AF daily - Monday June 29th

[Marshy]

Hello everyone,

I went on a great ride out in the countryside with my cycling group yesterday. We stopped at a pub for lunch. It was only later when I was thinking back on the day that I realised when we went into the pub it was the first time since stopping drinking that I didn't even *think* about alcohol in a pub. Didn't remind myself "you're NOT drinking", "you're having a soft drink", didn't notice what other people were drinking. It didn't even enter my head. I just ordered a soft drink and that was that. Is that what "normal" feels like? :H

Beautiful sunny weather here. They're predicting 32C/90F by the end of the week.:toohot:

[free bird]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Hey Marshy and all ABBERS to follow,

Your bike ride sounds great. You can really see and take so much more in when on a bike. It's great too that you're not thinking about the drinking as much. I seem to go in stages of thinking and not thinking about it and would really like to not think about it at all. In reality though, it will probably be in the back of my mind for some time to come.

I have to remind myself constantly about the negative things involved with AL and not the good; the negativie far outweigh the good. Then why do we only remember the good when considering the "FIRST" drink??? Most other situations, we remember the bad. I really need to put the BAD on this one first. Must be the addiciton part of our brain is sooo strong and powerful.

Vacation approaching and tough decisions ahead and the journey is neverending.

Hope everyone is achieving their goals and if not restarting theirs.

[greeneyes]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Morning abbers!

Marshy, that ROCKS!!! Is that what normal feels like? I guess so. The absence of that pesky little gnat flying around your head is so nice. I guess at some point you dont' have the after thought either.

Had a great weekend away at the wedding. The food was awesome. I had a really good time with my family as well as the bride's. Everybody was SO nice. Very small affair so you really got to "know" others.

Now I really must get something going in the exercise area. I suck at that. And ditch the coffee.

[hiddengoal]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Good Morning AFreedom Riders -

I just hope everyone reading this thread has a super fantastic day, that you can deal wisely with what comes, smile when ever possible and enjoy good company.

Lovin' the AF life!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Good morning!

Dinner with dad was nice. I didn't stay as long as Little AFM was getting tired just after 7. So we had Salmon with dill/lemon sauce, rice and steamed broccoli. His wife is coming home on Wednesday and I actually feel a little sad about it. I mean I love her and everything, but giving my dad a hand meant the world to me. I was glad to have the opportunity to bond with him again.

I must run. I let us sleep in a tad later this morning and now I must boogey. Have a good day everyone! xoxo

ps. sorry this post is a repeat from what I posted in subs; but that is all I had to say for now.

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

HG - I couldn't agree with you more. I am lovin' the AF life as well!

[Pamina]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Hi all,

How could one not have a super fantastic day with sunny 30C - the tropics has moved to London! About time, too...

Nice one about the pub, Marshy. New habits firmly in place.

You got me thinking, HG, about the 'what next' issue. In fact I seem to have that conversation with myself every 3 months or so. Only the 'what next' is now about stuff in my life, not about AL.

But on the AL front, I take it you believe you have the option of moderating. Not many here do, and acceptance of that situation is the only reasonable option. I'm in a minority in that I can moderate (within certain limits, of course) but I choose not to. Here are some of my reasons; I'd love to hear yours as you keep pondering...

1. I'm quite convinced I'm on the same alcoholic highway, but after my 6-8 yrs the effects are not yet the same as for those who have decades under their belt. However, I've done enough to be scared. The more I research the poison, the more fearful I become. My time at MWO has not made me complacent or 'happy' that I could still have a tipple. The more stories I read, the more they terrify me. Even if 'I'm not that bad yet' were true, all it means is that I have to stop NOW. In a word, AL scares the living daylights out of me.
2. I'm an emotional drinker. What that means is I use AL to blot out strong emotions and during those times lose control of the drink. There are two components to that equation, the emotions and the AL. I've worked on my habits around AL, now I'm working on emotional regulation. I'm much calmer, stronger, more centred and successful at it when AF. That synergy was a surprise to me. I thought I needed AL to 'cope' when in fact AF is what gets me through the stress.
3. Change is incremental - which can be a bummer in that it's so slow. But I'm finding that it's also cumulative. Being AF has allowed me to really focus on the emotional stuff which is shifting. Progress with both gives me a sense of accomplishment which in turn boosts my confidence (and could use plenty more of that!) It means that what I eat now makes a difference instead of being cancelled out by the social drinks you just have to have every time you run into another human being. So I've lost a stone (=14lbs) in the past 2 months, which in turn again boosts the confidence. We're talking a positive spiral.
4. Habit. AF is the foundation for other changes, all of which improve my life and all of which take time to implement. I keep finding new ones to work on. Thankfully, the habit of not drinking has become ingrained. As Marshy says, when I go into pubs, and I do, I order cranberry juice without thinking. Now why would I start messing with a good thing?

...end of sermon, and it's not even a Sunday...

I agree with you Greenie, that something needs to be done about exercise. I finally made a move to deal with my shoulder pain which really interferes with any sporting-type effort. I will see a Bowen therapist next week. Action - yay!

Good luck with your first session tomorrow, Loppy.

Hi Free bird, AFM and all to come. Have a fabulous day!

PS. DG, now that's a pretty long post, wouldn't you say?

[meditation mama]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Good morning, my beautiful ABBERS-IN-CRIME!

I had a wonderful weekend! Yesterday in particular. I cleaned out a lot of stuff, in my house and in my head. It was a sunny day and the temperature was perfect. I went on a few bike rides and played in my flower garden. I even went to pick up flowers on my bike and rode home with them in my basket. I felt like a happy little girl with the wind blowing in my hair.

Now, here's the biggie! I had a guy-friend over last night. I usually go all out to impress, well at least that's been my MO for the past year while getting my feet wet in dating. This means getting the house in perfect order - every detail thought of; the perfect outfit, cooking the perfect dinner and of course serving the perfect wine pairing. I thought I had to do this. I now know this was a shield, so we wouldn't have to talk about me. I was deathly afraid of rejection, so I thought if I had everything perfect I would be safe. I posted about last year when I started dating and then when I popped in for a while last fall. This has been my biggest issue in regards to drinking after my divorce. I just didn't feel comfortable dating without AL. It had to be a "menage a trois"!

Last night I did it without all the "fluff and puff". I was feeling very confident in myself after my great day. I was dressed casually, we had a nice dinner (I did make seafood risotto, but I had planned on making for myself anyway), a nice talk and he didn't spend the night. It was fabulous! In fact, he didn't drink. I offered and he declined. He said that his two best friends and his ex-wife are struggling with AL, so he has decided to not drink himself in support of his friends and his kids. It was totally unexpected! He talked about how much alcohol has wrecked so many lives. His ex wife's (and a good friend of his) was killed in a drunk driving accident last year. Anyway, it's just weird how things work. OH - and I poured a full bottle of wine down the drain after he left. It was a nice bottle, too. I just didn't want it in the house, not even for a night!

I am also dating a guy in Seattle that doesn't drink (he's my very favorite). It has been so nice talking to him without AL, too. He will be coming here in a few weeks and I am excited to be around him sober.

I will do this! I am closer than I have ever been. I am going to tackle this relationship thing and do it without AL!! I am a wonderful person and there is no need for me to hide behind AL any longer. I have never needed it; I see that now. I am not saying that I am there yet, but I am not afraid any longer.

Today I am off work with DD and we are going on a picnic..

I hope everyone has a productive, healthy and happy day. Find something to laugh about!

MM

[dill]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Hi Marshy, Feebird, HG, Greenie, AFM, Pamina and all to come! It's a gorgeous day here today! I got out and took a vigorous walk and it was just glorious!

AFM, from yesterday: thank you for the link and the info about Bear. I had no idea. I came across a really neat post of his titled "Who Is Pushing Your Buttons". It was awesome.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...tml#post290965

I hit a bump in the road yesterday :upset: but I am determined to get right back on track. Have a great AF day!

[meditation mama]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Dill.. you didn't hit the bump, you rolled over it. You are here and back on track... Namaste.

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Dill, keep on going! and I think it was LVT that gave you the information about Bear. He had lots of valuable things to say in regards to AL.

MM, how do you date more than one guy? I find dating just one, exhausting! I can also relate to the 'having to have everything perfect' in order to feel confident. Geesh. Well, all I can say is keep me abreast with your ongoing comfort levels in the dating scene. I just may learn something off of you!

[dill]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

OOOPS! It sure enough WAS LTV! My thanks go to you LTV. Sorry for the confusion!

[Marshy]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

greeneyes;648500 wrote: I guess at some point you dont' have the after thought either.

Yeah, now THAT would be cool!

Pamina - hmm, I don't know how to do another quote, but was going to highlight your line about thinking you need alcohol to cope with stress but in fact the only way to deal with it is to be AF. So true. In fact all the "benefits" I thought I got from alcohol were completely illusory but it took giving up for me to realise that. It seems so obvious now. Don't forget your bottle of water on the Tube :H (bit of air con would be nice!).

[Determinator]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

ooooo rooooo ABeroooos!

top of the hangover-free Monday to you one and all. I'm sooooper busy this am so gotta be brief.

Marshy, such an inspiring post thank you. I also don't remember AL thoughts much these days I'm happy to say. I also don't remember what I had for breakfast or what my name is sometimes just kidding, actually my poor beatup memory has really come back in leaps and bounds I'm happy to report.

Dill, you isolated your trigger from yesterday? glad you're with us hon. xxxx

ok, back to the grind for me

be well

[AllApologies]

AF daily - Monday June 29th

Hey all, haven't checked in in a while, also (unfortunately) haven't been properly sober for a while. This last weekend has been less than satisfying - I've basically been smoking too much, drinking too much and thinkign too little. I've found that with my fiance away I tend to become lonly quite quickly and of course turn to good ol' relaible AL (yeah right!) for company. I'm sober today though, and having realised this I'm going to make more of an effort to find better passtimes - like bass practice (have been playing for a month and can alreayd play ready made by RHCP, For whom the bell tolls by Metallica, part of Hysteria by Muse, Seven nation army by White stripes and am learning Battery by metallica) and writing (mutant action adventure anyone :P)

Much love to all
-TG