I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

[last call]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

Sausage, don't do it! I know if I did I'd get totally Freked up. It's not worth it. Congrats on yr 6 mos. I wish I could last that long. I had a bad Mem. Day. Wound up in the hospital. Lost my backpack with my license and SS card in it. Also my bike. Have no idea where they are. Hospital says they don't have them. Now what do I do? Wound up at my BF's who called me a cab to get away from him. Something to be proud of right? Maggie

[Lavande]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

Good for you Sausage!

I know I'll never be able to be a normal drinker either. Who the hell really cares anyway???
I've really learned to have fun and be happy without alcohol....................it's so much better

[Doggygirl]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

Sausage, GOOD FOR YOU resisting Al's call. I used to have quite a bit of that thinking (fantasizing) about drinking "normally" again - somehow the alcholism gets fixed. That IS a fantasy. I had to truly accept deep down inside that I AM an alcoholic, period, before that thinking could go away. I'm not "only slightly alcoholic so maybe there is a bit of hope for me drinking normally." I'm not "different / smarter / better" than other alkies leaving hope for me to outsmart alcoholism. If I move to a different city LOL, my alcoholism goes with me - it doesn't stay behind.

A part of me has known for years I'm an alcoholic, but some other part of my brain would still rather deny the obvious. I think I have finally moved past that with acceptance of the fact, which sure makes those "longing for moderate drinking" moments fewer and farther between.

The other thought that came to mind is that for me, coming to the full realization that virtually ALL alcoholics fantasize about becoming "normal" and being able to safely drink in moderation. I don't think I've met anyone yet who has never had that dream. That realization brought home to me that it's truly a mental trick of the disease/disorder as opposed to anything truthful in the notion that I'm somehow "different."

Don't have a clue if any of that helps, but for me the bottom line was acceptance of my alcoholism to get past the stuff you are describing.

Strength to you!!

DG

[Winefree]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

Wow DG. I just had a similar conversation tonight with a fellow AA member about the if I move away I could start over, and maybe I could drink again......how strange our minds get and how similar, it is scary at times.

Winefree

[hiddengoal]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

Winefree;624338 wrote: ... the if I move away I could start over, .....

Have had this thought a lot...not so much about drinking, but related, perhaps.

"Move away & start over" - its a running, of sorts. Avoidance is the word.
Its what we do when we drink that bottle of wine, or 6 pack of beer, or whatever is your poison.
Running away comes before starting over, but if we don't run away any longer, we can just start from where we are.

Let's Just Start from where we are.

[Doggygirl]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

I think we have a :hijacked: going on! (but to me anyway, it seems a worthwhile one....)

Interesting about the "moving to a different town...." (running / avoiding) thing. And interesting HG that you mention it - maybe not specific to AL but other things or just in general.

"Running" (avoiding) in other ways besides just in the bottle is apparently common among alkies. Somehow my sponsor and I got into that discussion fairly early on. I've been a "runner" all my life from the time I turned 18 and couldn't wait to get "out on my own." I've lived in several different places and have always been QUITE ready to go to the next place where "things would be better" (not specific to AL)

It will sure be nice to get to the bottom of it some day. At least I don't feel like I'm running now - to the bottle or geographically. That's a start I suppose.

WF - a guy told a story about that a couple days ago - about the irrational thinking along the lines of "a different location and all my problems will be solved..." He described stopping somewhere for gas while on a trip. There was a Mercedes convertible at one of the pumps with a pretty woman sitting in the passenger seat. He says he actually said to the guy "if I had your car my problems would go away" or something like that. LOL I guess the guy said "you can have the car on one condition - the wife goes with it." Anyway...that tickled me in part because I could totally see my brain going somewhere along that track.

DG

[Winefree]

I nearly had a glass of wine a few mins ago - but I didn't!!

HG, I like the avoidance statement. I think that hit's home quite a bit. Most likely I will be starting over where I am and will have to deal with all it's ramifications.

DG, too funny about the Mercedes! We never know what is happening with others do we and the grass always seems to look greener someplace else.....there I go running/avoiding again.

Sausage, hope you are doing well.

Winefree