Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

DG: Excellent post! Speaking about your thinking problems reminded me of something I heard in the rooms: the 3 A's, awareness, action, acceptance. The 3 A's help if we're looking at our thinking patterns, as you are or dealing w/our character defects, as I am.

Phil: Interesting story. Yes, there should be no discussions of outside literature, religion, treatment centers, etc. as the main topic of a meeting. The traditions have kept the meetings intact & leaderless for over 60 years...pretty good in my estimation. Michael absolutely did the right thing & should get a pat on the back for having the guts to do it.

Mary

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Hi cyber-als,

Dill, I'm so glad you posted after attending AA. I had some humdinger issues a few weeks back having started going to AA again (many linger), and I got the sense from your mail that you may have had some too? Okay to share this here - I certainly did - and so glad I did, because what it helped me do was iron out some of my stumbling blocks. Being able to air some of these worries (as I'm sure I will again) was what got me back into meetings - and subsequently focused on the issue in hand: stopping drinking. So feel free to use us as a sounding board. Personally, I'm not here to tow the party line, but to engage in intelligent recovery-specific conversation - AA is part of my recovery, just as MWO is. Hope you can post some more.

If anyone has a link to the podcasts, could you paste it, otherwise I'll just google it? I was looking round the house for some CDs today of some US speakers. I have hidden them somewhere. I do this. Over the years of on/off drinking I tend to shelve (both figuratively and literally) recovery stuff - only to need it again later. That's where my CDs are - in the 'I'm drinking again' land of limbo. I'm not drinking so I flipping need them!

Phil, very interesting bit of info about the traditions. Glad to now know that, as I took a quote into a meeting and read it out a fortnight ago. Oh well, live and learn.

Managed to get to a meeting today - 1st since Sunday - I had started to launch back into that questioning self that wonders why I need to go. What is it w/addiction? Perpetual amnesia or what? (Hope it doesn't signal a departure of those precious grey cells). The more I go however, the more I feel myself surrender. And do I ever need to.

A few things really standing out for me at the mo. One is the depth and profundity of the steps. I used to just tick them off before - well certainly those first three. Now I realise there's a whole load of meat on those babies. It's like I've finally woken up to the fact that there's more than just intellectual ascent needed here. Not entirely sure the first step isn't going to take a good long while to sink in, or that it won't boomerang on me. As for step 2, I have no problem accepting that there's a power greater than me. Whether it/he/she can restore me to sanity is where I'm faltering. That's going to require some major belief and attitude change on my part. Working on it.

Secondly, can feel myself starting to panic about sharing. Trying this time to not pre-script myself, and to really 'be there' in listening mode while others talk. Was easy sharing first few times from my place of desperation. Now I'm starting to tighten up. Head goes blank. I didn't feel I was coming from an authentic place today; just talking. A few hours later, Im left with panic thoughts, that are matched with physical anxiety, when I think of future shares. Does anyone have any thoughts on this, or experience similar? During Uni, I had such bad panic when speaking that I ended up missing many tutes, so I don't want yet another thing to talk me out of the rooms.

That's my bit for the day.
PS: DG, you wouldn't believe how seriously cute this puppy is . I'll try and upload a pic if I can figure out the dang technology!

[dill]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Hi Kayla, here's the link to the AA speaker tapes:

iTunes Store

If the link doesn't work, here's how I got there: by opening Itunes, clicking on the Itunes Store, Clicking on the category Podcasts, then typing 'AA speakers' in the search window.

My 2 cents on the sharing: I have only been to the 2 meetings so far, so I am definitely no expert. But I would advise you just not push yourself to share until this feeling passes. Give it time. If it doesn't pass, then talk to someone else in the group about it one-one, if there is anyone you feel you can do this with. Do you have a sponser? Your dilema has me a bit concerned because I didn't know that there are meetings where you have to speak up and share. If there are, I need to know which type they are so that I can avoid them until I am more ready!

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Kayla and Dill,

I very often share with "Hi, I am Cindi and I am grateful to be here sober today. I think I'll just listen." Everyone says, "Glad you're here" and we move on to the next.

Occasionally I do share. I don't have a panic about it but if I don't have something to add or ask, I don't. Sometimes just listening is better. I learn an awful lot by listening.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Kayla: I'm not a naturally out-going type of person. I tend to be a internal processor (i.e. someone who thinks before speaking rather than someone who thinks/processes aloud). I haven't pushed myself to share at meetings, thus I usually just identify & say something short. Now that I've done the 5th step, I'm starting to think about sharing more. I didn't last night. In the past, I've felt that I "should" have something profound or helpful to say. Now, I want it to be more spontaneous (as you said in your post). I'll get there...I'm not pressuring myself.

Last night, I got my 3 month chip from my home meeting. It was very sweet. It's a step meeting w/mostly young guys, & they all seemed genuinely happy & proud for me. I also went to my first business meeting (very informal) & am leading next week's meeting. It'll be fine, as there is a script, & I can assign the bestowing of the chips to someone else.

Take care one & all. I have a BB meeting tonight that I like.

Mary

PS: I just keep going & try not to think about it too much. I'm staying sober & not thinking about AL, & that's enough proof for me that the program works.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Don't worry about talking. When you are ready it will come. I only speak if I really have something to say about the topic that hit's home for me. Sometimes it just doesn"t.
I have sometime just said hi I'm _____ and I'm an alcoholic and I don't have anything to share today. What's weird is people say thank you anyway.
Somedays the topic really relates to me and I share right away.

Then you have the people that share everyday. Do what's best for you. I too like to listen and I learn a lot from all the wisdom in the rooms.

Winefree

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Yep, think I'll listen for a while.
Thanks for the link.
And great going Mary. Hail the chip!

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

If I had to sum up what AA has been able to do for me, this would be it:

AA THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
If you can take your troubles as they come, if you can maintain your calm and composure amid pressing duties and unending engagements, if you can rise above the distressing and disturbing circumstances in which you are set down, you have discovered a priceless secret of daily living. Even if you are forced to go through life weighed down by some unescapable misfortune or handicap and yet live each day as it comes with poise and peace of mind, you have succeeded where most people have failed. You have wrought a greater achievement than a person who rules a nation.

Is everyday perfect? Of course not - but through actively working the steps I have discovered the secret of daily living and for the most part do have peace of mind. What a change from when every day used to be filled with real and imagined calamities that DEMANDED all my attention...

Kayla, I agree that if you work the program then eventually what to say will come to you. I was always told that you talk about your problems with your sponsor, and when discussing a topic in a meeting talk about what your life used to be like, what happened, and what it is like now. Like everyone else I don't always share, but if something does pop into my mind (which usually happens) I try to share no matter how long or short it may be. Great job on sticking with it!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

AA, I love that thought for the day. That state of being is well worth working for! And for me it involves work at this point - it doesn't seem to come naturally for me. But those moments of peace, especially in the midst of a less than perfect day, are like gold and keep me comin' back so to speak!

It seems there is a lot of reference especially in the daily readings to being quiet. (24 hours a day book and Daily Reflections book are the two we most often read at the meetings I attend). My mind tends to be a chaotic place and my mouth runs too much as well. Maybe that's why this particular message stands out so much to me. I generally take the "quiet" advice to mean that we must be quiet in order to hear the answers we seek from HP, experience growth through learning and new understanding, etc.

So....I think there is a strong respect in AA for quiet and calm as opposed to any pressure to speak if you don't want to.

The meetings I attended this morning is a Big Book study and we read the last 1/2 of the chapter on working with other alcoholics. There is a lot of specific instructions that are excellent and it's easy to see how the advice and techniques offered work here at MWO as well.

In the daily thread today I made some comment about how my AL filled life seemed more passive (sitting around drinking) than my current life "doing" things where sitting around with AL just doesn't fit. So I could really relate to this part in the subsequent Big Book reading today:

While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor."

Normal drinkers can take a short break from something active (I thought of some sight seeing tours I've been on as an example) and then get back to it. Not me. Once I had the first drink I was DONE with whatever activity was going on. Now I can take that break without AL, and then resume an activity along with the normies. AL no longer has to cause me to sit on my butt for the rest of the day.

The trick for me at this stage of my sobriety is really thinking it through if I'm faced with a choice to be where AL will be. I have to examine my motives.

Anyway, now I'm rambling. My greens/flax/whey protein/blackberries just picked from my yard/strawberry/pineable/banana smoothie is done and my gardening break is over. So back up off my butt I go!!

Hope everyone is having a great day. Strength to anyone who is struggling today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

DG: I liked what you said about making a choice to be where AL will be (or not). Sometimes I have to be where AL is. It isn't as much of a problem for me as for other alcoholics (not that I'm complacent about it), because I was a solitary drinker. The bigger problem for me would be to have AL in the house, especially if it were opened.

Last night's discussion meeting was very strong. It was about relapse. One of the guys I sit next to at a bigger meeting on Sun. relapsed. He was very upset & remorseful. I mentioned what you said, DG, about AL being cunning, baffling, powerful, & patient. I will never let my guard down. Yes, I feel great AF right now, but it might not always be that way. I don't want to ever forget my last awful drinking episode.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

PS: It always amazes me to see how compassionate the AAers are regarding relapses. Also, it seems I'm hearing about them more often lately. Could it be the nicer weather? The image of a bar-b-que w/a beer in hand?

Mary

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 22 - 28

Hi all, Happy Sunday! I havent posted in a bit, but have been reading. Everyone sounds great!

I finally made the call to the woman who gave me her number. It took a bit of phone tag to finally get together, but yesterday she was having her car worked on in town, so I picked up her and her doggy and we went to the community park where she has a garden. We spent about an hour and a half talking and it was wonderful to have a conversation with someone who understands where I'm coming from in terms of AL. She is a soft spoken woman with a wonderful sense of humor and I hope to remain friends with her. She gave me some tips on how to get a sponsor and some meetings she recommended.

So this morning I will attend my usual Sunday morning speaker meeting. Looking forward to that. I hope to find a sponsor soon, as I really need help in working the steps. I have read lots of books about them, but would like assistance on some things I'm not too clear on.

Everyone have a stupendous Sunday!

R2C