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Day 7 today.. week one over

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    #1

    Day 7 today.. week one over

    I want to say thank you for everyone here at MWO for being here and all those that reached out to me. It was very hard for me to come back after being away for so long. I am so humbled and inspired by all of you that have remained sober, and those who just won't give up the fight; I am with you!

    I tried for the last 3 months, or so, to quit drinking on my own - again. I just wasn't able to do it. It is such a tricky disease. I would start to feel better and then my mind would selectively give me images of that nice glass of wine with friends, how comfortable I felt socializing, etc., but block out the images of continuing to drink when I got home, or worse in public. The hangovers were nowhere in my memory, the blackouts didn't seem important, the embarrassment I felt the day after would quickly disappear with that first sip. It is just unbelievable how we can trick ourselves into thinking that it is once again, OK.

    It just isn't.. It''s not OK, and it feels good today to say that. I am an adult with a business and am the sole influence on my beautiful daughter. I have said this before, but this is just not who I am at my essence and I have to kick this thing once and for all.

    Funny, as I write this, I still feel that twinge, that feeling of stubbornness, a block of denial, but I am ignoring it and just going day to day. Forever is just too big right now, so I am really just focusing on work, gardening, hiking and DD until I get some sobriety behind me.

    On to WEEK TWO!

    Have a fabulous day, and thank you for letting me get this out..

    Namaste,

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.
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    #2
    Day 7 today.. week one over

    Yay, week one down... onto week two.
    Well done MM.
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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      #3
      Day 7 today.. week one over

      MM,

      Every time I lapse (these days it tends to be short lapses instead of full blown relapses, but drinking nonetheless,) it is because of that little niggling denial.

      Unfortunately, the first few gulps of vodka are such a relief. I feel that immediate "aaahhh" and that is what my brain keeps remembering. Not the fact that I then go on to drink the whole bottle, blackout, hurt those I love, do dangerous and stupid things.

      I am praying every night now about this. Because I do not want to do dangerous and stupid things. I would rather die than hurt someone else because of my alcoholism. Unfortunately, once blacked out, there are no guarantees.

      My only choice is to not drink. No option for me.

      I will keep praying, meditating and, in my case, taking Baclofen, going to AA, whatever it takes, to stay sober.

      I am right with you, MM, on knowing all the reasons I should not drink. I try to keep those thoughts in the forefront of my brain and not let this addiction try to fool me anymore.

      Love,
      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

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        #4
        Day 7 today.. week one over

        Thanks for that, Cindi! You are stronger than you may think. I know that is hard to believe sometimes, when we have those monments of weakness. But, the amount of strength it takes to stop and walk away is greatly underestimated by those that do not struggle with this disease.

        You are my hero!

        xo

        MM
        Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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