Announcement

**okydoky** · July 28, 2009, 05:41 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hi Friends,
DG, I wish I could be as eloquent as you are! You have expressed a lot of the same feelings I have. I can relate to everything you have said here from old habits to feeling more comfortable with people "finding out". I am also working on step 4 and you are absolutely right. We need to just do it because it is a life time process. Thanks for your input.
oky

**Winefree** · July 28, 2009, 10:21 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Wow, DG, interesting how you picked that topic. I am trying to figure out if I should attend 2 different gatherings in the next couple of weeks that I know will have AL available. Not sure if I am ready yet, however, it will be a large group and most likely no one will be checking to see what I am drinking or not. Actually I have been with some of the people in this group at one time when I didn't drink at dinner since I was trying to cut back and I wasn't the only one not drinking so I shouldn't really worry about it.
Still need to give it some thought though.

At the beginners meeting tonight the topic was acceptance. Brought out a lot of interesting statements from all the beginners in the group. I spoke about how difficult it was for me initially to be accepting of my alcoholism, since I was in denial for a long time that I had a problem. I am accepting of it now and know I need to continue on this path if I am to stay sober.

It's late, so I need to say goodnight.

Winefree

**retteacher** · July 29, 2009, 02:37 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

DG: I loved you thoughts about socializing sans AL. I've done it a few times in the 4 months I've been in AA: weddings, dinners, this vacation we just went on. It gets easier each & every time to be in the company of people who are drinking. I'm beginning to feel like a non-drinker & others are starting to see me that way. We just got back from vacation where we were together w/the family for a week. It was a wonderful time. My SIL drinks, & my husb has one or two in an evening. It didn't faze me in the least. We did go to a wedding recently, & as people got more & more tanked, we decided to leave.

As far as seeing people from AA outside: I love it. One of my AA friends works at the local supermarket. I admit that seeing my "outside" acquaintances at meetings gets me a little uncomfortable, but I'm trusting that will dissipate as I go along.

I'm happy to be home & back into my routine. I'm going to my step meeting tomorrow night. I miss it.

Mary

**okydoky** · July 29, 2009, 05:16 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Welcome back Mary. Hope you had a nice vacation.
Well, here's a strange coincidence...when I come here, I usually go right to this thread but for some reason I went to new posts like I use to and there was a thread about Rhonda Lenair. Well as some of you know, I went to her little over a year ago and was in worse shape 6 months later and that is when I found AA. I didn't realize that I had a resentment toward her until I started getting sarcastic in the Lenair thread. I'm currently working on my 4th step so now she's on my list and I see her in a whole new light with love and compassion. I looked back at the time I had with her and believe she was genuine and I know she has truly helped a lot of people. Everyone has their own path and I love the one I'm on now.

**Doggygirl** · July 30, 2009, 11:10 AM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hello all! Mary, it's great to have you back and it sounds like you had a nice vacation.

WF - I fought acceptance of my addiction for so many years. It's such a relief to finally be honest with myself about it. Life just felt like one big long huge battle with AL up to that point. It sounds like we are in the same boat there!

Okey isn't it funny how resentments and things sort of creep out of the woodwork unexpectedly? I think that is a huge reason why we must give an sincere effort to be thorough with Step 4, but can't *wait* until we're *sure* we haven't forgotten anything. I really am starting to see how this will be one big continuous process.

I think I mentioned before that I have already talked to a woman who I will be doing Step 5 with. My step coach is thrilled with my choice. I met with him yesterday and told him that I've been writing and writing and thinking and thinking, and that I think I've covered all I can think of. I also asked him how important it is to list all the past resentments that really aren't resentments any more, and really aren't harms. He said this, which I think is significant and I wish I could quote him exactly. He said the IMPORTANT issues to cover in step 5 are not the list of a zillion little things we've done wrong. He said that the key to freedom is talking about the deepest darkest secret we've decided we're going to hang onto and not include. Bingo - how did he know I was saving one? (3 actually) When I said that, he told me that I can absolutely trust the woman I'm 5th stepping with - he's known her for years. He told me that my feeling of relief and freedom will be unbelieveable so long as I talk about the 3 things I wanted to keep. In his own old timer way, he said the other shit really doesn't matter that much but I can talk about it if I want to.

(I think he was exaggerating a tad but his point was well made and well taken!)

When I thought about this later, I realized that what I had committed to writing was honest certainly, but it was stuff I am at this stage willing to talk about in meetings. So I'm already confessing the easy stuff to multiple other humans and HP. It's the stuff I keep completely secret I have to face and release. (Duh)

He encouraged me to keep a move on it. He suggested I make an appointment soon to do my 5th step, and then use the time in between to read the relevant pages in the BB a few more times with my list beside me to make sure I'm not saving any more of my darkest secrets other than those 3. I will admit I'm a bit nervous now that I think I understand what is meant by "thorough." (thorough with my secrets!!)

I'm looking forward to getting this behind me.

My coach came to the meeting yesterday morning which I started chairing at the beginning of July so it's still really new to me. It felt so good to see him there smiling his encouragement from the back of the room. That is something my sponsor never was able to give (she is late to every meeting so never heard a single lead...and yes, can we say "resentment???" More on that momentarily.....)

I'm really glad I made the sponsor/coaching change.

I know this is getting terribly long so thank you for indulging me if you are still reading! Grab a sandwich and a drink of water!

Okey, I can really relate to your description of the Rhonda Lenair thread. Today my former sponsor came into the meeting (late as usual). I thought about leaving a few minutes early so I could run out the door and not talk to her. I am grateful that somehow, the resentful nature of that thought became clear. I said a prayer for her to have the peace of mind and serenity that I would like to have. When the Lord's Prayer came, I went over by where she was and held her hand in the circle. That felt much better than it would have felt to run away. She is not a bad person just because the sponsor relationship didn't work. She is just another struggling alkie like me and like all of us. I hope I did the right thing (for a change).

I have neglected other service work since the surgery so I called a gal I haven't seen since the surgery and offered her a ride to Saturday's meeting. I'm actually looking forward to seeing her rather than feeling some less than admirable things that I have sometimes felt over helping others. I'm a very long way from sainthood but these small improvements sure feel good.

I know it's a long update today but lots has been happening! Into action!! I am grateful you are all here - you help keep me sober.

Strength and hope,
DG

**Preciouspinot** · July 30, 2009, 01:41 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hello everyone! It has been a while since I posted here so, I will attempt to catch you up. First off, i am still sober and going to meetings. I past my 90 meetings in 90 days and picked up my chip. I feel really good about that. I have moved into my new house a few weeks ago but, still have workers in and out of my house all day. There is still so much to do. I have been going to about 4 meetings a week plus a support group on Thursday nights. I wish I could go to a meeting everyday but, I cannot seem to find a balance between family, work and AA. I do feel better and more focused on my recovery when i attend but, I need more hours in the day.

**spottydingo** · July 30, 2009, 01:41 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Question about AA

Hi all, I've been lingering over my local AA website lately looking at when and where there are meetings in my area, and I feel totally overwhelmed and scared.

First off, I'm terrified to take that step and really admit I'M AN ALCOHOLIC!!! (yep, still fighting with that one)

Secondly I'm not sure if I'll like it or feel comfortable with the God stuff (I'm more of a Buddhist/Pagan type), or the group mentality (I've never been a "joiner") though I'm feeling desperate enough to try it these days.

And lastly the website is really confusing and I don't get what meeting is best for a beginner. Book study? Steps? Discussion? There's nothing that actually says "beginner". They don't make it very accessible. I'm wondering if I need to contact the main area office. Yuck.

Any insight would be helpful.

Thanks,
Spotty Dingo

**Preciouspinot** · July 30, 2009, 01:42 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

PS.. I seem to be "stalled" at my step 4 so, i absolutely love and appreciate everyone's posts on this! I don't feel so alone on this one.

**ready2change** · July 30, 2009, 03:23 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hi to all, I've been lurking lately, not alot to say, but enjoying reading your success's.

Spotty Dingo.."Hi"! I'm rather new to AA as well and had all of your concerns. I personally enjoy the "speaker" meetings, as they are rather informal and usually very interesting and sometimes quite humurous! There is no pressure to speak or join in, just to listen. I have always been very welcomed with open arms to these meetings. And as far as stating your an alcoholic, it is not required. You can just say, "hi, I'm Spotty Dingo and am glad to be here" or just "hi". There is no pressure there.

As far as religion, it is not a religious affiliation. There is alot of referrence to "God" but it is a higher power as YOU understand it. Check out the Big Book, it is really very interesting reading and it will give you insight as to the workings of AA.

Don't feel pressured to join in. You can go to the back of the room and quietly observe. I think you will be most suprised by how comfortable you will feel. Try a few different meetings with different topics and see what you like best. I used to think I liked the womens meetings best, now I have to say it is the Speaker meetings. Best of luck to you, you'll be pleasantly suprised I'm just sure of it.

R2C

**Doggygirl** · July 30, 2009, 03:41 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

PP, it sounds like you are striking a great balance considering your move and having a house full of workers all the time! Good to see you here posting - hope things settle down to "normal" (whatever THAT is!) soon for you.

R2C it's good to see you as always.

Spotty, I applaud you for posting your questions despite your very understandable concerns - especially that Big One about alcoholism. Only you can know and decide what is true for you in your own life. I *am* an alcoholic (which doesn't mean you are!) and I was in denial about it for years. I knew in my heart that I was addicted but there was some part of me that just couldn't accept or admit the truth - not even fully to myself. I didn't realize how stressful that denial was until I finally accepted that I *am* an alcoholic and I just can't drink period. I feel your pain going through the process of trying to figure out what is true for you, and what you should do about it. This isn't easy, that's for sure.

I second what R2C said about meetings. Try different ones to find what format and group of people (there are usually a core group of "regulars") work best for you. Don't be upset if a particular meeting isn't to your liking - this is people after all. It's a lot like thread variety at MWO - you will like and identify more with some than with others.

You do not have to say anything all if you don't want to - or just hi or just your name - whatever. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. That's it - end of story.

Because anonymity is highly valued in AA, sometimes the meeting schedules are not published in neon LOL! Don't be afraid to call and just ask when and where there are meetings in your area - no need to say anything more than that.

I grapple mightily sometimes with my own spirituality. Most people attending AA have also struggled with it. When I'm honest with myself, I know that part of my "AA isn't for me" conclusion that I drew without ever giving it a try had mostly to do with my denial of addiction but I often used the "it's religious...." line to justify to myself why I wouldn't go / why it wouldn't work for me.

Anyway - it works for some and not others. No harm in trying. Please post if you have questions and concerns. This is a challenging journey to say the least! Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Strength and hope to you. Freedom from AL is worth every bit of time and energy it takes to achieve it.

DG

**spottydingo** · July 30, 2009, 08:19 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Doggygirl;678841 wrote: When I'm honest with myself, I know that part of my "AA isn't for me" conclusion that I drew without ever giving it a try had mostly to do with my denial of addiction but I often used the "it's religious...." line to justify to myself why I wouldn't go / why it wouldn't work for me.DG

DG and R2C, thanks for replying. DG you are right about the above, I am probably making excuses. Somehow I envision walking into a meeting like I'm walking into a dark room and there's a spotlight that follows me from the door to the seat and makes me stick out like a sore thumb, all eyes upon me. I'm glad to hear its not like that! R2C, I was thinking a woman's group might be good to test the waters ... but I'll also think about a speaker's meeting.

I guess I should just pick a meeting and go to it with no expectations.

On many levels I *know* I'm an alcoholic but on another level I don't want to accept that as my Truth ... its SO SCARY. All that change ...

Thanks!

OK, on a funnier note I just came home from grocery shopping and whilst writing this heard some lip smacking coming from the other room. Dog got into the pork roast!!!! Bad dog! Bad me for not putting stuff away immediately.

**Winefree** · July 30, 2009, 09:42 PM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Geez, Spotty, I hope the pork roast was cooked, so he doesn't get ill! I loved what you said about the many levels and not admitting it.......sounds exactly like me and probably many others.
When I started AA I went to all types of meetings. There is even a beginner meeting in my area. If you mix it up a bit, you will find what you like. I still go to many different varieties, and have a couple of meetings I don't particularly care for, but if those are the only ones I can make on a given day, they are better than not going at all. This is all being said by someone who was NEVER going to AA. I just made 90 days and couldn't have done it without the support here, in AA and from my counselor. Give it a try, what have you go to lose?

Winefree

**Mackeral** · July 31, 2009, 04:32 AM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Hi all,

I am attending my first meeting on Sunday, There are a couple to choose from but i have plumped for the one just outside the area, for fear of bumping into someone i know at one. Saying that what if people i know had the same idea.

I am a little aprehensive about going, a bit like Spotty Dingo, i have tried to look AA up on the net and its quite confusing.
I like the idea of not being thrown in at the deep end and hopefully being able to listen rather than speak at first. I suppose its like anything, getting there is the hard part.

I was also wondering, What are the 12 steps? and What does a sponser actually do?
Any help, direction or advice would be gratley appreciated.

**Mackeral** · July 31, 2009, 04:41 AM

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Also do i have to let the organisers know im going or do i just show up on the night?

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Weekly AA Thread - July 27 - Aug 2

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment