Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Greetings all,

Mack, i showed up at my first, and so far only one, completely unannounced, and was welcomed with open arms. I'm sure it would be the same all over the world.
Best wishes to you.

[Mackeral]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Thanks G

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Yes Mack - I think you will find a very welcoming crowd. The 12 steps are AA's suggested program of recovery. Studying and working on these steps has really made me think deep and hard about who I am as a person, and who I would like to become. I'm also finding a way to fogive myself for all the crapola of my past and find a way to move forward with my head up - really - not just faking it. The steps seemed really cheesy to me at first. But finally I took a "what have I got to lose?" sort of attitude about it.

A sponsor is someone who helps you work the steps and is someone you should be able to rely on for help and advice with life, within the context of the AA program. This is someone of YOUR choosing, and is not a requirement for AA participation. While it is common from what I have seen for people to be very strongly encouraged to find a sponsor early on, I personally wish I had not been is such a rush as I did not make a good choice with my first one. But that happens too and many people change sponsors.

I guess my thoughts are to just take your time - go listen and don't feel pressured to do anything more than that. If you start feeling compelled to want to read the Big Book or talk at meetings or whatever, then I suggest just going as the spirit moves you. See if there is anyone at any meeting where you end up thinking "I want what that person has..."

I do understand the trepidation - geez I went through tons of that! I can really make mountains out of mole hills in my pea brain.

DG

[okydoky]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Dear Spotty and Mack,
I called a friend of mine whom I had shared my problem with and told her I was going to a meeting that day. She made me promise and that promise is what got me through the doors. I was sooo scared. But when the meeting started and I heard all these stories that I could relate to, I knew I was in the right place. I'm am so grateful that I made that promise to my friend or I may not have six months and a new lease on life. It's a wonderful journey!
PS...I also heard stories from people who hit some terrible bottoms and a part of me wanted to say...see, I'm not that bad. But now I am just grateful that I didn't have to suffer so.
I also thought everyone would be looking at me...the new person...but now I know new people walk through those doors everyday.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Everyone:

I read this thread all the way through, & there is so much here. I like the idea that we share the one, two or three big secrets we have w/someone. For my 5th step, I shared my entire story w/my sponsor: all the hiding, secrecy, & the ER episode. It really was very freeing. I'm looking forward to doing the same w/my husb (who incredibly doesn't know the whole extent) during my 9th step w/him. "You're only as sick as your secrets" is one of the basic foundations of AA which I've found to be so true. Rigorous honesty is stressed at almost every meeting I attend.

As far as admitting I'm an alcoholic: I did that here at MWO, & I found that set the idea in my mind for when I went to AA. I also admitted my alcoholism to both my children which really brought me "out" so to speak. I personally needed to do that. I had to see that alcoholics come in many different guises, from functional like me to people sleeping on the streets.

I'm still grappling w/seeing people from the outside at AA meetings. I've seen folks from Alanon & former students from the school I taught at. The discomfort is my pride. I don't want people to see me as less than perfect. I'm trying to see that HP is putting these people at meetings to teach me a lesson.

I've gone to all kinds of meetings & seen all kinds of things. I've even seen drunk & disorderly people occasionally. I still manage to carry some kind of wisdom away from all meetings. I try not to let a "bad" meeting deter me. So far, AA has given me my most permanent sobriety, & I don't want to knock that.

If you are out there & thinking about AA, ask as many questions as you want. I've only been going for 4 months, so I'm not an expert. But, I'll try to answer them as best I can.

HP, God, whatever. My sponsor told me to get down on my knees & pray (I say the Our Father, the 3rd step prayer, & the 7th step prayer) each morning & night. I decided to do what my sponsor suggested, even though it felt strange & unfamiliar. So far it's working.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

I haven't done the kneeling thing, but pray every morning and night. I am using a 12 step prayer book put out by Hazelden that has many truly meaningful prayers to your higher power related to our alcoholism. I do believe it helps and yes, this AA fellowship is working and I am extremely grateful.

Winefree

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hello,

I finally got to go to an AA meeting last night. My groups in my area are small. This one was 6 people.

It was okay except in such a small group, the chair person dominated the whole meeting with his thoughts about one of the other members. He was pointing out that the other guy didn't give back and that was part of this person's problems with getting the program.

I love the chair person. He is a wonderful guy but he should not have done what he did. It is that simple. He put the other guy on the spot. I felt badly for him.

It is kind of funny, the chair person has been sober less than a year. The other guy has been sober for a couple years. :H:H

All in all, though, it was still good to be around a little group of alcoholics, face-to-face and discuss some of our thoughts and feelings. We discussed the 7th step.

I have decided to get a new sponsor. I haven't spoken with mine in ages and she is seldom available. She is very busy with AA, which is good, but doesn't have a lot of time for me.

I need someone who understands my lifestyle. I know I will be given the right sponsor when I need her and she needs me.

I hope I can get to some more meetings this coming week.

The following week I will be in Atlanta. I sure hope I can find a couple meetings there. I imagine it won't be too hard.

I hope all here find their way. I hope all here that choose to walk into AA do so with an open heart and an open mind.

I believe that AA is truly a gift for us. Where else can we meet and talk to people who have learned to stay sober and are struggling just like us but striving to be better and better every day with the 12-steps? No where else.

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

I'm glad to read your posts! WF, that prayer book sounds interesting.

On prayer, I can identify with "just doing it" even though I was not certain of the value. I don't know how it works, but it seems to be doing something positive for me.

Something in the posts made me think of a guy who goes to a lot of the same meetings I do and his comments about prayer. He is really funny and he talks about how he used to pray like he used to write a list to Santa at Christmas time. He prayed for the material things he wanted and for the outcomes he wanted. When I would pray in the past (rare occassions!) that's how I prayed too. And then of course when things didn't happen just the way I wanted them too, I used that as proof that we are all alone in this universe.

I am much more content focusing my thoughts and prayers on "only knowledge of HP's will for me, and the strength to carry that out." That, and the serenity prayer are the main ones I find myself using all the time. It's been quite a change in thinking to realize the world does NOT, in fact, revolve around me and my wants and desires.

My coach-not-sponsor really sets an example and talks a lot about the value of helping other alcholics. One of his comments about that motivated me to call a girl who I've given rides to before, but hadn't done so since the surgery. We rode together yesterday and I genuinely enjoyed seeing her and visiting with her back and forth. I didn't realize she had not yet picked up her 3 month coin and the chair had me give it to her which was nice. She is a crack addict - crack sounds like a very challenging substance to get over. She was sober for almost 2 years and had a relapse. She doesn't talk about "I have 2 years minus one slip..." She talks about her own actions that she believes led to relapse, and what she's doing different this time. I have faith that she will make it.

I spoke with the lady I will be doing my 5th step with. I was hoping to schedule something for next week or weekend but she's got too much going on in the next couple of weeks. And she's got some health problems so she can't over do it with her schedule. So we are looking at the later 1/2 of August some time. The good news is that she has done the 5th step with many women over the years. (she is a Nun) She explained that there is a nicely appointed, quiet "parlor" (haven't heard that term used in a while!) at the Mother House where she lives. We will have coffee and a long private discussion there to complete the 5th step. We will immediately move to Step 6 & 7 per the specific instructions in the Big Book. Then we will go have lunch to celebrate. I can't wait!

Mean time I continue to enjoy the meetings and the coaching I am fortunate to be getting. Life is good. I can't remember if I posted this or not (senility is setting in I think!) but I had that strange e-mail exchange with my former sponsor that had me wanting to get on my broom and fly over there and tell her a thing or two. It was clear we were both uncomfortable when we turned up at the same meeting earlier this week. It came to me (from HP?) that the right thing to do seemed to be to go over by her for the Our Fater and hold her hand in the circle as a way of gesturing "all is OK." I'm glad I did that instead of getting on my broom.

I tend to expect everything at AA to be "perfect." The people, the program, etc. When it's not, I tend to get some grandiose thinking and since everything isn't perfect, then it must not work or must not be for me. Geez. I don't know where that comes from (my alcoholic mind somewhere, I'm sure) but it's sure an unreasonable expectation.

Today is 12&12 study and I really like this group so am looking forward to it. We will be talking about Step 8 which is not too far down the road for me, so very timely.

Cindi I hope you find meetings in Atlanta! Isn't that where Phil went to meetings recently when he was out of town for the wedding? (although I realize Atlanta is a big place!)

Have a good day all and thank you for sharing on this thread. You are all a wonderful and important part of my recovery!

DG

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

I did have to add a bit of levity to this thread.

Last night my eldest grandson saw my AA chip. He asked me if it was a chip from AA and I said yes.

He said, "Are there a lot of gamblers at AA?" :H:H

Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Cindi: Great comment from your g-son.

DG: No, AA is not perfect nor are the people in it. My groups are still reeling from a big blow-up that occurred a couple of weeks ago in the Fri. night meeting. Lots of discussion about it last night. One of the traditions stresses unity for the common good. That's something that must be kept at the forefront. Newcomers get pretty rattled when either drunken or dry drunken behavior occurs.

I'm so happy for you, DG, that you are doing your 5th step. It's a big deal to admit all the little & big transgressions we've been keeping inside. I'm still saying the 7th step prayer on a daily basis & reading my list of char. defects. That tends to keep me on the straight & narrow.

Cindi: I've been to meetings where the chair or some other person has dominated, and advice-giving is a big no-no in AA, so I'm surprised that he did that. Keep going. Perhaps you can have some kind of influence as you go along. The other thing I've found is that when people don't like a certain meeting, they tend to start a new one. I'm fortunate to be in an area where there are plenty of meetings. On Monday nights, there is a huge speaker meeting (which I like). A group of women felt they needed something different & started a women's meeting (which I've also gone to & like).

Today is my g-son's 6th B-day party. I know my daughter laid in some AL for the drinkers, but I don't even think about drinking it. Not that I'm immune! At last night's meeting a guy shared about a one-day relapse after 7.5 years of sobriety. It was awful for him (he now has a little over 2 months), but he said that the 7 years served him well in terms of getting back into his program. The first thing he did was "confess" his relapse to his home group & has been "telling on himself" ever since. Rigorous honesty. So, bottom line for me, NO COMPLANCENCY. I'm not cured, & probably never will be.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

hi doggy lady,your very inspirational,you have a motivation second to none,just something i tht id share,dont put all your chips into one place,and you dont , you have here and AA,and what ever else you pursue, ? over the years ive found ,AA has not grown that way,its still up to the addicted person to get in touch with the sponsor,that at times , can be as frustrating as going back to AA,after a lapse or relapse.Ive also learned of late , there is a difference ,some dont agree,i call them hard noses,if one slips for an evening,and stops again,it is a lapse of judgement.if one goes on a drinking spree for weeks or months on end,its considered a relapse,much harder to come back from,as much as rehabs have success stories,i beleive AA,is the same,the brain,which is the most damaged of all organs,will not repair the damage, as well as the liver or other major organs,its odd that humans cant realise that,you and the many others that come to this thread,are doing great gyco

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Cinders;680926 wrote: I did have to add a bit of levity to this thread.

Last night my eldest grandson saw my AA chip. He asked me if it was a chip from AA and I said yes.

He said, "Are there a lot of gamblers at AA?" :H:H

Cindi

:H:H That is so funny! Thanks for sharing that!

Gyco, I can only hope and pray that my body can somehow heal from all the damage I've done to it over 30+ years of excessive drinking.

Mary it is so good to have you back! I hope you have fun at G-son's birthday party. You are so right that we can never think we're "cured." At least I can't afford to ever think that.

Today's meeting on Step 8 was very informative. I realize that lots of groundwork for that step is being laid now in Step 4. Probably the most significant thing to me about the meeting was learning that once again - WILLINGNESS is very key to this step. We may not have the opportunity to make amends to everyone we have harmed (i.e., the person might be dead or moved with no forwarding number, etc.). But that can't stop us from including that on the list, and being WILLING should the opportunity ever arise. In the end this is about OUR healing and sometimes I forget that part! Someone may have long forgotten a harm I caused or not ever felt harmed at all. But if it's on my mind, then I need the amend (or willingness to make it) for my own recovery.

It was good to hear from some longer termers how good it feels to do these steps (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) to get this stuff off of our chests. I can already sense that the garbage of my drinking past is like an anchor already in the water. I can't always see it but I can feel the drag.

A man showed up who said he is not new to AA, but might as well be as he hasn't been to a meeting in 22 years. He was clearly disgusted with what alcohol has done to his life. It did my heart good to see the warm welcome he got without judgement, and to be a part of that warm welcome. The "Hope" vibe was palpable in the air. I hope he comes back. When it was his turn to speak he talked with tear filled eyes of the harm he caused his wife, his girlfriend, and a daughter that he has never met. I got the feeling this stuff was a long time ago and yet it is his boat anchor today.

Whether people are helped through AA, MWO, rehab, mystic psychics, or whatever, it sure is wonderful to know that we CAN get rid of the garbage that has been weighing us down in life. The girl was there today who was driving drunk when she crashed and her fiance died. If she can somehow heal, which she is doing, then there is hope for all of us.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Just a quick check-in between the g-son's party & my Sun. night BB meeting. Going to a meeting on the same day of a party is a sure-fire way to eliminate drinking at the party. Just thought I'd say that.

I'm working on my 8th step now. My sponsor is adament about my not rushing it. I've been reading, writing, & practicing what I am going to say. It won't be easy, but I KNOW I have to do it. I've been so secretive about my drinking that coming clean is an absolute necessity.

Mary

[Stop]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Thanks

This thread has given me the resolve to go back an old AA meeting that I attended years ago....that is now very close to my new job on my lunch hour.

No AA is not perfect....which led me leaving after 9 months (2x)....and relapsing both. The only real sober time I ever had was when I was in AA. I had sponsors both times....and worked most of the steps. But when I had some of issues with AA...both my sponsors were not understanding....as AA was their life....and everything was perfect.

Recently, I almost went back with a friend...which I ened up backing out of due to not wanting run into one particuliar person. Of course I did not really explain that end to him. Of all people he talks to this one person about me, who then tells another AA memeber I had stayed friends with. She asked if it was me...and he said yes. All the anonymous stuff I felt like flew out the window....and I resolved not to return.

Still not happy about the whole thing.....but now I will return to a meeting where none of them attend. And I have to get over myself I guess. But this again was to me the way AA meembers flew in the face of the basic facet of being anonymous.

I had left both times because I had members sharing personal things about other members...that I felt they should not be sharing. I just need to steer clear of those people and for now....I will remain anonymous in meetings.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Stop, don't let a few rotten apples spoil the whole bunch. You sound like you did it with AA before and you can do it again. Going to some different meetings is a good idea. Good luck and keep posting on how you are doing.

At the meeting this afternoon we read from the living sober book on AA and the different types of meetings, beginners, open and closed, Step mtgs etc.. It is a great read for someone just coming into the program. It's amazing to read and realize that what was true so many years ago(when phone calls were a dime), is all so true yet today(except the cost of a phone call)!
I know I enjoy attending many different types of meetings and learn something different from each one. I always seem to hear something I need to help me continue on this road to maintain my sobriety.

Winefree