51 Days AF but having trouble!

[macbarry]

Hi, everyone.

Question: I have been very irritable, emotional, etc. the past two weeks. Perhaps it's because I am maintaining this AF path instead of just starting it (the "newness high" has worn off?) Anyway, I'm pretty "blah" and wonder if those who have begun this AF journey and appoached 60 days, etc., has had similar feelings???

Also, I have been exercising like crazy and watching my calories. I figured taking the bottle + 1/2 of wine out of the equation would be a cinch in losing a quick 10 pounds...that hasn't happened.

I've thought of the attraction to a ferris wheel vs. the dullness of the path as an analogy to my currrent state of mind: the ferris wheel lights up, is in motion, is "fun"; patiently traveling the path feels less "rewarding." The difference, of course, (which is a big difference!) is staying on the ferris wheel never allows me to ever move "on," whereas walking a path is getting me somewhere down the road.

Any thoughts/insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[retteacher]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Mac: I've heard the newness of sobriety called the "pink cloud." This eventually wears off, & all of a sudden, we're stuck having to deal w/the issues & feelings that we tried to drink away all those years. I too have had the emotional/irritable reactions. I think that for me, it's because I'm not accustomed to dealing w/the people & situations around me. There's nothing getting between me & life anymore...which can be disconcerting. I try never to forget the awful incidents, drunks, numb-outs, etc. that I had in my life before I stopped drinking. Denial comes to me in many forms:
-I was never really a full-fledged alcoholic.
-Life can't be fun wo/AL.
-How can I socialize wo/AL.
-etc.


Concentrate on the gifts of sobriety if you can. That's what I do, & I'm not as angry about not being able to drink. In fact, I'm beginning to like doing everything sober.

Mary

[moofarmer]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Day 54

Hi-
Day 48 and 49 were the closest I have come
to having a drink (probably 6 or more strong vodka
would of done it to erase the landmine craziness I
cultivated after 4-5 years of very heavy daily consumption)
Somehow I go past that day, even nearly cried at an AA meeting.
I found rootbeer, seltzer, grapes, dove chocolate and blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream my
only release. I'm not losing weight, plus I run 2-3 times a week, so my weight has stayed the same. At least I'm not blacking out, not remembering how I spent the evenings staggering around the basement, denying it all. Gotta go, I'm starving.
Best of luck to you, should improve soon.

[scrubbly]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Hi Mac and congrats on the 51 days!

I don't know that I can relate, I'm on 59 days today and haven't experienced what you are talking about. But then, I have approached my AF stuff as a destination, not a journey.

I feel that I have already arrived at a state of being a non-drinker, not someone who is "approaching" something that will happen someday. I don't know if that would make a difference to you but I think it did to me. I no longer think of myself as someone who needs "more" AF time to make some big significant change happen in my life.

I have removed the possibility of drinking for me because I identify as a non-drinker, I have told my friends and family that I no longer choose to drink (so they do not offer it and I am not expected to order drinks out places, thereby removing both my own temptation and the potential social awkwardness).....etc.

I'm still in the place of "counting" my days because I think it's important to count my successes, but in reality the days don't matter to me nearly so much today as they did when I was pre-30 days, for instance. As a matter of fact I lost EXACT count after about 35 days and I had to do a count the other day when someone on another thread asked me where I was on days AF.

Good luck to you.

[Doggygirl]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Hi Mac! I encourage you to do whatever it takes to stay the AF course as you work through this rough spot. The first time around, I relapsed at 60 days (and I was bummed about no magic weight loss despite exercising and giving up booze - that was a contributing factor I can totally relate to!). It took me 8 months of struggling with only a few AF days here and there to get my sh!t back together. Not a program I recommend if you can help it!

I truly had to examine my life and figure out ways to fulfill it - not just fill the time. It sounds easier than it is! I am still looking for the things I can feel passionate about on a daily basis and to figure out how to live like a normal person - facing my problems head on as Mary said, and discovering things that are fun to me rather than the false fun of my old AL driven life.

I wish there was an easy answer. A "quick fix" to feeling a natural euphoria to rival the false euphoria that the first few drinks used to provide (without the downhill slide into all the disasterous crap after those first couple!) It takes work but I hope you will hang in there because IMO, it's worth it. I like the "pink cloud" analogy - that fit for me as well.

Strength and hope!

DG

PS - While I'm 100% sure that AL was a major contributing factor to my over weight status as well as some other health issues, it took more than the removal of AL to resolve those issues for me. The book "Ageless" by Suzanne Somers was priceless and started me on a journey back to health and vitality - I am 51 now.

[macbarry]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Thanks soooooo much, everyone, for your thoughful replies!

I so appreciate you all taking the time to respond to me. As I am reading some entries from today, it sounds like a lot of crying is also not that unusual. My husband, actually, reminded me last night that I'm making a pretty drastic shift in my personal-world, i.e. going AF removes blinders, buffers, and allows all of "reality" to simply be in the room with me. (I always have preferred to drink alone and escape into a soft "buzz.")

Obviously, though, the "soft" buzz simply leads to hard/unpleasant consequences.

I'm so very thankful for this MWO site...and you! :thanks:

[Cinders]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Macberry,

Wow, not only do you have MWO as a support but it sounds like you have a loving hubby who understands.

You are one lucky lady.

Glad you are figuring out how to get past this rough patch. They will crop up from time to time but it is so worth not giving into Al. He is a liar and a thief.

It seems to me that you have much better company to spend your time with.

Cindi

[tlrgs]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

it will pass .. just stay on the path and treat yourself good and dont worry .. and dito to all of the above

[Boss.man]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Hey Mac! I find diet is a trigger. As my body gets into a low blood sugar state (which is needed to lose weight) it can trigger a huge urge for Alcohol. Given my long usage habits, my body knows it can use alcohol byproducts for fuel, so I tend to crave drinks and not sugar when I have a "sugar low". A sugar low also gives you a low grade headache and bad mood.

My solution is to eat an oatmeal cookie. Cookies are certainly not on my diet. But the complex carbs apparently send a signal that "glucose is on the way" and that mediates my mood.

As a supplement, I also find L-Theanine helps a lot for low mood.

And my newest tool is Youtube videos on relaxation and anxiety. Here's one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No0LkzKpm0k[/video]]YouTube - Three Minute Meditation by Dr. Susan Taylor

There appears to be an endless variety of self-help youtubes for relaxation, sleep, hypnosis, and various types of meditation practices. I'm finding exploring them when I have a low mood tends to brighten me up.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Hey macbarry,
Hang on in there.......you won`t regret it. The longer you are sober, the more you will begin to see the beauty in all things. It takes time, that`s all........it`s worth it.......trust me. Believe........believe in yourself.........believe in sobriety.........it`s much like Heaven on earth.........you`ll see. :l

Star x

[tylyr]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

BossMan - I too find that eating a little bit extra helps with the cravings. Is it the blood sugar? I hadn't thought of that. Eating something sweet - ish could help stop the cravings? Is that it?

This site is such a help

[Boss.man]

51 Days AF but having trouble!

Tylyr that is an old question asked by hikers, and I used to backpack a lot. Complex carbs take 5-8 hours to become energy. So why does eating a cookie give you energy?

When your body is in a low sugar state, your liver is still metering out glucose and it has a reserve. After all, of you really ran out of glucose your heart would stop, right? Actually you go blind and other things, it happens to diabetics.

Your sense of taste is connected to glucose production. When you taste something sweet, your brain sends a message to your liver that sugar is on the way. So your liver can release some stores up, which become "instant energy".

My recent reading indicates you can throw this off with some artificial sweeteners. They fool your brain, cause your liver to release, but later there is NO glucose, so hours later your body realizes it's been fooled and it goes into starvation "do not die" mode. This imbalance can ruin your whole day. I'm beginning to think that a successful diet is not just about eliminating fats and sugars, but eating them in such a way as to maintain a balance that is still condusive to getting thinner.

I read once that your whole body contains about 7 teaspoons of sugar (glucose) at a given time. About 2 teaspoons are in your blood and the rest in tissues. So "low sugar" doesn't mean you need a cup of the stuff, or 7 cokes or anything like that. What you need is about a teaspoon equivalent of granulated sugar, an apple or a banana, a cookie, something like that. Needs to be real carbs, no fakes. Protien - meat cheese won't help, but milk is good because it has lactose which is a sugar.