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**1967** · August 20, 2009, 08:43 PM

doing fine

re: the moods
at least there are no fewer deep dark morning.
they occur now only when i do not get REM rest in the evening.
okay, so that at LEAST makes sense!

**Cinders** · August 20, 2009, 08:48 PM

doing fine

1967,

Great news on the new job and staying AF. Good for you!!

Hopefully, soon you will get a handle on the lack of sleep through some means and you will start to feel more rested.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. You are doing very well.

Cindi

**startingover** · August 20, 2009, 11:42 PM

doing fine

Hi 1967, thats great to hear!
Yep, you have to be even more vigilant as time goes on, but if in any doubt, read your posts from the beginning of your journey. They will be a stark reminder of why you are here !!
Keep going, you are doing brilliantly!

**Doggygirl** · August 21, 2009, 06:25 AM

doing fine

Good job 1967! Always remember that stress (life!) happens, and will continue to happen. Non (never) drinkers, ex-drinkers and "normal" drinkers (who don't drink every time a bit of stress rolls in) cope with stress every single day in other ways. We just have to find other ways.

Hope you figure out the sleep thing soon. Valerian Root seemed to help me in the begining - not sure if you've tried that.

DG

**1967** · August 21, 2009, 06:33 AM

doing fine

morning all... i slept last night but probably because of the melatonin.
whatever, i don't care, as long as i rest.
if i don't get proper rest i cannot cope w/much, even staying home i am out of sorts!
anyhow, it's friday... so gotta watch the 'end of the week' thoughts.
interesting that someone said we must be more and more vigilant as time goes on.
i was under the misconception previously that it would get easier w/time.
i guess it take A LOT of time?
hum.

good day all!

**hippie37** · August 21, 2009, 07:15 AM

doing fine

Morning 1967!

November/December/January?........WAY TOO FAR OFF to be thinking about at this stage. Keep things simple and focus on your days rather than worry and stress yourself over things that haven't come to be yet. But I think you're right to keep that thought in mind that it will never be JUST one drink for you (if you're anything like me anyway!). I need to keep reminding myself constantly at the moment of where just one drink will lead me. After 6 1/2 months I had my first physical craving for a drink last week and it was a real shock to the system. All's it took was a guy on a train sparking a can (of what? I don't know either; could of been coke or lemonade for all I knew) and the sound of that ring pull started me off. The weather was great outside, really sunny and hot and I was sitting on a train looking out the window at the beautiful scenery. As soon as I heard that can being 'sparked' my senses changed so much so that I could almost taste cider in my mouth. It can be that easy and that simple to just think that just one nice ice cold glass of cider would of been enough to quench my thirst. I think complacency can take over very easily the longer you have remained sober so this is why I think I have to be even more vigilant than I was in say the first 3 months.

I like you, cannot function properly without the proper rest. It's that simple. I feel like I'm a little baby who has just come out the womb after a traumatic birth and needs lots of rest. I think of the trauma I've put myself through over the past 20 years in active addiction and hell yeah! I need some rest and need to take things slowly again. I think the first 12 months for anyone dealing with addiction should just be a rejuvenation period PERIOD!! That's not to say I'm not productive with my time and pursue things that I enjoy and will benefit my recovery but as far as any stress related activities that I find I have some control over then I'm gonna make the changes for the better too.

There is quite a funny acronym for that word fine (F.I.N.E. = Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional) lol just thought I'd pop that one in for your amusement!.

Hang tough 1967 and well done on staying sober and loosing the weight.

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

**hulagirl** · August 21, 2009, 10:52 AM

doing fine

Hi 1967! Good for you for having begun a new routine. Going to the gym after work. I know that if I get into a habit of walking one hour a day then it become a little easier to accomplish. I have a way of talking myself out of doing it. That is where the routine-habit come into play. It ends the discussion of "should I or shouldn't I?" It is already decided. I had a drinking dream last night. So much for peaceful REM. I know it's all good to dream but when the dreams are disturbing does that give the same sleep benefit as "good dream" sleep. I dreamt I was on a "date" with my son, age 19, and we were at an outdoor bar in the day and I bought him a drink and had one myself that I guzzled down (of course) How twisted is that? But, '67, it sounds like your on the right path now and yes, it does get easier, but it takes more time that we anticipated.
Aloha

**tlrgs** · August 21, 2009, 11:07 AM

doing fine

67 awesome girlfriend big big hugs to you and yes it does take time and its so worth every minute.. keep it going

**1967** · August 21, 2009, 05:27 PM

doing fine

thanks all.
i really do need to work on living in the moment.
i WILL get there.
i am home now, by the way. i didn't do the gym after work, over did it yesterday.
so i stopped to have my nails done (like i said i would do the LAST time i tried to quit).
it will have to wait until monday which is fine.
i will take things one day at a time and that is that... onward to day 15!

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