WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

[cpn1004]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

This may be one of the best AA threads to date.
Kayla, thanks for presenting your concerns. If you check my "join" date you'll find that I have been around here quite some time but have not yet pulled 30 days AF. I'm still working on that. I have read a dozen or so books about this stuff and get it intellectually buy am reluctant to admit I have this disease, if it is a disease.

But I will guarantee you that I have an obsession regarding drinking. And once I drink that first beer then my body has an allergic reaction and I keep drinking.
I started attending AA meetings in May and had my best month in over two years, then had a family issue (like everyone else here) and resumed daily drinking and not attending meetings. Hmmm....see a connection Phil?

This past weekend I went to Nebraska to visit a friend of 40 years. He is in the program as they say and will be two years sober in August. My 2 1/2 days with him was like a mini-rehab. We went to a great meeting Sunday and had a great AF weekend. I flew first class both directions and did not partake in the free booze.
All that sounds good right...well stay tuned.

Last night driving home from the airport I began obsessing about buying some beer to take home. I fought that and made it home. Went to the refrigerator and found a single beer. Opened it drank it and off I went. Fortunately I only purchased another six pack and ended the evening with 7 beers and blew my 3 days of no alcohol.

So today I start again on my 30 day goal. I'm not going to give up and hopefully neither will you.
Thanks for listening.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Kayla]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Clinging to the raft of recovery

It is such a huge relief to be able to dialogue about this stuff, and really gratifying that others feel the same, and that we're all getting something out of it.

I couldn't wait for yesterday to be over, and begin a new AF day. My husb was great about my lapse. I'm not even going to distinguish it by identifying it as a 'relapse' and this isn't mere semantics; I am determined that this won't turn into another bender. Not interested in drifting back to drinking. As I said, I'll keep coming here, and I'll keep going to AA. If I managed to kick dope and cigarette smoking (my primary drug of choice), then I sure as hell can get on top of this. I'm not giving up Phil - clearly you've had your lapse into beers, got up, dusted yourself off and got back on the recovery wheel. Brilliant. I'm with you all. Like you Phil, I'm starting again - miffed that I let those 15 days go - but ready to build on them. I have learnt something out of every lapse/relapse I've ever had. There was nothing fun or necessary about this lapse. Just disappointment. It reminds me however what I learnt years back in a relapse prevention course; it seems exceptionally pertinent here: 'Recovery is a process, not an event'. If we could all just GET IT the first time then that would be an event. That we have to keep working at it reinforces that there's a process at work - and that involves effort, motivation, commitment, self-scrutiny,amends, forgiveness, change.

Yep, HG, 'behavior we're trying to change' -and it seems we're all able to totally relate to the 'obsession' part of whatever this compulsion to do damage to ourselves is. I am elated to have found a point of connection in the program. Finally something that really resonates. As you say R2C, whatever IT is, we appear to have it. Am desperately trying to forget the WHY IT IS - that's clearly getting me nowhere. I do want to look at the behaviors though - something's going on when you want to take that drink, and I think it's really help to hone in on what the triggers are - so I'll be looking at that over the next few days. Rigorous honesty DG. I know, trust and am committed to being on that train. I don't want to go back to that old dead life. These two weeks of sobriety have so been much fuller, satisfying, authentic.

Was the lapse worth it? I don't know about you Phil, but mine wasn't. When you drink daily, your body and mind adapts to the AL. Y'day I felt bloody awful - toxic, nauseous, headachey, tired ... but I am determined not to add guilt to that. Moving forward. Back here. Back to meetings. Cindi, as discussed earlier in the thread, taking some action. And I do believe that there's a spiritual solution. I can use that part of the program too. Hope we can rally thoise intial 30 days along Phil. Clearly, there are those among us who are achieving sobriety. Mary and DG working the steps. Others? All this is so positive.

Let's keep on talking and rolling this stuff around. Loving hearing about the issues, concerns, the successes and the steps. Clearly, it's proving helpful to us all x

[lucky 2.0]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Hi all. I have stated this before and will again but it is such a hot button for me. I readily admit I have a problem with alcohol once started but I refuse to say in a mtg that my name is lucky and I am an alcoholic. I think it becomes self fulfilling prophecy. I really do not understand why more people do not say I am a recovering alcoholic. This is such a stumbling block for me (due to Law of Attraction and also just basic common sense to me) that it clouds the good of the program- and there is a lot of good.

2nd comment: Anyone attend online mtgs and find them helpful? I do think there is huge value in attending in person for accountability but curious...

thx

[Determinator]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

oh no, there goes the neighborhood, Det found us!!!

a hem....

Lucky, I can't imagine anyone giving you grief if you describe yourself as a recovering alcoholic. They are surely not going to boot you out for that. Any one know how this would be received?

I was at a meeting and this guys version was something like: "Hi, my names Bill and I'm not really sure why I'm here....."

there were no murmurs or giggles or anything of the sort. they gave him his time to describe his situation and all was fine.

[lucky 2.0]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

D-

I think there is a general 'tude that you cannot be "recovering" until you have x amt of time under your belt. But, I think from Day 1, everyone should say that are recovering. I think I will ask to be on the committee writing the refreshed bylaws. There is just too much group mindthink of saying one is an alkie. If they said they have an allergic reaction to alcohol, that would be ok too.

[cpn1004]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Lucky,
I've been in meetings where people have introduced themselves as "Hi I'm Phil, a grateful recovery alcoholic" and no one seemed to mind.
I think it may depend upon the group.

[lucky 2.0]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

I agree cpn, but it is so out of the norm it stands out and that I do not get.

[Winefree]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Great thread. Thoroughly enjoying all the conversation. I don't think there is any problem introducing yourself however you want, but most just pick the I'm____ and I'm an alcoholic(and sometimes and an addict). It is the few clever ones that want to break up the norm that add the recovering alcoholic, or grateful alcoholic statement. I have also noted that some people in the meetings also have a little speech they add on as well, such as and I am grateful to be here sober today. I'm grateful to be anywhere sober and I didn't always feel that way. they then go on to speak about the days issue......so I think it's really an individual thing.

Winefree

[Kayla]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

Lucky,
I wrote a reply to this earlier but it seems to have not made it to the thread. The gist of what I said: to say that one is recovering does seem to denote that you've had a signif period of recovery in AA - having said that, people ID in all sorts of ways here in Australia. There is a protocol, but I think you can tweak it. I used to be more comfortable ID'ing as an addict (even though I've never done 'hard' drugs) because I could relate to someone being addicted (in general) - more than I could relate to the word 'alcoholic'. It is a loaded word, stereotyped to hell and back. But it is just a word. I don't think anyone's going to kick you out of a meeting because you ID as recovering. Try it and tell us!

As for the self-fulfilling prophecy regarding constantly affirming oneself as an alcoholic - I've had many similar thoughts. However, the fact that we're sitting in an AA meeting kind of sorts that one out, when all's said and done! This is the way I'm currently dealing with that dilemma: Whether or not I can jive with the A label, what I can say is that I drink alcoholically! Acknowledging the problem - that's what the ID'ing is about. But yes, it trips so many of us up... Don't worry about whether you've stated things before. Say them again, whenever you like. Gives us all a chance to unpack the problems and tackle them.

Not sure about the online meetings. Maybe we can all have a look around.
Staying close to all of you right now, got through my first day back on track okay. How's everyone else going?

[Kayla]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

WF
LOL at your phrase "I'm grateful to be anywhere sober"! Right on the money!

[Doggygirl]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

While my AA experience is still young, I have NEVER heard anyone given a hard time at all about how they introduce themselves, and especially if they introduce as "I'm a recovering alcoholic" or anything along those lines. ??????

On the subject of lapses/relapses - battling this addiction is tough tough tough. For me I had to truly reach a place deep down inside (and this was pre-AA) where I wanted sobriety WAY WAY more than I wanted a drink for any reason. (stress relief, pain relief, emotional numbing, etc.)

I guess to be honest I don't understand the many posts at MWO I see that suggest much is learned from relapses (lapses, slips, etc.). The only thing I ever learned from that 8 month long relapse was that I CANNOT have one drink or control my drinking in any way. The other part of the 7.9 months was spent in the cycle of my addiction but I can't say I learned anything new. What exactly is everyone learning besides further confirmation that safe drinking is not possible??? I have always been a bit confused by the comments along these lines.

Sorry for the tough talk but that's just how brutally honest I have to be with myself in order to stay sober.

Mary, thank you again for continuing to share about your step work. I am learning a lot from it. I have yet to put pen to paper this week on Step 4 as I've mainly been running back and forth to the hospital and updating other family by phone, etc. But I WILL get this done as I want the mental relief!

Sorry to be :b&d: today.

DG

[Cinders]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

DG,

I think the only thing I learn is that everytime I relapse, I get closer and closer to understanding how unmanageable my life is and how powerless I am over alcohol.

Some of us are slow learners.

However, I am smiling today. I am getting some relief with the drug Baclofen. It is helping immensely with the obsessive thinking. I am excited about that.

On the other hand, I know AA and learning to live life such that soberiety becomes the norm, such that I live my life better because of those simple 12 Steps, and that I gain self-respect, something I am not sure I ever had, are the real keys to living life sober.

Love,
Cindi

[AAthlete]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

A.A. Thought For The Day

We in A.A. have the privilege of living two lives in one lifetime. One life of drunkenness, failure, and defeat. Then, through A.A., another life of sobriety, peace of mind, and usefulness. We who have recovered our sobriety are modern miracles. And we're living on borrowed time. Some of us might have been dead long ago. But we have been given another chance to live. Do I owe a debt of gratitude to A.A. that I can never repay as long as I live?

You know, in the Big Book it tells us that we RECOVER from a hopeless state of mind and body, and although I don't refer to myself as a recovered alcoholic in meetings, that's what I am. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, well then guess what (no offense meant Lucky). Guess I'm from the same school as doggy in that, if I am brutally honest with myself, I was a self-centered, jackass alcoholic before I worked the steps of AA. I will admit to my dying breath that I could not control my drinking and that I needed help. THAT was the point that I needed to reach in order to be able to beat this disease.

Have a great day everyone. Oh yeah, and I do owe AA a debt of gratitude that can never, ever be repaid!

[retteacher]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

DG: The mental relief of step 5 is enormous. I'm so glad I was able to do it.

Phil, keep working on sobriety. The lapses really didn't help me very much. In fact, they set me back & made it harder to get back into a program. My sponsor said that sobriety is very precious, & we should guard it. I find that going to meetings almost daily works for me. I don't judge them as good or bad. I just go, because I tend to stay sober when I do that. The meetings I go to are very tolerant. People identify themselves as anything they want & nobody I know of says anything. Some people even say: "Hi, my name is ____________ & I'm a drunk." My husb has gone to a couple of meetings w/me & just says his name, because he isn't an AL.

I've tried to keep an open mind. My goal is to stay sober.

Mary

PS: Great meeting last night...a bunch of women speakers from a visiting group. I heard my story in pieces.

[hiddengoal]

WEEKLY AA THREAD - Week of June 15 - June 21st

The label dilemma - maybe its pride, maybe its the societal connotations and judgments associated with the word 'alcoholic', but if it was required to use that label, I do not believe I could recover myself. There is so much more than alcohol that I got lost in and My Recovery is about So Much More than alcohol.

This does NOT mean I do not support the program, the framework it provides, and the mountains of work people are doing. I just won't be able to benefit from it, if I cannot just say, "Hi, my name is -------" and go from there.

SO, you can boot me from the thread, but I will continue to read because I believe there is also much more to the issue than a label.