Announcement

**retteacher** · August 31, 2009, 06:55 AM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Hi DG & everyone to come: I'm doing well in spite of the complications of my life. My aged parents are always a concern. However, yesterday, my husb & I went for a bike ride, & he fell off & broke his wrist. It's not life-threatening but terribly inconvenient (right before his cataract operation). This is definitely something I would have been drinking over. No question about it. Instead last night I went to my regular BB meeting & was fine. I'm doing the best I can to cope. That's all I can do.

The BB meeting was a long reading "Into Action." It was about steps 7,8,9,10. AA doesn't cut any slack about the amends.

Mary

**retteacher** · August 31, 2009, 08:44 AM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

I'm back. I'm finding that I do have to cater a bit to my husb. He's left-handed & that's the wrist he broke. We'll manage. Again, no desire to drink, & I'm trying not to look ahead but stay in the moment which is manageable.

Sometimes we serve wine...no spirits anymore. I too am the only alcoholic in our group of family & friends. We have been getting only as much wine as normal people drink & either have them take it home or throw it out after the dinner. An open bottle in the fridge would not be good for me. I don't think very much about it at all. Seeing people drink doesn't have the effect it used to have. Obviously, mod drinkers have wine & spirits when we go to their homes. By now, they seem to know I don't drink & have all kinds of non-AL stuff for me.

We're starting to socialize w/AAers & for them, we have no alcohol (obviously). Saturday night's dinner was great wo/any kind of drinking at all. The first few minutes of introductions (some of the guests didn't know each other), were a little awkward wo/the sipping of drinks, but that passed very quickly. The benefits of a non-drinking evening far, far, outweighed the liablities. At the end of the evening, everyone was alert enough to play a game rather than just get tired & worn out.

Take care everyone.

Mary

PS: DG, at the end of my drinking, my husb was also picking up a lot of slack. Alcoholism really invites co-dependence. It's so good to be fully functional.

PPS: Yesterday's events (the falling off the bike, ER visit, etc.) gave me a real headache. It was my first non-hangover headache I've had in the 5 months I've been sober. My body is thanking me every day.

**cpn1004** · August 31, 2009, 03:25 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Fear of Doing the Work???
Hi y'all, I met with my sponsor on Saturday. He outlined the plan and I think I felt fear of doing the work. I drank 6 beers Sat., Sun. and yet today. We will meet Tuesday evening to discuss my reading assignment.
Did any of you have this fear, reluctance or whatever to move "all in"?
Thanks,
Phil

**Doggygirl** · August 31, 2009, 03:57 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Hi Phil. I think fear runs rampant in the lives of most of us alcoholics. Don't feel alone by any means. Sorry to hear you drank over the weekend but that is PAST. None of us got this perfect the first time (or second or third....). I'm not clear if you are drinking today. If so, can you stop now? Have some water and then maybe a nap? Is there a meeting you could go to? Maybe call your sponsor?

Some fears I have / had (have to manage it one day at a time):

1. Fear of failure
2. Fear other people will figure out I'm a real wus on the inside despite my brave exterior
3. Fear that nobody likes me or will ever like me
4. Fear that I'm just not good enough

The list goes on, but that's a start. I also feared the word because so much of it involved being honest about the fears I already mentioned, as well as other stuff. I have described this feeling in many a meeting - like rappelling when you first lower your butt over the edge of the cliff. God please make sure this equipment works - pretty please I think that's the only time I prayed in my twenties and that's the only prayer I said.

For me I said that dang serenity prayer like my life depended on it (which in some way it did). I started to feel better with each baby step. The fears and especially the obsession to drink are being lifted, just like the Big Book says. I don't understand it, but it is working for me.

Ask your HP and your sponsor for help and then dive in. It beats the alternatives that continued drinking has to offer.

Dust off your britches Phil - put down that drink and carry on, OK?

DG

**retteacher** · August 31, 2009, 08:31 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Bill W. called fear an "evil & corrosive thread." It certainly was the foundation for my drinking.
-Yes, I was afraid to commit to the program.
-Yes, I was afraid to get into the "assignments."
-Yes, I was afraid & said: "Maybe AA isn't really for me."

But, what was my alternative?
-More drinking.
-More hiding.
-More slow death.

So:
-I decided not to look too far ahead.
-I decided to do what I was told, as my own resources had gotten me in some deep trouble.
-I decided to be open-minded & put aside my arrogance & denial.

Where has that gotten me?
-I haven't had a drink in over 5 months.
-I have completed the steps.
-I've been honest w/all of the most important people in my life.
-I'm fully functioning.

Am I out of the woods & in the clear? I know I'm not. I can see that my sobriety is a one day at a time deal. I'm no farther ahead of anyone. We're all in the same boat. That's what makes AA so unique.

Phil, you are so fortunate to have found a sponsor that is willing to work w/you. Someone who has sobriety & knows how to get a person through the steps & literature.

Take a deep breath. Call your sponsor. Do what he tells you to do. You'll be a happier person.

Love, Mary

**cpn1004** · September 1, 2009, 07:59 AM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Thanks to you both for the great words. I meet with my sponsor tonight to discuss my first reading assignment. I will not drink today.
Love and Peace,
Phil

**retteacher** · September 1, 2009, 09:11 AM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Yay Phil! Mary

**Determinator** · September 1, 2009, 09:42 AM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

hey Phil, just wanted to pop in to give you a brotherly hug

**Doggygirl** · September 1, 2009, 01:40 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

:yougo: Phil!! You've got nothing to lose by giving it an honest whirl. I'm sure old AL who forever lives in our heads is rebelling big time against the notion of you really embarking on your assignments with your sponsor. Keep fighting. You can win. (by surrender - isn't that funny/ironic) Not drinking today is all that any of us can work for.

Todays meeting was another good one. The guy who chairs this meeting is a bit rough around the edges in a "mobster" sort of way. He says exactly what he thinks at all times, that's for sure. Sometimes that can be a bit off putting for me, but I have learned that I can learn from him too. That's just how it seems to be around the tables - everyone has something to offer whether I am naturally inclined to "like" or "bond" with that person or not.

Anyway...Tuesday is a "topic meeting" and since nobody spoke up with a topic, he picked it. I really like what he picked. In this group's meetings, we always read the last couple of paragraphs from page 164 of the Big Book at the end of each meeting, right before the Lord's Prayer. For any of you who also attend meetings where that is a standard part of the reading, you can probably do like me and quote what it says without ever having really thought much about it LOL!

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you -- until then.

The topic today was the part about TRUDGING the road of Happy Destiny. As the chair pointed out, it doesn't say "skip through the beautiful field of lillies with a smile on your face." It says "trudge." His take was basically that we are not promised an easy, carefree life. Life will still have challenges and sometimes we will have to be "trudging" through it. But it's better sober.

I could certainly relate to that! That lead was followed by very interesting discussion and personal experiences. For me, the experience last Saturday with the flat tire (and ruined wheel rim) was a perfect example of this. The day certainly was not a skippity skip through the tulips. (I told about this flat tire business in yesterdays daily thread so I won't bore with it again!) It was a trudge, for sure. (and an expensive one at that) However, it was LIGHT YEARS better not only as a sober person, but as a person with new way of approaching life. It was nice to work through that with Mr. Doggy without any sort of bickering or fighting or especially, blaming. There was both some "trudging" AND a sort of "Happy Destiny" in that story on Saturday for me.

One man was there who has recently been back to AA after 13 years sober, then relapse. This is how fast HE "picked up where he left off" with his drinking. He was only "out there" drinking for one day. But he got a DUI and of course that is one of those gifts that keeps on giving. (definitely a "trudge!") He had gotten away from AA meetings and it took about 5 years, but he eventually had himself fooled that he was "OK now" and could somehow safely drink.

I don't ever want to make that mistake.

Well, I'm off to the farmer's market now. One of the veggie guys is trying to get me a last batch of pickling cukes - my garden did not produce nearly as many as I wanted. Of course even the experts have been affected this summer by the cool weather and after another cool week, I'm not sure if he will be able to come through. But I'm going to go see! And maybe the lettuce / mushroom man will be there. Have a wonderful sober day my friends. Strength and hope.

DG

**cpn1004** · September 1, 2009, 04:58 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

WOW! Another great post by DoggyGirl. Y'all are so great to share here.
Love and Peace,
Phil

**retteacher** · September 1, 2009, 05:28 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

DG: That was certainly a great post. I'm definitely trudging. My husband's broken wrist is a definite inconvenience to both of us, & I'm doing my best to nurse him along wo/complaining. Also, tomorrow we're leaving for Boston for his cataract operation. If I were going to drink, this would have been my excuse. Instead, I'm going to meetings & staying sober. & yes, we're muddling along & not completely losing our senses of humor.

I'll be off-line for the next few days. Keep the faith everyone. Phil, remember that willingness is a big part of the program. You don't have to do it perfectly or all at once. Just try to put one foot in front of the other for today. That's what I'm doing.

Mary

**Winefree** · September 1, 2009, 09:36 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Progress, not perfection. I like that thought from AA too.

Trudging it is as well, life is not a bed of roses. We have to take the good with the bad and learn how to live day to day without numbing our feelings. There is so much more meaning to life than just checking out each day oblivious to the world by getting drunk.

Thanks for sharing all, and giving us all food for thought.

Winefree

**Determinator** · September 1, 2009, 10:00 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Mary, we'll leave the light on for you xxxxx

**Determinator** · September 1, 2009, 10:05 PM

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

DoggyGirl, I'm honored to be trudging this life with you in my company

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Weekly AA Thread - August 31 - September 6

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment