AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

[Accountable for Me]

Goooooooooood morning Vietnam! Just kidding!

I am STILL up. It is 12:07 am. I have a bit of insomnia going on tonight. Melatonin seems to have lost it's effect for some reason. Anyway - still AF and happy as pie!

I have nothing much to say except have a great day everyone!! xoxo

[rustop61]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Good morning everyone

It's a beautiful sunny one here and its promised good for the next five or six days. Am itching to get out in the garden and get more done.

Have just had my walk in the woods and now am having my caffine and MWO kick. Hope everyone is doing ok. Well done Sausage for getting through last night. It's strange how we can sail along and then out of the blue Al attacks. I am having a good run at the moment, still recovering from my cold but having no Al thoughts (long may it last).

Have a great day everyone.

Rustop

[Pamina]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Good morning AFM, Rustop and all to come!

Yes, it's sunny and warm in londonland too Perfect setting for your theme of the day, AFM. Happy as pie - pleased as punch - chuffed to bits. Me too!!

I was thinking about what Sausage said about comparing our lives to others' and also HG's post about peeling the layers at our own pace. At times I've been frustrated that there's not been much visible, dramatic change in my life since going AF. External 'success' that others could recognise. I haven't become a CEO or an MP (makes two of us, Marshy :H), nor have I married the President of the United States. What's it all for, then?! (tapping her fingers impatiently)

Recently I've done a lot of 'internal' comparing, though, and the balance sheet is all good even if the issues seem small. I wake up easily. I'm no longer filled with dread first thing in the morning. I'm more patient with people. I'm better able to prepare and implement plans. Etc.

About a month ago I returned to the weight watching project I started last summer but then didn't have the energy for once bereavement took over. HG, I agree that we can only do so much and have to focus on the most pressing stuff first. It's been going really well so far, and people are starting to comment, including a male colleague I haven't seen for a while. He said I LOOK different. YAY! Visible success, at last! I'm chuffed to bits!!

Happy AF Thursday, everybody.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Good morning all! I fess up that I am still not caught up with everyone's doings since the start of the week. Sausage I'm sorry to hear you had a rough evening. I suppose the good news is at some point, we know what we have to do to just get through it, right?

Pamina you raise a good point about...so where's all the GREAT stuff that's suppose to come with living clean???? I think this is thinking to be very careful about, because IMO this line of thinking is a pity party waiting to happen and for this alcoholic...that leads to drinking thinking in a heart beat. So this type of "poor me" stuff is just something I have to keep out of my head. But like so many others, my brain tries to take me there on a regular basis. Regardless of how many positive changes have occurred, life is still life and there are always some problems to dwell on if I go there.

My best tool for fighting this is a written gratitude list. Much like the ABC tool from SMART Recovery that was so helpful in writing, a list of things I'm grateful for and positive changes is a choice weapon too. Lest I forget the many things.....

Anyway, just wanted to toss that out there. For me, AL lives in the dark corners of my mind. He drives there like mold. If he can getting me thinking in a darker way, I am that much closer to giving him a fix. I need to work at keeping my problems in perspective and staying out in the sun.

Thanks as always for great food for thought to get another sober day under way!

DG

[Preciouspinot]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Hi to all the lovely absters! Another sober and clear day for me. I continue to feel better and happier with every passing day. I am looking forward to the summer and am planning a trip to NY with my mom as a bday present to her.

Have a great day!

[Cinders]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Hi all. I am still here. Mostly lurking as it still is painful to type.

However, I did get the permanent cast off yesterday and am using a splint. My skin is sloughing off like crazy where the cast was, ick.

It is good to see so many doing well.

I will miss Mary until she returns.

Love to all,
Cindi

[Preciouspinot]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

CInders...a sugar scrub exfolient.

[speedster]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

I swear I posted this morning but I guess I didn't submit correctly.

AFM -thanks for starting us off. Sorry about the insomnia. Keep your toolbox handy as we approach the weekend.

Cinders and Sausage - you're both doing great. Reflect on the positive changes and know we're all here for you!

Work is a little slow and I will take tomorrow off. This weekend needs to have a little more exercise - a bit rainy last weekend. I will read, work on meditating/mindfulness and play with my dog. He's stressing a bit at agility class and trials. One more trial next weekend and then we can play games and do short fun practices for4-6 months.

I think I made a significant discovery. Reading Emotional Alchemy, one of the common schemas people suffer with is abandonment. I did not have a parent leave the house permanently but when reflecting on life I see some sadness, anxiety about being left. My parents both worked shift work and it was always a bit sad to have someone walk out the door soon after you were home from school. I can think of other times too that fit with abandonment, nothing horrible but this post will get too long.

I mentioned in a different post that I get really annoyed when hubby walks ahead when the dog & I stop. The book made me realize it's symbolic of being abandoned.

I started thinking about another unexplainable emotional reaction which occurs when I’m invited to go mtn biking w/ friends. I avoid riding with friends & always say I don't like people to have to wait on me -- I think I'm slower then the folks I hangout with although they tell me I‘m never far behind. It dawned on me, it's not about being waited for, it's about being left! It triggers the sadness & anxiety that comes from abandonment.

The books says it’s the amygdala part of the brain where our emotional memories scan our experiences. It only gets a small portion of information coming to the brain & makes a snap judgment on the “basis of a dim and foggy picture”. It comes to conclusions much faster than our logical part of the brain and floods the brain with stress hormones. Symbolic threats can trigger this cycle and whamo!

I wish WIP were still here, she’d help me figure this out. But this is beginning to make so much sense to me. I could never figure out why I get so stressed thinking about mtn biking with friends but not when I ride alone. I really think it’s this symbolic abandonment that triggers these deep emotions. Then I stay home and feel sorry for myself, frustrated by this bizarre fear of not wanting someone to wait for me, and it could very well lead to drinking depending on the time of day.

Next time there’s a group ride I need to calm my brain and work on this. It’s not about being waited for, it’s about being left. It sounds so silly to me now, but when it happens, it’s a lot of stress and anxiety.

Thanks for letting me share. It’s helpful. Have a great AF night!!

[ThatGirl]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

Pamina and DG: I too become frustrated at times about the apparent lack of change in my life since going AF, but then I started to look into subtle changes, the improved relationship between me and my fiance for example, or the fact that I now do my work for college and hand it in -on time-.

Speedster: I had a similar realisation today about abandonment issues. Lately I've been arguing alot with my boyfriend over him spending less time with me (largely due to work and college commitments on his part). I realised that the reason I take it so badly is because growing up I actually dealt with a suprising amount of abandonment without ever being aware of it: my mother would often go out leaving us with a babysitter or later on on our own, and my father left on christmas eve when i was 9. He originally was only a sporadic part of my life, so i dealt with him disappearing frequently too. Though it's unpleasant to think about these things I found it has heped me understand why it is I argue so often about something so small, which I think will improve the realtionship I have with my fiance.

Anyway, off to buy a bass guiatr tomorrow, have been saving for this for quite some time

-TG

[Determinator]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

whew! better late than never eh?

Speedster, very intriguing post! it brings up so very many thoughts and dovetails into so many things I've been learning about the function of my own brain and the state of my own emotional intelligence. You should come join us some evening on chat and discuss this! that would be great.

DG, ditto what you said! completely.

ThatGirl, kudos on the new base! I'm eagerly anticipating my keyboard's arrival (may still come today)

well done on the AF times you all! every AF day is our most important day.

be well

[ThatGirl]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

I have a keyboard already, plus 2 guitars, i'm just sort a dum kit then I could be a one (wo)man band xD

[Determinator]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

nice TG!, you have anything uploaded on youtube?

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Thread - Thursday May 28, 2009

TG I'm so glad to read of the changes that are happening for you with AF. That is such wonderful news - and how good for you to recognize these differences early in your adult life! I'm with Deter - would love to hear some of your music if it's out there in Cyberspace! Congratulations on the new Bass.

DG