AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

[dill]

Good Morning, all!

Yesterday was a lovely day filled with summertime activities. At the end of the day I happened to notice an entry on my kitchen calendar. I went to read it and to my disbelief and dismay, I realized that we had missed a memorial service for Mr. Dill's cousin who died last winter. I felt absolutely awful about it because we had so much wanted to be there to comfort family members most close to her. I write about it here because I thought immediately to myself: "How could I be so thoughtless and self absorbed? I mean, I could have understood it if I was drinking...heck, I would've been happy to miss it if I was drinking. It would have cut into drinking time, anyway!" But, I was sober and had to deal with the feelings of regret without drinking. I thought about drinking, but didn't see how it would help. I guess that's progress? Another thought occured to me: I might not have forgotten about it in my drinking days. Yesterday, I was mindlessy happy and carefree...feeling good, AF. In my drinking days I would have been miserable, physically, and keenly aware of what I had to do that day. Well, anyway, I decided at the end of the day (after we called the deceased's brother and expressed our deep regrets) that I have got to become more connected again in the real 3D world. I have been SO SELF-ABSORBED in this quitting process, that I have lost some of the balance in my life. Am I making any sense?

Ok, sorry for the lengthy, self-centered post. I guess I needed to get that off my chest. I will close now and wish you all a peaceful Sunday.

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Dill, I am sorry you ended up missing something in your heart you wanted to attend. I hear the mental discussion loud & clear. We ARE (Self)-absorbed in finding a newer freer happiness that keeps us from needing and wanting self-medication from AL - we have to be. At the same time, because of the introspection, we may miss out on something for 'others'. It seems natural.

The good news is that it was probably MUCH easier to make that phone call and apology, than it would have been had you missed it when AL was in the picture. AL would have you feeling so badly, (For Yourself, I might add) that you would torture yourself with it. I think there is a glimmer of moving past self-absorption right there - you were quickly able to be concerned AND DEAL with it -AL would have had you hiding and feeling miserable about yourself, not for the others. Does this make sense? Its a little convoluted.

On with the day, AFreedom Riders! Be sure to smile and Enjoy! That is getting SO much easier the longer AL is out of the picture:happyheart:

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Hello again AFreedom Friends -

Some of you may know I have been very recently thinking about "what next?" I planned on a 30 day AF stint - it is now almost 11 weeks. It has been so much more than expected and I am now contemplating next steps. Will I allow a little wine here and there and just have some rules? Like 'Not alone', & 'not more than 2 glasses', for example. Well, I decided to ponder that while I make it to the 3 month mark - why not? - its so close.

Yesterday I was made aware of a nasty family situation that will involve legal BS and probably be a repeat (or just more of the same) of seven years of turmoil that dissolved the family. I have been praying for time and healing all these years and now it appears another round of nasty is on the horizon. I will be more removed this time, but will certainly learn details about a situation I wish did not exist. I will probably have to blog, or journal big time, just to deal with it. But what I want to say here is that I have realized that as this goes on, I will be much better if I stay AF - I will have to.

So, maybe there really is no deciding about what's next because I know that unpleasant things will have so much less negative impact on me if I am Free. Man, things are so much clearer these days!

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Dill,

I want to ditto what HG said. But I do want to add that being self-absorbed about staying sober is where you need to be right now. Bear used to say that without his sobriety, everything else would be gone, anyway. I don't know if this helps or not but know you are doing the right thing for you and that is what you must do.

HG,

Almost at 3 months!! Wow. Incredibly happy for you. I hope that whatever decision you make, AF or mod, is the right one for you.

Everyone else to come, have a wonderful AF day. With all the grandkids here and a family dinner looming, I know I will be. I absolutely do not want to ruin a day that will be so much fun sober.

Love,
Cindi

[TOMgrrl]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Good morning dill, hidden, joining the AFers for this, perhaps next month. I'll be doing 20 credits in acupuncture school next quarter, so being AF can only help, especially with sleep and mental clarity. Dill - I'd probably do the same thing on a lovely day ... a memorial months after the death is understandable to space on, especially without a reminder. Hidden, sorry about the strife in your family - I've had some major family ick arise two years ago and essentially my sisters families and mine are all we have now.
Looking forward to AFffing with you all!

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Good morning friends!

It is a beautiful morning here, and I am looking forward to the 2nd day of a weekend devoted almost entirely to--ME! Hope to finish some weed killing and replant the garden plants that got hailed out. Then there are all the other outdoor projects, not to mention the laundry and house cleaning--one thing at a time!
Dill-I totally understand your post and agree with HG and Tomgrrl. I hope you didn't beat yourself up too much!
HG--good for you realizing how much easier things are to handle sober.
Cindi--hi, it's great to see you I wish I could come to your house for a good southern dinner I'm sure!!!!
And welcome Tomgrrl.'
I just had to pop in and tell you about last night. We went to a benefit for a young friend of ours (16) that has lymphoma. It was hot, and tonic and lime sounded good. So hubby ordered me one and it totally confused them about whether he wanted vodka or gin or what in it????? I guess they don't get that much!:H Later, he got me another one and I took a big drink and...gag--there was vodka in it!!! I kinda freaked out--which was weird and uncalled for I guess. He took it back and told them I was allergic and was reeling around outside with hives!!!:H Anyway, it gave me a headache, which I still have. I should have drank a bunch of water to flush it out I guess. With me, I feel like I have detoxified myself from the booze and nicotine and I really don't want to put it back.
Anyway, it was interesting, and I am still pretty much blown away by the fact that I don't want to drink. My best friend was there and she had been golfing/drinking all day and it showed. I love her--but felt kinda bad for her daughter. She was being pretty loud and obviously drunk. She doesn't do this often, but when she does she likes to cut loose! It really is nice not to be going down that road anymore.
Ok, gotta go get ready for church. You all take care in AFland!:h

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Good morning!

Dill, hugs to you. I think a phone call would make you feel better.

HG, way to go on your almost 3 months!!

Cindi, it sounds like you have your hands full. Have a wonderful day!

Hi LVT, nice to see you.

Welcome TOMgrrl!

Well, I am just going to putter and vacuum. I don't know if my Nana is coming home today or not. She tried to phone me collect last night; but I missed the phone. I tried to phone her cell and it was off. I am thinking she didn't charge it before leaving. I hope everything is OK.

It is a beautiful sunny and 'fresh' smelling day out there. We had some rain last night and I just love the smell after wards.

Have a great day everyone!

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Wow!

Dill & HG, I do understand both of your concerns!

Don't be too harsh on yourself Dill! Being self-absorbed was critical to my success in climbing out of my alcohol hell. I am still focusing mostly on myself these days with the exception of my new grandson. I've been able to turn my newfound positive energy toward him. I am grateful for the chance to do that, makes me feel whole again. I think it's completely normal, average even to forget things at times. It happens to all of us, especially those dealing with huge personal events.

HG, I too have basically blown off my extended family, at least for the time being. Back in January & February, when I was at my emotionally lowest point and really could have used their support, they were nasty with me. I did nothing to harm any of them, honestly. As a matter of fact, I have always been the family 'go to person' whenever a problem cropped up. I have spent my lifetime extending myself for my 3 brothers, their wives, their children and even some of their children. 5 years ago I radically changed my plans to offer a home to my 14 year old great nephew for one year while both of his military parents were deployed. While I enjoyed having him here, getting to know him better, etc. it was a lot of work getting him enrolled in school, working through his emotional problems related to his parents absence, etc. I gave him the option of weaning off of the Ritalin that had been used to control him from the age of 2 and did so successfully! His grandmother, my sister-in-law, claimed she was unable to take care of him............I didn't believe that at the time but I took him in anyway. You would think she would be willing to throw a little support my way, but it was not to be.

I actually had this same conversation with Mr. Lav last evening. I heard myself telling him that I really don't care if I ever hear again from my brothers, his siblings as well, if they can't be nice, friendly, supportive, etc. My answer to all the needy siblings from now on is a kind but firm NO!

Now that's MY clearer view these days

Be well!

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Good morning to you, Lavande. Sorry we crossed posted.

[dill]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Thanks!

HG, Cindi, Lav, Tomgrrl, LVT, and AFM, Thank you all for your kind support and words of wisdom! :thanks:
:welcome:TOMgrrl:welcome:

HG, I am sorry you have this family upheaval rearing up its ugly head once again. I think you are wise to enter this phase AF. You'll be able to deal with things so much better! BTW, yesterday I read your blog entries and felt so much in common with you regarding the household chaos. I have been wanting to do something about it and have been overwhelmed everytime I try. Reading your blog was helpful. I pulled out a book I had shelved called: Organizing Plain & Simple by Donna Smallin. I highly recommend it!


Cindi, if you ever have some time, will you please tell me a little bit about Bear? I have seen references to him and feel he must have been an incredibly loving person, but I came on the site after he was gone. I have often wondered about him.

Lav, I hear you on the family thing. It's good to know your limits. I am sorry your family wasn't supportive of you when you needed their support. I guess I have kept my alc issues pretty much to myself because I anticipated some negative responses would arise from certain extended family members, and WHO NEEDS IT?!

LVT :H How are your hives?! :H

AFM, it IS a beautiful day. Don't spend too much time vacuuming!!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Top of the Sunday ABeroooooos!!!

Dill, that IS a good sign, and ditto what others have said about being self absorbed. I think if you are NOT self absorbed in your recovery then you probably aren't taking it seriously enough.

Tomgrrl, welcome! (love the name BTW)

Hidden, I always dreaded the 'what next' question when I was experimenting with various AF times. I recall coming to the end of a 60 day AF stint and being in a restaurant with my wife Dx who asked "so you going to have a glass of wine or what?". I was mortified. I just had water. 3 days later at a party I did have some vino and amazingly didn't make an ass of myself. but that was very short lived. the very next time I drank I went bonkers and blacked out etc. to me the 30, 60 etc days are just a 'countdown to doom'. then again that's my perspective and we are all different. At any rate you are doing fab and I'm so glad for you!

ok, i'm starvin marvin so it's breakfast time

be well everyone and all to come

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Dill--I didn't *know* Bear as well as some of the others that are still here, but what I did know about him was that he was a big, kind, gentle biker. He was killed by a drunk driver. He had lots of sage advice and wasn't afraid to share it. Here is a link to his posts:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/members/mdbiker.html

[meditation mama]

AF Daily - Sunday - June 28th

Good afternoon, Abberdudes!

I have a fabulous day of biking and gardening! I am posting quick as I have a friend coming over and I have to get the seafood risotto going.. YUM!!

It was a glorious day and HANGOVER FREE! Sun was shining and I was up with the birds. I finally got some things done around the house that I have been putting off, so I feel awesome starting my week!

Have a wonderful Sunday all! I will check in later if my friend leaves early..

Ciao for now!!

MM