DG: I think you mentioned that your sponsor didn't have quite the level of experience that would benefit you as a newcomer. I know that mine has 16 yrs of sobriety & has sponsored many people. I needed to be told what to do. I needed assignments for each step. The steps are the foundation of the program & are meant to be done w/a sponsor...not on our own. I've certainly heard from speakers of changing sponsors. It's not easy, but you have to do what's right for you. I think that if you speak strictly in "I" statements (we're learning to do that through AA sharings) that you might come to an understanding. For instance:
-"I've been really wanting to work the steps but still don't know how to go about it."
-"I'm really needing some firm guidance, as I have a strong personality but can't run this myself."
-"I'm a very task-oriented person & need "assignments" for each step."
-etc.
Tailor your statements to your personality. I think it would be an absolute mistake to say:
-"I'm not sure if you have enough experience."
-"You haven't given me enough guidance."
-etc.
If she gets the message that you're serious about doing the steps, & she might not be up to it yet, she might be able to suggest another (harder-line) AAer to help. This isn't something you are doing frivolously. I can see that you thought long & hard about it. That said: you have to do what's right for you & your program.
As for me: I wish I had a woman sponsor & probably will get one after I have one go-round w/my current sponsor & friend of many years. It's not that I feel any kind of sexual tension between us. I just feel that I would be a little more open w/a woman. However, I feel that he was there when I desperately needed him. He's guiding me skillfully through the steps expeditiously. I know that I will be getting the necessary info off my chest in the 5th step. I didn't want to wait weeks or months to find a female sponsor. I felt I needed to start the steps right away in order to ensure my sobriety. I have the rest of my life to work the steps w/someone else. I can see that this is a life-long process.
Anyhow, I hope this was helpful to you & not heavy-handed. Let me know how it works out.
Mary
Comment