Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I don't have an awful lot to talk about today. I didn't get to meet w/my sponsor to take step 8. I will do so on Tues. I'm kind of anxious, because I want to make a very important amends, but I think my HP wants me to have a little more time to contemplate it.

Last night's meeting was interesting: one of the beginning chapters of the BB. I just really identify w/the phenomenon of wanting to stop but somehow finding a drink in hand. I also identified w/the effort to stop/modify on my own: switching drinks, setting timetables, adjusting conditions, etc. Nothing worked until MWO & AA. I think the camaraderie & fellowship is the key. The HP helps as well.

I'll check in later. I have a woman's meeting tonight & am taking a young woman who needs a ride. She reminds me of some of my former students.

Mary

PS: Some of the younger folks talked about using AL to self-medicate. Once they stopped drinking the ADHD, bi-polar, etc. came back. Now, they're trying to find a non-addictive way to deal w/these issues. It's not easy.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Hi Mary and thank you for getting us started for the week. I started to say "sorry to hear Step 8 was delayed..." but it sounds like you are not sorry and are just accepting! What a good example you set for all of us here.

Yesterdays 12&12 meeting was about Tradition 8 (in a nutshell, no compensation for 12th step work). The old timers all agreed that while it's a very important tradition, for the most part it speaks for itself so it doesn't tend to make for stimulating conversation! One guy did speak about the historical perspective - what was going on in AA at the time this tradition was introduced. I always find the history very interesting and insightful. That led to more of a reflective discussion about how glad we all are that Bill W and Dr. Bob has the forsight they did to come up with the traditions and steps that have stood the test of time. A couple people in the group have children with AL issues and without a doubt they want AA to be there for their kids just like it was there for them. More and more I believe the traditions really do insure the longevity of the organization, for all that people agree and disagree and debate over so much of it!

After I got home and finished canning tomatoes, Mr. Doggy and I had a sort of late lunch/early dinner. Normally on Sundays we are running in separate directions with our various hobbies and responsibilities. It was too hot for any of that yesterday! So it was nice to have a meal where we just lingered and talked. The conversation drifted to sobriety and how grateful we both are to be sober. We got into a discussion about some AA things and the conversation sort of led to where I ended up telling him what I had shared with the group on Saturday. While Mr. Doggy of course new generally what happened towards the end of my last corporate job, there were a few details I had conveniently left out which had to do specifically with getting busted for drinking on the job, and how that played in to my relationship with my boss and ultimately my resignation from the job. When I look back, I am stupefied that I chose AL over a very high paying job. But that's the truth of it. I'm so blessed to have the husband that I do. He did not get angry about any facet of that past history. The full truth just led to more discussion about how grateful we are to be sober.

It is so scary to really get honest. That has come slowly and in stages for me. Even within the steps. But it feels right and good to be gradually getting all the crap out of the closet.

In other news, I went to the frightfully early 5AM meeting of AA in the neighboring town where the lady goes who I will be doing my 5th step with. She really is a lovely person. Her schedule is still too full to schedule a day for this step - looks like it will be late August or early September. I'm such a "get 'er done" gal it's hard for me not to push. But that would be the wrong thing to do. I'm glad to be learning to control myself and have some patience (or at least fake some patience!) even when I don't want to. That's progress! So I'm sure this is all happening the way it is for good reason.

Mr. Doggy and I also talked yesterday about the concept of looking for your part in resentment situations. It was actually when we were talking about examples of that, so he would know what it means, that I ended up telling him about my old job situation. (ALL of it!)

I don't know where this AA adventure will ultimately lead, but for now I am content to go through the self honesty and discovery process, and try to reach out a hand of help to others where I can. (Mary - like you it's just stuff like offering rides and things like that) One day at a time.

Life is good. Strength and hope to all!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

DG: Many, many thanks for your post. The type of thing you shared w/your husb is similar to what I need to say to mine in the 9th step. No, rigorous honesty isn't easy. Amazingly, I've kept my drinking behavior secret from my husb of 37+ yrs. What has that done to the relationship? Keeping secrets drains the intimacy out of it. It also keeps me in a perpetual state of guilt & shame. Yes, I do think my HP is having me wait to do the 9th, so that I will do it right. I cannot think of softer, easier ways of telling my husb the truth. No sugar-coating at all!

I can see how the 12 steps are a guide for life. Now that the compulsion to drink is leaving me, I have to use those steps as a guide to living life as a sober person. Please do not think I've got the "drink problem" licked. I don't, but I don't think about drinking very much.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

It's funny Mary. I often joke with the folks around the tables that I have no room to think of drinking after a meeting. They get my brain busy with other self improvement things to think about! Might sound sort of silly, but for me it's very true, and a blessing. It beats where I was last February - sober for 9 months but with a nagging fear of relapse in the back of my mind way too much of the time. I need to have a healthy respect and yes, even fear of relapse - but it doesn't need to be an all consuming, irrational fear. Just something that is there, but in a good balance with the rest of life. Hope that makes sense.

Mary you have worked the steps very diligently and I know you've been honest about listening to your sponsor and doing exactly as it has been suggested you do things. I think that will serve you well as you approach the 9th step and one of the most important facets of that - honesty with your husband. I believe in my heart that you will end up with growth in your relationship as a result. You deserve all of the good things a sober life has to offer!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I just got back from my women's meeting, & we read the same chapt. out of the BB that we read last night. I guess it contained things I needed to hear. It's chapt. 3 "More about Alcoholism" p.32.

I too have a healthy fear of relapse. I hear about relapses after yrs & yrs of sobriety at meetings. However, I think that if i go to meetings, work on the steps, & stay spiritually active, I have a fighting chance of staying sober.

Mary

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

the thought of relapse is indeed a horrid thought. So utterly painful in so many ways. ugh!

on a better note I have a meeting tonight. My first AA meeting in over a year so I'm excited. going with a friend with over 21 years AF in AA.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Deter: Good for you. Now that you've got some serious & quality sober time under your belt, AA might have a little different focus. Instead of it being about how to get sober, it might illuminate how to live sober. I'm finding that as the obsession to drink is leaving me, I'm using AA to learn how to live a sober life. Instead of getting drunk in the face of difficulties, I'm learning how to face & work through them.

I just went over my 8th step w/my sponsor & took the step. I'm now willing & ready to do the amends...especially w/my husband about all the hidden drinking. My sponsor said not to be surprised if my husb knew more than he was letting on. We'll see. I'm not rushing into the amends. I'm trying to stay in touch w/my HP for the right time to do it.

Take care one & all. I couldn't get to a meeting today, because of the meeting w/my sponsor, but I'll go to one tomorrow.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Everyone: I just made amends to my husband (Step 9). It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
-I confessed in pretty explicit detail all the hidden, secret drinking.
-I talked about how this blocked the honesty & intimacy in our marriage.
-I talked about my fear, & how I escaped w/drinking.
-I talked about avoiding unpleasantness & myself through drinking.
-I confessed to the quantity & extent of my drinking.

We talked again about that awful night I passed out, & how he didn't know what had happened. I was crying the whole time. At the end of it all, we hugged, & I felt this incredible sense of liberation. I feel as if our marriage is starting all over again on a different level. I absolutely needed to get it all out in the open. It amazes me that the founders of AA could have been so insightful as to know that this kind of sincere apology/amends is just what is needed in order for the promises to be fulfilled.

I am sober for today. I promised him that I would stay that way one day at a time.

The more I work on the steps, the more I understand them as a guide for living an honest life.

I want to just say that MWO is such an important part of my recovery from this awful disease. This was the first place I admitted all the things I said to my husband today. This was the first place I realized that I was an alcoholic & couldn't control or modify my drinking. Thank you everyone for being here.

Love, Mary

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Thank you for the post Mary!!

Mary ((((hugs)))...I am so happy for you and your husband. That brought a tear to my eye! I so long for the same honesty in my marriage...and I will strive for it and never give up. This quote from the daily recovery readings reminded me of your post:

As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I
experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear
and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to
discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and
dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was
afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and
just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past
whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my
movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those
persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and
deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at
the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only
then could my journey of the spirit resume.

R2C

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

R2C: Thanks so much for that quote. I read it twice. I would love to have just stopped drinking & moved forward putting the past behind (wo/having to review & make amends). But, alas, it just doesn't work that way. There was no real serenity for me until I admitted what I had done.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Oh Mary I am so happy for you. And for your marriage and your fresh and honest start. Thank you so much for sharing your story of your amends with your husband. You give me courage and hope that I too can find the strength to be totally honest and that the promised feelings of liberation will be there waiting.

Deter I will be very interested to hear how the meeting is for you. One of the things I like most about AA is the chance to connect with people who have achieved long term sobriety. Gives me hope I can do it too. And by the same token I love being there for new people. I chair a meeting on Wednesday morning now, and I got to give a young guy his 3 month coin today. He was smiling from ear to ear and that is contagious!

R2C I really love that reading. The meeting I chair is a "Daily Reflections" meeting so whatever that reading is every Wednesday, I have to develop a lead based on that. It was really a good reading for me to reflect on. I have shoved my dirty little secrets under the rug for so long that it's hard to drag them out. Yet if I leave them there in my conscience they drag me down like a boat anchor. Just doing Step 4 has been a cleansing process for me writing it all down on paper. I'm looking forward to Step 5.

My Step Coach has been so good for me. He challenges me almost daily with things to read and contemplate as I wait to take the fifth step (the person who I am taking that step with is tied up until later in August). Then we discuss his suggested reading when see him a couple of times a week at meetings. Since I started working with him, he has been there each meeting that I chair giving me a smile and a nod of encouragement from the back of the room. It just means a lot. When I thank him, he just says "I love to see recovery - that keeps me sober." That's what it's all about. I need to always remember these kindnesses and remember to pay them forward.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

DG: Of course it will happen to you. The steps are meant to be done in order. So, by the time you get to step 9, you'll be ready for it. Mary

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Mary, I'm in awe of what you accomplished with your hubby. huge hugs for you hon XXXXXXX.

my meeting last night was very very good and thought provoking. There was a lot of sobriety in the room. I met 3 people with 30+years under their belt. there were some amazing and powerful speakers that really touched me. There was a gentleman that was quietly crying when the meeting began. I learned he is an old timer with a LOT of sobriety with many sponsorees though the years. later during the meeting he was asked to speak and he explained that yesterday he'd bumped into an old friend that had been in and out of recovery for a while and who was now homeless. This guy Fred was a total mess and had even messed his pants. He tried to bum some money from this guy now at the meeting. He gave him a few bucks and when he fully got Fred's attention told him to choose death by heading to the store, or life by heading to the detox center which was not far away. he then left and didn't expect to hear from him again. Just before the meeting yesterday he got a text message from the detox center simply stating: "we got Fred in here and getting him cleaned up, he's going to be ok". and THAT is why he was crying. Tears of joy that he had reached him. let me tell you there was not a dry eye in the house, myself included.

the subject of discussion was what is inscribed on the coins: "to thy self be true".
so a lot of honesty issues came up. The gent that I attended the meeting with (21+ years sober in AA) related how he had recently gone camping with some cowboys out in the blackrock desert far far from anyone or anything and that they were all drinking except for him. he thought about drinking. he thought about how that nobody would ever know. but HE had to wake up with himself the next morning. And he does NOT drink. So to him....that was being true to himself. Even when nobody was there to call him on it.

wow!

a very good evening indeed.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Enjoying all the inspiring stories today.
Mary, that is wonderful about your step 9. I will need to do that sometime too and I know it won't be easy.
DG, at my mtg today we read the daily reflections you referenced and it really hit me about the amends I will need to make to my husband, so I spoke to it at the mtg and I rarely talk. I couldn't help it since that reading was one I could really connect to. I think those that knew me at the mtg were surprised I actually spoke up.
Deter, I too am amazed by the length of sobriety in the rooms at times. Today there were 2 with almost 24 yrs and one with 21 yrs in the rm today. One of the ladies spoke about how we are ALL miracles in the rooms and need to continue to make the choice Not to drink ODAT.

Winefree

[Jm1234]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Hi there, I just found this forum and went to my very first meeting yesterday. I was nervous about going and didn't know what to expect. I posted my concerns on another forum and got ssupport and encouragement. Because of that I went and found it to be interesting. Although it was still a little uncomfortable I met a woman going in that welcomed me. So I was able to walk in and sit with her. This was the first time for her at this group but has 19 years in the program. I am also going to try to get to a meeting tomorrow. Weekends are very tough for me. I am a boater and boating is mainly about socializing and drinking. I need to learn how to socialize without the drink. I feel the anxiety just thinking about the weekend and hopefully will use things I heard to work through it successfully. Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences.