WF, I don't know if you've seen July's "Start of year 3 AF post" but when he describes his reaction to his wife starting AA, I could really relate to that feeling. I think for me the notion of AA meant "truly the end of the the line" for me and AL. It meant giving up even the slightest of "I'm really not an alkie" fantasies in all the various iterations of that. On the surface I made all kinds of excuses why AA wasn't for me (never having even been to a single meeting LOL). But deep down for me it was really about accepting that I'm addicted to alcohol.
I wish I could explain what it is about AA that's helping me, and I don't think I can articulate it very well. But it's helping - I sure relate to that!
I am starting to understand why I see people with dog eared big books with 3 different colors of highlighter on every page. I really do see something new each time I read a page. This past week I got a lot out of reading Chapters 2 & 3 again. Bill W and the early AA's sure know their alkies. So much of their description of the alkie thinking is like looking in the mirror for me. That really does set the tone of credibility - a deep understanding of the problem.
Funny - when I first went to AA and said I had serious issues with the HP / religious / spiritual business people kept saying "read chapter 4 and you will be OK..." I read Chapter 4 and didn't get it at all. This week I think I truly started getting it. I am also getting comfortable that this spiritual business is my own personal journey - not a requirement for me to accept anyone else's "understanding" or religion or whatever.
"Willingness is the key that unlocks the door." I like that part. I've read it so many times but it finally spoke to me in a new way I think.
Something else jumped out at me in the sauna yesterday from the 12 & 12 book - I read Steps 3&4 again and I can't remember which of those chapters this part was in. But it talked about our self (free) will and the fact that we always have it - it never goes away. It's just a question of what we do with it, and trying to bring our own will (choices) in line with HP will. All this while stressing the importance of being active and not passive.
This might sound crazy but I'm finding so many analogies with my gardening experience this year. That garden is definitely a place where I don't have the power LOL. It's humbling to realize just how powerless I really am over that garden. And it doesn't happen unless I'm active in it. Passive would lead to nothing but a weed patch. And I certainly have to work in harmony with mother nature to get any sort of good results. When I try to mess with things too much, I end up killing something. The Garden has been a good place for learning this year.
Have a good day everyone!
DG
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