Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I hope all is well w/everyone. If you are a lurker or someone interested in AA, feel free to jump in w/a comment or question. Those of us who know a little something about it, might just have an answer. At a minimum, we can share our experience, strength, & hope about AA w/you. Also, if you are struggling w/relapse or anything else, please feel free to share. Sometimes one or two words of encouragement can make all the difference.

I joined the Sun. night BB meeting last night. They had their first business meeting in many months. Two of the leaders had health crises in their lives which left a vacuum. It felt good to contribute. We reinstated the celebration of anniversaries. We also talked about various other more mundane but necessary issues.

At the regular meeting we read "A Vision for You." It's such a hopeful chapter. I shared about an experience I had yesterday of passing my usual liquor store when it had just opened up at noon. I could see the folks that had been waiting for the doors to open, just as I had done so many times in the past. It was a rainy day here, which in my drinking days would have been perfect for an all-day drinking binge. Instead, I worked on some craft projects to donate to my g-son's school for their craft fair. Today, I'm hangover-free & ready to go. More importantly, I'm not facing the "4 hideous Horsemen: Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair." Could that have been put more accurately? It's from the first page of "A Vision for You."

Love, Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

I now understand why sponsors tell us to join a meeting. I've joined 2, & in both cases, you list your name, phone #, & sobriety date. Listing that sobriety date is added incentive to stay sober. I certainly wouldn't want to have to "update" it. I also would want to celebrate it if that's the custom of the group.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Oops - Mary and I posted at the same time. Let's use this thread. Here is a copy of my post, with an added congrats to Mary on joining a second group. I too am a member of two groups and it feels good to belong!

Happy Monday one and all! I almost posted to the thread for last week then remembered it's Monday - time for a fresh thread!

Link to Daily Recovery Readings in case anyone comes along who is interested and doesn't already have it book marked!: Daily Recovery Readings

From the end of last week's thread -

Mary, I too have gotten lumps in my throat (and real tears too!) on a number of occassions. I think for me those occassions were about a HUGE sense of relief to be completely and totally honest about something mportant that I normally BS myself and others about. This entire process of house cleaning and honesty - both going forward AND looking in the rear view mirror - has been so cleansing for me. That sometimes brings the tears! But it feels good.

WF and Mary, I love your conversation about the "myth" of AL relieving anxiety. It was that way for me too. I would tell myself and others (i.e. my husband) that I "needed" "A" (what a joke "A" was) drink to de-stress. All AL ever did for me was help me avoid dealing with problems resulting in MORE stress as problems just festered. Not to mention that for me, facing a day with a hangover was automatically a stress creator compared to facing the day feeling good with a clear head AND a clear conscience. I think I'm only now started to appreciate the full value and impact of that clear conscience part. I had a lot to feel guilty about when I was drinking. Not only the drinking itself, but all the little white lies (and sometimes big lies) that came with it. Ad that to a rotten hangover day after day and no wonder I was miserable and even suicidal at times. So yes...that is where the "myth" that "AL relieves anxiety" led me.

I can also relate to what you both have said about AA being a strong positive force in your lives. Me too. I don't always fully understand it. But somehow going to meetings and working the steps is helping me stay "centered." And I am living far more honestly and the clean conscience makes me feel 50 pounds lighter. I always thought I was an honest person. I didn't steal from people and I didn't cheat on my husband or "big" things like that to have to lie about. But my life was a lie in so many other ways. A lot of it was about hiding the truth rather than verbalizing a lie. There was a huge "gray zone" between complete truth and complete fiction, and that's where I was living most of the time in some way or other. If that makes any sense at this hour!

I got up at the crazy hour and went to the 5AM meeting where I see my sponsor. I'm really enjoying getting to know that band of crazies that meets so early! (and they do it every day!) Our discussion today centered on the Big Book and the examples of the "crazy thinking" that goes with being an alcoholic. One of my favorite examples of that thinking is the story about the guy who relapses at lunch when he begins to think that if the whiskey is in the milk it will be OK. That is absolutely the type of thing my own mind HAS done many many times to convince me that drinking is OK for me. I'm grateful today to be better able to spot that silly thinking and stop it before it leads me to the bottle.

Have a great sober day everyone! Strength and hope...

DG

[Mstall]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

I am thinking it's time i start looking for an AA meeting that works for me. After 51 days under my belt, i'd like to get a 3D connection with others that are working at sobriety.

I'd like to start easy. lol....if anyone can offer suggestions on what might be an "easy" (meaning i can just sit and listen) meeting, i'd appreciate it. I know of meetings about the big book and steps, etc. But not sure where to start.

thanks in advance.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Mstall: The hardest part for me was just walking into my first few (or more) meetings. I can't tell you how terrifying that was. I'd approach the door & want to run back to my car...though thankfully I never did that. You can go to any meeting & just sit there. You don't have to say anything. You don't even have to say you're an alcoholic. I found that the best meetings for me (in the beginning) were the large speaker meetings. I needed to hear other peoples' stories, so that I could identify.

I now love the step & BB meetings, but it does take time to understand the concepts. All you have to do is listen. Nobody put pressure on me to speak, & I still don't speak unless I'm really motivated. For me, meetings were an absolute necessity. I doubt that I would be sober today without them. I love MWO & have accrued many days of abstinence using the tools & having friendships here. However, the face-to-face committment of going to AA meetings brought my recovery to a completely different level.

DG: Thanks so much for sharing so eloquently about rigorous honesty. I feel that has been the deal-breaker for my program. "Telling on myself" is the most important thing I've done since I've joined AA. It wasn't easy, but then most important steps aren't easy. The hiding, lieing, subterfuge, etc. was so damaging...more damaging than the drinking. Lieing had become a way of life for me. I got better & better at it as I went along. It was how I continued drinking for so long. Sure, my husband & daughter knew something was very wrong at times. However, when I finally came through & told everything I was doing, my husband is still shaking his head in wonder. Living openly & above board is so freeing. As Mark Twain said (& I paraphrase): If you don't lie, you won't have to remember everything you said & did. I remember so well the web of lies & how I had to try to remember what I said & did so that I could "cover" for myself.

The gifts of the program are small & large. Recently, I got a minor burn on my arm. It's so nice to know exactly how & when I got it. No more of those "mysterious" bumps, bruises, & burns.

Mary

[Mstall]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Thanks retteacher for your words on the AA meeting. I'm going to find one and just make myself go to it this weekend.

I can so relate to the lying and need for honesty. I am hoping for that weight to be lifted in time. Right now, i just cant open up about my drinking with family, i feel i've made so many broken promises in the past that it's very hard to look my children, family in the eyes and open up. I guess i'm afraid of failure again and failing them and myself again. It scares the hell out of me. Especially because if i relapse, i'm not sure i have the strength to start again. My 52 days of sobriety still feels very fragile and maybe it always will.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Mstall: I mustn't forget where I came from in terms of my drunken behavior. I too see my sobriety as new & fragile. I protect it, because wo/it, I cannot enjoy any of my life's blessingfs. When I spoke about honesty, I was speaking in the context of having to come clean when doing the steps. Everything, including disclosure about past behavior, comes when it's supposed to come. I didn't rush anything, because I too was afraid I would fail again.

When I went to my first meeting & got a sponsor I had the "gift of desperation," as I've heard some of the more experienced AAers put it. I kept it simple:
-I didn't drink.
-I went to meetings.
-I listened.
-I called my sponsor & worked a little on a step each day.
-I joined a meeting.
-I tried to make friends...not so easy, even now.
-I took suggestions.
-I read the literature.


I tried to keep it simple. Mary

[Mauigirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Aloha All:

I just happened on this thread and have read and absorbed every word each of you has written. It takes courage to be so open and honest and for that I am grateful.

I have been drinking for years, tried to quit for years, with the longest being about 35 days. Then something snaps, or an event comes up, and I start all over again. Then I say "I'll start Monday to go on the wagon". Monday comes and goes, and then months and months pass, and I say, "Ok this is it! My last drink" and I do ok for a few days, maybe even a week or two.

A while ago I confessed to my family that I thought I had a drinking problem and they all poopooed me and said I didn't act like it. My dear friend then gave me a book called' The Normal Alcoholic" which pretty much describes me. I lead a good life, don't miss work, respected, don't steal, cheat, or lie, except to myself, and I realize I do in fact have a serious problem.

So...I'm going to keep to this thread like a fly on fly paper in hopes that I can find my freedom and live a life free of Alcohol. I'm 4 days AF and if I can quit smoking, which I did in 1994, then I know I can quit this. I wish there was a patch or gum like there is for smoking!

Thanks for the support!
MauiGirl

AF since September 26, 2009

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Mstall, it took me 4 years to attend my second AA meeting. My initial reaction was to focus on the difference among the stories. I was sure I was not "one of them". I have been attending meetings since May this year and it has made a tremendous difference in my life. And I'm just getting started.

This book Amazon.com: Undrunk: A Skeptic's Guide to AA (9781592857203): A.J. Adams: Books "Undrunk - A skeptics guide to AA" is written by an AA with one year sobriety. It explains a lot about AA and what to expect. You might find it useful. I think it has DoggyGirl's seal of approval.

At any rate I encourage to attend a meeting...make that several meetings...you will find a home in one of those. As Mary and others have said, you don't have to say or do anything at your first meeting. AA's are very accepting people.

I have been on the road for several weeks and attending meetings in Cary,NC, NYC, and Savannah, GA. Tonight I will be attending in Athens, GA. It is so cool to experience the different meetings. Good luck to you and keep coming back.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Mstall]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Thanks Phil for the book referral. It looks right up my alley as i am skeptical about AA, but feel i need a 3-D connection and hope to find a meeting that "fits" me.

I'm going to order the book tonight.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Phil: You sound so wonderful. I haven't gone to any meetings outside my immediate area, but it must be cool to do so. I've heard that the format is pretty much the same everywhere.

Last night's speaker meeting was very good. Again, it was a young woman & therefore, a very different time of life from me, but I could still understand & identify. Even if I take only little something from each meeting, I try to appreciate it anyway. I know she struck a chord w/many of the younger members who had lost their children to this disease, as she had. In spite of the fact that I was a more functional alcoholic who didn't lose family, friends, or freemdom, I'm nonetheless an alcholic. Feeling "above" the lower-bottom drunks kept me skeptical about AA for a while. I now know that we're all in the same boat. I cannot drink. If I do, I abuse alcohol, & physical, emotional, & spiritual sickness sets in right away.

Take care one & all.

Love, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Hi everyone! I haven't gotten 'round to posting the last couple of days but have been putting some effort into the AA program and principles just the same!

Mauigirl, welcome to MWO and to the AA thread. I too was pretty functional in terms of career, not missing work, etc. I never lost family or marriage or home or job (although I came close to losing my last job due to AL..). Then the last few years I was holed up at home alone with my bottle. Well, Mr. doggy was here somewhere but you get my drift. I had a very bad problem - I just managed to hide it better or longer than some. BUT...alcoholism is abslolutely progressive and what I seemed to be able to "control" to some degree when I was in my 30's became impossible in my 40's. I was going downhill. It was only a matter of time until I am certain I would have started losing the things people talk about the most - cars, marriages, homes, drivers license, etc. Hope and strength to you as you search for your own way out.

Mstall, Mary and Phil have offered great feedback that mirrors my experiences in AA as well. Good people - open and accepting. I never felt forced to speak before I was ready to. I agree with the suggestion to try different meetings as they all follow a similar format, but each group of people tends to evolve a slightly different "group" personality. I feel more at home in some groups than others, although I have certainly enjoyed and learned from meetings that would never be "home" for me. Phil - you are too funny - YES I really like the book that Phil suggested! I haven't finished the whole book yet but this guys description of things sure hits familiar turf for me.

Phil I was just thinking recently how I sort of wish I had some travel coming up so I COULD go to some out of town meetings! I'm just curious what that would be like. But not so curious that I *really* want to become a "road warrier" again for work! I bet it is interesting to go to new meetings with all new faces, yet still find that familiarity around that tables.

Mary, I love the way you can say so much in such a succinct fashion. My sponsor is trying to help me with brevity. That will be a huge if not impossible project!

The meetings this week have all been really good. I am starting to feel such a commaraderie (sp?) with these people. So much was said in todays meeting that hit home for me, I can't even describe it properly here. Sometimes it's new stuff. Other times it's important reminders. But it's always good for me. The best part is watching the newer people and seeing their lives change for the better before my very eyes. One man today spoke of re-establishing contact with his daughter and baby grandson after many years of having no relationship. Another younger guy talked about setting a goal to study for, take and pass his GED. One of the women talked about finding balance in these tough economic times, and the importance of really enjoying the "now" (today) as much as possible rather than letting the scary economics bring us totally down. Serenity.

An amend opportunity has fallen in my path, just like so many people have suggested might happen. My old college room mate - the one who I blew off when her husband died, and again when she re-married, not to mention less significant events in her life - wants to get together this weekend. She has some things going on in her life that are not pleasant (health stuff). I'm sure the get together will not be a "fun and laughter" type of thing. But she needs a friend right now and she needs to just get some of her fears and worries about her situation off of her chest. It's a chance for me to at minimum make a living amend by changing my behavior. I can be there for her rather than just selfishly making an excuse so I can go on and do whatever I think would be more fun at the moment. And I will be talking to my sponsor as it seems this is also an opportunity to acknowledge my regrets about my past behavior.

Rubber. Road. They meet.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

DG: I love the way you write, & I'm sure the same spontaneity is true of your face-to-face personality as well. Those of us more introspective types actually envy your outgoingness. BTW: camaraderie...it is a hard word to spell. Isn't it amazing how HP put your college roomate in your life as you are beginning your 9th step. Good luck, Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

hi teach and dog lady and everyone else,it is nice to be back,darn as it may be,how bill or bob ever found a meeting in crowded cities is beyond me,we travelled from hamilton ont.canada to memphis and back,stayed in 5 hotels and i couldnt find a room with friends of bill w,but i did well underther circumstances, even got nmy sister inlaw to read the 1st 164 pages of the big book,when she finished she said she was finished,i told her to read bobs story,so i at times i had my own aa meeting s with a not so alchohol abuser hahaha,to you who have never crossed the line to go to a meeting,its like going to a dentist the 1st time,just not as painful,it will work for some,AA will not stop you from drinking,it will make you understand your drinking habits better,we who drink to much,had no boundries,attending Aa or committing oneself to a facility that encourages us from our drinking habits,can only in following days,weeks months and possibly years of sobriety,make us into better human beings,in Aa letting go of your old ways is a battle in its self,listening to others preach who do not have this nasty disease, ?. there are so many sayings in AA ,one day at a time,serinity prayer, what we could not do alone,we can in numbers,it is nice to be back,guess i had to vent gyco

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Gyco, what a beautiful post. I'm trying to remember where in the AA literature is a simple sentence - "any gathering of 2 alcoholics is an AA meeting.." or something like that. I'm guessing it's in the 12 &12. Sounds like that's what you and your sister did!

Yes, this ________ (disease? affliction? obsession?) is a bugger. And you are so right that AA (nor MWO nor even Antabuse) will stop someone from drinking. I agree that I understand myself so much better though AA, and am learning great strategies for dealing with my _______________ and also with life in general WITHOUT drinking. Yeah. That is so amazing after being an excessive / addicted drinker for my entire adult life.

I heard back from my friend who I will be seeing on Saturday and her e-mail brough me to tears. It would have been so easy to make excuses as I have always done rather than go and spend the afternoon listening to her problems (which are very very serious, so of course she wants/needs to vent about them!). When I was drinking, drinking was my priority and that's why I made up excuses not to go see her. (although I was happy to get on the phone while drinking away and have her listen to ME babble on and on...) Then I went unwittingly through "dry drunk" where I was no longer drinking, but still selfishly wanting to do my own thing all the time and not make any committments to spending time with her. Same behavior, just without the booze in the picture.

I spoke with my sponsor who was delighted to hear about the opportunity for the "living" part of the amend - changing my behavior. As far as an expression of my regrets about the past, she advised me to use caution. She said if the time is right, I will feel as though I've been hit by a brick and will know to say something. (and she gave me an extremely simple and brief script) If I don't get that feeling, I am not to dredge up the past which might serve to make HER feel bad, or to detract from what she needs from me today.

I am so grateful for the things I am learning in AA that are helping me become a better human.

DG