Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm going to check in quickly, then read the last few posts of last weeks thread. I'll be back. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hi Again Everyone: I just read the end of last weeks AA thread.

DG: I'm glad you're feeling better. I've found that docs prescribe the pain meds rather freely. The last time I had oral surgery (tooth implants), I told the nurse I didn't need a prescription, that Tylenol would do quite nicely. She acted almost angry...saying that she hoped I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night in agony. I told her I'd be fine, & it turns out that I was. I also liked what you said about:
Praise: Yes, we alcoholics tend to love that kind of attention. I do want my motivations & rewards to be internal rather than external. I have to be careful about seeking out that kind of attention for the good things I do.
Examining my motives: I need constant reminders to do that. I want to do things for the right (i.e. spiritual) reasons. When I'm on auto-pilot, I tend to forget to do that.

Cucoo: I too have been revealing (a little at a time) my involvement in AA to family & close friends. I'm trying not to force myself. I'm finding that when the time is right, it happens naturally.

Yesterday, the Sun. night AA meeting had a 25 anniversary picnic. My husb & I went & really enjoyed ourselves. The more I do that sort of thing, the more I feel that I belong. I couldn't thank my husb enough for going w/me. He's a really personable guy & blended in nicely.

I'm feeling very grateful for my program today. I'm going to complete step 7 later this afternoon. I know I'll be working on my char. defects & shortcomings for the rest of my life. However, I want to take the step in a formal way so that I can go on to step 8. I also know that this is round 1 of the steps for me. They are a lifetime process.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Cindi: Hang in there. Mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hello everyone! I am back from my vacation in the Bahamas. I went with hubby and my 3 kids as well and a few other couples and their kids. We all went over by boat and had a great time. I was hoping that I could do some AA meetings online but, being online turned out to be way too exspensive. Hubby checked out his emails and ran up a $400 bill so, that plan was out. We were gone for 10 days and I managed to stay AF. I was fine with it but, there were a couple of days where the rum drinks looked pretty good. On those days I got by on prayer! I went to the 7:30 meeting this morning to get back in the swing of things. I think I will double up on meetings a few days this week.

I hope everyone is doing well!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

PP: Staying AF was quite an accomplishment on that vacation. I didn't go to meetings the week I went to FL to help my parents. Yes, I missed it, but I did OK. I had my literature w/me & read from it daily.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

hi teach,ive been in , and out mostly of AA for 10 years,i like what you said,round one,bin there many times,keep your feelers up my dear,famous last words,just when you think your riding the cloud of glory,it , A L, is there to bite you in the butt,someone once told me.the 1st hundred and sixty four pages,that is the sciptures of AA,the stories are mostly the same,they all say how the people couldnt stay away from drink,is it AA that keeps you from drink,or is it that finally the brain clics in, and says enuff is enuff,again i am happy it works for you,gyco

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hello AA friends & curious! Mary, thank you for starting up a new thread for the week. Here is the link often referred to for Daily Readings for the benefit of any newcomers / newlurkers. Daily Recovery Readings

Cuckoo I hope you are catching the new thread here this week - just read your post from yesterday. I think the decision about who one tells and when / how is very personal. For me, I have experienced a great sense of relief over time as it has "felt right" to tell those close to me that I don't drink any more. For some I leave it at that. Others I have shared more about the level of my addiction and more about what I've done about it (i.e. AA participation.) As Mary said, I too sort of go with the flow and say what feels right at the time. I have not yet had any regrets over anyone I've told. The honesty feels so good. Those who know me well all knew I had a problem anyway, so it wasn't exactly like Top Secret Info when I told the truth. I hope you have good experiences with AA and most of all find it helpful to your sobriety - that's the only reason to participate IMO. (I'm not one of those who thinks AA is the only way or any of that....)

PP - welcome home!! I'm so happy for you that you stayed AF on vacation despite some temptations and urges. I don't feel anywhere near ready to be in the same room (or beach) with rum drinks so you certainly have my respect!!!

Gyco it is good to see you as always. For me I could not quit using any method or combo of methods without reaching that point where enough was enough. I could not stick with sobriety until I got there. I agree with you on that point my friend!

It felt very very good to be back at a meeting today after 4 days of no meetings. I did not attend my usual Monday business meeting so I went to the early AA meeting at 7. On Mondays that is an "As Bill Sees It" meeting. The topic today was "Anger" and the reading really hit home. Bill sure knew his alkies and hit the nails right on the heads when writing about it. I admitted to the group that I used to use "anger" as a big excuse to drink. What better explanation for "of COURSE she is drinking! Look what a shitty day she is having!" than being angry over all the WRONGS that were done to me constantly.....blah blah cough cough BS BS. I realized how nice it is not to be dealing with all that faked up trumped up anger on a daily basis - I don't need that as an excuse to drink any more. I also think some other AA principles are at play in this change but I haven't sorted all of that out yet!! Suffice it to say it was a meeting that left me grateful once again for the positive changes taking place in my life.

In other AA related news I am finally making some meaningful progress with Step 4. I have not had a chance to talk to my sponsor about my misgivings (the fair place to start I think) but that shouldn't stop me from doing what the Big Book and 12 & 12 have to say about it. I have to do the best I can with the circumstances I am in and I just don't feel comfortable waiting any longer to get a move on. "Vigorous action" is called for after Step 3 and I have already dilly dallied too long. I've had misgivings about this sponsor situation for quite some time now and it's my own fault that I'm in it in the first place, and then haven't dealt with it. I just sent my sponsor an e-mail with some very specific questions and requests for guideance and I think that will be a starting point for figuring out what needs to happen next. That felt like the right thing to do in the moment and I have tried really hard to be quiet and patient and wait for the answer to come. So I hope it was an answer LOL and not just me getting impatient!

Onward and forward.....

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Gyco: Even though I'm new to sobriety, I can see how the "pink cloud" can wear off. Everyday struggles seem to loom w/no relief. I must remember that the struggles must be worked through NOT used as an excuse to get drunk. I go to 2 BB meetings where the first 164 pages are the only reading out of the BB. They are good meetings. I go to 1 BB meeting where we read the whole BB. That works for me, a newcomer, because I haven't read any of the stories & enjoy other peoples' perspectives on them.

DG: I don't think there is any reason to wait on any of the steps. I know AAers that do a 4th step inventory once a year. I think active work on the 12 steps is the way to stay away from relapses. The folks who relapse seem to be the ones who say they only go to meetings & haven't worked the steps. Pretty soon some of these relapsers fall away from meetings as well (too cold, too hot, too tired, all kinds of excuses not to go). I do think that you're going to need some kind of guidance w/step 4. The ideal would be someone you could call (a short call) daily to "check in." That's what my sponsor had me do. I called every day (still do) at 8:00 AM w/the exception of Sat., holidays, or the occasional day he or I couldn't do it. The daily call kept me working that 15 mins every day. Are you going to tell you first sponsor that you're trying to get someone who has done the steps to help you through your 4th? Did you ask that guy you said had good program? Anyhow, if there is anything I can do to help, feel free to PM me.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

One More Time:
Well, tomorrow I get to go to my 630 am meeting and admit that I am starting a new sobriety date. My trip to New York provided an excuse to drink again. I did a six pack Wed. and Thurs. night then advanced to about 10 beers a day Friday and through the weekend at home. It is easy to slip, isn't it?

Thanks for this post and all the support here. Perhaps I should consider getting a sponsor in AA....duh...ya think Phil?
Love and Peace,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Phil: Yes, it is easy. Then when I slipped, I felt I could just keep on going similar to what you did. Yes, a sponsor would help. I've heard that some of the old-timers are real no-nonsense types. Do you think you need that? Mine isn't like that, but some people like that approach. Choose carefully & explain your situation as honestly as possible. BTW, I see plenty of people continuing to try over & over even after multiple slips. You're not unique. Eventually, you'll get totally sick of the relapsing. I slipped in the first month I was working w/my sponsor & confessed to it. It wasn't easy, but I had to do it. In fact, it was so difficult that the thought of telling my sponsor & AA groups prevented me from slipping. Now, I know I'm still vulnerable, but that awful obsession has been lifted. I don't think about drinking a lot. I still get the occasional thought, but it's manageable. 2 things I know for sure:
1. I cannot drink at all.
2. I cannot think about mod drinking...it doesn't work for me.
Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Don't give up Phil. I can sure relate to what you've gone through. One session of drinking turns into days / weeks / months of it for me. Seems like trying a sponsor might be a good idea. What have you got to lose?

A guy who has become a "regular" at some of the meetings I regularly attend had an interesting way to find a good sponsor (and he did end up with a good one IMO). He asked around some of the women at this meeting. He approached and said "I really need to find a sponsor. I'm looking for a man who has lots of experience with the steps and several years of sobriety. Can you suggest anyone?" I know he was then pointed to some of the (IMO) better / more experienced / non-asshole (oops I didn't say that!) men to talk to.

You know you CAN do this Phil - look at the events you've made it through. A little of the program worked a little - just imagine what a lot of it might do.

I'm rooting for you!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Me too!

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Me, too, Phil.

You can and will do this and you will be amazed at how your life will be transformed.

I just know it.

Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

This is a quickie update on a talk I just heard. It was very powerful. The guy came back from the gates of hell. If the program can work for him, it can work for anyone.

I know this sounds awful, but sometimes I get a strange "what am I doing here?" feeling when I'm at a meeting. I feel that I don't belong or that I'm not as "alcoholic" as most of the others. But I know it's denial which is an incredibly powerful force. I just needed to say that. I know in my heart that if I stopped going to meetings, I'd go back to drinking. Maybe not right away but eventually. Also, I don't want to forget the agony I felt & caused because of my drinking. I think I let that slip to the back of my mind.

Also, I've been seeing people I knew on the "outside" at meetings lately. I still find it incredibly disconcerting. At Monday's meeting I saw a former student from the high school I taught at. At tonight's meeting I saw 2 people I knew from Alanon. Sometimes I go up to them & talk (which takes the power out of it), but tonight the 2 people left before I could do that. Anyhow, I needed to get all this out in the open. My sponsor said that it gets easier (seeing "real-world" people) at meetings as you go along. I sure hope so.

Thanks for being here.

Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Mary,

I am the complete opposite. I sit in those meetings and after people have shared their experiences, I kind of squirm because I realize I am worse than most.

My drinking was pretty bad. My consequences were light compared to what I actually did. All I can figure is that there was an angel sitting on my shoulder some days.

One good thing. I have this feeling I am likely to lose my job soon. There are cuts coming. With the sobriety I have, Thank God, I am able to look at things rationally enough to realize that I am the reason. It was my inability to perform at peak that has led me here.

Am I happy about it? No. Do I know it is a consequence of my drinking and my horrible choices? Absolutely.

God is granting me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can. I may not have the wisdom yet to know the difference but I am working on that and hope He will grant me that, too, someday.

Today, even with job loss looming and serious financial difficulties due to it, I am so much happier than I was just a few weeks ago.

Love,
Cindi