Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

[paula]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Hi everone, I'm going to a meeting tonight. It has not been a good week for me, I have really struggled.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Paula, that sounds like a great idea particularly since the week sounds like it's been stressful. Is AA something new for you, or something that has been part of your program historically? After years of "AA isn't for ME! No WAY!" I'm glad I went.

PP - I completely agree that level of intellect in the group is amazing. The topic comes up regularly after these types of deep meetings that alkies often have high IQ's and racing minds. I don't think my IQ is all that high but my mind sure works over time! Yes - I find so much of what is discussed very stimulating. And the format is so wise - it really demands fairness to all. (everyone gets a chance to speak once, people are not to interrupt, everyone is considered equal regardless of sobriety time, etc.)

I noticed something on another thread that I wanted to comment on, but didn't as it's a fast moving thread that had more than moved on by the time I saw it. Someone mentioned that they are still drinking, and got some crap about it from an AAer as in "don't go to meetings if you are still drinking."

Even though I'm new to AA, I know the 3rd Tradition says that the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. So the "right and wrong" of that situation is clearly spelled out in terms of the AA position on that.

That being said, I see many struggles both here AND at AA that relate to this topic. I'm curious about what others have figured out, or what old timers / sponsors may have opined. How far do you go with the chronic drinker / relapser? There have been forum wars here about it! i.e. one person thinks other persons are not taking work on their sobriety seriously...etc. etc. My sponsor is going through a difficult situation right now where a woman she cares about deeply has relapsed again (it's chronic apparently) and she's 1) emotionally worn out from worrying and trying to help and 2) isn't sure that the things she has done in an effort to be helpful have actually helped. (i.e. sometimes something that seems like help might actually be keeping someone from hitting a bottom they need to hit?)

Anyway, it's a very tricky issue once you get past the "rules" and into the emotions and personalities. One of the old timers in our group often just says "I am not responsible for anyone else's recovery but my own." He certainly helps people and has sponsored many to sobriety. What he means by that is he doesn't take it personally, and somehow keeps a degree of emotional separation so that the sobriety path of others - which is always filled with bumps as it has been for each of us - doesn't wear him out.

That is a line I have struggled with already to some degree here at MWO and to a lesser degree, but one that still bothers me (because I think I did the wrong thing) at AA. I actually think AA has made me more compassionate towards the struggles of others while still maintaining that "tough love" is required. If that makes any sense.

Well, with that ramble, I'm off to the gym! Then back home for some gardening.

Paula, hang in there OK?

DG

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

DG, I agree with your old timer friend and you can't take on someone else's sobriety. You can lead a horse to water but, you can't make him drink and if someone wants to hear the truth then there is a way to be direct and honest and not beat them up about it. When someone is ready...then they are ready. If they aren't ...then they aren't.

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

For DG and anyone else who is perhaps struggling with their spiritual identity or journey such as I myself have. I have just discovered "Spirituality for Dummies". I haven't actually purchased the book yet, but am certainly going to this weekend, but rather have read excerpts from it online after googling it.

It sounds like just what I have been looking for to better understand the meaning of spirituality and how it relates to religion and God (think Higher Power).

I believe it is definately worth the time to googe it and see if it might be for you. All my best, and thanks again for this thread.

R2C

[paula]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Thanks everyone for being here. R2 i will certainly browse that book. At the moment I'm reading a cognitive behaviour book. Overcoming problem drinking, Marcantonio Spada (author). I went to an AA meeting this evening, I have been going for a year now, I'm sure it will work, if I put more effort into it. The last meeting I went to I had been drinking, but everyone was so kind when I went tonight, they just carried on as normal, no judging.

Paula.

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Hey Paula, thanks for the heads up on the book your reading. I will check that out as well.

As DG said, AA is not there for judgement, and I'm sure many have attended while drinking, the important part is that you went. Keep on keeping on, as they say!

R2C

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Guys, I know I've said it a million times, but the thing I love about AA is that it is a spiritual program, not a religious one. Religion tells you what to believe, whereas spirituality says it doesn't matter what you believe, as long as you believe in something. That is the whole concept behind finding a God of our understanding - it can be God, Allah, the Earth - doesn't matter.

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Doh!! AA, I think I'm just starting to get it!! Kinda like being born all over again...I'm really excited about learning spirituality...funny, it's been right there the whole time!

R2C

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

R2C, thank you for the book recommendation! It sounds just up my alley. Unfortunately the library doesn't have it but it sounds worth springing for through Amazon. It sounds like this subject is starting to click into place for you, and I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE!!!

AA as always I appreciate your words of wisdom! That's really what I need is some sort of understanding of the difference between spirituality and religion. And then a way to more fully explore my spiritual side (cuz I DO believe I have one!) without letting my old notions of religion get in the way. If that makes any sense which it probably doesn't.

Paula, it sounds like you have a great group to go to meetings with (non-judgemental as they should be! Just there to help..). Glad to have you posting here with us too. We all help each other!!

PP that was very well put about people ready to hear the truth or not. I think the trick for me over the long haul is to find a good balance and not get inappropriately involved emotionally in other people's sobriety. I think that's where I could really become unhelpful!

Todays meeting was another good one for soaking it up from the old timers. This meeting is Big Book Study and we started chapter six - about the first 8 pages or so. Much of that part deals with steps 5 (admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the nature of our wrongs) and 8 (made a list of all personal we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all). Parts of that reading also touch into other steps, but the follow up discussion was mainly related to 5 and 8. I'm nowhere close to either step just yet, so it was great that there were so many long term sober people there (i.e. several 10+ years and also several in the 3+ range too). It was comforting to hear them describe how it was for them to do those steps, and how the promise of the program - that these steps unlock the doors to freedom - really does happen. That pulling out all the old skeletons and dealing with them CAN bring positive results even though the task is daunting.

I would be very interested in hearing what it was like from any AAers here who have done these steps. AA? Gyco? Others?

I am irrationally happy again today. People must think I'm nuts.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

DG, it's good to hear about someone else not feeling ready to discuss certain steps since you aren't there yet. Yesterday, discussion was about step 10 and I am soooo not there yet. I really don't have anger issues, am not outspoken etc, so couldn't speak to any of it. If anything, I keep issues hidden inside and stew about them, so there wouldn't be anyone with hard feelings that I need to apologize to. Sometimes the long timers amaze me how they can identify with a step and it helps them in everyday life. May be someday I will be there too.

Winefree

[paula]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Hi Whine free, the meeting I was at yesterday was step 10. There were a lot of long timers there as well. The people I meet are great, but most of them don't work and go to meetings most days, and tell me I should get to more meetings, which I can't as I work. I also want AAto be a part of my life not my whole life. I am learning to live without al one day at a time, with the help of my family and friends. Step 10 seems a long way away for me. I can just about do the first 3, but I'm determined to do it. Like they say in AA take it slowly and you will get there.
Paula.

[dill]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

AA as always I appreciate your words of wisdom! That's really what I need is some sort of understanding of the difference between spirituality and religion. And then a way to more fully explore my spiritual side (cuz I DO believe I have one!) without letting my old notions of religion get in the way. If that makes any sense which it probably doesn't.

It makes sense to me! I'm interested in studying the brain and have read articles about brain imaging during 'religious' and/or 'spiritual' activity. There is some science that supports that our brains are hard-wired for such experiences. I think it explains why the spiritual component of AA is so helpful. During a spiritual experience the frontal lobe is active. That's the area of the brain that is involved in concentration and decision making. Here's a link to a pretty good article exploring this subject, if you're interested.

HowStuffWorks "Is the brain hardwired for religion?"

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 25 - May 31

Paula, I too work each day, but am lucky to live in an area where I can attend a mtg everyday. Some evenings have to rush off to make one, but it seems to be worth it. The last day I drank was a day I couldn't get to a mtg because work was tough and I needed to stay late, missing the mtg at 8p. Hopefully, that won't happen again and I will be stronger next time with the longer sobriety and AA behind me.

Winefree