Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Tylyr, nice to see you again.

Corkish, are your energy levels normally low or is this a recent development?

cheers to you all (carbonated water)

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

I finally got to go to an AA meeting on Saturday morning.

It was a simple discussion and someone brought up coping skills. We had a good talk about how to develop those in sobriety.

Most people focused on coping with anger and frustration. How they deal today with people who say and do things that make them angry sober versus as drinkers.

I am glad I went. As usual, I walked away with just a bit more to think about in my journey to sobriety.

I am really hoping I will be able to get to a couple more meetings this week before I have to fly back out. I need a new sponsor. However, I do also recognize that I will find one when it is time.

Love,
Cindi

[Mstall]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

I have been pondering this weekend about finding an AA meeting. I've gone to them in the past and never seemed to find the one with the right "fit" for me. I've been told to keep trying different ones till I find that one. But there are not a lot of choices for me out here in the suburbs of Minneapolis.

maybe that will be my goal this week. I could use the extra support, though i dont agree with a lot of the principals of AA.....i.e. powerless, etc.

[corkish]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Det, Ithink that my energy levels are bad with these toxins departing. It will pass (I hope)
I managed to get into a meeting. My brain was screaming at me not to go and it was only sheer mindedness that got me there. I didnt manage to say a word, hardly even looked at anyone but hopefully some of the vibes and good words that were said while I was there will have soaked into my skin. I feel like I've made a start.
Gads this is hard.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Corkish: That's exactly how I felt when I went to my first few weeks of meetings. I'd approach the door of the room & just want to run back to my car. I'm sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I still get a wierd feeling sitting in meetings every now & then...like, is this where I belong? Do I really belong here? It's all denial...stinkin' thinkin' is what the AAers call it.

When we're free on Sat. nights, my husb & I usually go to church & then afterwards, there's a small discussion AA group nearby. He often comes out of the meeting commenting on how uplifting it was. Last night was no exception. The discussion centered around triggers. Long-time sober AAers talked about how they avoid them (e.g. rock concerts, big beer-filled parties, liquor stores). We talked about our family's denial (e.g. my daughter's "Mom, you're being too hard on yourself" or "You were never really that bad"). Going to these meetings w/my husband brings us together even more than before I did my 9th step w/him. It reinforces to him what my drinking (unbeknowst to him) was like, & how I'm fighting to regain an open & honest life again.

All of you out there who are struggling w/:
-going to meetings
-feeling like you don't belong
-admitting you're an AL
-etc.
I've been there & am very happy I decided to push through all my objections & barriers.

Take care one & all. We're having some people over who are NOT in AA. We're only serving iced tea & soda. I just didn't want AL in my fridge.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Corkish, it's good to see you here. I think AL is way more toxic to our bodies than I ever was willing to realize. So I hope you do get your mojo back soon once you've been AL free for a bit. Congratulations for pushing through the effort to go to that meeting and sit through it even though it wasn't comfortable. For me, nothing that sober people do was comfortable - my brain just wanted booze and tried to convince me any way it could to have a fix. Keep pushing - I don't think you will regret it.

Mstall it's good to see you here too. I too had an issue with the "powerless" notion and that (and a few other things) kept me away from AA for a long time. I really do think a big part of my mental rejection of AA was my addicted brain NOT wanting to participate in a known abstinence program where I would ultimately admit the truth about my addiction to alcohol. Much harder to convince me to "give my AL brain a fix" these days. But anyway, AA really is ALL about taking responsibility for our lives and our actions. The powerless part pertains ONLY to alcohol. And I can say without a doubt that I am powerless over alcohol once I take a drink. There is no "a drink" for me, and there never was. One drink and I'm heading straight down Out-Of-Control highway. It took me a long time to get completely honest with myself about that. Anyway....that said, AA is NOT for everyone that is for sure. I can only encourage people to try all avenues to find what works for YOU if you are like me, and need to steer clear of the booze!

Cindi, keep going and keep your eyes open and the sponsor you need will find you.

Mary, it's great that your husband is willing to go to some open meetings with you and is open to better understanding what you have been through. You give me hope that life just keeps getting better the more honestly we live it.

Today was the 12&12 meeting which I always like, and the topic was Step 9 today. So very relevant to some of the recent discussion. There were a number of people there today who have been sober for a number of years and who spoke about this step and how much relief it brought to them to get their side of the street cleaned up. I need to hear that, and also stories like yours Mary to keep me motivated to keep working at the Steps. The woman who killed her finace in a car crash (I say it that way because that's how she puts it) spoke about how she had to forgive herself as part of her amends before she could get any relief whatsoever in her soul, and even try to make some of the other amends on her list. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to offer amends to his family members and close friends. But she did. And she actually has a close relationship with his family today. If she can somehow forgive herself and find peace and serenity in her soul, then there is hope for me too. I am so grateful that these people with years of sobriety keep going to lots of meetings and sharing.

There is hope for all of us.

DG

[corkish]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

I have to believe there is hope.. if i am going to stop killing myself it must only be for the dream of hope.

I know I just have to get real. my decision to be real is strong, but I have moments where, well you know.. it just feels liek the world is on top of me.

One millisecond at a time, it is sometimes. I may get myself to rehab for a bit, so if you dont see me and you care, that is why. I need more help than what I have set up right now.

Thanks for talkin to me.
C

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Great comments as usual from Mary and DoggyGirl. I'd like to suggest a book I found yesterday. "Undrunk A Skeptic's Guide to AA" by A.J. Adams. It is not AA approved literature but is published by Hazelden. The writer has just finished his one year sober in AA and like many of us was reluctant to attend AA. It is funny and a great read.

One excerpt, page 69 discussing Step 3:
"Not all alcoholics are jackass-stubborn, self-centered and arrogant, but scientifiic research has revlealed that about 90 percent are. That makes Step 3 the matador's cape of the program."

Don't about y'all but that fits me and caused me to LOL.

Love and Peace,
Phil

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

cpn1004;694851 wrote: Great comments as usual from Mary and DoggyGirl. I'd like to suggest a book I found yesterday. "Undrunk A Skeptic's Guide to AA" by A.J. Adams. It is not AA approved literature but is published by Hazelden. The writer has just finished his one year sober in AA and like many of us was reluctant to attend AA. It is funny and a great read.

One excerpt, page 69 discussing Step 3:
"Not all alcoholics are jackass-stubborn, self-centered and arrogant, but scientifiic research has revlealed that about 90 percent are. That makes Step 3 the matador's cape of the program."

Don't about y'all but that fits me and caused me to LOL.

Love and Peace,
Phil

:H:H:H

I am definitely going to order that book, Phil. Thank you.

Step 3 is a hard one for most, I think. That "turning our will and our lives over.."

How scary is that? It has been extremely scary for me and I wrestle with it pretty much daily. (Because I have been so successful with taking care of this problem by myself. )

I have a well worn and read often the prayer on page 215 of the Big Book that was shared with me by a wonderful counselor. It is:

"God, here I am and here are all my troubles. I've made a mess of things and can't do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do anything you want with me."

The real crux of this whole issue is learning to have a deep and abiding faith that your Higher Power can be trusted. I struggle mightily with this. It makes me feel badly that I have that kind of moral issue but it is there.

Wow. I am so glad we have this thread so I can actually voice these things.

I will keep searching and struggling with these steps until I start living them as second nature. I refuse to give up trying to live life right.

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Aug. 10 - 16

Hi all! I am just not getting to MWO today so am not sure if Mary started us a new thread for the week. BUT...I wanted to make sure and say hi to your Corkish and encourage you to go to rehab if you feel you need to. Don't struggle at home alone. You are right - there is only so much we can do on the internet or over the phone or even at AA meetings to help. Use whatever resources you need to in this battle! I will be thinking of you. Check in when you can.

Phil - thank you for that book recommendation!! I ordered it already from Amazon. The quote you provided is totally :H and some of the exerpts on Amazon are good as well.

Cindi, I can relate to your struggles with HP and trust and turning over the will. I struggle with that too on a daily basis. An important aspect of Step 3 that my coach emphasized is that is doesn't say "I have successfully turned my will over to HP and therefore now I can proceed to get sober..." It says "Made a decision....." So if we are trying honestly and doing our best, as imperfect as that might be, then we are doing what is being asked of us in Step 3.

I went to the frightfully early 5AM meeting in the neighboring town again today. This is my third Monday in a row for that. It's nice to start getting to know some "new" familiar faces. The Sister that I meet there is so funny. Somebody joked with her today about getting smacked on the hand with a ruler and she said "no, we don't do that any more - we use tasers now." Whenever she kicks off the Lord's Prayer she always says "Who made the stars and keeps us out of bars?" She totally cracks me up in a way that "people of the cloth" generally do not.

Well, I'm off to see if there is a new thread and also to do a quick check in on AF Daily. Strength and hope everyone..and special positive vibes for you corkish and anyone else who is having a particularly challenging day...

DG