Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Hello all! Thank you Mary for getting things started this week! I have really enjoyed reading everyone's posts. I haven't had much time this week for posting myself, but reading everyone's thoughts here keeps me motivated to work at the program and most importantly to NOT take that first drink.

Congrats Okey on completing your 5th Step! You sound fabulous and you are certainly an inspiration to me. I am hoping to complete Step 5 in a couple of weeks and so now I keep re-visiting my step 4 writing and also the related reading material in the BB and 12&12 to add things or more importantly just reflect on it all. You and Mary along with my Step Coach have me very excited to feel that sense of relief and freedom you all talk about! PP I am of course reading your thoughts on the Step 4 process with interest right now!

Phil & Cinders & Deter - so good to see you! Deter I really think with a group that is a good fit for you (and we all need a good fit), you might enjoy exploring the mental gymnastics so many of us have in common! I find it facinating to hear others describe some of the nutty stuff that goes on inside my head too. (Not that I think you have nutty stuff in your head or anything!!! )

Gyco there is no doubt as I'm digging deeper into the Big Book and also 12 Steps & 12 Traditions that Bill and Dr. Bob truly understood alcohlism and took extreme care in how every word of these books was written. It's pretty amazing really. When I go back now and read chapters 2 (There is a solution) & 3 (More about alcoholism) in the Big Book *my problem* is well described there. It's too bad there is such stigma about the work "alcoholism." Like you mentioned Mary - I've gotten pretty comfortable with just accepting that I *am* an alcoholic whether I or anyone like that term or not. I really don't worry much any more about who might "find out." I don't drink so my alcoholism is not a huge problem to the world at large any more.

WF I too liked the "Listening Deeply" reading. That was one huge action packed reading to me! What I love about that reading is the part where it says "I have a chance to outgrow the limits of my past." And then the reading talks about at least 6 things we can do to start outgrowing the limits of our pasts. Mostly listening to and observing those with long term sobriety, and doing what they do and suggest. As the saying goes - simple, but not easy sometimes!

My Step Coach is sober 33 years and he lost his wallet over the weekend, which had his 33 year coin in it. One of the senior guys in the 7AM group that I go to got a replacement coin for him and they gave it to him today. I am inspired to see how he still considers each sober DAY (much less year) as a gift, and how much that coin means to him. He is helping me appreciate what each 24 hours of sobriety means - it can mean life or death at any time. In addition, it means we can salvage our marriages and other important relationships, and so many other aspects of our lives that were starting to unravel. Or well underway unraveling.

It's been a week of intense reflection and I feel, spiritual progress for me this week. I wanted so badly to share each day and there just weren't enough hours. I have been with you all in spirit though!

I am grateful for MWO, AA, and especially each of you here on this thread.

DG

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

hi ladies,interesting,analogies,at the meeting the other day,the word acceptance,came up.we all ,or i no ive drank to much at times,even in the big book it gives degrees of alcoholism,page 20 and 21,there is a solution,i beleive that is my wall,said it at the meeting, i could fit into all 3 descriptions,then it comes down to a choice,the question they ask,could you be one of us,and at the same time lets make sure its kept silent,anonymity,until my employer finds out,a chronic illness,even in society today,some ? doctors beleive that,most of the world does not,this ive lerned over the last 10 years,ive watched many come , and many go,live and die,if going to a room and addmitting alcoholism,for ones self helps , so be it,maybe coming to MWO has given me a greater know how of my affliction,a person has to do what they have to do,if AA works for you.use it,for me even after these past 10 years,acceptance is the key ? gyco

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Hi Everyone: Last night's step meeting was on step 1. It was one of those emotional meetings where people from all different situations shared their gratitude for being sober. It was great to just sit there & listen.

Regarding speaking vs. listening at meetings: At the past several meetings, time has run out before my turn to speak. I really feel that's my HP telling me that my purpose at the meetings is to listen. Often at meetings, I sit & rehearse what I'm going to say, only to either pass or have the sharing cut off before it gets to me. Again, awareness is understanding the lesson in what happens in my life.

I'm grateful to be sober today & yesterday. No hangover to deal with. I have a few chores, but I'm planning a walk w/the dog & a healthy meal & of course, a meeting later on.

Take care everyone.

mary

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

please for give my ignorance on the program, but what is step 1?

[comet075]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

The steps are something you work over and over, from 1 to 12. Each one with consideration, then moving on but a full circle.Back to one, and then two till it is down in your heart. My perception.Over and again.

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Det,

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

A lot of people have a really hard time with this step because of the word powerless. But, if I take a drink, I am pretty powerless over what I will do next. It is that simple.

It is only after realizing that we cannot drink that we get our power back.

Love,
Cindi

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

The 12 Steps of AA

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Wow, Cindy, now I really feel like I am at a meeting!. We discussed Step 7 at the women's mtg this evening. I didn't say much, just listened to everyone's wisdom and yes, there is a lot of wisdom and experience in the rooms.

I am definitely powerless over alcohol. I just couldn't stop even though I tried. And once I started drinking, I wanted more and more. I couldn't get the unmanageable part, since I work full time, make a good salary, own my own home, car, etc. It was my councellor who had to bring to my attention the fact that my husband had walked out on me, so how manageable was that?
So yes, I can accept Step 1 now. I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable until I gave up the drinking. So now I am trying to get my life back on track.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Hello everyone! Wow - great discussion about step 1. Cinders - I was majorly hung up on the term "powerless" for years, without ever bothering to explore what the AA program really means by that. (I think my addicted brain just used this as an excuse to stay far far away from an abstinence program....but I digress!) Powerless? I wrongly assumed that meant AA was about abdicating any personal responsibility for my drinking. That just didn't sit right with me.

Once I actually WENT to AA and understood what is meant by "powerless over alcohol" within the context of the AA program, it was an "aha" moment. Regardless of my best laid plans, I have NEVER been able to stop at 1 drink. I have told myself I would on countless occassions, but I don't recall a single time ever in 30+ years of drinking where I had one drink, and only one. Yes - I am powerless over alcohol if I take one drink. One ALWAY led to two, then too many.

WF, I can relate to what you say about the unmanageable part. I had to really put some thought into that one to realize that "unmanageable" is not just "living under a bridge with a bottle in a brown bag and peeing on myself." There are many many variations on the "unmanageable" theme and my life more than qualified. For those of us who manage to keep up some sort of "successful middle class pretenses" it can be hard to see it if we don't want to see the truth.

I became a prisoner in my own home with drinking being my #1 priority. I still HAD a home, a husband, a nice car to drive, etc. But I didn't have a life. AL was my life. I kept giving up more and more of my independence in favor of being a slave to AL. No matter how my life might have looked on the outside, it was certainly unmanageable inside myself, and inside the walls of my home. It was only a matter of time before I would have lost even more, including my marriage, etc.

I love what one of the AA women says about "your bottom." (she is a lawyer with 16 years sobriety) "You have reached your bottom when you decide to stop digging." I've always liked that one.

Anyway, while I wait to complete Step 5 my coach continues to give me daily reading assignments from the Big Book. It's good - like being in sober school or something LOL. He will give me a story to read, and then we talk about how I can relate to it. Of course I relate more to some stories than others on whole, but there is always something in every story that I can identify with. This exercise is helping solidify the understanding that we alcoholics do share common ground no matter what our circumstances. We are bound together by some of our horrors, but we also have the opportunity to be bound together in recovery and that is cool!

Today is our monthly business meeting for one of my home groups (I have two that I call home). It's at 6:30 before our regular Saturday Big Book study! That's fine by me as an early bird.

Have a great day everyone! I am so grateful to be sober today. And not hungover. Life is good.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Hi Everyone: We discussed step 1 on Thurs. & I too didn't have an unmanageable life on the outside. On the inside, I was dying. My world was riddled w/fear & narrowed down so much it could "fit on the head of a pin" as one AAer put it on Thurs.

Last night I went to a BB meeting. We only read the first 164 pages (the "how it works" part, not the stories). Very good discussion.

I have very little time right now. I'll check back later or tomorrow.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Today's meeting was quite a doozy for me. We finished reading the Big Book Chapter to the employer, which is sort of a strange chapter for me - trying to imagine employers accepting what Bill W and Dr. Bob are trying to say...well...It's hard for me to imagine. But every employer is different and of course many of the big ones in this day and age have Employee Assistance Programs and some official structured way of offering help to people with alcohol or drug type problems.

But anyway....after we were done reading and the sharing began I felt very strongly compelled to share something work related that represents an extreme low point for me in my drinking, and something that I haven't shared honestly with anyone face to face. I was already prepared to fess up to it in my 5th step, but for some reason just felt like "testing the waters" with the group today putting something so mortifying (to me) out there to see how it felt.

I felt an immediate sense of relief just being honest about it. Also, after me several others shared some very personal and embarrassing work related incidents which made me feel not alone. It felt good to get that one off my chest and to realize that many of us in the room had similar experiences. I felt like it was a moment spent in the heart of the AA program. My step coach often says when he speaks in meetings "I don't have to hurt any more unless I want to, and that is true for you too." I think I felt that feeling today.

Between that and 10 pints of Dill Pickles I'm pooped! I'm going to go lay in the air conditioning and watch some movies. And most likely take a nap.

Strength and hope everyone!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

DG: What a great post about your sharing! It amazes me that as I have brought out the things I'm most ashamed of, the greater my relief. The step book & the daily reader said as much: that when I am willing to come completely clean about what I've done, I will feel 100% free. The 5th step really brought that whole concept home for me. I still have work in the area of coming out of hiding & revealing secrets. I have to do it at my own pace, & my higher power seems to hand me opportunities when the time is right. I did reveal my secret drinking in Fri. night's meeting. It felt good, even though I know the AAers were probably thinking that the people in my life knew something was very wrong.

Anyhow, it's great to hear about everyone working the program of AA in his/her own way.

Take care one & all.

Mary

PS: Phil, I hope you are doing OK. It would be great to hear from you...there are NO requirements to sharing on this thread.

PPS: I also think about you too Chief. I know you are going through family issues. I hope you are well.

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Cindi, thank you! I can see how folks would get tripped up on 'powerless' but it's a matter of context for sure. I have had times that i was able to 'force' myself to only have a drink or two at social events but let me tell you I was NOT having a good time. Talk about white-knuckling it! that's no way to live. And yes the vast majority of the time I would just rather be home alone guzzling vast quantities until I passed out. I sure don't miss that crap.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Checking in late tonight. Thanks to all for sharing. DG that was brave to speak up like that. I don't know if I could do that yet.
Hope everyone had a great day.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of August 3 - 9

Hi Everyone: I just wanted to check in today. We went to a small dinner last night. The host & my husb had a very small quantity of wine...there was still some left in a small bottle of wine. I'm always amazed at the way normal people drink...very little...I as an AL can't see the point. I didn't even think about not drinking...I just didn't drink. The host is a good friend & automatically poured me a diet coke. She was there for the horrible ER visit in Feb.

My sponsor is coming today to finish up the 8th step w/me. I'm anxious to do the 9th but am waiting until I get the go-ahead from him. I think much of the success of my recovery is because I've been willing to do what my spons tells me to do wo/question.

Have a great day one & all.

Mary