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Wednesday, Sept 13th

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    Wednesday, Sept 13th

    Busy day here yesterday in Absville. In the busy of it all two things stand out to me about yesterday. So I thought a good topic for this mornin could be askin for, and receiving help.

    Its ok to ask for help.
    One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

    We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

    Weather what we need in information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

    Its self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.
    There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need form him or her.

    We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

    Its self defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect then to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

    It is also a blessing to help others. We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

    For me its hard to ask for help on things. Mostly I just would rather do it myself. Or I am anal and think no one can do it like I can or as good. Or I don't want to be a bother to someone and show my weakness and vulnerability. Or I may not want to let them in my world and askin for help would be setting that up down the road. I could go on and on as we could all give a ton of excuses. But refusing help from others makes you become a bit of a martyr. (everyone loves those guys) You deserve that help and plus it makes life more simple. Plus it deprives the goodness in others that they want to give you. And it deprives you of the good feeling that it gives you that people care about you and want the opportunity to do something for you that you need instead of something they have to think up and take the chance that you dont like it.

    Anyway....the power in asking and receiving help was exhibited today in abs. For
    Lou Lou. And it had a good outcome in so many ways. Everyone is sharing the joy and hope to come from it. She let her need be known and Bambs was able to be there for her.

    Then there was the sad part. There was a hurt heart that wasn't able to ask for help, for unknown and probably understandable reasons that many of us would have simulated.

    So the need never hit the surface and as a result no one acknowledged it. So now the heart is even more hurt and now everyone shares the sadness and regret with that outcome as well. So you see the power is all of this.
    Very big Wow!

    And its these sort of things that happen mixed with the blurr of alcohol we all would miss completely.

    In my opinion this has been a learning experience for us all. What do you all think? Gabbs

    Now I am ready to go now I bet you guys are glad. bye.
    Gabby :flower:

    #2
    Wednesday, Sept 13th

    Wednesday September 13

    Hey all,

    What can I say? This was a bad week to stop drinking? Not doing so great, but I am functional and will be at work on time and doing a great job. Guess just needed some dulling this week.

    Lou Lou? - so glad that you have Bambs (empty your blasted PM file, girl). I have seen how hard it is to get good treatment in UK -somehow the folks who really complain about getting treatment are in UK, and then Canada.
    Stick to those folks who are qualified to help you - they do have good docs in UK, you just have to be quite direct and aggressive. Keep us posted - we want to know how you are doing.

    To all others - still struggling. This is not a good time to just cut it out altogether. I am sober 4 out of 7 nights and drinking way less. Abs is my preference, but it is just not going to happen right now. I am going to stay on abs board, because this is where I am most comfortable. I am on abs board because I consider myself abs with "slips." I am not trying to demean any attempts at pure abs.

    Hugs,

    Pansy

    Comment


      #3
      Wednesday, Sept 13th

      Pansy, I think its good that you are sober your 4 nights! Seriously, that is hard to do. I sure was for me too. But it sounds like your heart is wanting more and thats why your here. Like your workin your self up to it. Its exactally how I do to myself too!
      I'm just really glad you feel comfortable here like you said. I know we're glad to have you here. You help us a lot too. gabbs
      Gabby :flower:

      Comment


        #4
        Wednesday, Sept 13th

        Good morning Abbers,
        Pansy i agree with Gabby.....You'll know one day...You'll just say right i'm ready....But i'm glad your staying in Absville...Best of luck with this..
        Okay chaps i got a busy couple of days ahead of me,we are decorating and carpeting the living room so unfortunatly i'm gonna be off line for a couple of days....we only got one phone socket in the house and thats in the living room...and after this post i start emptying it.....made the mistake of getting a plane red carpet for the living room and it shows up everything...with 5 kids and me( the biggest kid Gabby)...that is a lot of stains.
        Gonna miss Absville but i'm gonna be busy and thats good..
        Its gonna take me 3 days to catch up reading when i get back......Look after each other...Speak soon...Love Macks
        Oh Barb....if your not here by the time i get back there is gonna be trouble
        I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
        One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

        Comment


          #5
          Wednesday, Sept 13th

          My hat is off to you Pansy - hard times or you. I always thought abs meant to abdicate the ideal of a flat stomach ever again. Which is harder????

          With love Hundi - thanks for getting my out of my Hidey hole Macks and others. Thank you.
          __________________________________________________ _

          Insert something witty and utterly hillarious here .............

          Comment


            #6
            Wednesday, Sept 13th

            Hi Pansy

            My hat is off to you - you have a lot on your plate. so just go with the flow - it will take you anyway!
            I always thought abs was short for - to abdicate - the notion of ever having a flat stomach again!

            Thank you Pansy, Macks and others for getting me out of my hidey hole.

            Love from Hundi
            __________________________________________________ _

            Insert something witty and utterly hillarious here .............

            Comment


              #7
              Wednesday, Sept 13th

              Thanks for your thoughtful post this morning, Gabbsters!! I agree with everything you've said. But then, I usually do agree with most of the things you say! I've always had a hard time asking for help in my life--a combination of pride and fear of being rejected and feeling even worse if I asked and was refused. I learned so much after I was divorced, when I was depressed, broke, drinking too much, and sometimes worrying about how the heck I'd even get my mortgage paid. I HAD TO ASK FOR HELP! My mom and sisters helped me. What a turnaround!! I was always the big sister, full of wise and sage advice! It really brought us all closer ultimately! But I wouldn't have been able to climb out of that particular hole without them! But first I had to be honest with them about what bad shape I was really in!! Ouch!! That was soooo HARD for me! But that's what it took.

              Macks, I'm going to miss you buddy!!! I won't miss the eels, though! Yuck!! I'll be waiting for you to get back! It won't seem quite right here without you, but we'll muddle on as best we can until you're back.

              Well, I'm glad I'm in good company with Pansy, because I screwed up last night, too. I'm glad that there is a forgiving attitude around here! I had two glasses of wine. I'd been doing pretty well, but all the running around and craziness is starting to get to me. I've been feeling the stress building up. I have so much to do in the next two weeks that my head is spinning. In fact, I almost wasn't going to post this morning, partly because I drank and partly because I didn't feel like I had the TIME, but then I thought I'd better TAKE THE TIME and come clean with all of you. I am fearful that I'm headed for a few more slips in the next two weeks until things settle down. All of these stresses are good stresses, but it still seems like TOO MUCH!! I keep getting new calls from clients--SUCH A PROBLEM, HUH?--but it is a problem, because I don't have the time to take them on right now!!! I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. Things will all work out for the best, but for the moment, my head is spinning. I haven't had time for the CD's, and I've even forgotten to take my supps and topa on a few occasions. Mostly that hasn't seemed to be a big problem, but obviously, it all caught up with me last night.

              At any rate, I feel, as Pansy does, that Absville is a good place to be. My goal is still Abstinence. Even though I am afraid for the next two weeks, my goal isn't moderation, it is abstinence, and I want to hang around with people who have the same goals. Hope you'll keep wanting me around!:crossed:


              At anyrate, enough of this. I have to get ready for work. Work work work work work work ........:durn: (In case you didn't know how I'm feeling! LOL!)


              Hugs,

              Kathy:l

              AF as of August 5th, 2012

              Comment


                #8
                Wednesday, Sept 13th

                Ah dang....gonna miss ya Mack! Hurry back we need ya around here. gabbs
                Gabby :flower:

                Comment


                  #9
                  Wednesday, Sept 13th

                  Good morning all...Gabby, excellent post and thoughts! Very spot on! (I knew you'd like that one).

                  Still staying strong here and quiet at home, which is helping tremendously. I think I have to become quite anal at my schedule for a while to build on the habit and NOT let myself think about the social issues, etc.

                  I've always had hibernation periods to regenerate my mind and spirit anyway, so this is like that, just following with the fall/autumn equinox.

                  So to everyone, have a wonderful day. See you in the funny papers.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Wednesday, Sept 13th

                    I have a hard time reaching out to others in times of need. I have always hated feeling like a burden. Also my pig-headedness often rejects the advice given because "I know best for me". Great post Gabby (as usual!!).
                    Pansy, Kathy...glad you are still on the abs-train. We may jump off every once in a while for whatever reason, but there is always another station up ahead to get back on and pick up where we left off.
                    Working today at my new job. Nice to be able to get my kids off to school in the am as I start later in the morning.
                    Will look forward to your return Macks! Sounds like you'll be busy!
                    Congrats to Kim on 40 days yesterday. I've known Kim on this board for a long time and seeing her blossom gives me such joy and hope!
                    Happy Wednesday to all! Gina

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Wednesday, Sept 13th

                      Dear Thoughtful Folks of Absville,
                      I read your posts this am, and feel I need to be part of this community. You guys are truly awesome, with the caring and support, you give each other.
                      May I join you? I need support and concern right now.
                      Kathy, your life sounds like mine...busy, busy, busy...crazy busy, out of control busy.
                      I want to do abs, not moderate, but I get too busy to work the program. When I have worked this program, I was able to be abs, so I know I can do it.
                      I just got back from two weeks of business travel, very stressful, and now I am moving into a new place. I am tripping over moving boxes. I have teenagers, who don't help me, and too many pets, three cats, and three dogs.
                      Oh well, I'd like to hang out with you guys. The highlight of my life this week, was getting a private message from Lucky. God love her....thanks Lucky!
                      Meow-Meow
                      MonaKitty

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Wednesday, Sept 13th

                        Welcome to Absville Hundi! Are ya just passin through or lookin to settle in? We have some lovely spots open.

                        Kath, please dont not sign in if ya had a glass or two of wine the night before.
                        We want and need ya here no matter what.
                        Gina's right, the Abs train stops often and is reliable. It will be there no matter what. Glad it was only a short get off the train thing ... what would that be called.....topa here.

                        Gina, Hope your enjoying your job switch.

                        And Kim-Discovery....Yeah, Happy Day 40! Good Job. Feels good doesn't it?
                        Where have you been?

                        cv1...giggle, giggle...spot on....I do love it! very good. :H
                        I admire you in your steadiness on your fast. Good Job!

                        gabby
                        Gabby :flower:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Wednesday, Sept 13th

                          Wednesday

                          Finally up to posting. The sleep thing is still an issue here--but last night got some much needed rest. Hopefully things are turning around--because I need my sleep!

                          I can echo the "asking for help" issue. I just don't and don't really know why. I think that it has much to do with isolating for so long--and just not truly reaching out to anyone. This leads back to the issue of friendships that was talked about last week. I am realizing that I have very few "true" friends. This is mostly my doing because I kept everyone at arms length. I am taking a closer look at many of the friendships and relationships I do have. Some I would like to deepen and others it is time to let go. Also, I sometimes get upset about something that is said about me--to only realize that the person who said it A) doesn't really know me that well B) the person who said it never really was a big part of my life. I have been being attacked by my husband's brother and sister-in-law. They are saying some really awful things about us to his parents. It just struck me yesterday that A) in being married to my husband for 10 years/seeing them for a few hours 3x a year--means that in the last 10 years I have seen them 30x and out of that probably actually spent time with them for a full 10 hours. B) I never really cared for either of them because they take on stance that they know everything and what they think is the only "right" position out there. I got really upset at the things they were saying--but since yesterday I just realized in the big scheme of things its just not that important.

                          So this week it is the task at hand is to decide who I want in my life and based on that--decide how I can take babysteps in asking for help.

                          I love the growth that does come from being AF. Things become clearer and things that I used to spin my wheels on I can address.

                          Thanks so much Gina. You have been such an inspiration to me--even in your most recent struggle. Picking yourself back up and setting off on the path you want is the most admirable thing we can do.

                          Thanks Mike for the "yets". I am tempted to make a list of the bad "yets" and good "yets". The reminder of what will and can happen if I stay on the AF path--and the would and coulds of what will happen if I don't. I think that the stark discrepancy between the two can be very illuminating.

                          Kim

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Wednesday, Sept 13th

                            Mona,
                            Yeah....We would love to have ya here in Absville. You can live by me. Mack is cleaning his carpet and always trys to get the new people to live by him. So now is my chance to not have to deal with him. So its settled.
                            The house by me is perfect for you. Cuz I have 3 cats and a Dog and Teenagers too!
                            And Kathy lives by me and she has how many cats?
                            Mack isnt to far away and he has all those kids too. So we can be the kids and cats side. Well anyway....
                            we have a bunch of people here and we all love each other and help each other and all that stuff.
                            So move right in and get settled and if ya need any help please just ASK!
                            talk to ya soon mona. : ) gabbs
                            Gabby :flower:

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Wednesday, Sept 13th

                              Hi Kim....there you are! Glad to see you post. I hear ya on keeping people at arms distance. But then I can feel bad for not being closer. And then I can do the whole other way and take them into my world and get takin advantage of or not appreciated, or trusting the wrong person. uugggghhh.
                              I like your post today.
                              I sure hate it when people have to tear down others. Never to forget tho. Most often.....it is only to build themselves up. Pretty drastic dont ya think?
                              So hard to do but I think if ya can stand it....let em go....and usually they hang their own self! (owie) Have a good day Kim and everybody else who hasnt posted yet. I'm gettin goin for the days stuff now. See ya later tonite. gabby :l
                              Gabby :flower:

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