WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

[AAthlete]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

06/19/09 Daily Reflection

A thousand beatings by Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it was my moral obligation to conquer my "enemy-friend." At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my "moral fiber." I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended. My feeling set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I am grateful.

Morning everyone. Read the Daily Reflection this morning and it really seemed to pertain to some of the conversations we have been having around admitting we were alcoholics and asking for help. I know it certainly relates to me, as I tried to quit based on 'my own will' hundred of times and it never stuck.

I know plenty of people who asserted their will and will able to quit for an extended period of time, but they never seemed happy about it. The whole goal behind the AA program is to teach us a way to live 'happy, joyous and free' - and simply quitting drinking usually doesn't yield those results. I fully admit I was one of those people who didn't want to admit that I couldn't do it myself, and I had to be beaten down in order to realize that. Once I 'resigned from the great debating society' as mentioned in the Big Book, a wonderful new world opened up for me.

Hope everyone has a happy and sober Friday!

[Cinders]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended.

Yes, exactly. I know for sure that my drinking caused great self-loathing and despair. I kept thinking I was bad and unlovable because I couldn't quit.

MWO and AA both have taught me that loving myself is crucial to my recovery and learning to love myself has allowed me to recognize how selfish and self-centered I was actually being, which, too, is crucial to my recovery.

Thanks AA. Your thoughtful posts always strike a chord within me and today's came at a very good time for me.

Yes, everyone, let's have a happy and sober Friday.

Love,
Cindi

[cpn1004]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

All, what a great thread this week. I have struggled this month but am back with some AF days and attending meetings. It has been tough this week as my wife's parents have been here since Tuesday and so it is difficult to attend meetings, I've not shared with them that I'm attending AA. BUT, yesterday I went to a 630am meeting and it was great. I had heard it was a good group and was not disappointed.
Many thanks to all of you.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[retteacher]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Kayla: I loved your post. I'm going to read it again later when I have more time. As I open up to people (gradually), I feel freer & freer. I absolutely need the day to day support of the meetings.

Phil: Do whatever you have to do to stay sober. The slips & relapses made it that much harder to get on the AF train. I'm glad you are doing this.

I'll be back.

Mary

[retteacher]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

DG: I called my mom this AM, & she was doing better. However, that could change, & I don't want my serenity to be effected by my mother's mood or outlook. I do what I can do & leave the rest to her HP. I'm not her HP, & must remember that she's doing what she has to do in order to progress along her life path. It's hard to maintain loving detachment. Mary

[Doggygirl]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hi all. Just a quick in and out for me today. Kayla, I really loved your post. I too am finding freedom as I continue to submit little pieces of myself to the universe around me rather than trying to carry the world on my own shoulders. Part of that is (finally) admitting my addiction to those around me - most of whom knew long before I did. It sounds as though you have won a battle in the war this week!

AA - thank you for sharing that reading. That one really speaks to me too. I always love your posts.

Phil it's good to see you. I find it difficult to deal with my in-laws as well - I can sure understand (I think) what you might be experiencing this week. Maybe it's the time of day? The 7AM meetings I go too always seem to be my favorites.

Yes Cindi - a sober AND HAPPY Friday. Or at least peaceful. I have a lot of work to do in order to be able to keep my inner peace no matter what. A LOT of work. Happy at will? Definitely not THERE yet LOL.

Hi Winefree and Mary.

I have not yet made an AA meeting today. On Fridays I have a business meeting at 7AM, so usually go to the 10:30 AA meeting. I went to the business thing but have been on hold since then waiting for news from the hospital. I will be leaving soon. I guess Dad is not going "home" but they are making arrangements to get him into some sort of care facility for now in their home town. I'm hoping upon hope that it is NOT the horrid place he ended up in last summer. If it is, I hope better arrangements can be made for the time he will need that sort of care post surgery. I'm really hoping to make a meeting later but if not, I will be at the 7AM meeting tomorrow come hell or high water. I will surely need it bad by then!

Have a good day all. Learn and grow.

DG

[Kayla]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hello everyone, both posters and readers,

It's so good to hear how you're all doing, and to get the daily reading. Thanks AAth for that. I signed up to the Hazledon site y'day for their emails of daily thoughts. Part of trying to keep my eye focused on being in recovery. Knowing that, admitting that (getting the escape routes closed off) is a big sobriety tool for me. As you say, Mary and DG, part of that process of opening up and airing some of those parts of ourselves that we've closed off from the world around us.

And on that note - re: hiding out - I've got five children here this w/e - for a sleepover. Usually I would have been drinking and the kids night might not have happened - I would have been drinking, incognito and unwilling to stay sober long enough to meet the parents at drop-off time. Either that or I'd be dry, anxious as hell and hanging out for a drink. Other times - during sobriety - I just muddle through, like today. My kids deserve it, and the pay-off is getting to see them have such fun. I was nervous, but am getting through it okay; reminded though of how hard I find it to be around other people without substances in me. That's going to take some serious working on. Sounds like you've been challenged this week with that one too Phil, with your in-laws around. Great you're managing some AF days and meetings and keeping your eye on extending those successes.

For me, much of my drinking was wrapped up with the lack of self-worth/self-acceptance/not measuring up aspect which you mentioned Cindi. In Buddhism, loving-kindness always starts with the self and spreads out from there; an acknowledgment that with the abandonment of self-loathing (and the practice of compassion) we are able to connect with self and others. I love that, and the challenge in learning to do it.

I was so despondent the past two days that I managed to pick up a temporary sponsor. I think it was obvious that I really want this.

I am flawed that the US has so many early morning meetings - both you, Phil and DG, have mentioned 6.30am and 7am meetings. Whoosh! Some days there isn't even a day one on in my town - meaning no meeting, or an hour each way drive. That's the case today. Saturday's a bit of a danger zone for me at present - so well-ingrained is the habit of wine, and the w/e papers on the back deck. So I'd like to get that networking thing happening if poss.

Be well, and sober all x

[ready2change]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Happy Saturday All! I'm off to my Dad's for the fathers day weekend. My stepmom (83) took a fall on the stairs a couple of days ago! Luckily all she managed to do was sprain her ankle, no broken bones! Amazing testement to her health. None the less, she is incapacitated and she is the caregiver to my Dad who has his own issues, so that is difficult right now. I'm hoping my sibs who llive closer will take care of them as needed. My Dad lost no time in taking this opportunity to hop in his truck and drive somewhere. He has not been driving as he is dizzy and disoriented from the meds, not to mention he is basically blind in one eye. I'm gonna have to give him a spanking when I get down there :-) Sheesh this role reversal takes some getting used to!

Kayla...love the new attitude and really love your signature.

Have a great weekend all.

R2C

[Popeye]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hello Folks.

I'm still feeling very good being a non-drinker.
I started a new job a couple of weeks ago and I do some funny shifts, so I haven't managed to get to a meeting for three weeks. There are none that aren't in the evening except one that starts just after I do, so I'm stuck.

From AA's post...
At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my "moral fiber."

I was of the opinion that being an alcoholic meant a shortage of moral fibre on my part. I still haven't got to the stage of accepting it as a disease though. "My name is Paul, and I'm an alcoholic." I don't need to label it.
The acceptance came easy to me. I had known this for many years but I didn't want to do enough about it, or even think about it until the day I decided that enough was enough. That's possibly a sign of the weakness that I detested in myself.
I feel now, that I have the beating of this thing. I don't feel like a dry drunk. I have few cravings and I'm enjoying the freedom that I've found. I don't feel odd when someone asks if I'll be going to the pub at the weekend. I'm pleased to tell them that I don't drink. Not in a smug or cocky way, but because I am comfortable being a non-drinker. I don't begrudge anybody else who enjoys a drink the chance to indulge themselves. I'm grateful that I have been given a chance to live in a better and more conscious way, without as much negativity always used to haunt me.

Well done to everyone for the great thread this week and for keeping it going. It's really good stuff.

[Cinders]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

R2C,

Both of my parents are 85. My mom in particular is starting a downhill slide mentally. I hate it because she is one of my very dearest friends as well as being my mommy.

I remember when I had to get really stern with my daddy about driving. That was several years ago. He has macular degeneration and kept driving way after he should have. Luckily, he never hurt anyone. He finally listened to me, though. :-)

All, this thread is wonderful.

Popeye, it sounds like the obsession has been lifted. That is awesome!! We read the 9th Step Promise at the beginning of all our AA meetings. It sure sounds like the promises are being given to you. I am happy for you.

All, thank you for being here and sharing. I love it. It makes my journey easier.

Cindi

[retteacher]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hi Everyone: I'm doing well & am planning on going to a 4 PM meeting before we go to a big bash across the street at our neighbors' home. I know plenty of booze will be flowing. I'm prepared & I know the meeting will help keep me focussed on sobriety.

Kayla: It's OK to muddle through the sleepover party. I've been muddling, & I'm noticing that muddling is turning into coping, & the coping is turning into competently working through. I, as an AL, have the mistaken impression that "normals" don't muddle or feel uncomfortable. I know they do, but they just push through wo/any kind of numbing substance.

Take care one & all. Tomorrow, Father's Day, we're going w/family & extended family to a Red Sox game. It'll be an all-day fun extravaganza. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there in MWO land.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hello all! Mary, hope the Big Bash is going well. I like your strategy of the 4PM meeting just to make sure the old noggin is in the right place. I have done that on a few occassions before business events and I'm always grateful that there IS a 4PM meeting!

Cindi that is funny (since nothing bad happened!) about your Dad and driving. My Dad is stubborn like that too.

Popeye you sound TERRIFIC and I love that you stop by and post here. I'm so glad that you found a way to get sober that is working well for you and giving you that sense of joy and purpose in life - not just not drinking, and maybe even being mad about "not being able to drink." I'm really happy for you! Your sharing helps me and I know it helps others too!

R2C I hope you are having a good parent visit. LOL on your Dad driving too. (so long as nothing bad comes of it)

Kayla, it sounds like this has been quite a week for you with lots of emotions and decisions with regard to drinking. I have noticed in my own journey that Big Decisions and/or Big Revelations are nearly always preceeded by some sort of emotional turmoil or Big Denial or something. Like I have to have one last rebellion before accepting the truth or something. Each step like that has been worth it though. I hope you are feeling good - it sounds like progress as I read your posts although it may not feel like that to you yet???? At any rate, I hope you are having a good weekend!

Hello also to WF and PP and Phil and all other AAers and AA curious and lurkers, etc. Hope you are having a good weekend one and all.

Today's meeting was intersting. It's a Big Book Study and today we started Chapter 7 which is really all about Step 12 - bringing the word to other alcoholics. There were lots of people at this meeting and lots of old timers. So on this topic, there was lots of healthy debate and even disagreement as people told stories about how they do things. I am continually amazed at how respectful things stay in these meetings even where there are strong and differing opinions. It is a great learning experience just to see the meeting format in action where everyone has a chance to express themselves but things are organized so no individual can dominate the conversation or emotionally "take over" the meeting. I am humbled by the maturity I see and hope to continue growing in these directions.

As a "newbie" to AA, one of the basic tools that is stuck in my head is the suggestion to get out of myself by doing something for another alcoholic when I'm in a pity party mode. I've certainly been doing my share of pity partying while dealing with Dad/family issues this week. Last week I was drinking poison and waiting for one of my brothers to die which is just not productive. So I called a girl who needs rides and offered to pick her up for this morning's meeting, which she took me up on. These things really REALLY do help.

My mind is just a terrible place sometimes! But at least I'm recognizing some of the problems now, and beginning to learn better ways of dealing with things. Maybe there is hope that I will grow up some day.

Have a great weekend everyone! Thanks to one and all for the great sharing here. I'm so glad that we have each other in this journey.

DG

[Cinders]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

DG,

Me, too, on the journey. So grateful to have all of you with me. You have no idea...

Love,
Cindi

[Kayla]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hey all
Yep great thread - lots of stimulating discussion. Absolutely DG, highs and lows for me this week to all shades in between. Thanks to all for the kind words and the tough love.

Popeye, love your positivity and affirmation of life in the absence of drinking. You're right, it is a real opportunity and I totally relate. Maybe this is the flip side of "the problem" having got so bad that we needed to stop? There seems to be many people who drift along in low-level problem drinking for years.

Just a quick check in before some family time. Great meeting this morning - Sun 10.30am.
Likewise all, terrific to be sharing the journey with you, and just wonderful how all this conversation evolves and unfolds.

[Roberttike]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

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