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Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

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    Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

    Just checkin in to let ya'll know that i aint been institutionalised. doctor was absolutely crap..apparently i dont warrant for phcyatric assesement because i have a drink problem. never mind the fact that iv beeen depressed on an off since i was about 7... so obviously the deppresion is what causes the drinking ( a way to block out the crap that iv been blocking out on my own for years!)
    the fact that i asked to be addmited so that i coulld be properly assesed by a qualified team in order to ascertain what kind of deppression i have was just poo pooed by him, when you think that one of the most common symptoms of bi polar is drink or drug dependance...an i also show more that one of the other symptoms he jus wasnt interested. thing is if you have bi polar an your being treated for clinical then it can make you worse..which is so whats happening to me, but he just didnt wanna know told me to go to this horrid clinic which was full of junkies an properly drunken people who live in hostels! even the councelor i saw said "you shouldnt be here" so what do i do??? i need to be properly assesed by a team of pyshyciatrists to determine what my ilness is but i cant get that...im gonna try a different doc nxt wk..she if she is more understanding. my mum even explained that i am a danger to myself an others but all he said was "they wont touch you if it alcohol related" why cant they see that its not..its cause im not well an havent been since a child!! god so sorry bout the rant im just at the end of my tether with all this...i really do feel like just giving up and ending it all again...noone wants to help me they just think im depressed cause i drink but im not...i have had so much crap in my life, from start right up till last year an i need help with this an i need to be on the correct meds for my condition...which needs to be determined, but they wont do that for me...so where does that leave me??? im just so desperate to stop feeling like this, i think thats what the suicide attemps are about...i wouldnt wanna die if someone would just help me to feel better, but that jus aint happenin an all i want is to be released from how i feel an if noone will help me that is the only option...i dont wanna spend the rest of my life feelin like this and the way i see it...if iv actualy gone an asked for help an they wont give me it...i only have one other choice, cause i aint livin at the moment im just existin i need help i need to tell people stuff that iv kept inside for years...i need to heal the little girl inside me who still wants to destroy me an stop me bein happy cause she cant understand why she never was.


    Really really sorry again bout alll that heavy stuff, i just had to get out how im feeling at the moment, im in such a mess at the moment...so dissalusioned. Thanks for listening as always guys.

    Lou-Lou x x x
    "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

    #2
    Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

    Hiya Lou,I've just read your post now and am replying straight away...It proberly hasnt even sunk in yet properly what i have just read. Right first things first , i dont know what bi polar is ? second you have obviously got some very heavy issues with your childhood and i dont think a doctor is the best person to go and see..My wife and mother in law went last year to see somebody after a massive disaster that happened to them...My wifes uncle .....her mums brother comitted suicide...he was only 34....and it left them both at a crossroads...they didnt know where to go what to do with their lives or even How they were supposed to carry on living....What i'm getting at is there was somebody they went to see...I'm gonna check with them both tomorrow what his official title was...
    I dont know what happened to you in your childhood...i suppose alsorts run through your mind when your guessing but if you ever need to offload on someone i'm always here, or if you feel its only stuff that you can talk to another woman about there are some very wise people here...You know that...
    Ending it all is not the answer...please belive me...Suicide ruins lives in a way nothing else does....The loved ones left behind are left asking unanswerable questions for the rest of there lives...It was 4 years ago yesterday Lisa ( MY Wife) was crying on the anniversary of her uncles death...she still has nightmares and she thinks of him every day.
    I'm racking my brain what the official title is...Something along the lines of crisis councellor or something but i will find out.....
    Keep in touch here Lou...P.M. me whatever....Just plug yourself back into this place....I hope other people do try to give you some advice aswell....Who know more about this kind of stuff than me..
    We will talk more about this......Dont stay away so long this time....Macks:l
    I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
    One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

    Comment


      #3
      Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

      Something to try

      Lou, Sounds like you have some heavy, heavy, heavy issues going on. This might sound crazy but someone brought this up a month or so ago and I am going to try it. You might want to look at it at least.

      http://www.emofree.com

      RJ said that someone on this website had such success with this technique that she went on to become a therapist teaching it to other. I have not done it yet because I am waiting for the therapist near my home that provides this service to get back into town so I cannot give you my opinion yet. It sounds too simple and sort of crazy but I believe in the premise behind it. It is something you can perform on yourself. Basically what it is is acupuncture without the needles. Go to the site and download the free manual and see what you think. I am sure it is not a cure-all but might help you calm down and then decide what to do next. What you have a complete imbalance in your system in so many ways and you need to get your balance back. You can do it!!! I can feel your pain, but please do not do anything drastic.......
      I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

      Comment


        #4
        Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

        need support

        i really need support and help here...iv never felt so alone, an i scare myself when im like this cause i know what im capeable of...please just some kind words of support an encouragement...just let me know tha at least someone out there cares for me. im doin the sensible thing here an reachin out to my friends here before i do anythin stupid..any words will help even if its jus hey...so i know your there...i cant stand this aloneness

        so sorry Lou-Lou x x x
        "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

        Comment


          #5
          Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

          Where do you live Lou Lou? Perhaps there is an old experienced person in MWO in the region who can recommend some resource. Where do you live?

          Comment


            #6
            Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

            Chris

            I live on the wirral...UK, i think most of you are in the states so im a bit stuck babes!!!
            "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

            Comment


              #7
              Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

              Only thing I could think of to do to help is make a new thread on general discussion --you can see it there. Perhaps you can do some reserach on your own Honey for a clinic or new Doc.

              Comment


                #8
                Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                Hey Lou-Lou!

                Good Lord,

                Are they Neanderthals in the UK when it comes to mental health and substance abuse!!!! I am appalled!!! Please do not be apologetic that you wrote this--I am glad that you reached out!!

                Lou-Lou, you need someone who specializes in what is called DUAL DIAGNOSIS and what that means is being able to treat someone who has a mental health AND a substance abuse problem. I cannot believe they don't have specialists in this in the UK! Is it possible that if you do get further treatment for your alcohol issues that they will also refer you for treatment for the mental health issues??

                Of course bi-polar disorder is associated with drinking, as are many other mental health disorders (my own are depression and anxiety)! And you will continue to be vulnerable to drinking if you don't get treatment for the mental health issues as well.

                I'm glad that your mum is hanging in there with you. Hang in there yourself, Lou. Keep fighting for yourself, and for that little girl inside. She's worth it fighting for. My prayers are with you, honey. I'm so angry for you right now, I could spit like a camel! Keep ranting if it makes you feel better!


                Hugs,:l

                Kathy


                AF as of August 5th, 2012

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                  hi lou

                  well i dont post much but i really want to see you get better, as they used to say a long time ago happy and healthy. years ago i found myself with no job,no friends, and very low self esteem,pretty sad huh.but guess what--- nature has a way of helping people out----yes, nature.i am much better off today but it took quite awhile to heal can you do it? yes you can just give things a chance.something or someone will appear just be on the lookout for it to happen :l

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                    lou are you online?
                    Gabby :flower:

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                      can you chat?
                      Gabby :flower:

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                        Just called the samaritans...how sad, but they really helped me feel better..was such a sweet guy, iv never done anythig like that befrore.. but hey, if it stops me takin another OD then it cant be bad. glad i did it actualy sometimes i dont think we realise what or who is actualy there for us x x
                        "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                          There is a place called Gatehouse , which is affiliated to The Warrington Hospital. It is part of the 5 Boroughs Partnership NHS Trust.
                          I was referred there after an incident last year to to with mental health problems. They initially interview and asses you in a really freindly atmosphere, and then decided the best way to move on from there. I will post a link. At the topof that page there is also a link to Knowsley, which may be nearer to you which look like they provide a similar service. It's all NHS funded. So it might be worth giving it a try.

                          http://www.5boroughspartnership.nhs....sitemap_id=256
                          ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


                          Bambs aka Hydrogen



                          :h XXX :h

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                            Lou
                            Sounds like you are having a tough time. I am so sorry. I am saying prayers for you to be strong and find the help you are seeking. You can always find support here but you need real support in the medical community. Glad you were able to chat with someone last night that offered some help.
                            Thinking of you and sending good healthy thoughts your way. It may not help, but I know what it's like to have your little girl in so much pain. I am the same way and have to work hard at not returning to that place of pain that seemed so natural in my youth. My little girl was inside screaming to be healed and all I knew to do was hurt her more. Having never had a parent that treasured me as a child I didn't know how to treasure myself. I am so much better now, but have been through years of therapy. The alcohol issue is the last item on my "to do" list!! You can do it, Lou, just keep reaching out to us and others that can help. Don't ever give up! That little girl inside is depending on you to help her heal and grow. You won't believe how much better you can feel!
                            Blessings
                            Jenn

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Hey guys big long deep rant..im sorry!!

                              Lou
                              We all love and support you so much. I wish I was with you - I would give you a big hug. I dont know what happened to you when you were young but I wish there was something I could do to help. Anyways, message me anytime. My personal email is Jen_m_long@yahoo.com
                              Send me an email anytime. Hang in there, hon. We ARE here, and we DO care!!!!!
                              HUGS
                              Jen
                              Over 4 months AF :h

                              Comment

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