AF daily - Sunday June 21st

[Marshy]

Morning all!

Wheee! I've finished work for a few days. I work on Saturdays and it's the busiest day of the week so I always think "phew! it's over" when I wake up on Sundays.

I read an article yesterday by a guy called Oliver Burkeman who writes a pop psychology column in a newspaper here. He was criticising some self-help books for suggesting that transformation is quick and straightforward.

I liked this bit: "Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy."

Difficult... I remember not being able to string 3 or 4 AF days together, and feeling as though I could have banged my head against a wall I wanted to drink so much.

Slow... I've been on the site, on and off, for two years. I thought maybe I'd be able to say "I'm cured!" after a few months and that would be that. Haha

Messy... All those damaged relationships to repair and a whole lot more.

Today I'm going for a swim and then meeting a couple of friends to go to some kind of food fair (don't know the details). When I first started here I couldn't have spent a day off like that because it's 9.30am and I'd probably be drinking by now, or certainly would have wanted to spend the afternoon drinking rather than scoffing food goodies (I hope there are lots of samples on offer!). For me all the difficult, slow and messy stuff was and is worth it to have my freedom back.

Right, Sunday sermon over.:H I'm off to enjoy the day.

Oo, I've just typed the date. Summer solstice. Maybe I'd better get my robes on and head down to Stonehenge instead!

[rustop61]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Hi Marshy and all to come

Thanks for the sermon Marshy, all very true and applies to many of us. Thank God for MWO.

Had a busy day yesterday at daughters show. She came second so was pleased. Long day though and I have loads to do before going away. Will be away for two weeks, hopefully I will be able to check in at various stages. If not, I wish you all well over the coming weeks and will catch up when I get back.

Rustop

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Good morning or whatever time of day it is where you are!

Marshy thank you for starting us off today and that is one great post!! Wow I had to stop and think but it's been almost 2 years for me too since coming to MWO. Wow - life is sure different today but you are right - it wasn't easy.

Hi Rustop! Hope your daughter is doing great in her weekend showing.

Hmmm.... Real Change = Difficult, slow and messy. Yes I agree this change has been like that. I think the real core of the work for me revolves around getting brutally honest with myself. I think the "honesty" challenge fits in all three of those categories! I had to first get totally honest about the nature and severity of my problem to have any hope at all. It took quite awhile to face much of the truths and I'm still uncovering stuff. But like you Marshy it has totally been worth it. I wouldn't trade my life today for anything. I have a feeling it will continue to get better and better with more effort and learning to truly enjoy life one day at a time.

Hmmm....what am I doing today v. what would it have been like back in my drunken years? Today I am going to an AA meeting to kick off the day. I'm picking up a girl on the way who needs rides, but is working hard to stay clean - she is a fellow addict but crack was her thing. After the meeting I will give her a ride home and then go to the gym for an upper body and cardio work out. Then home to clean up and then go to the nursing home to spend the afternoon with Dad. We're not big on gifts in the family but Mom said he could use some lounging type pajamas for all the upcoming time in hospital and care facilities. So took care of that yesterday.

In the old days... I would have promised to go and been Level 10 resenting every moment of it. Now there is a good reason to get drunk. Very drunk. Oops - too drunk on Saturday to leave the house safely and go buy a gift. No gift. Figure out the lie as to why. Same excuse as always - I'm a really busy important person who just didn't have the time. Ha. Today I would be more than Level 10 resentful over having to go some place this afternoon - boy does that interfere with my drinking! I'm pissed! Mr. Doggy is driving so nobody will know that I have a few this morning. Of course there is no AA meeting or gym time to worry about. Oops. Had a few too many. Now it's noon and I'm way too tipsy to go to the nursing home where everyone will be sober. ***alternate endings**** 1) Mr. Doggy convinces me that we need to go anyway so we go and within 2 minutes I'm making excuses to leave. Of course I can't focus on any conversation or anyone else because I'm worried about covering up my drunken state and getting the hell out of there. or 2) I call and make some excuse why we can't come after all. That's my preferred ending.

I have so many amends to make it's not even funny. I am grateful to be on a much better track now. Yes I still get wound up on a daily basis in my self centered thinking. I haven't conquered the resentment beast by a long shot. But I am so much better than I was.

Today I am grateful to be sober and able to be "there" for my family in a real way.

Thank you Marshy and hello to all yet to come. Happy Father's Day to all the MWO Daddies and Grand Daddies out there!

DG

[dill]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Marshy, thank you for the Sunday sermon! Good food for thought and timely for me.

Rusty, I do hope you'll be able to check in some over the next couple of weeks, but either way, have a wonderful vacation!

DG, thanks for your brutally honest compare/contrast. Very, very inspirational!

"Change is difficult, and slow, and messy." That certainly is true of this particular change. I am amazed by it, really. You know, when you first start this process you just think: OK, it's time for me too stop drinking. So, I'll just stop drinking. Then reality hits. I can really relate to what you said, Marshy, about not being able to string 3-4 days together at first. I thought it was just not possible. But, reading on this thread and others, I got the messsage that it WAS possible and I COULD do it! I am so grateful! I am far from 'cured'. Just recently I had 23 days and then, out of nowhere, complacency set in and I blew it! Alcohol is cunning and powerful indeed. Anyway, I only blew the one day and I am back on course. Thank you all for being here!!!

Have a wonderful day, everyone. And Happy Father's Day to the dad's out there!!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Good morning!

Ah, I remember those days just over a year ago where I would be drinking upon waking on the weekends. I am so glad those days are long gone. It has been a long road in my recovery going from 'deaths door' to stringing along a few AF days, here and there. Eventually getting in a few months; only to think I could moderate my drinking. I have to admit that the last year is when I started to do the 'real' work. Counseling, medication, resolving past resentments, making amends with the people who I hurt, etc.. etc...

Marshy, what you quoted, 'Change is difficult, and slow, and messy'. Is the ABSOLUTE truth. There are NO quick fixes. Sure, self help books can put things into perspective for us; but the true work has to come from within us.

Thanks for putting that out here, Marshy. A great topic, indeed.

Well, today I am meeting with a single dad and we are going to take our daughters downtown to embark on the many activities that are going on. We are also going to buy some fish for the resident seals in the inner harbour for the girls to feed. I am looking so forward to it and will be bringing my camera. I hope the weather holds out. It is overcast (which makes it a perfect day to walk around for hours with young children) I just hope the rain saves itself until tomorrow, which I think will.

Have a great day everyone! Happy father's day to all of those fathers at MWO. xoxo

[AAthlete]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

God, that does bring a flashback to when I begged off going to my nephew's birthday party (he is the same age as my son) because I was already drunk at 11am. I look back and it's like looking back at the life of someone I don't know anymore....

You're right though - there is nothing easy about this whole process, and it all begins with us being honest with ourselves and others. Without that I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of staying sober, because it means that I am admitting what I really am.

Having a great Father's Day! Got my Home Depot gift card and went out to breakfast so far - and am thinking about a massage a little later today!

[Determinator]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Top of the Sunday ABerooooos!

Marshy, thanks for the great kickstart, really good post.

Happy Fathers day AAthlete and all our great Dady-O's in MWO land!

I finally got my fishing license yesterday after not having one for a couple years. I recall fishing being a highly inebriated event in my past years, but now maybe I'll be able to catch something! We'll see soon enough, Dx and I are packing the truck today for an overnighter trip to the lake for Monday and Tuesday.

sober weekends ROCK!

be well everyone!

[speedster]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Hello Abbers!

It's been a few weeks since I posted. Dog agility trial, vacation and getting back in the swing of things. I am disappointed that I did not remain AF the entire time, but did not have any trouble getting back into the AF routine. AL around dinners on vacation and I caved. I found myself thinking things like "I wish I could have one more..." but circumstances didn't allow for it, thankfully.

The success of the trip was being able to be at peace. My husband I never bickered over anything the entire trip (not even each other's driving, LOL), and we both acknowledged this. I overcame some strong moments of resentment too. So it was an excellent trip.

Now I'm back in the swing of being AF, gardening (just brought it 1.5 lbs of green beans, 1 lb peas, and 3 lbs lettuce), and going to the farmers market. Local peaches are in and a lot of other tasty stuff.

DET - I also harvest my first home-grown garlic! 11 bulbs in all. Not a big batch but it was my 1st try, it's curing in the basement and the it smells wonderful!

I have been keeping up most days with reading the thread. It pains me to hear about aging parents. My mom died at age 54 and dad at 73. Both were rather sudden and I was 22 when mom died of lung/liver cancer (she smoked). Dad went in for bypass surgery and never woke up. All very tragic, but I only dealt with 4-6 weeks of intense stress. I guess it's good they didn't suffer long but it sure didn't give anyone time to talk or adjust. It was like having one's finger stuck in a light socket.

Keep working on the emotions. I'm still reading Emotional Alchemy and getting a lot out of it.

LVT -- good job on trading in the Bud Lite fo an non-AL beer! That's awesome.

DG - My pup and I did well at our trial. We earned a title in one of the more difficult events and I had a few 'learning experiences'. We won't trial again until Sept-Oct. and will practice a lot over the summer.

I have a 10-week plan. I will focus on increased exercise and eating fresh, local food. I did a little canning last year and plan to advance my canning skills and freeze more veggies. Over the last 6 months I overcame the habit of drinking while cooking so this summer will be great to be AF and working hard in the kitchen.

I will also work on a plan for being AF on trips. I didn't have a real plan when I left. I'm making good progress with emotions though and I'm triled with that.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads of children and pets!

[sunnydaz]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Good Morning everyone and Happy Father's Day to all the fathers on MWO.
"Change is difficult, slow and Messy"
Well in my case it has been that. I started my new life many years ago..I'd say about 10 or more and I would get a few months and then slip and then be back at it for several more years and then I finally got 4 and a half years and then after some deaths in the family I went back out...but I had already left the program and didn't have any support....what was I thinking. But during the four years I went to AA, counseling and some group classes....I thought I knew it all by then....Not! This time something has clicked and I finally realize I can't drink without getting drunk...I proved to myself over and over...I'm stubborn ya know!! I have a granddaughter now and I don't want her to see grandma drunk and so far she hasn't but If I had stayed drinking eventually she would have. I quit smoking too because I was constantly sick with allergies and sinus infections. But if I had been drinking I would have been drinking by now and pist off because the kids hadn't called hubby yet for Father's day. I still stuggle with that one....like I am today...they haven't called yet. I would have struggled to get something together for a barbeque and be irratated that I had to go out of my way...it's that selfish thing in me. And then I would have taken off to go gamble for awhile because of all the trouble of the extra things I had to do and woke up broke and sick, sad and so so sorry.
But today we woke up and I served him coffee out on the patio as he read the paper and then we went out for breakfast and enjoyed the trip there...later we are going for a swim and who knows after that. A whole different world today for him and I and I am so grateful that I don't have that life anymore. I'm going on five months this time around....I haven't tried the meds yet and still contemplating on what direction I'm going to go after that. I have been taking some supplements and listening to a CD for anxiety...but plan on ordering some stuff when I get back from vacation. Today I celebrate my 90 days off cigarettes and I'm so happy about that also. One day at a time and much more grateful than ever before. So happy to have found this site to share my journey with you and getting to kow you all better. We will be leaving next week for vacation for a week and then I will be posting daily....but I'm going to try to check in some when I'm on vacation. Have a wonderful day everyone and I will be back tomorrow.

Sunnydaz (quit drinking) Feb.6, 2009..4 and 3/4 months
(Quit smoking) March 23, 2009....90 days today!!

[Determinator]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Speedster, there you are! glad you are ok and back in the AF saddle. How long does it take to grow garlic? sounds wonderful!

SunnyDaz, great to hear more about you and huge kudos on both the AL and ciggy successes!!, I'm in the same boat with drinking. no modding for me, it's either drinking or happiness I have to make the choice.

[Lavande]

AF daily - Sunday June 21st

Hi sunny,

You are doing so well - good for you
Keep up the good work, show your grandchild what a fantastic grandma she has!! It's my grandson that's helping me stay on track and I am so grateful.

Have a great vacation, hope to hear from you soon!