Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Phil: I too am amazed by the young members. Some of them have packed an awful lot of shenanigans into their short amount of years. Yes, WF's 60 days is awesome indeed. You're getting there too. Don't take for granted the strides you've made. Love, Mary

PS: Today is day 100 for me.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Just a quick hello especially to say...


:yougo:Congratulations WF on 60 days!!!:yougo:

:yougo: Congratulations Mary on 100 days!!!:yougo:

And Phil I agree with Mary. You are making great forward progess and I think managing that wedding AF was HUGE. Hopefully you are proving to yourself that you CAN live a wonderful life that is free of the ever insidious AL.

In AA news, I switched the meeting I go to on Mondays. There are actually two meetings in the clubhouse at the same time at 10:30AM. One is a bigger one that is a topic meeting. The other is smaller and is a Big Book study. For whatever reason I'm feeling hungry for more specific studying, so I went to the smaller meeting Monday and really enjoyed the group and the material. They are back in the story section and we read the first several pages of the 3rd one "Women Suffer Too." Just what we've read so far amazed me in that I could relate to so much of it, and this all took place several many decades ago. Times and technology may change, but AL never does it seems. Vastly different decade, same old story with AL. It's nice to hear from a female AA pioneer.

Today was my first time chairing a meeting. LOL I froze and couldn't remember how to start the serenity prayer even though I've said it in meetings over 100 times and also say it several times a day outside of that! Good thing it's preceded by a moment of silence for the still suffering alcoholic. The "moment" was a tad longer than usual today. This meeting is a Daily Reflections meeting so that's what we talked about. I was a little nervous and am just glad this first time is behind me. There was lots of group support of course and overall it was a good experience and I'm glad I agreed to do it.

Now I need to get my butt in gear on Step 4.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Congratulations again Mary and WineFree on those awesome milestones!! Mary, there was something about the 100 day mark for me when I quit smoking AND when I quit drinking - it felt like a graduation of sorts to a new level. Hope you get a good feeling like that too although it sounds as though it has really been coming together for you all along lately! And I'm very happy for you about that.

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Sponsors?
Mary, DG and all, how did you select a sponsor?
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Phil: Yes, yes, yes get a sponsor. He will be your best resource. I got my sponsor right after that ER visit in Feb, because I was very desperate. You're really not supposed to get a person of the opposite sex, but I knew this man from Alanon for many years (he's an AA member as well). The reason you should pick someone of the same gender is because there might be sexual tension. I knew I didn't have any w/my sponsor, & I really wanted to start working the steps ASAP. If I decide to do the steps again in the future (which I probably will), I'm pretty sure I'll pick a woman simply because I can be more open. For now, I'm happy w/the wonderful guy who has helped me get up to Step 7.

Try to find someone from a meeting that you go to regularly who has worked the steps. Preferably, the person should have a good amount of sober time. Sometimes at meetings, the chairperson will ask if anyone is willing to be a temporary sponsor. If so, pick someone you think you could be comfortable with. Otherwise, ask someone during the fellowship period after the meeting if he has done the steps & would he help you go through them. I firmly believe that working the steps is the way to recover & stay relapse-free. Simply going to meetings is great, but working the steps takes recovery to a different level. The steps really cannot be done by yourself. If you ask an old-timer to sponsor you, don't be put off if he very directive. He'll be trying to see how serious you are. Anyhow, that's my take on sponsorship. Good luck.

DG: I go to at least 2 sometimes 3 Big Book meetings per week. I do find them so helpful. I'll be chairing a meeting tomorrow night. I know it'll get easier as I go along in AA, but for now, I still get nervous.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Hi Phil. I liked what my sponsor had to say in meetings and that was the basis for my asking her. If I had it to do again, I would have asked a few more questions such as confirming she has completed the 12 steps. (my sponsor has not - I've since heard it's unusual for someone to even accept a sponsee until they have completed all 12 steps themselves but....see what can happen if you assume!) While it wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker for me, I might also ask how many people a person has sponsored. I think there is some value in experience. However everyone has to start somewhere and I'm guessing that what a new sponsor might lack in experience they make up for on some level in enthusiasm.

Anyway, know that background might have influence my decision to ask.

That said, it's typical to start with an agreement that the sponsor/sponsee relationship is "temporary." That way it's understood that either of you can bow out of the arrangement if it's not working or if something changes. (so I could gracefully change my own situation if I thought it was warranted, which still could happen).

Another idea is to ask someone you have listened to and respect, and who seems to have experience if they know anyone who might make a good sponsor for you. That person might volunteer or might mention others who would be open to the idea. This also gives you a good way to ask about some of the "qualifications" in an indirect way.

If there is someone you have come to know who is fairly new to the program but maybe just a little further along than you are, who you like, ask who that person's sponsor is.

Just a few ideas - I'm hoping or any of the folks with a little more AA experience than I've got will come along. Also Mary as her sponsor is VERY experienced and he has probably given her good input on how to find her next sponsor (IIRC Mary mentioned that the arrangement with her current sponsor is not intended to be permanent? - or maybe I'm remembering that wrong!!)

Going back to your earlier post Phil about the meetings while you were away at the wedding...I feel like Mary does. I'm not sure I understand exactly why it works or how it works, but since I started going to meetings with an open mind and open heart, I haven't wanted to drink. I know it's not for everyone but why not give it a whirl? What have we got to lose except AL, right?

Strength to you Phil!

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Hi Mary - we cross posted! Yes this Big Book meeting on Monday is my 2nd weekly Big Book meeting and I also go to a 12&12 meeting. So I'm obviously enjoying the study of the materials. I was pleased to find out that the added Big Book meeting is currently in the stories while the other one is currently in the first 164 pages. That's kind of cool to be in totally different parts of the book, at least for now.

My sponsor just celebrated her 5 year anniversary in May before my 1 year. So I assumed she had completed the steps. Never assume. She is "stuck" on Step 4 and while I will not blame her for my own lack of vigor in the work, she is satisfied to have me procrastinate at this time which is not helping. It's ultimately up to me though to do the work so until I get that dang pencil on the paper I'm not going to make any judgements or changes.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Mary, so happy to hear you have 100 days, good for you! I'll keep trailing behind you if that's okay. I know I will never catch up!
Thanks for all the well wishes.

I don't know how AA works either, but I too haven't had any cravings or want for AL in recent wks either. I think after hearing what everyone says at the meetings about their problems, relapses after long or short sobriety periods and the ramifications, and how AL never makes anything better, really start to sink in after a while.

I am going through a terrible time with my marriage right now and am amazed that I know picking up the drink will not make anything better and will actually make everything worse. I keep going to meetings and making phone calls to vent and AL is keeping quiet. Must be my higher power assisting me, since I keep repeating the Serenity prayer over and over again....but DG, I would have stage fright too and get tongue tied in a similar situation......why don't you ask someone else to close the mtg? At many of mine the chair does just that. Matter of fact I was put on the spot the night I celebrated my 30 day anniv and I stumbled on speaking a little bit as well. I'm sure you did just fine.

winefree

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Sticking with you all ... but struggling here ...

Left a meeting y'day and drove straight to the bottle shop, praying all the way. As I pulled in I saw another member ... I immediately pulled my car out and started to go home ... then re-routed to drive to another shop ... again praying ... got an image of my husb and turned the car and drove home crying, really distraught, but giving thanks ...

I would like to leave it there and say I was successful, but I wasn't. I sat in the car in the garage, recognized that I'd had the divine intervention yet was about to override it. What more can the higher power do if you choose to ignore it? Like before, I had the 'delay and think' signs put in front of me, yet crashed them. All I can say is that I'm spacing out intervals btwn drinking. Going to AA has at least stopped me drinking every day - yet clearly I haven't stopped yet ... I'm averaging two weeks at the moment.

Today I thought that was it. Then sat watching 'Six Feet Under' this afternoon and got choked up. Tied right into what's happening with my mum right now, which is all coming to a head. Ten minutes later I was drinking (shops too near). I'm divulging because I want out of this, and no more secrecy. I see a lot of moderating on this site and I don't want that. I'm not willing to kid myself about that any longer.

I'm not giving up on myself or this program. This is the only time I have taken the people at AA at their word and kept going back, right through drinking. In the words of a 12-step book I'm reading: they know how to stay sober. I don't. So far anyway.

Taking it all in, where you're all at, and so glad for you all ... thanks for the rallying AAthlete, brilliant on the service guys, the AF time, and Phil, good on you for getting through x

[jessie]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Hi Kayla,
I've also done things like that - even more disgusting things as I sometimes told my kids I'm going to church and then head to a bottlestore. I am also committed to stop - when the obsession and compulsion hits I'm reminding/going to remind myself:- this is a compulsion, don't give in, it will go away.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom - I assume she is ill.
Please take care of yourself.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Kayla: I know how disappointed you must feel, because I've been where you've been. All you can do is work at the program again. Don't give up. I've discovered that relapse is quite common in AA...I thought I was the only multiple-relapser. The AAers are so understanding & compassionate. Get back into it all. That's all you can do. Mary

[AAthlete]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Kayla, I agree with Mary - no matter what happens just don't give up, okay? If it were easy then everybody would have this thing licked... Just hang in there and KEEP SHARING - you are doing better then you are giving yourself credit for, I think.

Read this today, and maybe it will help a little bit as well:

So many people think that beauty is what you do to yourself; what you wear, makeup, clothes, hairstyles or expensive jewelry. Again it is so easy to get caught up in "things". Reality is not about what we wear but who we are.

The beauty that God has created comes from within. The twinkle in the eyes that says "hello". The hug that says "I love you". The gentle embrace and smile that says "I forgive you". The tear that cries "I understand".

Today I seek to put God's beauty in my actions, words and attitudes.

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

AA, Once again you posted something that helps. Thank you. I will try to follow those words:

Today I seek to put God's beauty in my actions, words and attitudes.

Kayla, I have been doing what you describe so often. I do keep waiting for the miracle to happen. I have faith it will. For some it comes slowly. For me, when it comes, I will be so grateful!!

Love,
Cindi

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Kayla, don't give up. Go to another meeting. I suspect we all have been where you are.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

Hi all!

Winefree, I am sorry that you are troubled about your marriage. You are right that alcohol will not help solve anything. You are on a good path, regardless of the outcome. Keep plugging away.

Kayla, I can only echo what the others have already said - NEVER GIVE UP! By your own words you are doing better now than you were just a short time ago. Don't give any of your hard won ground back to AL - just keep forging ahead. AA - that is a great quote you shared, and I totally agree that if this were easy, there would be no need for MWO or AA or any of these programs. Getting free of AL is NOT easy, that's for sure.

Hello also to Phil and Mary and Cindi and Jessie.

This mornings meeting was good - it was on the 24 Hours a Day reading, which touched upon a few different things. But people seemed to hone in on the part of that reading having to do with keeping our child like joy in our lives. That seemed a silly topic at first but just thinking about the freedom children enjoy from so many of the chains that bind us as adults felt good. It was like an hour of escape today which was nice. There was a girl there who is a participant in one of the local recovery programs that does a lot of tireless and often thankless good work. This woman made my day - she was 90 days sober today so collected her 3 month chip. Her ear to ear smile was priceless. She is so happy in her new found sobriety. That also fit in with the topic of the day. I never want to lose sight of the exciting and happy feeling that comes with new found sobriety when we really really appreciate what it means to be free. That freedom (like other freedoms) is WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 29 - July 5

DG: I've heard people speak about the "pink cloud" they were on the first full year of sobriety. While they are happy in their long-term sobriety, that first year of freedom from AL is unique. I'm feeling that right now. The compulsions have greatly waned. When I look back on some of my exploits, it's w/a feeling the gratitude that I'm not there any more.

As far as child-like joy: I wish I could capture that. I'm trying to slow down my thinking enough to be in the present moment. I often watch my g-sons (4 & 5) navigate the world. We stopped & looked at a family of Can. geese (mom, dad, 4 babies) the other day. They couldn't have been more excited if someone handed them a thousand dollar toy. It was a joy to see.

Love, Mary