Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I just wanted to start this quickly. I'll be back. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Hi Again: I wanted to read the end of last week's AA thread so that I could pick up on some of the ideas.

DG: You spoke about Trad. 5. I went to one of those meetings a while back, & it was truly an extraordinary meeting. We didn't get into the dual addiction thing but did talk about the fact that there is no requirement for membership except the desire to stop drinking. I think that when AA was first starting up, there could have been plenty of requirements for membership. Instead the founders kept it simple & thus a whole movement was born. It could have gone the way of the community service organizations which have their requirements, rituals, & hierarchies. I also notice what care & nurturing the AAers give to members "just coming back." It doesn't seem to matter how many times people relapse. They are always welcomed back w/open arms.

I didn't have any idea of how difficult this past 4th of July holiday would be for some of the AA members. All the meetings I attended this weekend were filled, & people just shared their gratitude w/being sober this holiday.

At last night's BB meeting we read a story called "Late Start" about a woman who took up drinking later in life & especially after she retired. It sure sounded familiar! I must say that I sure got what I needed at that meeting. My husband attended the "Burning Desire" meeting on Sat. night w/me. I'm a little uncomfortable w/it, but it's good for our relationship. I think that when he attends the occasional meeting w/me, he realizes more fully the grip AL had on me. After 37 years of marriage, we're reaching a higher level of intimacy since my joining AA.

Well, enough for now. I hope all is well w/everyone. Please do not hesitate to share, even if you don't attend meetings. Also, if you're struggling in any way. This would be the place to open up.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Hi Mary and all yet to come. And also hello to anyone who might be reading. As Mary already said, please do post if you have thoughts or questions whether you are active in AA or not.

Mary that is cool about your husband going with you to the occassional meeting. Mr. D. has not done that yet - I haven't asked and he hasn't offered and that is all good for now. Maybe someday. Mean time, I can relate to you saying that your relationship with your husband has grown since you became active in AA. My marriage improved dramatically when I stopped drinking and Mr. D stopped drugging. AA has contributed to this as I work to become less "self" oriented. Amazing what you can appreciate in other people when you spend more time looking outside of self.

Today's meeting that I attended touched on the subject of spirituality which is still rather overwhelming for me. I do believe there is a mighty higher power out there in this universe but I am far from "understanding" it. I can see it around me in everything. But I don't always feel I can grasp it, if that makes any sense. I will say this much. I am doing WAY WAY better in life struggling along to understand a power that I don't yet understand than I was when I was worshiping at AL's alter day in and day out. I will keep saying the serenity prayer daily - and every time I feel myself getting a "riled up" feeling. All I ask for in my prayers right now is the knowledge of my HP's will for me, and the strength to carry it out. Those two things seemed like a good place to start.

One woman had what I thought was a great tip on "staying in the now" and what that means and how she achieved it. She started by faithfully writing down 3 - 5 things she was grateful for EVERY night. She said at first it was stuff like "grateful to have my health, grateful for my family, etc." After doing this every night for awhile, she started to make mental notes throughout the day of littler and more specific things she wanted to remember to put on her list that night. Eventually, she found herself appreciating all of the little things happening "now" in her day, and really relishing those moments rather than getting ahead of herself into the future. I thought that was very interesting. At this stage I really appreciate when people offer specific strategies they have used to make progress with things - whether that's progress with a step or with anything else related to our sobriety.

As you guys may recall I have had some real misgivings about my choice of sponsor. LOL - someone DID tell me recently that "if I am someone's sponsor and I am not on their resentments list then I'm not doing my job." So I guess feeling uncomfortable towards one's sponsor is not uncommon. And in thinking about that it makes sense - it's the sponsor's job to help facilitate change and change is not always comfortable. After doing my best to sort out what is discomfort about change v. what is legitimate, I still think it might have been a tad unfair to me for my sponsor to accept me as a sponsee without telling me that she has not completed the steps. I now know not to assume that a person has finished the steps regardless of how long they've been around AA or how long they've been sober. Whether it's a barrier to my own progress for real, or only in my head, it's still a barrier. There is a reason why AA is about "do as I do" rather than "do as I say."

After much thought and even asking HP for some wisdom of HP's will, if any, on the matter, I am going to talk to a man I've come to greatly respect if he will be my sponsor most specifically about the Step work. I know it's the exception rather than rule for mixed M/F sponsor / sponsee situations so I'll have to see what he thinks. He's an old timer for sure and I've come to realize that I really WANT to study the steps under an old timer. And to be totally honest, without a lot of the emotional roller coaster stuff that seems to go on with the women frequently. I have questioned my motives deeply on this one and it continues to feel like the right thing to do, to at least have that conversation with him. I have a feeling he would have some useful and good advice whether I end up doing step work with him or not. Any input would be appreciated!

Mean time, I got some additional advice to help get me crackin' on Step 4. Start first just making a list of names - all the people I'm pissed off at. The pen will flow easily on that LOL.

Thank you Mary for getting us started in the new week! Hello to all yet to come.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Hi Mary and DG, not too much from me about sponsors. I still don't have one. I do have a lady who calls me and we speak a lot about AA etc. We are friends now, so I don't know if I should ask her to be my sponsor, since I don't want to be upset by things we will need to discuss. So, I just keep going to meetings and reading the literature and other self-help books. I also just purchased a 12-step prayer book, which helps me to pray at night. I am also starting to try to pray a bit in the morning as well.

I can't put my finger on it, but something is definitely clicking. I really starting to like all this AA, MWO and counseling stuff. Never would have thunk it!

Winefree

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Hi Mary, DG, WF and anyone else sharing or reading,

Bit of a light thread so far this week so I thought I'd share. Mary, I think it's brilliant that your husb attends the odd meeting with you. It seems almost impossible to convey to somebody who hasn't been to one just how powerful some meetings can be (despite me having been the worst critic). My husb has suffered through so many things with me all these years in active addiction that I would love him to come to a meeting with me sometime - although I'm a tiny bit worried that he might hit the wrong meeting and come away with a negative impression, and influence me the wrong way! It's not all light and roses as we know.

My meeting today certainly wasn't. It was a little on the morose side (which generally they aren't). I've been staying away from the world the past week, battling depression - yet again. Have been trying to shift it by primarily moving and getting active, going for long walks (which has helped). But I noticed I was starting to talk myself down about AA again. It's so easy to let recovery slip. So I got myself to the regular midday meeting today, where I was 'adopted' by my temporary sponsor a few weeks back. He wasn't there and I realised just how different the meetings are without him, and what an impact he had had on me. His sheer kindness to me and acceptance for where I'm at has really affected me - from the cup of tea placed in front of me my first meeting back, to his telling me that I always had a home in this meeting. Like you said Mary, the tendency of AAers to be this way, and the fraternity the fellowship fosters, is quite something.

On the subject of your sponsor, DG, I think it's a really valid concern that your sponsor hasn't completed the steps. One guy today shared that he was initially discouraged when he first came into AA because so many people seemed to be stalled around the first three steps, when what he was looking for was some guide to the way through them. Not that someone who has worked them is automatically and necessarily qualified, but at least it's a start for the hope of a road map. If so much of the process of change lays in working the steps, then it's only natural that we want someone who can help 'decode' them, navigate them.

I also wanted to pick up on the subject of gender. My very first involvement in AA was through the AA phone line, and I ended up being really good friends with this guy who became my kind of default sponsor. It just worked, in spite of the fact that I heard some talk early on that you aren't supposed to have a sponsor of the same gender. Personally, I relate well to male energy (as long as the M/F stuff isn't an issue).I learnt so much from him about AA back then, things that have really stuck with me. Sadly, my old friend (who had 7 years sober) is drinking again, and I sure miss him. I want him back in recovery for both his sake, and mine. Anyway, interesting to hear that your sponsor is male Mary, and that you - DG - may be getting the help of a male long-term AAer too. Who you resonate with seems to make so much more sense than restrictions to a particular gender.

Glad to hear that things are 'starting to click' for you WF ... I'm a-waiting for that one.

Lastly, I must just say this Serenity prayer is so powerful - now that I'm actually using it and contemplating the actual words. Just this morning, out walking with my husb, talking about my mum's health I realised that all I could do was try and accept what's happening to her. Asking for help with acceptance makes all the difference.

Be well everyone
Thanks for being here x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Hi all! WF, I'm so happy for you that things feel like they are starting to click. For me, that "clicking into place" feeling coincided with my irrational fear of relapse fading, at least for now. I hope you are enjoying some wonderful benefits of the 'click!'

Kayla, yours is the first post I read today and I thank you for sharing all of it, but especially this part which is an important message for me today re the serenity prayer:

Just this morning, out walking with my husb, talking about my mum's health I realised that all I could do was try and accept what's happening to her. Asking for help with acceptance makes all the difference.

That is also interesting about the male mentors you have had in AA. As I work more on step 4 I realize that I must include this resentment toward my sponsor about her taking me on without telling me she hadn't completed the steps and it will be something I must talk to her about at the appropriate time. But I have more digging to do in identifying my part in this resentment I think. Since I will have a bit of time where I won't be driving, I will have plenty of time to work on my Step 4!

I will be going to the meeting this morning that I chair before heading to the hospital. It's a Daily Reflections meeting and being July and all (seventh month of the year) the reading is very specific to Step 7, which I knew nothing about "really." It's amazing how these steps sound "easy" on the surface sometimes but when you dig into them, there is much more to it. After reading Step 7 in the 12 &12 book, I can see the huge emphasis on humility and I realize that I truly don't have a deep understanding of what humility REALLY is. I am not a very humble person - at least not one who voluntarily seeks to be humble. I am generally only humble when "blugeoned into it" by creating embarrassing messes, etc. like was so common when drinking. I haven't actively saught humility in a positive way. "The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God." I was excited to read that this step is all about some of the FREEDOMS in sobriety that go way beyond freeing ourselves from alcohol. LOL this is where I get to free myself from my selfish self!

Thank you for your kind thoughts towards my Dad lately as I'ved talked about that. He will be going into surgery in a few hours and surely appreciates your hope and prayer for him.

DG

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

I'm putting your Dad in my prayers right now DG ... you take care of you too x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

DG: Good luck to you & your family. I'll have your Dad in my thoughts.

As far as stepwork: The steps are meant to be done w/a sponsor, not alone. Additionally, completing the steps, especially the first time around, is very important to our continuing emotional sobriety. My sponsor really knew what he was doing regarding the steps & was very directive. He gave me assignments for each one of them. I do feel that the next time I got through the steps, I would like to get a female sponsor. However, this first time around, I chose the right sponsor in order to gain the physical & emotional sobriety I need.

I think that many of the folks I see & hear who have relapsed are people who have not worked systematically on the steps. IMO, the 12 steps are the life-blood of the program. I don't think there has to be any kind of waiting period for doing the steps. In the old days, the founders meant for the steps to be done expeditiously...especially the first time around. The AAers I hear who have the most genuine recovery are constantly working the steps. Many do an inventory on an annual basis.

Tomorrow I am having a woman friend I made in AA over to my home for breakfast. This is a first for me regarding AAers, & I'm excited about it. This woman's story is similar to mine...I was actually acquainted w/her from Alanon. She's what the literature call a "high-bottomed drunk" as am I. As she puts it: "I decided to get off the elevator at a higher floor." I love that, because I did the same thing. Again, one of my fiercest denials was that I'm probably not a AL because I'm not homeless, in jail, jobless, etc.

Take care one & all. Again DG, good luck w/Dad & a sponsor. Keep trying to get the one you need to go through the steps. They've made all the difference to me in my program.

Love, Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Greetings all:
I'm on the road again. Went to a 730am meeting in New York City at a church near times square. It was so cool, about 4 visitors there. Kayla, one lady was from Sydney! It is so good to find meetings even though they all run a little different, it is still the same message.
Peace and Love,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Phil: It's so delightful to see you here. I'm so glad you're finding meetings while you're on the road. It really helps to prevent us from drinking! Good luck. Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Enjoyed reading today's posts. I'm just chilling tonight. It was a stressful day at work and I think tomorrow is going to be just as bad. Trying to get some peace and serenity, to prepare for it.

Winefree

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Phil, I love hearing about the meetings in other places ... with Aussies in them no less, even in New York!

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Alcohol...cunning, baffling...you know the rest:
Well I slipped last night. Bought a six pack of Bud and drank it in my room. Fortunately that was it, but here I am back at day one. I hope to find a meeting tonight.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Phil: I absolutely know what you are saying in your description of AL. Remember the promises of the program: we'll achieve them "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." Please do not give up. Always, always have the goal of sobriety. I can't count the number of times I slipped/relapsed. Even when I started in program, I continued to drink for about a month. I think the turning point for me was the working of the steps...especially step 5: admitting it all to another person.

Having said all of the above: I never, ever want to take my sobriety for granted. It is very precious to me. I see now that I cannot enjoy my life w/all its blessing if I am drinking. I will be on my guard until I take my last breath if need be. I don't want to drink again.


Your idea of going to a meeting tonight is a great one. Please let us know if you found one. I hope I'm not over-bearing in saying that if you have the strength to share about your slip, it would probably be a good thing for yourself & everyone else at the meeting. Also, when you get home, see what you can do about finding a person in program to sponsor you. He'll be someone to call when you have those moments when you crave a drink. Pick someone experienced who is not afraid of getting a call in the evening or even in the middle of the night. There are those folks in program who take service work very, very seriously.

I just had a woman AAer friend in for breakfast. We had a rambling talk, much of it AA-oriented. What a wonderful opportunity!

Take care, Mary

PS: Phil, I take a personal interest in you & do not give advice all that freely. Always, tell me if I have stepped on your toes in any way. I can handle it.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 6 - 12

Mary,
No injured toes here. I ALWAYS appreciate your comments.
Fortunately I at the airport on the way back to Texas. Hopefully will have time for a Thursday night meeting I attend.
Love and Peace,
Phil