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**retteacher** · September 14, 2009, 07:05 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

I forgot to mention that last night after I got home from the meeting, my husb & I watched the older movie: "When a Man Loves a Woman." It was very powerful, especially for an alcoholic & her husb. It was an accurate portrayal of the female alcoholic & co-dependent spouse. I ordered it through inter-library loan. I would recommend it, especially for the ladies out there who drank. Mary

**AAthlete** · September 14, 2009, 08:08 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

retteacher;714902 wrote: ....Some of the members (a young woman in particular) resents the what she calls "chauvenistic" language of the BB.

Wait, we alcoholics have resentments?? I don't believe it!! :H

Sounds like someone needs to work on their 12 steps, but I can't say there haven't been times where I haven't agreed with stuff that Bill wrote (like the fact that he constantly builds up our ego's by telling us how wonderful we normally are). Just like everything else in life I guess, take what you can use and leave the rest, right?

It is amazing how much wreckage we can cause though, and that chapter does a good job in pointing that out. So many times I thought I wasn't hurting anyone else because I was an isolationist drinker...

Mary, best of luck in getting everything straightened out.

**retteacher** · September 14, 2009, 09:22 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

AAth: I too was an isolated drinker. I think that's why social situations aren't terribly difficult for me. I would be mod or abs w/others & drink alone.

I recently made an amends to my husband. I wasn't a nasty, embarrassing (for the most part), destructive drunk. I was a withdrawn drunk. I wasn't there for him most of the time. I PRETENDED I was there, but I really wasn't. Issues rarely got discussed. Real intimacy just cannot happen when a person is drunk or drinking. The hiding of the drinking was very damaging. There was a whole aspect of me that my husb just wasn't in touch with. Then, of course, there was the shame of what I was doing which caused me to over-compensate & try too hard to do everything for everybody.

I think back on how destructive it all was, & I'm so happy to be free. That buzzy feeling isn't even slightly worth the cost. Every day, I try to remember how very precious my sobriety is.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · September 14, 2009, 03:30 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hello Mary and AA! It's great to check in and see your familiar "faces." Thank you Mary for getting things started for the week despite your busy schedule with Mr. Teachers injury and now getting ready to travel. I will be thinking of you and hoping your travels are safe and that everything with your parents goes smoothly and you have a great visit.

When I first started going to AA and reading a little of the BB (Big Book of AA for anyone reading who is new..) I too thought it odd that it hasn't been updated. But I too just adjust the message to be "PC" with the times, which for the most part involves some adjusting in my head to the gender identifications and roles to bring it more current.

AA, I'm :H at your comment on resentments

but also about Bill's ego. We had a very :H

type discussion along those lines in a BB study where we read the chapter to the employer (not the exact title of that chapter I don't think).

But all in all, it's very clear that the BB was carefully written and edited and I am becoming one of those folks in the camp that it shouldn't be changed. I really think every word of it is there for a reason and too much updating to be 2009 "PC" would probably result in and accidental damaging of the message. Bottom line is that Bill sure knows his alkies. No doubt about that.

Anyway...I am feeling a tad out of sorts as I have a nagging headache when I rarely ever GET headaches and this one has been off and on for almost 2 weeks. It's starting to scare me a bit although I really think the chiropracter got a little ambitious with the adjustments. Mr. D sometimes gets migraines so he knows his headaches. Ice on the trouble spot makes this one feel better and to him that seemed more typical of an injury than a headache. But anyway....the only relevance of that is I am having increasing trouble keeping my serenity which is in turn affecting my ability to concentrate and my treatment of others (I'm a bit short) etc. I'm accepting that it's just "life happening" and I need to make a special effort not to be short with people and then just do what I can to relieve the headache and get on with life.

In the old days I would have downed enough Vodka and wine to float an army while hosting a massive pity party in my honor over this level of headache. I'm glad to be developing the awareness and skills necessary to handle stuff like this in a slightly more mature fashion these days.

Life is good and I'm grateful to be dealing with it.

Hello to all regulars, MIA's, lurkers, newbies, and anyone else who has even a mild interest in AA. Post your questions, experiences, observations, whatever. Here is the link to the daily readings in case anyone is looking for it! Daily Recovery Readings

DG

**ready2change** · September 14, 2009, 04:34 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hi all...I haven't been around much, but just noticed that DG has an adorable puppy in her avatar??? Is that a new addition to the Doggy family? Too cute!

R2C

**Doggygirl** · September 14, 2009, 04:40 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

ready2change;715240 wrote: Hi all...I haven't been around much, but just noticed that DG has an adorable puppy in her avatar??? Is that a new addition to the Doggy family? Too cute!

R2C

That's Cain't. More details provided in today's AF Daily thread.

**Winefree** · September 14, 2009, 09:45 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hi everyone. I just got back from a week away with my daughter, so didn't get to read or post here. It was great to see her and be on vacation. She supports my non-drinking and even went to an AA meeting with me while we were away. Glad to be back to MWO, will slowly catch up with last weeks posts.
Good luck Mary.

Winefree

**Cinders** · September 14, 2009, 10:50 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hello friends,

Mary, I pray that you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change with your parents and the courage to do the right things that you can.

That prayer helps me an awful lot these days.

I finally got to a couple AA meetings last week while I was home. Both were in my larger "home" group that I started out with in AA. Both were, as usual, meetings that spoke to me. As a matter of fact, the Friday meeting was a speaker meeting. This speaker spoke for the first time. His story was touching and honest. I felt honored to be able to hear his story for the first time.

I have been cleared to drive again and I am very happy about it. That means while I am out of town from now on, I can get to AA meetings. I am actually proud of myself that I have maintained my sobriety while going through this ordeal but grateful to be through it.

However, I will still be "on call" to take UAs whenever called, no matter where I am.

When I whined about having to do that to my daughter a few months ago, she gently reminded me that I am extremely lucky to still have a job and that the requirement to take these pop UAs is a small price to pay. I realized that I was having a resentment about a situation that is purely my own doing. I am paying a consequence for my own actions.

I have decided to look at it as just another tool to help me. I do not want to lose my job and I do not want to hurt my family due to losing my job caused by my own actions. Another aid in staying sober when my alcoholic brain tries to convince me that "just one" won't hurt.

Love,
Cindi

**retteacher** · September 15, 2009, 06:54 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Cindi: I'm so proud of you for staying sober & riding this ordeal out. Meetings really help me stay sober as well as the Serenity Prayer & the literature. I'll be using those tools next week while I'm away.

My husb is doing OK. Everything is a little more difficult w/a cast, but he is driving now. I don't feel quite as much the nursemaid as I was last week. Again, we've kept our sense of humor through this.

I'll be going to a speaker meeting tonight. The speaker is one of my Thurs. night friends. My husb said he'll go too if he feels up to it. I know it'll be a great time.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · September 15, 2009, 03:18 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hi everyone. WF, welcome back! Good to hear that you and DD had a nice vacation.

Cindi, I find it difficult at first, but freeing in the end to take a step back and look at "my part" in the things I get upset about. All too often I *AM* my problem. Very responsible way to look at things IMO. Good for you.

Mary, it's so cool that Mr. supports you and is willing to go to some open meetings with you.

Today's AM meeting was a "topic" meeting and one of the women in the group that I really like brought up a good one - cravings. She relapsed a few years ago after 13 years of sobriety, and is currently approaching her 1 year anniversary. Once again, she is very eloquent at reminding us in meetings how precious and fragile our sobriety can be if we aren't busy nurturing it on a daily basis. Anyway, most of the people who spoke today were longer timers which was awesome getting their words of advice. We were reminded of the basics - pray for relief, call sponsor, go to meetings, read the BB. In addition, there were some other observations that I found helpful - I took a ton of notes!! Here are a couple of the highlights off the top of my head. When I have more time, maybe I will add a few more (each of these was an individual's opinion):

* Cravings / drinking thoughts are often a sign of being discontent about something else. (i.e. the inclination to return to the "old way" of problem solving - drinking over it) Look for the underlying problem - am I trying to control something that is outside my control? Am I losing site of my gratitude list? Am I failing to accept something I cannot change or failing to have the courage to change something I should? Then deal with that problem using the new AA skills and not the old "drink through it" way.

* Relapse is not the act of drinking. Relapse is the thought and decision making process that occurs BEFORE the actual drinking. We need to learn to catch and address this thinking when it first starts - not when we are sitting with a drink in front of us / ready to walk in a bar / etc.

* Play the tapes! (for any new people reading here, that is the detailed review of our memories of what really happens when we drink - all the way through to the bad outcomes and hangovers, and black outs, etc.)

* HELP A NEWCOMER!! My step coach threw that reminder out there. Those of us who are here at MWO AND AA are fortunate as we have more than one avenue for that!

Anyway, I'm off to the farmers market but wanted to touch base - I need that!

Strength and hope to all who might need it today..

DG

**retteacher** · September 15, 2009, 04:40 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

DG: Great reminder about relapsing. I hear about it a lot at meetings too. It's hard to imagine relapsing after 13 sober years, but I too have heard long, long-time AAers talk about it. I haven't had a craving or even a drinking thought in a long time. I know that the 9th step was a turning point for me. I liked the suggestions...especially the one about remembering the bad drinking experiences. I must absolutely KNOW in my deepest self that I cannot drink just one or moderately. I cannot do that.

I'll be leaving tomorrow AM for my parents' home. I will be thinking about all of you here.

Mary

PS: I am grateful for my husb coming to these meetings w/me occasionally. He's not the greatest at expressing his feelings, so I'm not always sure what he thinks about AA (& of me being a member).

**Preciouspinot** · September 16, 2009, 09:29 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Hi everyone! I haven't been around much. I think I was still beating myself up and punishing myself for my relapse. Now, i feel better and stronger and ready to post. I have been going to meetings and talking with my sponsor. I have spent some serious time praying and talking to God. I have handed over quite a bit in my "God Box" these past weeks.

Anyway, I wanted to say that I really appreciate this thread and everyone's input. Mary, I related so much to what you said about drinking in isolation and being "absent" and distant in your marriage.

Have a fantastic sober day everyone.

**peacenik** · September 16, 2009, 01:32 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

retteacher;715006 wrote: AAth: I too was an isolated drinker. I think that's why social situations aren't terribly difficult for me. I would be mod or abs w/others & drink alone.

I recently made an amends to my husband. I wasn't a nasty, embarrassing (for the most part), destructive drunk. I was a withdrawn drunk. I wasn't there for him most of the time. I PRETENDED I was there, but I really wasn't. Issues rarely got discussed. Real intimacy just cannot happen when a person is drunk or drinking. The hiding of the drinking was very damaging. There was a whole aspect of me that my husb just wasn't in touch with. Then, of course, there was the shame of what I was doing which caused me to over-compensate & try too hard to do everything for everybody.

I think back on how destructive it all was, & I'm so happy to be free. That buzzy feeling isn't even slightly worth the cost. Every day, I try to remember how very precious my sobriety is.

Mary

this post is a punch in the stomach for me...absolutely true! thanks for this insight mary...i have felt this to be true and you said it for me in a way i can't.

**cpn1004** · September 18, 2009, 10:04 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 14 - 20

Finally! I am officially on Step 4. Wow, what a relief to get to work on this stuff.
Thanks to you all for sharing and this great thread.
Have a sober weekend.
Love and Peace,
Phil

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