Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Phil: You have a lot of strength. The meetings are incredibly helpful to me...I hope to you too. Keep going. I feel for you about your brother...being sick & still drinking. At some point he might be ready. Nobody could tell me when I was ready. I had to know it for myself. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Last night's meeting (my home meeting) was great. Someone brought in a cake for another member's 1st AA birthday. It was heartwarming. I know I'll get there some day.

The reading was on step 3. I do have a strong will. Turning it over to something or someone I'm not 100% sure about isn't easy. (Again, the program is simple but not easy.) I know I have to do it. My own will has gotten me to the point of desperation. So, as per instructions from my sponsor, I get down on my knees & say the 3rd step prayer every day. Just saying it (fake it til you make it) has shifted something inside me. The constant compulsion to drink just isn't there any more. I know I'm not out of the woods, but I don't wish for drinking at all.

I hope all is well w/my AA friends & associates here. Take care. I love hearing about your meetings.

Mary

PS: Phil, I'm thinking about you.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Hi all! Phil, I hope you are hangin' in there. It must be so painful to watch your brother doing what he's doing. Let us know if we can help you in some way or just listen.

Mary, it is amazing the low places that we are willing to go to with AL isn't it. Mr. Doggy and I talk a lot about where our lives were headed when we were both active in our addictions. Things still looked "together" on the outside but the inside was a runaway train heading in a very bad direction. We are SO much better off today than we were one year ago - regardless of economic conditions etc. etc. etc. We were closer than we like to think to potential disaster. Disasters can happen in life anyway, but I'm talking about the disaster that CAN be avoided by taking the necessary actions to stop using. What did your husband think of that meeting?

I can relate exactly to what you are saying with Step 3. I'm officially still working on Step 2 but have been informally doing reading and some journaling into step 3 territory. You actually help me a lot Mary by describing your actions. Fake it 'til you make it sounded totally crazy to me at first, but I too have lost my compulsion to drink. The drinking thoughts are getting MUCH farther a part and much milder. (though I know I will always have to be vigilent) There is something about this program that really works if you open your mind to it and have some "willingness" even in the midst of some skepticism.

Well, I'm off to my 7AM meeting. Will report back later!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

My husband is finding the meetings interesting though for obvious reasons he doesn't go to many of them...this is my program. He's in Alanon (ostensibly for our son's drinking problem but mine as well whether he knows it or not). That said: the focus & aura is different in AA. There isn't as much intellectualizing as in Alanon, nor nearly as much coddling. AAers tend to be much more to the point.

My joining AA has brought about a change in our 37 year relationship...not nearly as much co-dependence. When he goes w/me to AA, he sees that I'm starting to make friends & acquaintances entirely independent from him. Consequently, he has delved deeper into Alanon & is doing the steps there. He has a sponsor & 2 sponsees. He meets w/other members fairly regularly. In other words, we're not nearly as joined at the hip as we used to be.

This is good news for us.

I hope all is well.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Mary, those are very interesting observations about the changes (positive ones!) going on in your relationship with hubby. Mr. Doggy and I both have strong and independent natures which generally works well for us. As I sank deeper into the depths of my alcoholism - especially over the last 5 years or so, I TRIED to become a more needy and dependent type. (must go with alcoholism on some level??) This was quite frustrating for Mr. D because that's NOT what he thought he married and NOT what he wanted. Things have absolutely changed for the better in our relationship (better than ever I would say - we're coming up on our 11th anniversary) over the last year. Addictions and healthy relationships just don't mix.

The meeting today was awesome. I feel closest to the 7AM group which I consider to be one of two "home groups." This group meets 6 days a week at 7AM. I am usually able to make 3 - 4 of those in my current schedule. (I go to later meetings on the other day, and another 7AM group on Sunday). So many of these folks have really become friends of a sort over the last 90+ days of my AA participation. So getting my 1 year coin from my sponsor in this particular meeting on the exact day of my anni was really special. Today is the first day of year two. I'm excited about what the future holds. Actually, I'm excited about what today holds. I love my sober life, problems and all. There is so much good in life that balances the problems. When I was drunk all the time, I never saw the good. I only focused on the problems as that was a great source of excuses to drink. Not to mention all the problems I created with my drinking. Ackk.

Today the discussion was about Step 5. It was great to listen to so many old timers talk about how uncomfortable they were with it at first, but that it was such a freeing experience. The other thing that came up as a topic was the balance of life. It's just reality that there is always some good and some not so good. On the one hand we were celebrating two anniversaries in the meeting. On the other hand, one man just found out yesterday that his mother has cancer and is not expected to live beyond a few more months. It was very interesting how one did not over shadow or out weigh the other. Both sides of the news were treated with respect and support. Yin and Yang. I hope that one day I am able to keep such a balanced perspective and balance my reactions and thinking in this way. I hope that makes sense! At any rate, I was very grateful today for the AA program and the wonderful mixture of people I have met there. Despite our differences, EVERYONE understands what it's like to struggle with alcoholism. And so many who set a great example of life beyond the bottle and make me believe I can do it too.

Anyway, have a wonderful day all!

DG

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

I want to better understand "fake it till you make it". I was pondering that today, when thinking of all the things I undertake in life, that I might not like, or all out CAN'T stand, that I do, for whatever reason.

Take the gym, unlike you DG, I absolutely abhore going. I do it, and I keep it up. I try different programs to peak my interest. I try morning classes, I try evening classes, I try it on my own, but the end result is always the same. I don't really get any benefit out of it, but I do it, because I think I should?

Sometimes, I feel like that is what my life is, just one big "faking it, till I make it". And I'm tired. I think I'm tired of all the faking. I spent so much (pretty much all of my life addicted to alcohol and getting by comfortably numb) that I have no idea how to actually live? Does that make sense?

I'm going to a 5:30 womans AA meeting tonight. That is my new committment to try to "find" myself thru the teachings of AA. I finally figured out that I am a "dry drunk" and I want to learn how to move past it and really start living, finally. This has got to change...I'm tired of "faking" my life.

Oh and DG....MAJOR congrats to your ONE year of sobriety! You rock...I want what you have :-)

R2C

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

R2C, I don't think you will go wrong by at least trying to give AA a whirl. It sounds like what you've been doing isn't giving you the happiness in sobriety that (I believe) we all deserve. So what the heck?

You ask an interesting question about "fake it 'til you make it." That's one of those old AA terms passed down through the generations by the long (not old ) timers. I'm sure that there will be similarities and differences in everyone's take on that! I too will be interested to see what Mary and the others who post on this thread have to say from their perspectives.

To me, "fake it til you make it" has everything to do with willingness to do things, despite a lack of faith (or skepticism) that those things actually work. As an example, I do believe there is a power bigger than me in our universe, and that everything isn't just random. But I have no clue if that power is "God" as religious people in general understand him. And if there is such a God of that or some other understanding, I have little to no faith that I am personally being listened to and responded to. However, I am willing to try because what can it hurt? So I say the serenity prayer many times a day. I ask whatever power is out there to show me the right things to do each day, and the wisdom / strength to do THAT instead of my own will which doesn't work all that well. I thank the "power" for the many blessings I have even though I am skeptical that anyone is listening. I think this is a fairly typical suggestion given to people like me who are at best, spiritually confused. I will say this....since going to AA some amazing things have happened in my life. Just little things that make a big difference. Do these prayers that are not done with full faith on my part make a difference? I don't know for sure but I have come to no harm by doing it.

Going to a meeting every day is another example. I had no idea how or why or even if that would work for me when I started doing it, but I did it anyway. I KNOW that daily meeting attendance helps me stay sober and gives me additional benefits of reminding me to stay grateful, and other things that just make my days brighter. So that is an example of something I faked and DID make. (get the benefits as described)

I don't think that saying is meant to suggest that we hide our deepest feelings and slap a smile on. In fact, AA is NOT about that at all. This being May, (5th month) the readings and discussion tend to tie to the 5th step which is about telling someone else our most closely held secrets - the full truth about ourselves and the things we have done. In a broader sense, it's about how we are all helped by sharing our truth and experience rather than keeping things all bottled up inside. "Fake it 'til you make it" is more (to me) about trusting the process than about keeping secrets or pretending. In fact I am completely honest about whatever I'm "fakin' trying to make."

Interesting question! I hope you will let us know how you like your meetings. I love hearing about other people's experiences.

DG

[okydoky]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Happy Birthday DG!
Well folks....I don't even know where to begin. This AA thing has totally changed my life. I am truly beginning to feel sense of self, happiness, peace and yes serenity since I have surrendered my life over to my higher power. I am no longer in charge and what a feeling. I was definitely not managing my life well when I was in charge, but now that I've let go of that role, amazing things are happening.
RC, I completely understand what you mean. I was trying to fake it till I made it all my life and thought to myself, when will I ever make it??? Well, I believe I have finally arrived!
4mo sober and no desire to drink but better yet, feel good about myself for the 1st time in my life.

[lucky 2.0]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Happy birthday DG!

I listen to AA on podcast and heard one last night about Step 4 that made me think of it in a totally different way- in a very cathartic way.

Continued success to all!

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Greetings all.
RTC, you make perfect sense to me. I think if you can hang in there, and keep an open mind to possibility, and opportunity, the light's gotta go on at some stage. A question i ask myself now and then when lost is, 'What do you REALLY want to do with your life'.....and then work towards following that passion, and we all have a passion somewhere within us, you do too, no?!
1 year DG? cool stuff! Been flirting with going to an AA meeting. Almost got to one the other day, and i'm looking to have a sqizz this w/kend, or next week. Going great here, but the ongoing reminder's, face to face, and ppl's. journey's, would inspire, so the bigger the arsenal, the better.
Best wishes all............G.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Okey I'm so happy that you have found the peace of mind and serenity (and sobriety!!) that you so richly deserve. What an awesome post. May everyone here find what works for them to achieve that state of being.

luCKy I don't think my reference to step 5 (which is tied to 4) was very well put because I agree with you totally - and the podcast - that step 4 and 5 are absolutely intended to be cathartic. It's all about getting all of our crap out of those deep dark places so we can be free of guilt, remorse, shame, etc. Well, and the amends are an important part of that process too from what I understand. Haven't got that far yet! Where are you getting the podcasts you are listening too? Sounds interesting!

Guitarista - I'm with you. I finally smacked myself on the forhead and realized the wisdom of putting every weapon available in my arsenal.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Hi All. Great to hear about all the meetings and interpretations of the steps. I am attending meetings daily and trying to get as much as possible from each one. I am finally getting the courage to speak up and have found acceptance and fellowship. Fellow AA's reaching out when I am struggling, such as today, trying to remain AF. Today is day 21 and I had wicked cravings today. I do believe my higher power is assisting me in this effort.
I will keep on going to meetings and take one day at a time.

Like someone said tonight: "Don't think, don't drink and go to a meeting"

Winefree

[lucky 2.0]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

Doggy,

I get the podcasts free from itunes. I like them because I hear the experience, strenghth and hope and what is what like before and what it is like now after alcohol. And, the good part too is that I don't have to listen to the announcements, or the same steps, or same whatever read week after week after week. If I could just go to good speaker mtgs, I would be in. Maybe I should just go late every time to miss all the stuff @ the beginning but a sponsor would never agree to that!

The podcasts have made me LOL and also rejoice in the triumph of the human spirit. All in all, I LOVE hearing about people not trying to improve their lives, but IMPROVING their lives.

I recommend the podcasts to all and I hear there are online mtgs too.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

R2C: I think Doggy Girl explained "fake it til you make it" quite well. One example of it that I have is getting down on my knees & praying every day. I've never done that before & really didn't think it was necessary. However, my sponsor wanted me to, so I decided to do it. I was told to say the 3rd step prayer & the Lords prayer each morning & evening & ask for help having the compulsion lifted. I'm finding that it has worked. I was so desperate when I started in AA that I was willing to do anything to get better. I was relapsing all the time. I was fighting sobriety. I was obsessed. That has changed.

Doggie: Did I understand your post correctly? Did you just pass your first anniversary. If so, congratulations! Let us know.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 18 - 24

yo

AAthlete;616459 wrote: Mary, as much as some of the writing in the BB appears to be outdated, I am still astounded how the thoughts and feelings conveyed in that book translate into the real world today. The Four Horseman used to be as real for me as they were for Bill back in the 30's.

hi teach and the rest of you AA ers,i like what AA says the more you read the book with A SOBER MIND,the more it makes sense,the book i beleive has been written 4 times,the stories are the same,at one time ,i beleive it was a rich mans desease,or illness,i recently received a new book from my wife,HEALING THE ADDICTED BRAIN,maybe im just nieve,im glad AA works for you folks,i seem to bump into the brethren more often,whether im at a meeting or at a shopping store,anonymity,the strangest feeling i get is when someone looks at me,and i assume,they think,im gonna blurt out,hows AA meetings going,its just a wonderful thing that the rooms never cease to exist,have a wonderful weekend all gyco