Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Good morning all!

Cindi, I too struggle with that "wisdom" thing. Trying to change things I can't instead of accepting them is my nemisis. Slowly it's getting better though and the rewards in terms of peace of mind are worth the effort to work at it and ask HP for help with it. I'm sorry to hear about the job but somehow it strikes me as maybe a blessing in disguise. Of course only you can know that....but that was the first thought that popped into my head. I thought of AFM and how she has found work that she feels passionate about in addition to or instead of the $$ part so much and I just thought about that opportunity. Whatever happens, I know in my heart it can end up being a positive step for you and your family.

Mary, I know what you mean about our minds "glamming up" our own drinking experiences to make sure we remember seemingly positive things and to make sure we forget the horrors. Last weekend I was reading about the brain chemistry related to addiciton. The article was about crystal meth (a former figure skating champion was recently arrested in conjunction with distribution of it - very sad) but the same processes related to dopamine release and our pleasure centers is in play. These are very strong forces we are fighting with in our heads, literally and figuratively. You are doing such a good job of sticking with your program and not allowing your addicted part of your brain lead you in the wrong direction. Stay strong Mary. The meetings are a powerful force in my life right now too. Can't always explain it, but it works for me.

Phil, Kayla, PP, Okey, WF, Gyco and everyone who I've missed - hello and hope you are having a good day and week.

Today is the meeting I chair and the reading is a really powerful one for me from Daily Reflections:

Daily Reflections


PRIDE

For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 71

Time and again I approached the Seventh Step, only to fall back and regroup. Something was missing and the impact of the Step escaped me. What had I overlooked? A single word: read but ignored, the foundation of all the Steps, indeed the entire Alcoholics Anonymous program - that word is "humbly". I understood my shortcomings: I constantly put tasks off; I angered easily; I felt too much self-pity; and thought, why me? Then I remembered, "Pride goeth before the fall," and I eliminated pride from my life.

The part I bolded sums up one of the worst experiences I have had in my own life that left me broken hearted and bankrupt both financially and emotionally. I had every reason a human being could agree with to hate and loath the man who "did this to me." And believe me, what he did was wrong on every level both from a criminal and a human perspective. I couldn't let go. I struggled and struggled. I couldn't trust anyone and was just a "victim" every day of my life. (and of course, alcohol played a role in this thing start to finish). I happened to start listening to Joyce Meyers - like her or not, there is much of what she preaches that is consistent with AA. It was in one of her series that she talked about recognizing OUR PART in our troubles. It was through her teaching that I realized I DID have a part in that big mess. My part was my pride - those things that I bolded above. That is was made me open to what happened. Doesn't make it right what Con Man did. But I had a part in it too.

I didn't put this event together with AA until a few days ago as I was working on my fourth step. I then realized the true power of these steps when it comes to dealing with our issues and growing past them to a far better place. No matter how wrong this person was, I COULD NOT and DID NOT move on until I faced my part in it. And believe me, being able to let that hatred go was a very big deal. I'me glad to be going back to this process with the help of AA to reinforce it, and to apply this to other issues in my life.

Anyway...what a ramble. I'm not sure what I will say for the lead after that reading today but I think I will just let HP work the will on me today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Cindi & DG: I needed to read what both of you wrote.

DG: I'm going to read the daily reflection more thoroughly, but it definitely applies to me in terms of my discomfort in seeing folks from the outside world in AA meetings. I don't want anyone to know that I'm an AL. I don't want my image tarnished...which is pride, pure & simple. Note the word "image." Through AA, I'm working on living an authentic life...having people see the real Mary, not some image I have concocted. I must remember that everything happens according to HP's plan. Those people are placed in meetings to teach me the lesson of humility.

I love the work you are doing on resentments DG. That's the benefit of the working the 12 steps.

Mary

[Kayla]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hi everyone
Doing lots of reading around the board this week, but staying fairly quiet.

Got through yet another 'go get wine' round of thoughts y'day. But realising that even though I have the drinking thoughts, I don't HAVE to act on them. Hard though.

Such a small AA community in this town. Sitting at a meeting this week thinking how damaged everyone seemed - which must mean me too. How to find a sponsor - a functional one at that - in this small bunch?

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Kayla: It isn't easy to find a sponsor...especially a female one. Mine is someone I knew from Alanon. As you know, he's a man, & that isn't ideal. He did get me through the first 7 steps, & for that, I'm grateful. The meetings I go to are male-dominated. I have met a few women who are in the program from some years. I guess that's all you can do...keep your radar out there. You'll find someone when your HP puts her into your life. Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Glad to be reading and learning. DG we read that at a meeting tonight and I had a hard time relating to the Pride issue, which the men were mostly gearing into with that reading. I don't seem to get it today.
Kayla, I know what you mean about not having a sponsor, I'm in that same boat as well. Still not sure what to do about that. I get the first 3 steps ok without one, but know #4 is going to be a doozy and I will need guidance.

Hope everyone's week is going well.

Day 75 for me and I can't believe it!
Feels great to feel and not hide all evening.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

WF: Thanks for the reminder about not having to hide. When you mentioned that it all came back: sneaking drinks, trying act normal, withdrawing into myself, falling into bed drunk, sleeping awful. I needed to remember back to that insanity. It's easy to forget, & w/forgetting comes denial, & w/denial comes drinking. Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

WF,

When I was in rehab, it was noted that women tend to isolate themselves while drinking. Probably shame and not wanting to put ourselves into dangerous situations.

It is nice to be sober and able to go and talk to colleagues in the evening, or chat on MWO, or even talk to my parents otp without the fear of being sloshed enough that others can detect it.

Freedom.

Cindi

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Greetings all,
I'm back from a week of ....well....y'all know. It took three days to taper down after 10+ beers per day. Yikes....I think zero is a better idea.
I'm going to pursue a sponsor relationship from one of the two groups I attend.
Have a great day,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

zero is the number for me. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hi all! Yepper - count me into that Zero Club! Phil, I wish you well finding a sponsor - I think you will be happy you did. It won't always be easy and I understand it is common as we work things through to get mad at our sponsors. LOL - one woman recently said to me "if I'm not on my sponsee's resentments list I'm not doing my job." The changes we are trying to make in our lives may be rewarding in the end, but are not always comfortable or easy as we are working on them. I have certainly found myself angry with my sponsor only to figure out later that it was my issue, not hers. It's been a really good growth process and one I am looking forward to continuing. Whew...where did all that come from????

WF and Kayla I hope you both find good sponsors too. I know it will eventually happen. Mean time, just keep doing the very best you can - that's all any of us can do.

Cinders I can SO relate to what you are saying about sober evenings. Heck, during the last several years of my drinking the "witching time" for me being concerned about slurring got way earlier than evening. What a relief! And what a good reminder for me.


:yougo:CONGRATS WF ON 75 DAYS!!:yougo:


That is an awesome achievement!

Mary I like the response you made to WF's post about the reminder of how it used to be. I am often amazed and also concerned about how quickly I forget the bad parts. I think we have some instinctive responses at work here. I will never forget my mother answering a question I asked her about the pain of child birth. She said something like "it's a good thing we are wired to quickly forget how painful it is and just remember the joy, otherwise nobody would ever have more than 1 child!" (Mom had 3) Anyway, that is the example I always think of when I am reminded that instinctively we forget painful things. I think it's a mechanism to protect us from pain, but in the case of my alcoholism this mechanism causes me to forget things I really am better off remembering, and VIVIDLY. That is why I think it is so beneficial both here and at AA to hear EVERYONE'S story from the 30+ year person who offers me a lifetime of inspiration, to the person who is shaking from withdrawls and finally ready to try (again).

I'm sorry this is already a long post but the last 2 days / meetings were pretty impactful for me and I feel compelled to write. (that doesn't mean you have to read LOL!!)

Yesterday in the "pride" meeting I did tell that gut wrenching story as my lead. It felt good to tell it (and there is something a little different for me sharing "live & face to face" than here on the forum...). It felt like it had less power over me and even though I realized years ago that my own ego, pride, selfishness, etc. were at the center of the problem, I think I needed to go through it again as a good reminder of the benefit the steps are having for me. WF - if you are hanging in there still with this long post a woman spoke up who spoke a bit to your concern with that reading. She was raised with a passel of brothers (10 I think :egad so talked about her brothers and their pride with their "stuff" - those things that are often thought of when we think of pride -as in male pride. She talked about how it took her awhile to figure out where her own pridefulness was hiding. I wish I had a recording of what she said - you would have loved it. To the best of my recollection, she talked about making connections in her own life between things like pride and her playing "martyr" and pride over even ONE cherished thing rather than a collection of toys the way she saw it with her brothers. Don't know if that made any sense in the details, but I guess the broader point is that pride may not always be as obvious with us women folk. I really appreciated her point.

Today's meeting was very interesting. It was supposed to be on the 24-hour reading but as sometimes happens, we quickly drifted. A guy I really have come to like in the AM group ended up chairing as the regular chair didn't show. He had previous years of sobriety but had a BAD BAD relapse that lasted a long time and was devastating in his life, and he is just celebrating his 6 month anni this coming weekend. So he hasn't done any chairing recently. So he got to deal with....

A girl came in who I had never seen before. She walked in rather late, so didn't hear the lead or figure out what the topic was supposed to be. She announced it was her 3 year anniversary and that she used to come to this meeting years ago and wanted to come by and say hi. It was funny though - the way it sounded was more like she was pretty full of herself and thought people would remember her and want to congratulate her. I could tell by the old timer faces that they were struggling to remember her. At any rate, one of the old timers RAILED on her (a bit over the top although I can understand the point he was trying to make) about not attending meetings. He said that is akin to taking, and not giving back. Where IMO he went over the top was when he said more than once he was SURE she would drink as she was not attending meetings.

A couple people later, another guy congratulated her and in a polite way, said he disagreed with the first guy from the stand point that it's really all about sobriety, and whatever she is doing to maintain it is good.

**Amazing thing number 1 is that this sort of recipe for confrontation occurred, with STRONG disagreement and yet once again, it was done in a controlled fashion and in accordance with the conduct that is expected in these meetings.**

**Amazing thing number 2 is what my buddy chairing did when he wrapped up the meeting and gave this gal her coin. He really brought together both points of view with his own story (5 years sober...stopped meetings after the first year or so...eventually drank and 2 weeks later made a serious suicide attempt....lost everything for the second time.....) He showed respect for her decisions while also pointing out that he personally experienced that relapse after quitting the meetings even several years later. He also did a remarkable job of talking about how valuable and necessary it is to the survival of the AA program for people who get sober to stay involved and help others so these resources will be available for generations to come.

I'm sort of glad my first AA meeting ever didn't go like that one did, but it was a good meeting for me to experience. It showed me that within AA there are strong and differing opinions where neither position is necessarily 100% "right." And strong differing opinions can be expressed with respect in a meeting without chaos ensuing. I need to learn how to express myself and conduct myself in this way - I have NEVER been good at expressing an oposing opinion without gearing up for a fight.

Anyway....sometimes there is so much to process it's hard to keep track of it all. It really helps to write some of this stuff out here!

Anyway, if you made it this far please have some chocolate. You deserve it.

DG

[cuckoosnest83]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

I posted on last week's thread that I had attended my first AA meeting and also told some family members and a friend. Unfortunately, I still drank this week. I think I see AA as my last resort so if I commit to it, then I will never be able to have a drink again and that thought overwhelms me. I understand the concept of 1 day at a time but telling that to an active alcoholic is like talking to a wall most of the time. Anyway I attended a second meeting on Wednesday and plan for another tomorrow night. The difference between walking into that first meeting and going to the second one was quite amazing. I don't have a sponsor yet either but I like to think I have a coach as one person from the first meeting and I seem to have bonded rapidly. I hope to continue reading all your posts. This will be like a mini-meeting when I can't get to one. BTW, I'm sitting here sober tonight and it is a good feeling. As some of you mention in your posts, it is amazing how easily we forget how bad we feel when drinking. I love how I feel when I don't drink so you think it would be a no-brainer but for me alcohol continues to have its draw. Well, I intend on doing the one minute at a time for the forseeable future. Thank you all for being here. I haven't posted but have been reading the posts.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

DG, yes I made it to the end of the post, I loved everybit of it. I will pass on the chocolate tonight, since I am still on a weight loss kick. Since stopping AL, I'm down 20 lbs and loving that too. I wish I could have been there to listen to that woman about the pride issue. I do think it is different for woman than men and most of the meeting the other day was guys.

Don't ever feel bad about the long posts, they are truly enlightening and enjoyable.

Cuckoo, it wasn't long ago I too was saying what you are saying now. How could I never drink again, I can't even imagine it etc etc. I was told one day at a time and although the first month was truly difficult, it has gotten easier and easier with each passing day. Right now I don't want to mess up a great thing, so I keep going to meetings and reading and posting here. Whatever it takes to be free of the grips of AL. It is soooooo worth it.

Hi Mary and Cinders too. Phil hop back on board.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

WF, congrats on the 20lbs! The list of benefits of AF life seems endless yet there is AL always trying to work in - cunning, baffling, powerful. So glad to hear that it is getting a bit easier for you these days. I also think of you often and hope things are working in a positive direction for you and Mr. WF.

Hi Cuckoo. MAN can I relate to this:

I think I see AA as my last resort so if I commit to it, then I will never be able to have a drink again and that thought overwhelms me.

For a very long time I was adamant that AA was "not for me" and I while my excuse was "that religious stuff" I really think what YOU said was my true bottom line. To admit I needed AA was to truly acknowledge that the party is over. I did NOT want the party to be over. I was sick of the problems drinking was causing in my life but desparately wanted to be able to "dial it back" and "fix it" and somehow drink normally. It's become so clear that every alcoholic thinks that way.....at least we are not alone.

Well, that was true for me as the party definitely needed to be over. Accepting that is not easy though. Sounds like you had a nice AF evening yesterday and taking it one minute at a time is good. As far as the meetings go, just take that one meeting at a time too. I'm glad to hear that you have started a nice bond with someone. I love my friends at MWO. I also am starting to really appreciate developing sober relationships with people who understand what ails me in real life too.

The obsession to drink is something that normal drinkers just don't understand unless they have dealt with some other addiction (pot, nicotine, etc.). And even then, I think alcohol is a bit different, at least compared to nicotine which I have also dealt with myself. I think AL lurks in the corners of my mind in a way that nicotine does not. I know I benefit by relating to people who are exactly like me, dealing with exactly what I am dealing with so that I never forget how easily I could fall back into my AL induced hell. I felt so alone until faced my alcoholism and started being honest with others who have my exact same problem. In this case, it's nice to know I am not "unique" - I am just another alcoholic and I CAN lead a sober life as so many others before me have demonstrated.

Strength and hope,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hi Everyone: I just got in from mowing the lawn, & I told my story to myself while I was doing it...as accurately as possible. It helps to give me that very necessary reality check of what I did.

DG: I too have been to meetings where people come in drunk, say inappropriate things, &/or mix it up w/someone else. The format of speaking/listening works well, because everyone has his/her say.

Also regarding pride: Those of us (myself included) who seem very "selfless" also have plenty of pride. It's just a different variety. I know that when I operating out of the wrong motivation, pride is rearing its ugly head.

I'm going to my regular BB meeting later & can't describe how much I'm looking forward to it.

Mary

[cuckoosnest83]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of July 13 - 19

Hello all. Heading to a meeting so will post when I get home. Have a good night.