AF daily - Friday July 10th

[Marshy]

Hello abbers,

Hope everyone's doing well. Lovely sunny morning here.

I've been away visiting my family. Triggers all around...
I was OK for the first couple of days even though my parents drink a lot and there's always an open bottle of wine on the go. My dad even offered me whisky and he knows I never drank whisky.

Anyway, that was all OK. But then my brother and sister and their partners and a few nieces and nephews arrived for dinner on Wednesday and I suddenly wanted to join in with everyone else drinking. We don't all see each other very often and I feels like a celebration to have a few/too many drinks.

So I had a weird evening wanting to drink, with a few people commenting on me still not drinking, so making me think about it even more!

There were lots of specific incidents involving old established patterns, memory, nostalgia, emotion... won't go into them here, but I definitely felt I was missing out by not drinking.

For ages now, even though sometimes I've had an urge to drink, I've been very strong mentally in knowing that I can't drink and that's a good thing, and I've felt very positive about it. Now I think I've slipped into "deprivation mode"... I feel like I've lost my mojo. (Anyone finding said mojo, please return ASAP).

DG - thinking about you and your dad. Hope you both have a speedy recovery.

Everyone have a good day - and hang on to your mojos!

[Kayla]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Hey all

Hi Marsha, over there in distant London ... my old home. Long way from there these days but have just come back from 3 months in South London, during which I had a right royal relapse. Back on the sobriety trail now. I know what you mean about deprivation mode - I've been in exactly that head-space so many times and it always leads to a very predictable place - which is why I'm STILL trying to get on top of my drinking. Hope you manage to lure your mojo back because you really aren't missing anything. The head just tells us we are. And it's always wrong.

Great to know we're all shooting for a better, healthier life in all our far flung places!
Take care and stay well everyone x

[speedster]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Marshy - I'm so impressed. You're strength is amazing. I can see how you would feel deprived/excluded. Personal growth is not always happy, happy, joy, joy. Sometimes we have to live through the sad emotions. Once you get into your routine at home, I believe you will get your mojo back.

I had my meeting last night. It went well. I was offered a beer afterwards and had no trouble saying no thank you. Hubby was at the meeting, he's still new to these meetings and gets frustrated. He was rather negative on the drive home and I was able to give him some rational perspective instead of launching into some reactionary response. AL would not have allowed me to be a voice of reason. Before we got home his comments were already more productive and less reactionary. Volunteer work can sure bring out the best and worst of people's emotions.

Kayla - hello, we cross-posted.

Prancy - welcome to the thread! Godd job on 5 days AF.

DG - positve thoughts to you and your Dad.

Happy AF Friday to everyone that follows!

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Found: 1 pink and black checkered mojo. Will trade for Johnny Depp look alike.

Marshy, your family get togethers sound like something I won't be ready for any time soon. I am SO GLAD you survived without throwing in the towel. That probably seemed very appealing in the moment and something you would have deeply regreted today. YOU GO GIRL! :yougo:

Speedy that is a really good sharing about you and your hubby and how you handled that post meeting discussion in a productive way instead of reactionary way. Those things might sound small sometimes but they sure add up to be huge in the overall picture of marital relations when more and more stuff can be handled that way instead of emotional defensive reactions which just don't lead anywhere positive. At least they don't at my house LOL!

Kayla I'm really glad you have started jumping in on this thread!! I love the international flair and always hope for a fluid and flexible definition of what day of the week it really is.

From yesterday -

Welcome prancy! You are right - just jump on in. There are quite a few horse lovers in my family. My Mom used to have American Saddlebreds which is how I sort of got into it - she caught the bug from her father many years ago. She is 77 now and has Shetland show ponies and miniature horses (too many of them!) I used to have a Standard Bred horse that we showed in what is called the "Road Horse" division at the American Saddlebred type shows. Oh how I recall those wicked hungover mornings trying to ride him at my lessons. That was painful always, and I really feel pretty lucky I didn't kill myself. So...this is my very long way of saying....I KNOW YOU WILL ENJOY YOUR RIDE TODAY!!! A lot more than last week's hungover version of it. Congrats on what is now Day 6 AF!!

MM - it is very good to hear about your friend's successful surgery! Equally good to hear how much fun you are having with DD especially considering "that age." You are COOL my dear. (or whatever is the "cool" equivalent these days)

Deter I'm sorry to hear about your ankle but must admit to laughing about the notion of the "Dork Boot." I think you should decorate it with sequins, rhinestones and just a few feathers to glam up your look. (be careful not to over do the feathers - that would be in poor taste.) I'm guessing the story of how this happened might be found on the Abbercize thread??? If not, give me another clue where to look for the juicy details.

Thanks to everyone else from yesterday Bets, kayla, Greenie, LVT, MM, and Sunny (and anyone I may have missed!) for all your well wishes.

Everything went fine. I was glad to wake up and find that "Plan A" was all that was needed. Only the one parathyroid was bad (the one we already knew about) so the contingency plans in case there were further problems were not needed. I think my throat is way more sore from the breathing tube than from the actual surgery. We will see of course - still feeling a bit woozy today I assume from the anasthesia but otherwise not too bad. I do need to not talk much which is hard from me in the real world. Look for more action here to make up for it. (I know, I know...scary....) Hard to believe they prescribe Tylenol with codein (sp) for no more pain than this. No wonder people are running around addicted to prescription drugs. Unless things get about 1,000 worse than they currently are, I will save those in case of some other painful tragedy in the future.

Dad was over the moon on drugs when I saw him yesterday morning which was sort of funny. It was nice seeing him in such good spirits even if they were fake. LOL - he is always worried over meal times and gets grumpy if he thinks they are late. On whatever drugs he's on yesterday he was explaining (in a nice tone of voice for a change) to a nurse how he hasn't had any food for two years. :H There will be plenty of painful recovery time ahead for him so we just enjoyed the moment.

I know this sounds like a broken record but I am literally teary eyed at the benefits of being sober through this. The old way of handling every crisis in life was SO PAINFUL and miserable compared to the new way of being sober, not obsessing over booze, and having a tad more acceptance for those things I can't change. I spent over 4 hours in pre-op yesterday which in the old days would have had me going through the roof. As it was, I took a nap for awhile and also talked and even did some joking with Mr. Doggy. LOL at one point the lady who puts in IV's was near us (but not talking to us) and she said "does anyone need an IV?" I looked at Mr. Doggy and asked him if he wanted one which made the IV lady look over and laugh. Mr. Doggy then said "no thanks I'm trying to quit." OK - that's just a silly little thing but it was so nice to be able to just pass the time doing silly stuff like that and even laughing some rather that having fits on top of fits.

Life is good.

Greenie I am celebrating this finally being over with some peppermint ice cream later today. Too bad I fell asleep before it arrived home last night. But I won't let it go to waste. Of course I was thinking of you!!

Have a wonderful day everyone and take a moment to appreciate the positive things that come with your AF life whether you have 1 day or 1,000 days AF.

DG

DG

[Pamina]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Hello Abland,

Maybe you just dropped said mojo, Marshy, when cycling. I'll keep an eye out along the bike routes.

I understand about the nostalgia. Times that now seem fun and carefree. It doesn't mean we can't enjoy their company in the now, which is the part that counts. Staying sober gives you that gift, getting sloshed would not. Well done resisting those triggers!

This is not an uplifting thought, so apologies for going there, but it so happens I got some sad news yesterday. A guy who is not a personal friend of mine but is a good mate of my former drinking buddies has passed away. He used to have a successful career but got badly injured in a traffic accident and started drinking heavily. After a stomach op he stopped for a while and was nice to chat to, drinking tea in the pub. Unfortunately the last few times I saw him he was back on the AL and fags despite all the warnings from doctors. Now he's gone. We're getting together tonight to remember him. It does put things in perspective.

Anyway, Marshy and Kayla, as we know, all deprivation is illusory. Keep swimming towards that positive head space.

It's great to hear you finding continued positive reinforcements in sobriety, Speedster. Being less reactive is so tricky but so worth it.

:getwell: Maybe we should start a separate thread for the huge convalescent crowd... What a relief to hear about your Dad, DG and your friend, MM. Hopefully your own procedure went ok as well yesterday, and you're on the mend, DG. Thinking of you! :l And Det, what can I say... Being grounded from kicking and boxing (and such...) for 5 weeks is probably not a bad thing...

Yes, Greenie, Bowen Therapy is definitely very cool. I totally believe in stimulating the body's own capacity to heal. I just didn't expect my healing to kick off quite so dramatically...

Here's some info, in case anyone is interested.

Bowen Pain Relief Technique-
Bowen Therapy Technique - Practitioners
Bowen Technique UK Therapists Treatment

Have a happy Friday, one and all.

[Pamina]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Cross posted, DG, that's fantastic! You sound really well. Lets hope you won't be needing all those pain killers. I take it you're able to swallow - or is ice cream the only food you'll be having this weekend??? I can just picture you struggling not to speak, in the real world, LOL. Well, come chirp here all you want. It's good to have you back!!

[greeneyes]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Morning abbers!

Not much going on here. The next couple weeks are going to be a challenge so I feel myself getting into "hunker down" mode. I don't really know how to describe it other than that. Trying to ground myself I guess. Got BGPs on.

Marshy I think what happens is that certain memories stimulate the brain's pleasure center and it remembers AL being part of that, conveniently forgetting the bad part. When you brain asks for pleasure stimulation and doesn't get that immediate gratification, it feels deprived. Makes it sound like the brain is a separate being, doesn't it? :H Sometimes my ideas don't translate into words that well. :H When I feel deprived is when I see drinking as projected in advertising - laughing with friends, everybody looks radiant. I forget the 3 AM scenario.

Yesterday I saw that the little pizza place near the nursing home is FINALLY open. I stopped by and much to my delight it is a locally owned spot and the owners are the same as a place that I really like on the other side of town. AND you can get just a slice, choosing ingredients off a chalkboard. There is other stuff too. They are across from a hospital so I hope they stay busy and open. Funny, at one time my first observation would have been whether they serve AL. I imagine they do, I didn't notice.

Went to the barking lot last night and it was really busy. Lots of people and doggies I'd not seen before. They are so funny in the way they initiate play. It was the first time I was there late enough to see the lighting work. Wow! Many of us were there until a little after 9 PM.

DG, glad all went well. Peppermint ice cream..... perfect!

Hi everybody and all to come. Det, I think you should stick to spurs and buckles on the dork boot.

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Good morning,

Well done Marshy! I had those feelings of deprivation last weekend when my family was sitting around me drinking and laughing, etc... My sister had come down with her two young boys, and my mother, grandmother, uncle, herself, etc... were all drinking on the patio having a hoot of a conversation. I was running around tending to children, feeding, picking up, etc. I really wanted to drink to 'relax' and 'join in' on the conversations. I almost felt like I was being 'punished' for not being able to drink.

Ultimately, I awoke Saturday and Sunday feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. Like, really, what would drinking really do for me? NOTHING. I would have drank to get drunk (like they did) but the thing is with me is that it makes me very tired and I would have been in bed by 4pm. So the positive thing was that I was able to be the one who held the glue together and take care of the kiddies. (IF that is a positive thing LOL!) Talk about work with 3 very young children that are running around screaming and tattling on each other. OI!

DG - glad everything is OK. Lots of hugs to you.

Everyone else, have a wonderful, sober, happy, Friday! I know I certainly will!!

[greeneyes]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

AFM, what's the job you landed?

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

I am working for the Province of BC in Sustainability Resources. I am the Assistant Director for the ecoENERGY Home Owner Grants division.

We provide funding for homeowners to make their homes more energy efficient:
- reduce energy consumption,
- achieve GHG emission reductions and
- stimulate local economic development.

We invest our time, resources and work with non-profit organizations to provide creative solutions that bring the economic, environmental and social benefits of energy efficiency to the affordable housing sector.

How is that for a synopsis? LOL. It is all very interesting stuff. It is great to be a part of something that benefits our Environment. Lots of projects going on. I am learning tons myself.

[greeneyes]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

That sounds absolutely wonderful! Good for you!

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Thank you. I am really enjoying it. And the best part is that I can wear whatever I want when there are no business meetings with private business partners! I love being able to slap on a pair of jeans and go into the office!

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

AFM, your new job sounds really interesting! What a cool thing to have work also be related to environmental improvements. I am really happy for you! As much as running around after 3 little kids sounds trying and exhausting, that still sounds better to me than a hangover plus whatever other negative crap used to come along with my drinking! (an argument with husband or mother would surely be on the neg list right along with that hangover!)

I do know those feelings of "missing it" sometimes though. As Mac said in another thread, she is doing OK at "public" things - dinner out in restaurant, etc. but having a harder time at home. I'm now totally used to the home thing without AL (and towards the end, that was my main drinking location!) but now my mental struggles relate more to being in external situations where there is drinking. But I'm still not gonna drink so there AL.

Greenie, what's coming up? Stuff with estranged one? (if none of my business that's OK too) At any rate, keep those BGP's zipped up tight! I haven't broken into that ice cream yet but will surely be thinking of you when I do. And I WILL be doing it.

Pamina it's good to *see* you. I forced myself to make a protein shake so hopefully there will be a tad more nutritional content this weekend that just the ice cream. Not much though, most likely. The thought of swallowing any solid food right now doesn't sound too good. I'm glad for my Vitamix. I don't even need teeth.

I think we need to have a separate thread for a Decorate Deter's Dorkboot contest.

DG

[sunnydaz]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

Good Morning all...I just love to read your posts of wisdom and how your are working at your own recovery and dealing with family and different things in your life... a little on the quiet side but still here

Sunnydaz Sober since Feb.6, 2009
smober 109 daz

[Determinator]

AF daily - Friday July 10th

doped up greetings ABerooooos!

I'm on percocet today, so things are pretty slow and weebly at the moment.

DG, you are too cute. if I see you coming with the hot glue gun I'll know whats up.

Marshy, living with the feeling of deprivation is no fun way to be and I've been there very much, but here's the great news: it DOES pass. it really does go away thankfully.

meant to say more, but I'm pretty out of it. back later

love to you all