi to anyone I might have missed and anyone yet to come!

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Hi all. Great insight into the meetings and AA's program for us.
It's been somber at the mtgs this wk where I am, since one of the members passed away this weekend, causing lots of discussion about the seriousness of this disease and where it can lead us.
Let's "keep coming" to these forums and AA.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 11 - May 17

Phil: I couldn't be happier for you. There is the "pink cloud" effect when we first join AA...in fact, I think I'm still on it. However, that's fine. I think it was such a relief to have the compulsion lifted that I landed on the pink cloud. Take care of your sobriety. It's very precious.

I'm going to a meeting tonight. I've been quite busy but not too busy to work on my program.

Mary