AF Daily Sunday 31 May

[Loppy lugs]

Good morning all and what a beautiful morning it is.

I hope this comes across as an optimistic post because that is how I feel now the demons have past but yesterday I drank a bottle of wine. I drank it because I thought that after all the antabuse I took last week it would make me feel ill. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was feeling.

Yesterday afternoon I wanted to be dead.

A stark statement but unfortunately true. If being sober and feeling all these feelings or being a drunk were my choices I'd rather be dead. Now I know that what I should have done was phone the Samaritans but I thought all my little woes were too trivial and that I couldn't tell them.

Well everything happens for a reason and after sleeping it off. (the antabuse didn't make me sick I just now have a killer hangover) I went on chat for the first time and it dawned on me that I need professional help. Everyone here is great helping with the drinking but this is more than that. So I have made myself an appointment for an initial consultation with a pyschotherapy practice.

For me this is the next step. A bit like many feel they need AA. I need help with all these emotions. Fingers crossed.

Anyway hope you all have a brilliant day

[Marshy]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Morning all!

Loppy, I had counselling (at a drug/alcohol service) last year and found it helpful. Quite difficult as it brings up all sorts of emotions, but helpful in the long run. BTW, an ex-girlfriend of mine was a Samaritans volunteer and she said they dealt with all sorts of things, "big" and "small", so you shouldn't think that you'd be bothering them.

Anyone got any tips on dealing with stress? One of the ways I used alcohol was to unwind after work, and now I can't do that but - guess what?! - I never learnt how to deal with stress any other way. The past couple of days I've been thinking it would be nice to "zone out" somehow which is slightly dodgy territory for me.

I haven't been able to get to the gym because of working long days, so I'm going for a swim today (day off) and I know that will help. Any relaxation techniques that work for other people?

:rays::rays::rays: Off to enjoy the sunshine.

[rustop61]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Hi everyone

A beautiful morning here too. Spent most of yesterday in the garden. You are right Loppy to get whatever extra help you need. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Marshy I like to read to relax, exercise is great too. I walk every morning. Some people on the threads have used meditation, you might want to look into that.

Belated happy anniversary Det and Dx, enjoy your camping trip.

Greenie your doggie park sounds like fun.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Rustop

[Loppy lugs]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Hi again,

How to relax? That is what started the problem yesterday. I have had a week full of low level and not so low level stress and it just all built up until I thought I was going mad. Know what you mean about zoning out Marshy that was exactly how I felt on Tuesday which is why I dashed home to the antabuse. That stopped me drinking that day but did nothing to help me unwind.

I haven't honestly tried meditation. Whenever I have half heartedly tried it, unwelcome thoughts would pop into my head and I would have to go off and do some displacement activity to avoid thinking.

Currently reading Clarissa Dickson Wright's autobiography (the one from two fat ladies whi isn't dead) and have got to the bit where she gets treatment for her alcoholism and it really speaks to me.

Well guess I should get up and enjoy this wonderful sunny day.

[Pamina]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Morning all

Happy anniversary Det & Dx!! It's great to hear things are just getting better and better for you.

Stress busting is a million dollar question, isn't it. I'm sure stress lies behind so much drinking, at least it did for me. I'm currently going thru a busy period at work which is not intellectually demanding but requires lots of juggling with different people. I find myself doing a daily mental audit of what annoys me in those interactions, how I respond and what I could do differently next time around. It relieves some of the stress for me if I can find ways to be proactive in those moments. Meeting up with friends is probably my favourite for dealing with the residue at the end of the day, but that's not always possible. Finding an activity that transports you to another place would be next on my list. For me that's always been music. Could be exercise or gardening. A former flatmate of mine used to immerse himself in videogames at the end of the day. I haven't been consistent in trying meditation but it intrigues me.

Loppy, I'm glad you've decided to go for therapy. No point suffering from overwhelming emotions when help is out there. I'm still in couselling, and it's helped loads though it does take patience. I've come a long way from when I went for my 2-hour assessment interview and cried thru the entire thing. I think they got the picture LOL. Good luck with it.

The issue of drinking friends has come up here from time to time, and I've been pondering on this, yet again. I haven't cut off ties completely, but I now do what's good for me and that can create friction. A group of us met on Friday, including someone we haven't seen in ages. The biggest drinker turned up 2 hours late because he felt he had to stop off 'for a few quick ones' with other drinkers elsewhere before joining our crowd. My neighbours had woken me up at 5am, I'd worked a 10-hour day, and I only had a bit of leftover lunch on me. So when I was ready to leave at 9, the others were only getting started. I no longer share their stamina or motivation to hang out until last orders. They complained when I asserted my choice to go home and feed myself. The drinking lifestyle really is a whole different ball game. Like many of you said yesterday, I also felt FREE! I was no longer chained to that bar stool, 'finishing off' the week. YAY!

Enjoy the weekend everybody.

[AAthlete]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Loppy, thank you for the open and honest post. Looks like you are realizing that removing the booze is only part of the equation, right? I truly feel that the hardest part of starting this journey is admitting to ourselves and others that we can't always do this by ourselves. Reaching out for help shows that you really are ready to takes whatever steps are necessary to beat this thing, and for that you should be proud of yourself.

Hoping nothing but the best for you in this journey of ours and hope everybody else has a great Sunday.

[Cinders]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

AAthlete;625111 wrote: Loppy, thank you for the open and honest post. Looks like you are realizing that removing the booze is only part of the equation, right? I truly feel that the hardest part of starting this journey is admitting to ourselves and others that we can't always do this by ourselves. Reaching out for help shows that you really are ready to takes whatever steps are necessary to beat this thing, and for that you should be proud of yourself.

Hoping nothing but the best for you in this journey of ours and hope everybody else has a great Sunday.

Loppy,

Ditto what AA said. Hugs to you and hopes you find a good counselor.

Stress is tough. I find deep breathing helps but I have to remember to do it when I am in the midst of a panic attack.

At least I was sober yesterday and I will be sober today. In that respect life is good.

Hope all here and all to come have a wonderful day.
Cindi

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Morning abbinators!

Loppy, that's a great step forward to recognize the problem and move toward a desirable solution. Good on ya!

I have trouble with a wandering mind and have found I need guided meditation in which you listen to the person talk and lead you through it. I like this site and I use aromatherapy and the chakra meditations. You might like it. Suzanne Bovenizer - Certified Massage Therapist, CranioSacral Therapist, aromatherapist in Charlottesville Virginia Also, yoga. Or tai chi or qui gong. You could just find a few poses / moves that are good and practice them in a time frame suitable for you marshy. I'm sure the therapist will have some good suggestions, loppy.

Went to the barking lot last night. The same basic group goes. One couple came a little later and when the woman walked up she said "well, I'm not the only one without a social life" or something to that effect. Another laughed and said "This IS my social life". More laughing. She said "I can't think of a lot I'd rather be doing. Certainly not sitting in a bar. I had my share of that and this is so much better. " We all agreed. It ocurred to me that it's kind of like going to a bar. We go and hang out and chat and laugh but there's no booze. But we have a commonality with the dogs who provide entertainment and conversation stimulus (which doesn't seem to be needed) so the need for lubrication isn't really there. We come and go from the picnic tables walking around the lot with our dog(s); it really is a great social setting for me. I hope I'm not droning on about this. Not having kids, I never went to a playground which I imagine is the same sort of thing (but better :H:H). I'm just thrilled to have this as a social option.

On another note, I had a wierd anxiety thing last night. Out of the blue. I had a good day - went to the craft thing, visited my dad, ran errands, did chores, doggie park, healthy dinner, good movie and in the middle of the movie it set in. Restless, worried, unsettled, vague anxiety. Like the old AL stuff. I finished the movie and went into chat and drank chamomile tea. Others said it happens. It was comforting to know it wasn't just me. And I knew it wouldn't last so I didn't escalate it. So, it it happens to you, that's all it is. A little flashback, nothing more.

Gawd, this length rivals DG's posts! I shall retire to the porch with my newspaper now. And I have what I know to be the best cantalope in the universe. I could faintly smell it when I walked into the kitchen. It has a golden color, a tight weave and an "innie". It is going to be heaven with a bit of vanilla ice cream. Yes, for breakfast. :H

Have a great day!

[speedster]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Loppy, it does sound like you learned a lot yesterday and counseling will be an excellent step. Learning why we drink is what has to be resolved and it's quite confusing at times to dig through the emotions.

I was feeling a little annoyed late yesterday afternoon and practiced being mindful before I opened my mouth. I reflect today and see how trivial the annoyance was and wonder what the real emotional trigger was about. Still reading Emotional Alchemy and am at the chapter about breaking emotional habits.

DG - yesterday's bike ride was just around town, went to the post office, we rode by hubby's childhood house, rode through a new neighborhood and I walked through an open house. All fun, no stress of keeeping up. I will be mtn biking with friends this Wednesday & that will be interesting to see if I can not fear being left....

Dog note - took my pup for a routine vet visit, and asked for the SNAP 3DX screening which covers hearworm, lyme disease and ehrlichia (last 2 transmitted by ticks). He tested + for ehrlychia and is on antibiotics. A + test means he's been exposed, and not necessarily sick, but his behavior has been off this last week - slow, a bit more tired, no enthusiasm for trail walks. So we do the antibiotics. I lost my lat dog to ehrlychia so I will take no chances. Very strange disease. I loath ticks. Yes, he's on tick meds but we've had a horrible year for ticks and he's out in the woods too much. At least we caught it early.

Det - congrats on the Big Eleven! YAY!

Going to pull weeds before it gets too hot.

[speedster]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Greenie - thanks for the info on the meditating. I have an active, wandering mind and could use this info.

The anxiety episode -- Emotional Alchemy talks about going into a meditation, "mindfulness" and just let the feelings happen and you'll start peeling back what really triggered it. Was it a scene or conversation in the movie? Was it a smell? A sound? It was something, just a matter of a little detective work.

I also whole-heartedly agree about the doggie park - great place to be social but no AL. Animals do provide a common ground. If you like to read, try 'Dewey' about a cat that lives in a library in Iowa & brings the community together. True story.

okkk, now I go weed....

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Don't forget to say "jackrabbit". First utterance on the first day of the month for good luck.

[LVT25]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Good morning friends! Loppy I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, but really glad you're going to get professional help. I think it is very very hard to admit to others that we can't do things on our own. You still have the support here, but something more intense should give you the boost you need!

Everyone sounds great, I don't have time or energy to reply to everyone, wish I did, because there is something I want to say to every post! Speedster--that is pretty cool that your vet exam caught the erlichia early. Prevention is always the best medicine in our pets and humans. Sometimes I miss my job at the vet clinic....

I have been feeling stressed lately because I have so much on my plate! I just keep telling myself, one thing at a time, it will all work out. When my son got back from 4 days at campt eh other night and tried to pull his-I want things my way-crap, he pushed my buttons enough that I exploded on him. I felt bad, but they should know by now that I can only take so much. After I screamed a bit, I felt a little better. I wish I wasn't such a worrier, that is what causes most of my stress. Some people are laid back and easy going. Not me, I need to have things in order, or I worry. As far as stress relief--for sure it used to be the beer and ciggies. But I guess I have been af long enough to know that that is not going to help one little teeny tiny bit--in fact it would make it worse. I don't have time for it.

Ok, gotta run, my son is being confirmed today, and I need to iron his clothes.:h

[AAthlete]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

LTV, one of the things that we need to remind ourselves of is that it is okay to feel emotions - we just need to be willing to address them instead of burying them inside.

This morning I was feeling sorry for myself because other people in my life weren't acting the way that I wanted them to. I first need to remind myself that no one is perfect (especially me), and that when I find a person, place or thing that is bothering me it usually means that there is something wrong with me. Am I being accepting of that person or thing, or am I wanting them to be/act the way that I would? Would the world really be a better place if everything went my way? Or is it better that things/people are unique and that I can't control them - and the sooner I accept that the more serenity I will have in my life.

Have a great time at the confirmation today and thanks for helping me sort our my own morning!

[Determinator]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Happy Sunday ABland!!!!!

Loppy I'm so glad you are ok and didn't manage to injure yourself as intended. Big hooray on the counseling idea. There is this silly stigma attached to counseling for some weird reason but don't let that slow you down on your path to wellness. I gad got to chat a bit late last night so didn't fully grasp what was going on so my apologies for not being more helpful then. Just glad your ok!

Speedster, prayers for your pup! and kudos on finding a healthy social scene.

Dx and I were on a nice drive in the mountain yesterday and saw a billboard that read:
"always the life of the party. Challenge: do it sober"

I was pleasantly surprised to see it and have no idea what organization paid to have it put there. anyone have a clue?

Dx is in Vegas to see her Mom and I'm a bachelor for the day. Off to the shooting range with friends then have some packing to do for a big travel/work week.

AAthlete, I really like the way you put your philosophical thoughts to words. Very approachable and informational without coming across as condescending. Have you done much writing professionally?

I really must find this 'emotional alchemy'. I hope they have the audio book version (darn long road trips!).

be well my friends,

[Marshy]

AF Daily Sunday 31 May

Thanks for that meditation link Greeneyes. I got a bit distracted by the sheep that sometimes comes up on RealPlayer. You know the one? He was being attacked by a UFO, and so I was watching that instead of paying attention to the voice. I'll give it another try! It's a good idea for when I get home at 11pm or later and it's not possible to do the gym/friends/movie thing.

After a swim and a day in the sunshine I'm now feeling totally chilled of course and wondering why I've been so wound up all week. I think I've been missing exercise more than I realised and need to figure out how to make more time for that.